The Window
by SilverShine
Summary: Kakasaku Sakura always wanted to see Kakashi unmasked. This was a bit much though...
1. The Importance of Being Punctual

A/N: The following contains material unsuitable for young viewers and scenes of a sexual nature. Viewer discretion is advised. (In other words, _please _take the rating seriously. I don't give my fics the highest rating for giggles.)

* * *

_Window_

Chapter One

* * *

It had been decided the previous day that they would all assemble by the bridge at nine o'clock in the morning before heading out on their A-rank mission together. 

At ten o'clock, three of the four team members arrived from three different directions. The fourth was unaccounted for, but that was to be expected. His name was Hatake Kakashi, though most people simply knew him as the Copy Ninja. His team mates just referred him as 'late'.

"He's late again, you know."

"I know."

"He's _always_ late."

Eleven o'clock rolled around, and Kakashi was still late.

Sakura leant against the wooden railings along the bridge, watching the reflections of the scant few clouds above her ripple across the surface of the river. Sasuke propped himself along the railing next to her, facing the other way with his eyes closed and his arms folded. Sakura estimated his saint-like patience would last for another hour at least before he would explode with the true frustration he was probably feeling. Then he'd start ranting that they were wasting precious time waiting for their leader when they could be honing their skills as ninja.

Naruto, on the other hand, had no compunctions in trying to hold his impatience inside. "Where is he?" he moaned, dangling over the rails on Sakura's other side, hammering them with his fists. "He's never usually this late!"

Sakura sighed, hardly bothered about the mission enough to feel as incensed as Naruto. Honestly she was more irritated at his constant pacing and inability to _stand still_ for longer than two minutes. "He's probably forgotten again," Sakura said flatly, chin propped in an upturned palm. "He's probably fallen asleep reading his book like last time. Someone should go check on him."

It was a hint, and not a particularly subtle one. Naruto suddenly went uncharacteristically still as he gazed off into the dark shadows of the houses along the bank, apparently too preoccupied with his thoughts to have heard her. Sasuke just didn't move or make a sound, ignoring her completely.

"Fine," she said with an annoyed grunt. "I'll go."

"Thanks, Sakura-chan!" Naruto cheered as she pushed away from the railings and began walking away.

"Check his apartment, Sakura," Sasuke called.

_Boys!_ They were the ones who got impatient as hell when Kakashi didn't turn up, but they'd rather sit by the bridge and do nothing than fetch him themselves. Sakura rolled her eyes disgustedly, annoyed at the entirety of the male gender right then. Trust Kakashi to delay a simple A-class mission. The man was a downright scatterbrain.

Kakashi's apartment was in one the oldest districts of Konoha, where the houses were aged and cheap and patched up with all sorts of odd materials that everything looked like patchwork. New collided with old in an stranger conglomeration of spare parts, but the effect was quaint. It looked nice and cozy. Everything was built close together and on top of one another, with tiny little gardens fenced off with bamboo – and if there was no room for a garden, there were simply potted plants lining the doorways. Everyone seemed to have a cat on this side of Konoha, as they could be seen either roaming around constantly or draped over someone's porch or window sill, sunning themselves in the shafts of light that broke between the narrow gaps at the top of the buildings.

Kakashi didn't have a cat, to the best of her knowledge, and despite his natural affinity to canines, Sakura thought he would get along fine with a feline. They would be very alike; lazy, independent, clean, and liable to sleep all day if given the opportunity.

Feeling no need to rush on any of her lazy teammates' behalf, Sakura stopped at the vending machine at the end of Kakashi's street. She punched in the code for a can of hot chocolate and leant against the glass panel to drink while looking up the road to Kakashi's apartment complex. She'd visited a few times in the past, so she knew which one was his window. It was obscured slightly by washing lines and communication wires, but she saw at that moment it was open, meaning he was probably home. Mr Ukki was waving gently in the breeze.

"Unbelievable," she muttered to herself, taking another sip and closing her eyes. The warm day and the sleepless night had left her tired and a little irritable. She had no doubt that when she went up there she would find Kakashi asleep on his sofa with a book over his face. If she was lucky, she might catch him with his mask down.

But it wasn't that kind of day. She'd known from the moment she'd banged her elbow on the doorframe on her way out of her apartment that morning that it was going to be a bad day. In any case, she just wasn't in the mood to see anything in a positive light until she had a decent night's sleep.

Finishing her drink, she crushed the can and dropped it into the bin next to the vending machine and then started up the gentle slope towards Kakashi's building. She didn't bother ringing the bell. His buzzer had been broken for the last three years and he had yet to bother fixing it. If anyone wanted to see him, they had to climb up onto the fire escape and knock on his window.

Sakura didn't bother taking the steps. She just hauled herself up in true ninja style and stepped across the metal grating to Kakashi's window. Her hand caught the frame and she opened her mouth, about to call out to him.

Her heart stopped and her voice died.

She didn't need to call him as he was pretty much there in front of her, on his bed directly beneath the window. And he wasn't alone. On her knees before him with her face pressed into the pillow was a woman, groaning loudly every time his hips pushed against her. Both were very much naked and too involved with their activity to have noticed Sakura, which was quite a blessing, as Sakura didn't think she could move now even if they looked up and saw her.

Sakura didn't dare breathe. Her eyes were riveted on Kakashi, on his lean, defined frame – on his hips that flexed languidly against the woman. She was crying out, murmuring "Oh god, oh _god_!" over and over again into her pillow and pushing back into him, as loud as he was silent and as slim and feminine as he was solid and masculine. It was disturbing, watching something so raw and intimate as this, but Sakura couldn't say it wasn't mesmerizing.

Kakashi only had to lift his head to see her, but his eyes were clenched shut in concentration and pleasure. With a jolt, Sakura realized he wasn't wearing his mask. His face was exposed to her hungry gaze, and she took in the sight of a straight nose and pale, full lips that were parted slightly as his breath came in shallow pants.

With another jolt, Sakura realized something else. She _knew_ the woman. Kimura Yoshi. _Mrs_ Kimura Yoshi – wife to one of the more renowned members of the Kimura clan. Not a powerful clan, but fairly rich nonetheless. Everyone knew that the clan married more for looks and money than skill and talent, and Kimura Yoshi was no exception to this rule.

Sakura knew she should leave, but now she was too afraid to move. She only had to step the wrong way and the whole platform she stood on would creak, alerting Kakashi to her presence. No matter how preoccupied he looked, he was still a ninja.

Their movements were speeding up. The woman's gasps were shifting into hard cries as Kakashi threw his head back and drove into her faster and more ruthlessly than before.

It was too much for Sakura to watch. Unwittingly she stumbled a step back, her hand catching hold of the iron rail behind her. The metal loop of her ring tapped against the rail with an audible ping.

Kakashi's eyes snapped open and fixed directly on her face.

Sakura couldn't move.

Suddenly the woman was crying out, writhing and shuddering and clawing at the pillow beneath her. Almost in the same instant Kakashi's eyes slid shut and his mouth opened in a quick hiss, giving her a split-second glimpse of a slightly crooked canine. His back hunched and he bent over the woman, hands gripping her hips so tightly he left white marks as he began pumping in a final broken rhythm.

Feeling returned to Sakura's body in a rush of heat, flushing over her face and through her belly. She turned immediately and leapt over the railing to hit the ground with a clumsy thump, having to whip out a hand to keep from toppling over. Then she ran, not stopping until she had skidded around a corner and sank into a closed shop doorway with a hand over her mouth and her eyes squeezed shut.

An air conditioning unit hummed directly over her head, blowing heat down around her shoulders, but Sakura still felt the cold sweep of humiliation and shock. Kakashi had seen her seeing him doing _that_…

It was all Sakura could do to keep from running home that very moment to pack her bags and move to another continent. Perhaps it was just her complete and utter bewilderment at what she'd seen that kept her from doing anything more than leaning there against the rotten wooden doorframe, her mind caught in a loop like a broken record, repeating what she'd just seen again and again.

She forced herself to breathe, trying to push the images out of her mind. It wasn't that it disgusted her. If anything it was just confusing. It was strange to see Kakashi in a completely unguarded moment when he was acting so _un-_Kakashi-like. She had wondered in the past if the man possessed a sex-life, but she'd usually come to the conclusion that it was too much of an effort for such a slow, apathetic and lazy man.

But even cats could be heard yowling with passion at night. It shouldn't have shocked her that Kakashi really _did _have a sex life. He was human too after all.

Even so, Sakura wished she hadn't been stupid enough to try and barge through the window of an adult man's bedroom, thinking he would be innocently asleep on his sofa and not even remotely considering the possibility he was fucking a woman on his bed. Sakura may not have been the one caught naked and in the throes of orgasm, but she had a feeling that she would be coming out of this as the most embarrassed party.

Why wouldn't it leave her head?

No matter what she looked at – the trees, the houses, the people walking past her or the blue, blue sky – her mind's eye was focused intently on what she'd just seen. She could see two bodies moving in unison, hear the cries of a rather happy woman and the soft groan of her sensei as he went over the edge. The pit of her belly tingled alarmingly, making her whole body shiver with awareness. Sakura wrapped her arms around herself, trying to push all the thoughts and feelings out of her with sheer physically force.

"He's going to kill me," she whispered in mortification to no one but herself. If he didn't kill her for catching him in the act, he'd certainly want a word with her about Kimura Yoshi. Up until five minutes ago, Sakura had thought she was a respectable, woman happily married to one of the richest men in the village. If Sakura let word get out that she was taking it doggy style from the Copy Ninja, there would be trouble. Of course, Sakura had no intention of running her mouth off about other people's business, but Kakashi wouldn't know that.

Still, the prospect of running away from Konoha to keep herself from facing him ever again was entirely too tempting, if not a little silly. She _knew_ she couldn't run away, and she _knew_ she'd have to face him at some point. It would be better if she just went back to the bridge and pretended it had never happened. If he said anything, she would just brush it off with a laugh and apology, saying it was her own fault for not trying the door first and hope to high heavens that this didn't damage their relationship.

Numb, despite the warm day, Sakura began making her way back to where she'd left the boys. She couldn't get naked Kakashi out of her head, but that was to be expected, so she stopped bothering to suppress the images. But more importantly, she couldn't help but wonder about how happy that Kimura woman had sounded.

Frankly it wasn't fair. Sakura had never gotten to a point with any of her previous boyfriends where she'd felt like screaming "Oh god, oh god!" Certainly not with her current one anyway. The most she ever felt like sighing to _him _was, "Is that it?"

Either Kimura Yoshi was an easily pleasured woman, or Hatake Kakashi knew how to please. And for a brief, disturbing moment Sakura imagined herself to be in that woman's place, feeling Kakashi pounding into her at just the right speed to make her cry out in the same kind of pleasure.

Sakura didn't realize she'd arrived on the bridge until Naruto's hand waved in her face and she started guiltily as if she was worried he'd read her thoughts. "Hellooo? Sakura-chan? You in there?"

"Stop it." She pushed his hand away, stress and shock making her snappy. "What?"

"I said, did you find him?" Naruto repeated slowly, looking worried for her.

"Ye – no. I mean, yes." Sakura floundered helplessly, not sure what to say that wouldn't make them suspicious. So far, not so good. "I mean, I found him. He was at home."

"Let me guess," Sasuke drawled from exactly the same position she'd left him in. "He went temporarily blind when he woke up this morning and decided it was best to just stay put and wait for help, but his vision mysteriously cleared up just moments before you knocked on the door?"

This guess was probably based on the fact that last week Kakashi had said 'momentary deafness' was the reason his alarm clock had failed to wake him up.

"Y-yeah," Sakura said, forcing a laugh. "Something like that."

"Well, is he coming?" asked Naruto with what Sakura felt was a poor choice of words.

"He should be. I think," she murmured, moving to lean on the rails to hide her fiery blush.

"He should be? You think?" Sasuke echoed. "Did you tell him we were waiting or not?"

Sakura was momentarily lost for words. If she told them the truth that, no, she hadn't actually said anything to him, then they would demand to know why she hadn't been her forthright self in admonishing their sensei on his tardiness. If she said, yes, and Kakashi didn't show up, it would only come back to bite her when the boys went and told Kakashi off for not only forgetting their mission but for forgetting Sakura's reminder.

Sakura's mind wasn't quite steady enough at that time to handle such a complex set of probabilities to find the least incriminating answer, so it was almost a relief to hear Kakashi's voice.

"Yo."

A relief in the way that it made her blood run cold.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto howled. "Where have you been?"

"Well, I was on my way here at eight-thirty but I came across this hungry little kitty cat and thought I'd better take her back home to feed her," Kakashi said in a rather unconvincing manner.

"Liar!" Naruto shouted, then darted a confused look at Sakura when he realized she hadn't chorused the accusation with him.

But Sakura couldn't call Kakashi a liar… because she didn't think he was actually lying – just speaking in metaphor. Besides, Sakura couldn't even look at her sensei, let alone speak or yell at him. She'd need at least three years intensive therapy before she could manage that again.

"So mistrusting," Kakashi sighed. "Well, are we going on this mission or what? What are you all waiting for?"

The boys grumbled at the injustice of it all and took lead position. Kakashi mooched after them. As he passed her, Sakura chanced a look up at him, certain that his attention would be on his path.

But no. He was looking at her. Her heart stopped for the second time that day as his brief glance flicked over her. He didn't look angry, or embarrassed, or even amused at her expense. Just curious. Sakura swallowed hard, feeling more naked and exposed than he'd been earlier. Then Kakashi's gaze moved on and he was calling to her over his shoulder. "You coming?"

_Really_ bad choice of words, Sakura mentally whimpered as she trailed after her team.

* * *


	2. Accounting for Taste

_Window_

Chapter Two

* * *

It grew increasingly more humid the further they headed into the mountains that morning. The forest thickened, the road drew narrower, and mist began to descend the higher they went. Their target village of Asahi was nestled somewhere deep in the valleys, isolated and vulnerable. As they walked, Kakashi explained the mission. 

"Asahi is a gold mining town," he said, over the ambient buzz of cicadas. "They're prosperous, but they lack adequate protection. Recently they've been having trouble with a group of rogue-nins who have a habit of figuratively waltzing in, taking what they please and vanishing again. They've been robbed five times, and the thieves seem to be pretty advanced ninjas, so they've yet to meet any resistance."

"Wait till they meet us!" Naruto blustered confidently.

Kakashi ignored him. "We'll split into two teams. There's two roads in and out of Asahi and the thieves use either one or the other for their cart. Naruto and Sasuke will guard one road, me and Sakura will take the other. We'll probably be out of radio contact range with each other, so if anything goes down, throw out your loudest jutsu and the other team will come help. Is that understood?"

"Yes," Sasuke droned.

"Yep!" Naruto chirped happily,

"…sure."

Just her luck. Even if the world ended and civilization descended into chaos, Naruto and Sasuke would still somehow come out as a pair on the other side. Granted, they were the most effective pair in the entire history of forever, but Sakura had _really_ been hoping today that she could have been paired with one of them.

Now she was stuck with Kakashi. The man whose orgasm she'd witnessed that very morning.

_Oh god…_

No matter how far she walked or what beautiful sights she saw as they trekked through the valleys, absolutely nothing had been able to push that image from her mind – quite possibly because the object of her distress was walking in front of her. She found herself doing things she normally didn't do… like watching his strong, broad shoulders and ogling his rear. His pants left quite a lot to the imagination, but Sakura's imagination had some very accurate material to work from.

Then no sooner was she haplessly admiring her teacher's physical assets, she was fretting over his choice in sex partner. Kimura Yoshi. _Kimura Yoshi_, for crying out loud! She had to have at least ten years on him and Sakura had treated her eleven-year-old son for a broken arm only last year. Her husband had brought the boy to hospital, and from what little Sakura had seen of him, he seemed a nice, jovial man who obviously loved his son. That man didn't deserve to be cheated on. That boy didn't deserve it either.

What was Kakashi _doing _with that woman?

Ok, obviously she knew was he was _doing_ with that woman – in unnecessary graphic detail – but the better question was _why_? Having seen him maskless, Kakashi struck her as a fairly attractive man. But even with the mask, that was pretty obvious. He surely didn't have to try too hard to get a girl. Why hook up with an older, married woman?

Probably some perverted fetish…

When they finally reached Asahi, they split up into two teams as Sakura had been dreading, and she made her way with Kakashi across the village to find the second road. Sakura pretended to take an unnatural interest in the architecture of the town, simply to avoid having to say or look at Kakashi. But sadly the only interesting thing about Asahi was that all the clocks seemed to have stopped fifty years ago, and everything was the same as it was then, right down to the clothing and hairstyles.

"Is everything alright?" Kakashi asked her lightly as they passed by a group of openly staring locals.

"Mm-hm," Sakura responded quickly, in a too-high voice.

"You look like something's bothering you," he commented.

Sakura kept her eyes resolutely on the path that was taking them back out of the village. With nothing but trees to look at now, she was running out of diversions.

"It's like you've seen a ghost," he mused absently. "Or something equally terrible."

She very nearly whimpered. "N-No, I'm fine."

She was waiting for him to say it. They were out of ear-shot of other people now and undoubtedly this was the point where he would confront her over what she'd seen to demand her secrecy. Sure he acted nonchalant and apathetic, but once he got her alone…

Several hundred yards further down the road and away from the village, Kakashi pulled her to a stop. Sakura braced herself for the inevitable awkwardness.

"Here will do," he said, looking around. "You take that side of the road, I'll take this side. See anything, hear anything, alert me through the radio."

Then he turned and walked away.

Stunned and confused, Sakura could only obey. A few minutes later she found herself settled in a ditch that smelt strongly of ferns with a forest on one side and a road on the other. How she'd gotten there… she couldn't quite recall at that moment. She looked across the gravel road to spot Kakashi on the opposite bank, leaning against a wide tree that hid him from view of anyone coming toward the village. His book was in his hand, but it was closed and dangling from his hand. From his distant stare, he was either thinking about something or listening intently. Sakura listened too, but all she could hear was the grating squall of cicadas in the forest and bushes around her. With their deafening chorus, it would be a wonder if she hear the rogue-nins coming at all.

But why wasn't Kakashi even _acknowledging_ what had happened that morning? Perhaps this was his defense – pretend nothing happened and things will go on as normal. Yet it was like the man didn't even have the decency to be embarrassed!

Suddenly, Kakashi's head turned and he met her gaze dead-on, unblinkingly. A cold prickle ran up the back of Sakura's neck, but she found herself unable to look away. At this distance, his mask rendered his face even more unreadable than ever, but there was something compelling about his penetrating stare. It was like he was silently assessing her… waiting for her to take the initiative. The noise of the insects seemed to swell around her, reaching suffocating, deafening volume. The longer she stared at him, the more acutely she felt detached from everything else.

Then his hand lifted slowly to touch his ear. The radio crackled in her own.

"Sakura?" she heard him say over the wireless.

"Sensei…?" she breathed.

"There's a cicada on your head."

"Thank you, sensei." Quite calmly she flicked the large bug away – which explained the noise – and sank back into her ditch in the hopes that the sides would cave in and bury her alive. Only her death could spare her any further humiliation at the hands of this infuriating man.

Hands that this morning had been clamped over the hips of a curvaceous, naked woman.

It would be a _long_, long mission…

* * *

If Sakura had been worried that Kakashi would corner her at some point during their mission to have a little 'chat' about what she'd witnessed that morning, then she needn't have worried. Kakashi, for the most part, ignored her. But then, she was doing her best to ignore him too, so it was hard to say if he was deliberately keeping to himself. 

The rogues never turned up. Sakura spent two hours in that ditch, picking off insects that seemed attracted to her hair color, and generally getting her white skirt covered in fern stains and dirt. Eventually they gave up the effort and told the village head they would be back the next time the gold was due to be evaluated – a vulnerable time that the thieves would probably pray on.

Team Kakashi headed home, thoroughly discontented. Naruto was annoyed at having been deprived of action, for Sasuke it was their lack of payment and success, and for Sakura it was Kakashi's confusing behavior. Kakashi himself, however, seemed more or less as indifferent as ever. Beyond that initial curious glance he'd swept over her as they left Konoha, he hadn't shown even the faintest sign that he even remembered that morning.

Perhaps he really hadn't seen her? Perhaps he was too wrapped up in his activities to actually register her presence, even when staring directly at her?

But Kakashi was an _elite _jonin. It was hard to catch him unawares when he was sleeping, so she doubted that passion would cloud his senses that much.

The man was an enigma. An enigma wrapped in mystery and topped off with a crunchy outer shell of eccentricity.

By the time they arrived back at the gates of Konoha, it was almost evening. They sky was still bright, but it had turned a paler shade of blue. Naruto immediately declared hunger and excused himself to go find Ichiraku. Sasuke wandered off, mentioning something about taking a bath, and once more Sakura was struck cold with the realization that she was alone with her teacher.

Undoubtedly now that they were no longer on the mission and no longer had to worry about keeping their guard up, he would confront her.

"I have to go fill out a report," Kakashi said idly, not looking at her. "I'll see you around, ok?"

Sakura swallowed her intense relief. "Bye." She finally looked up the same time he looked down and met his gaze. A dark eye crinkled with a smile.

"Bye-bye," he said, and wandered away.

Confused and perturbed, Sakura began to plod homewards. It was only when she glanced at her watch to check the real time that she realized the mission had run on longer than she'd expected and she was late for a dinner date with her long-time rival.

She arrived at Ichigo's Teahouse, out of breathe and still covered in fern stains. Compared to Ino, who was sitting outside under the red teahouse canopy in her spotless clothes and perfect hair, she might as well have been a troglodyte.

"Forehead!" Ino greeted her with a wave. "You always bring the most interesting smells…"

Sakura sat down with a thump in the chair opposite Ino's and half-collapsed against the table. "You wouldn't believe the day I've had…" she moaned.

"Bad mission?"

"No, the mission was fine."

"Oh, jeez. It's not your pathetic excuse for a boyfriend is it? I have told you where you can shove him, right?"

"No, it's not Ikki," Sakura said, scowling. "It's Kakashi-sensei."

"Kakashi-sensei?" Ino echoed, sticking out her lower lip in a pout of confusion. "What's _he_ done?"

Sakura leant back in her seat with a sigh, staring at the red canopy above her head. It stirred in the faint breeze, lifting up and down almost in time to her breathes. "I saw him with a woman this morning."

"Oh?" Ino sounded only mildly interested. "I suppose that's… surprising. I thought he was a quite adamant bachelor type. Is that really the reason you look like you've been hauled through a hedge backwards?"

"No – I mean I _saw_ him _with_ a _woman_," Sakura stressed. "He was late so I went to his apartment and I didn't knock and I saw them together and-"

Ino bust out into tinkling laughter. "Oh my! Did Sakura-chan get a bit of an eyeful of her old sensei?" And then promptly dissolved into more laughter. "Oh – go on – who was she?"

"I… I don't know her name," Sakura lied. Telling Ino about this scandal was a guarantee that everyone would be talking about it by breakfast tomorrow. It was risky enough telling her this much.

"Shame…" Ino said, dabbing at her tears of mirth. "She must be a lucky girl."

Sakura looked at her sideways. "Why?"

Ino was waving to the waitress. "Yes, I'll have peach melba, thanks! Anyway, what was I saying? Right! Well, Kakashi-sensei has the sharingan right? I was talking to Shikamaru the other day about Sasuke and he was explaining to me all the things that the sharingan could do. He says that a properly realized sharingan is primarily a hypnotism device, and whereas normal hypnotism depends on the willingness of the person being hypnotized, the sharingan can force control on someone like genjutsu."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I knew that, Pig."

"I'm not finished, Forehead," Ino shot back. "Anyway, he was saying that the sharingan can inflict near instantaneous emotions and feelings on a victim. Like fear and anger and joy and sadness. So theoretically… couldn't it give someone spontaneous orgasm?"

This was what Ino did. Within sixty seconds of starting a conversation, she would _somehow_ manage to steer the subject onto sex and/or orgasms. Sakura gave her an incredulous look. "Give me a break," she muttered into the heel of her palm.

"No, think about it." Ino grinned cattily at her. "Sai says that Sasuke only had to look at him and he was suddenly on the floor shaking all over with fear for no apparent reason. So isn't it logical that the sharingan can do exactly the same on the opposite end of the spectrum? And make people fall on the floor and start shaking for another reason?"

"You spend too much time thinking about these things," Sakura said flatly, though she had to admit she was a little intrigued.

"I bet if Sasuke can, Kakashi-sensei can too," Ino said, running her fingers through her ponytail. "And you know, that's what you need. Someone who can give you spontaneous orgasm."

"What?" Sakura yelped, sitting bolt upright.

"God knows that loser of a boyfriend of yours isn't doing it for you," Ino muttered, giving Sakura a pointed look. "Have you dumped him yet?"

Sakura recoiled slightly. "Well, I thought maybe I should give him another chance to-"

"To what? Prove what a dick he is?" Ino thumped her hands down against the table in irritation. "Come on, Sakura. You're dumb, but you're not _that _dumb. Ikki is a loser!"

"He's an ANBU captain!" Sakura cried in defense.

"Sure, but that doesn't negate the fact that he drinks too much and he can't keep it up long enough to satisfy anyone but himself," Ino said, giving her a disgusted look. "Seriously, Sakura. I know you're not keeping him around for his sparkling personality, and from what you tell me he's like in bed, he should just be hung, drawn and quartered for crimes against romance."

"He's not that bad," Sakura said, frowning at the table. "He just likes sake, that's all."

"The way Naruto likes ramen," Ino pointed out. "I had an uncle like him, you know."

Sakura had heard this one before. "I know," she mumbled.

"And do you know what happened to him?" Ino pushed.

"He died," Sakura supplied dully like a child hearing the same lecture a hundred times.

"Drunk too much and choked to death on his own vomit with no one there to help him because no one could stand being around such a drunken idiot," Ino finished with a sharp nod. "That'll be what happens to Ikki, mark my words. And god, you're stupid enough to think you can't do any better, aren't you? Hell, I'd let you have Sasuke all to yourself if it meant you were setting your standards a little higher again."

"I don't want Sasuke," Sakura grumbled. It hurt to even think about him sometimes. Loving someone who cared so little for her was more harmful than loving a stupid drunken dope any day. Sakura had realized that the day she'd professed her love to Sasuke for the final time. He'd shot her down in a heartbeat, creating such a pain in her chest that she finally understood why people called it 'heartbreak'. Sakura didn't think she could handle that feeling ever again, and from that day on she'd decided to take whatever willingly came her way and gave up chasing boys entirely.

That was how she'd gotten involved with all her boyfriends to date. They'd approached her in bars or at work and asked her for a date. Even though they were strangers, she'd often said yes, and if things went well Sakura agreed to go steady.

But none of them had ever really worked out. And Ikki just seemed to be the latest in a long line of people Ino had dubbed to be 'losers'.

"You have appalling taste in men," Ino told her bluntly as her desert arrived. "You need to pick better."

"No… they're just the type that I attract," Sakura explained patiently.

"Rubbish," Ino admonished. "You're just taking all the dregs who think girls with pink hair are trashy like them. I bet none of them have even ever given you an orgasm either."

Sakura blushed a fiery pink. "Of course they have." Another lie. "Anyway, boyfriends aren't all that important. They don't last and I'm not looking to settle down, so who cares what they're like?"

Ino gaped at her. "You've clearly missed the point here, Forehead," she said. "Boyfriends are great… they're like best friends that you don't have to share, and once you discover half decent sex you'll realize what you've been missing."

"That's because everything you know about love and men is from out of silly romance novels," Sakura burst out. "That's not realistic! In real life, sex isn't perfect and men are stupid and all the good ones are taken by all the prettiest girls!"

Ino gave her a pitying look. "Sakura," she said, unusually quiet and serious. "I don't want you to end up like my aunt, ok?"

"Your aunt?" Sakura frowned.

"The one who married my dead uncle." Ino gave a sad sigh. "Used to be a great ninja. Then she got bogged down with three brats and a dead husband, and now she's just fat and old and takes drugs all the time to keep away the depression."

Ouch.

"Yeah, but I'm not looking to settle down and marry Ikki, am I?" Sakura reasoned.

Ino's expression remained skeptical. "Neither was my aunt, but look how that turned out."

This conversation was leaving Sakura with a bad taste in her mouth and a knot in her stomach. But then, most conversations with Ino seemed to turn into Ino lecturing Sakura about 'taking herself seriously' and 'finding a better guy'.

"Aim higher," Ino declared suddenly. "Like Kakashi-san's mystery girlfriend. Or do what I do and just see if you can get into any of the good clans. Start with the Dotou clan and work your way up to Hyuuga."

Ino was a bit of a gold digger, it had to be said, but Sakura didn't really care. Ino just had extraordinarily high standards and planned to marry the most financially and genetically sound man she could get her hands on. Sakura felt it was a little unrealistic however, and that Ino would probably wind up settling for a normal man with decent providing skills and little clan affiliation.

But who would Sakura wind up with? So far the best she'd done was one drunken fool and a handful of potential poster boys for premature ejaculation drugs.

She didn't feel the need to find a serious boyfriend yet. And Ikki wasn't _that_ bad anyway...

Although…

She found herself thinking back to what she'd seen that morning and found herself inwardly steaming with quiet jealousy. It just wasn't fair that Kimura Yoshi had married into one of Konoha's wealthiest clans _and_ had snagged an affair with her sensei and team leader. Kakashi was clearly a good lover – way out of Sakura's league in any case.

Until the day Sasuke turned around and got down on one knee for her, Sakura didn't think she'd ever be as lucky in love.

A slow breeze wafted through the dining area where she and Ino sat, making the red canopy above them balloon upwards slightly. Sakura watched, exhaling in time to the canopy as it sank back down to its previous position. "Maybe it's me?" she said to Ino absently. "Maybe I'm the one who's not very good at sex…"

"Always a possibility," Ino said dryly. "I wouldn't put it past you – you're not very good at most other things."

"Charming."

Ino stared at her for a moment before leaning across the table to rest a hand on Sakura's arm. "If he comes home drunk tonight, you have to dump him."

Sakura scowled. "Believe it or not, but Ikki doesn't _always_ drink."

"That's fine. If he isn't drunk tonight, then ignore my advice," Ino said abruptly. "But if he is… just remember that you can do better. Hell, Akamaru could pull better men than Ikki."

Sakura shook her head. "You'll be wrong. You'll see."

"_We'll _see."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Alright then."

"Yes."

"…"

"Fancy some of my melba?"

"Ooh, yes please."

* * *

Truthfully Sakura was a little anxious that night as she curled up against her low apartment table, warming her toes with the electric heater beneath it. Her favorite show was on the TV, helping her take her mind off Ino's conversation, but it was only something that she'd been told so many times before that it had become an ever-present worry in the back of her mind. Even as she laughed at the stupid jokes onscreen, she couldn't help but feel uneasy. She idly hoped that Ikki wouldn't visit tonight, then she wouldn't have to face the fact that Ino was right and that Ikki _was _a loser. 

But the moment she heard a key turn in the door, Sakura knew her luck was out. She looked up with a vague smile as her boyfriend entered the room, tugging off his ANBU mask and shoes and depositing both on the rack against the wall.

"Hey," he greeted with a smile of his own.

"Hey," she said.

He came over to kneel by the table to press a kiss to the corner of her mouth. "How's my favorite girl then?"

The stench of sake and blood overwhelmed her. Screwing up her face, she pushed her elbow against him, trying to get some distance between them. "Ikki, you stink."

"It was a rough mission," he said, shrugging. "I nearly died today."

Sakura had nearly died yesterday, but she hadn't found it worth mentioning. "Didn't happen to involve choking on your own vomit, by any chance?" she asked mildly, knowing he wouldn't understand.

"Kunai, heading right between my eyes," he said, gesturing to the very same spot in case she was left in any doubt of where 'between the eyes' was. "If I hadn't ducked in time, I would be speaking to you from beyond the grave."

"That's nice," she said absently, turning back to the TV. The plot of this show really was quite fast-paced. If she let Ikki distract her for too long she'd miss something important.

"And you know what I thought when that kunai was heading for me?" Ikki asked, wrapping an arm around her middle.

"Mm?" she feigned interest.

"I was thinking how much I'd really miss the twins." He kissed her neck as the arm around her waist eased up to fondle her chest through her shirt.

"_Ikki_," she sighed, but only half-heartedly tried to lean away from him.

"Sakura," he groaned.

"What?"

"Let me fuck you."

Sakura gave a sigh of wavering patience. "Now?" she asked, hinting with a reluctant tone that it wasn't a good time. "My favorite show's on."

"You'd rather watch some stupid show than make love to your boyfriend?" he asked.

"Ye-no, of course not. But…" She scrambled for a good excuse. "Ikki, can't you take a shower first."

"I'm horny _now_."

"But I'm tired and I don't feel so well."

"I'll make you feel better."

She was willing to bet that Kakashi never had any trouble trying to convince a woman to sleep with him. He probably only had to snap his fingers and say 'go to bed with me' and every woman in a five mile radius would be forming an orderly line to do just that. Especially if they'd seen what Sakura had seen that morning.

Ikki was persistent, kissing her throat and tugging her collar aside to press those kisses lower. Sakura grimaced a little, knowing exactly where it would lead to and wondering what the point would be.

Maybe, she thought. _Maybe_ this one time he would surprise her and give her something worthwhile out of the experience. Common sense told her that this was just wishful thinking, but the softer side of her was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Alright," she mumbled.

He pushed her onto her back and kissed her hard. His breath stunk of rice wine and his body emanated the coppery stench of other people's blood, which wasn't an immediate turn-on, she found, but Sakura could almost ignore it. It was a little annoying that he didn't bother to remove any of their clothes properly either. He simply tugged her panties down over her knees and opened the front of his pants in a hurry, and when he entered her it was far from pleasant or comfortable.

She tried to slow him down, tried to make him give her a chance to catch up, but he blundered on regardless. He pumped with selfish frenzy, grunting over her in what had to be the one of the least arousing displays Sakura had ever seen.

"You like that, huh, baby?" he panted. "You like it rough."

"Oh, uh, yes," she offered politely. "Uh, baby."

It was like being tickled in a place that was decidedly un-ticklish. She shifted uncomfortably and gave a few experimental moans, trying to coax herself into the mood, but it seemed beyond her. She looked over his shoulder at the television set, hoping to see if Daisuke had figured out Yumi was having an affair with his brother yet, but the dialogue was effectively drowned out by the noises Ikki was making in her ear.

With a sigh, Sakura let her head fall back onto the carpet to watch the ceiling and wait for Ikki to finish. Maybe it _was_ her that was the problem? It seemed strange that all her previous boyfriends had managed to get off just fine, it was just _her _that didn't enjoy the sex. She wished she was more responsive… like Kimura Yoshi, who had managed to climax _before_ Kakashi.

She remembered the look on his face when he'd found that release. A grimace of pleasure that wasn't all that different from when he occasionally got caught in the side with a kunai. She'd seen that loss of control that had come over his body as he'd gone wild on that woman, and for some strange reason it excited her. A thread of arousal curled low in her belly, making her breath hitch with real pleasure for the first time since… well, since ever.

Closing her eyes, Sakura tried to imagine it was Kakashi braced over her. There were probably all sorts of psychological issues involved with projecting the image of one's teacher on a lover, but right then Sakura didn't care. She would worry about the meaning later when it was over, but until then it was the only thing that had the potential to make this an enjoyable experience.

"Aw… hell." Ikki twisted slightly, reaching for the katana strapped to his back that was clearly digging into something it shouldn't. His hammering slowed to gentle, delayed thrusts as he battled to get the weapon loose.

Sakura reveled in the newfound rhythm, feeling as though the hook had finally caught her and was dragging her away. "Yes," she breathed, running her hands up and through sharply chopped hair that was almost long enough to be mistaken for Kakashi's if she kept her eyes shut. She moved her hips in time to his, feeling elated that the end that had eluded her for so long was actually within sight. "Just like that," she sighed.

"What, just like that?" Ikki repeated awkwardly, clearing not understanding.

Sakura slipped a hand over his mouth. "Shh," she hushed him. The sound of his voice was threatening to ruin her imagination, as it was no where near as deep and smooth as Kakashi's.

This could work, she thought with amazement, feeling the pleasure spiral upward and her breathing become more shallow. For the first time in her life she might actually-

Ikki stiffened above her with a broken groan and she felt his breathing stop as he came hard and sharp against her. It was over in a blink of an eye, and before Sakura even had time to register that fact, Ikki was up and staggering to the bathroom with that 'I'm about to vomit' green tinge to his face.

The pleasure that Sakura had been carefully nurturing dissipated like ethanol on a hot plate, washed away on a breeze and leaving her dumbstruck on her apartment floor. Bemusedly she looked at the television and saw the credits rolling on her show. She'd missed the finale. Strangely, that upset her more than what had just happened.

"Typical," she whispered to herself, sitting up to pull her panties back on straight.

Retching sounds echoed from the adjoining bathroom and Sakura winced. "If you make a mess, you're cleaning it up yourself," she called, running fingers through her disarrayed hair.

But as she was doing this, a flash of movement from the window caught her eye. She looked up and thought she saw a flicker of white slip away over the roof of the neighboring apartment block. Sakura frowned. One of her neighbors did have a calico cat. Perhaps it was setting out for a nighttime hunt?

But how did it get on the roof…?

The toilet flushed in the bathroom, dragging her out of her thoughts before she could dwell on them further. That was usually the only kind of cleaning Ikki ever managed to will himself to do, and frankly only if he was in a considerate mood. Really, Ino was right. He was a complete lout half the time, and the only reason she'd agreed to go out with him was because he'd told a good joke about three weasels and a hamster ball. She hadn't entered into the relationship to take the slack of his leftover mission adrenalin, nor to clean up the mess he left in _her _bathroom after he'd drunken too much.

He had to go. It was time for the 'talk'.

After a few moments Ikki appeared in the bathroom doorway, looking slightly pale and clammy, but that was nothing unusual. Sakura was about to open her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it. "Sakura," he said seriously, looking at the floor. "We need to talk."

"That's funny, I wanted to talk to you too," she said, feeling the fine hairs crawl along the back of her neck. "You see, I-"

"I think we need to see other people."

* * *


	3. Upon the Old swing

_Window_

Chapter Three

* * *

Kakashi would have laughed if it hadn't been so tragic. The girl was _watching television_, for heaven's sake! What kind of self-respecting male could call himself a man knowing his girl got more enjoyment out of cheesy soaps than sex?

It wasn't often that Kakashi could say he had actually preferred watching a girl laugh at lame jokes on the TV than watching her go at it with a man. Until her boyfriend had walked in the door, she'd been relaxed and carefree with a mug of hot chocolate in her hands, smiling and tugging at her lower lip in an unguarded moment. But since the moment he'd started kissing her, she hadn't smiled even once.

It's was like watching two animals. The female bearing a look of patient suffering and the male hammering away with only one primitive goal in mind. Kakashi sighed and shook his head. The boy knew nothing. Selfish. And the moment Sakura had shown the slightest bit of enjoyment he'd been unable to control himself.

At that point Kakashi knew he was only wasting his time, so he left. He'd put off doing his reports long enough, and he really ought to get a move on before the archives closed at midnight.

Half an hour later he was sitting in the Bluebell tavern with an unfinished report laid out before him on the bar. But it seemed the longer he stared at it, the more it just _wasn't_ being completed. And instead of keeping on top of his work like any good ninja would be doing, he found himself thinking of certain pink-haired young ladies.

Sakura had been scuttling around him all day like a dog that was afraid of its master but still bound to obey. Every time he'd looked at her, he could have sworn she'd flinched, as if just waiting to be smacked on the nose with a newspaper. She'd seemed especially subdued today.

However, Sakura wasn't a quiet girl by any stretch of the imagination, even though, from time to time, she had a habit of withdrawing into herself and becoming distanced from the people around her to the point where he would sometimes have to repeat orders twice to make sure she'd heard him. Usually it was a sign that she was depressed. Mostly he had a feeling it was _that time of the month_.

But today he felt he knew for certain why she shying away from teamwork. Well, at least he was relatively certain, because it was entirely possible he had simply imagined Sakura standing at his window in the heat of the moment. God only knew why that would happen, but even Kakashi couldn't claim to understand half the thoughts and images that passed through his brain each day.

"Drink, Kakashi-san?"

Kakashi inhaled as he broke out of his reveries and looked up at the bar-maid standing before him. "No thanks, Ayame-chan," he said idly. "I'm not all that thirsty."

The young woman frowned at him playfully. "You come in here all the time, but you never order anything. We have rules you know…"

"Are you going to kick me out?" he asked, blinking.

The girl shook her head with a smile and said, "Never mind." Then she turned and walked away to attend to other paying customers. Kakashi's eye followed her, automatically tracing over the line of her ample bust to the curve of her rear. By day she worked with her father at Ichiraku, but come evening she traded in her cooking overalls for a slim-fitting black shirt and snug pants to man a bar. Perhaps that shirt was a little too tight, because evidently handling all these cold beverages was giving her a chill. There was a wedding ring on her finger, but that was neither here nor there.

Kakashi turned dispassionately back to his report and continued with the laborious task of filling in the blanks. It was getting closer to midnight so he began to rush, scribbling down all the necessary details and topping it all off with a happy smiley face in order to charm any disgruntled clerics who would be subjected to reading his handwriting.

Finished – in only the loosest sense of the word – he folded up the report and stood. That was when Ayame returned to the bar with a slip of paper and a smile. "Here's your receipt, Kakashi-san," she said, handing it to him. There was something secretive about that smile that made him think twice before stuffing the scrap of paper in his pocket, and he paused a moment to read what had been written, fairly certain that he hadn't actually ordered or paid for anything.

It was just a short message.

'_My place. 1o'clock.'_

Kakashi folded the receipt into his pocket and gave the girl a wave and a smile as he ducked beneath the canvas flaps and out onto the street. With his report in hand he headed towards the hokage tower, intent on handing it in before the offices shut.

The air was cool and crisp against his hot tired eyes (though, with the hitai-ate down, only one felt the benefit). It had been a tiring day of sitting around and doing fuck all. The ability to stand still for two hours straight was a skill that was vastly unappreciated.

However, it was Sakura who concerned him most.

From the way Sakura had carefully managed to avoid eye contact with him all afternoon, he could safely assume that he _hadn't _imagined her standing there, and that she _had _just caught him in the act with a Kimura Yoshi.

Yoshi hadn't seen Sakura, which was probably a good thing because she might have tried to kill the poor girl in an effort to leave no witnesses. Kakashi knew Sakura wouldn't talk. For a start she was too embarrassed by what she'd seen to admit to anyone that she'd actually seen it, and Sakura wasn't a gossip anyway. Even if she'd recognized Yoshi, she would respect the woman's privacy and keep the knowledge to herself.

It was Kakashi's own fault for not drawing the curtains. Or closing the window. And forgetting the mission in the first place. Honestly, he could have _sworn_ he'd arranged the meeting for the afternoon…

Well, he'd probably irreparably damaged his relationship with Sakura for good now. He only had to hope that she was mature enough to get over it… or that she hit her head tomorrow and forgot all about it.

Kakashi spotted the entrance of the hokage tower ahead, bathed in the soft pink glow of the streetlights. The academy entrance lay a little to the side of it, and beyond that was the pre-genin training pitch with the old swing that he'd played on as a child.

Someone was sitting on it now, he realized, peering through the dark shadows of the trees to see the slight swinging movement beneath them. Who the hell played on a swing at midnight? Kakashi paused a moment to lift his hitai-ate and focus the sharingan on the figure swamped in shadow.

Sakura.

Confused, Kakashi stared at the girl. She was using one foot to idly push herself back and forth, but her heart didn't appear to be in it. She was gazing off into space, arms hooked around the suspended chains and head tilted forward so her lank hair nearly covered her face. She seemed to be a million miles away.

Why was she here? Only half an hour ago she'd been at home with her boyfriend…

Readjusting his hitai-ate over his eye, Kakashi continued on into the tower. It wasn't his place to pry into Sakura's affairs and he didn't want to impose himself when she clearly wanted to be alone. He based that decision on the idea that if it was him, _he'd_ want to be left alone at least.

Iruka was just heading out of the filing office when Kakashi caught him, and the moment he saw the copy ninja he nearly burst into tears. "No – I'm going home – you should have come half an hour ago – I'm not filing this – oh, alright – but just this once – never again – I swear, Kakashi-sensei, you do this every time just to annoy me!"

As Iruka stormed off in a huff with Kakashi's report, Kakashi reflected that he was quite right. Although his lateness was mostly due to procrastination, he couldn't deny he enjoyed Iruka's attempts at a tantrum. It was just one of the few highlights of his day.

Sakura was still there on the swing when he left the building. Once again he found himself stopping to watch her, wondering if young girls were different enough from jaded old copy ninjas to actually want company when they were down.

Well, he could at least find out what was wrong.

The moment he pushed through the gate into the compound, Sakura's head came up and her body went still. She looked like she was ready to flee into the bushes at the mere sight of him, but it was probably that doe-caught-in-headlights reaction that had her pinned to the spot.

"Yo," he said as he stopped a safe distance from her, trying not to make any sudden movements. "You're a little big for a swing, aren't you?"

Sakura's head dipped again as she looked at the ground. Without the sharingan to aid him, the shadows covered her quite effectively. But while his natural eye may not have been able to penetrate the darkness, his keen sense of smell told him more than he needed to know.

Sakura stank of sex, blood, and alcohol. A potent mix, and one he wasn't sure really suited her. A small sigh escaped his mask and he shifted his weight to one leg, hands buried deep in his pockets. He didn't want Sakura to smell this way. She was too good a person, with too clean and pure a heart to be corrupted with such nasty substances. He remembered the young girl she'd been – the one with the blazing and untainted (if not a little misguided) love for her teammate, and tried to see her in the girl sitting before him. Tried to envisage her in the girl who'd laid unresponsively on her living room floor for her boyfriend.

Everyone grew up. Some quicker than others. Some harder.

It was silly to think he could protect her from that.

When she said nothing, he took a step forward. Her hair twitched again as her head came up a fraction to watch his feet, the same way he had often resorted to watching Itachi's. You had to be careful with sharingan users, after all.

"Are you ok?" he asked quietly.

She nodded once.

"What are you doing here then?"

She shrugged once, resting her head against one of the chains holding the swing. "I've no where else to be anyway."

He took another step until he was directly before her, looking down at the top of her bowed head. "Sakura, we need to talk."

Her hands closed tighter around the rusty old chains and he saw she was holding her breath. He was prepared for her to react awkwardly, but he hadn't expected her to start crying. First one, then two tears slid down her cheeks. She was trembling imperceptibly, clearly trying to hold back any sounds she might make, and if he hadn't seen the tears he wouldn't have known.

He nearly gave in to the urge to vault over the fence and leg it.

Kakashi wasn't good with girl things. He understood these creatures to a certain extent, but he coped more easily with boys whose thought processes and problems were no mystery to him. Girls were much more challenging. For instance, when Sakura's parents had divorced two years ago, she'd seemed perfectly ok with the fact right up until she'd broken a nail in the middle of a training session. Then the tears just would not stop, alarming everyone of the male gender who happened to be nearby.

And right now he was pretty sure that the words 'we need to talk' shouldn't have elicited such an emotional response. Tears and tantrums were hardly ever about what they appeared to be about with girls.

"It's ok, I'm not angry or anything," he said, crouching down till he was more or less eye level. But Sakura's eyes remained tightly shut, attempting to trap any further moisture from escaping. "It was my fault for forgetting about the mission in the first place and not fixing my buzzer when I should have. It's just that I'm a little concerned Yoshi wouldn't be particularly happy if this kind of thing got out into the general public, you know, so-"

"It's not that," she croaked miserably. "It's Ikki."

"Ikki," he repeated dully. He seemed to recall hearing that name in conjunction with Sakura over the past few months. Naruto had probably mentioned at some point they were going out together. "Ikki's your boyfriend, right?"

Sakura nodded mutely, unable to say anything for the sudden sniffle attack that had hit her.

_Shit,_ he thought wearily. _He's gone and died or something, hasn't he?_

"But not anymore," she gasped out. "He dumped me."

"Oh." He blinked. "Bastard."

Sakura choked on a strangled sob, leaning so far forward that her forehead was almost touching her knees. Kakashi sighed. He hated to see someone he cared about in such obvious pain. "Sakura, no guy is worth getting this upset over," he told her gently. _At least not at this age_. Lovers came and went so fast at eighteen that it was hardly worth getting upset about any of them. It was too draining. And people like Kakashi unwittingly got wet shoulders as a result.

"I know he's not worth it," she said, sniffling loudly. "I was going to dump him, but then he dumped me and all I could do was sit there in shock and then he felt sorry for me, and he said I'd find someone else in time, and that he had just found someone new, and then I heard this loud crack, and I'm not sure if it was the aneurysm in my brain or my fist against his jaw – it all gets fuzzy after that - but I kept getting the impression that he thought he could do better than someone like me and now he's going out with that girl who used to be in Root, you know the one with pretty blue eyes and black hair who can chop a flea in half from a dog's back with a kunai at a hundred paces, because she fell for his joke about the hamsters in the ferret cage or whatever because it's a stupid_, stupid_ joke which no one in their right mind should fall for because it's _stupid_ and he's stupid and I'm even _more_ stupid for letting this get to me!"

Where was Orochimaru's invasion force when you needed it? Kakashi could really do with a diversion right now because playing the agony aunt was not his forte. "He's not worth the grief," he told her, trying to sound soothing in an effort to make those tears stop. "He's clearly trading down. Boys should be falling over themselves for a chance to date someone like you, Sakura."

"Then why aren't they?" she demanded. "What's so bad about me that even total losers think they can do better? And what does 'fridge' mean anyway?"

Kakashi frowned. "Eh?"

"Fridge. What does it mean?" For the first time she looked up at him through enormous green eyes framed with spiky eyelashes and slightly smudged mascara. He hadn't realized Sakura wore makeup. But clearly she didn't wear a lot of it. She didn't really need it anyway.

"Well," he began slowly. "It's this thing that you have in your kitchen to keep your food cold and fresh to-"

"That doesn't make sense," she said, shaking her head. "Ikki said I was a 'fridge', but I don't get what he meant."

"Ah." Kakashi's eyes closed in sudden understanding. It was probably a mistake to do that, because now Sakura was looking at him.

"You know what he meant?" she pressed.

"Um…" Kakashi didn't really want to say. It was just one of those cruel words that circulated popular slang that he was unfortunate enough to pick up occasionally. Mostly it was used by impatient yobs who didn't think their girlfriend put out enough. "Well, I think maybe he means he finds you a little cold and unresponsive."

Sakura squinted in confusion. "How? I'm always nice to him and I always at least pretended to be interested in his boring mission stories – how is that being cold and unresponsive?"

Kakashi leveled her a frank look. "It means during sex mostly."

The look on Sakura's face was almost amusing. Her eyes widened a fraction and she quickly looked down. If the light was a little better, he was sure he would have found her blushing. "He was probably just reaching for excuses," he said, trying to make her feel better. "I'm sure you're not, uh, frigid in any manner of-"

"I am," she said in a small voice.

Kakashi's eye narrowed but he said nothing.

"Maybe that's why he… why they _all_…" Sakura swallowed hard and shakily wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "It would explain why I'm not 'good enough' for him."

"But let me guess," he said, with a wry smile. "Good enough to screw one last time before letting you go?"

Sakura inhaled sharply, staring at him. "How did you-"

"That's what assholes usually do," he said quickly. It would probably do no good to let her know he'd been doing some impromptu spying… "And Ikki sounds like a grade A asshole."

"Yes, he is," Sakura said, sniffing and raising her head and shaking the hair from her face. "Grade A. First class. All the way. A total _toad_. And not so hot in bed himself with all that rough grabbing… the jerk."

Kakashi quirked a sad smile, feeling sorry for her. Sakura was no delicate flower by any stretch of the imagination, but that didn't mean she shouldn't be treated with respect and common courtesy. She seemed to have a knack for picking guys who weren't good for her self-esteem, 'Ikki' being a fine example of the latest mistake. "Forget him," he murmured, reaching out to pat her knee comfortingly. "Clearly he didn't deserve you and you were going to dump him anyway, so just be happy that he's gone and you're free and now that he's an ex, everything he has ever said to you and ever will say to you is to be automatically disregarded."

"What, even when he said I was pretty?" she asked with a small smile.

"Oh, _that _you can believe."

Her smile broke a little wider and her head ducked again as she attempted to brush away the rest of the tears with her fingers. "I'm sorry, Kakashi-sensei. You probably think I'm really pathetic…"

"No." He forced her chin up with a finger and then gently spread his thumb across her cheek, pressing away the last of the moisture that she'd missed. "You're fine."

Sakura's gaze was leveled in the region of his chest as she took in a shaky breath and let it out slowly. "Does it get better?" she asked, flicking her eyes up to meet his. "Relationships, I mean. Do they get any easier?"

Kakashi dropped his hand back to her knee. "Not until you find that one person who makes all the pain and loss worthwhile," he said, looking away into the shadows.

"And what if you can't find that person?" she asked.

"Then… it never stops." He smiled and pinched her cheek, much to her chagrin. "But you're too young to be worrying about that kind of thing."

Sakura looked down and away, frowning thoughtfully but at least her eyes were now relatively dry. He squeezed her knee and stood up straight again. "I have to be somewhere now," he said, using a forcefully light tone to clear the air between them. "I hope you're ok, Sakura."

She nodded glumly. "I'm sorry if I'm keeping you from something important."

"At the moment, nothing could be more important than you," he said, grinning at her and ruffling her hair the way she liked because he knew it made her feel like one of the boys. "Just go home and forget that loser, 'kay?"

"'Kay." She gave him a brave smile.

At some point over the last few years while Kakashi had had his back turned, Sakura had grown up. It wasn't just in the form of her body that had filled out with such startling speed that he often found it difficult to look at her without his gaze lingering in all the wrong places. Her understanding of the world around her had deepened, and her heart had taken more knocks than he cared to see. He didn't know exactly when she'd become sexually active, nor did he really care to know, but the knowledge had gradually dawned on him over time as suspicions had become vaguely confirmed as fact. He knew she had been in a series of relationships, though he'd never thought she seemed happy in any of them.

It didn't seem right that someone so young and spirited as Sakura could be dragged down so profoundly by men who didn't deserve to breathe the same air as her. (She was _his_ student and an apprentice of the Hokage herself. This alone automatically placed her above the majority of scumbags that made up the male population of Konoha. Her courage and loyalty to those she loved put her above the rest.) But first Sakura needed to realize this for herself. If she didn't…

He could see her falling onto the same path as himself.

"Kakashi-sensei," she whispered, just as he was about to turn and leave. "I'm sorry for this morning."

"Ah." He gave an untroubled shrug. "No need to apologize for that."

"You're not angry?" she asked hesitantly.

"No," he said, nearly laughing. "Like I said, it was my fault. I'm sorry I gave you such a shock that early in the morning."

She flushed with embarrassment. "Actually, it was nearly afternoon at that point…"

"Details," he said vaguely, before fixing her with a coy look. "Although you certainly took your time in leaving. Exactly how long were you standing there watching us for?"

Her eyes darted to the side and then back. "Uh… you looked up the moment I arrived."

"Really?" he said flatly.

"Really," she whispered, gaze steely and stubborn in the face of his challenge.

"Mm." A soft disbelieving sound.

After a beat of silence, Sakura raised her head. "I don't think you should go with that woman any more."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

She pushed her foot against the ground and the swing moved in a half-hearted sway. "She sounded like a faker," she mumbled

Kakashi did laugh this time. "Is this something you'd know from experience?"

Sakura looked away. "I don't fake. I think it's dishonest. Unless I really like the person and feel sorry for them."

"And how many of those have you known?"

"None so far…"

That could have explained the 'frigid' comment her boyfriend had made. If no one had figured out how to satisfy her, and Sakura was disinclined to fake…?

Kakashi shoved his hands into his pockets and sighed. Kids were such punks these days. Too concerned with their own pleasure to properly handle their lovers, messing things up with their inexperience and haste and making people like Sakura think it was somehow _their _fault. The girl needed someone older. Someone with experience and consideration who would take the time to see to _her_ needs.

For a brief moment he entertained the thought that he could do it. And why not? She was an attractive girl with a supple, appealing figure, and certainly she wouldn't have been the youngest he'd ever had, nor the most innocent.

But then he banished the thought as sheer insanity, because that was what it was. Insanity. As a chunin, she was still his student until she took the jonin exam or until she decided she was satisfied with her rank and went her own way. There were certain trusts he could not violate, lines he could not cross. And there were things that Sakura needed that he could not give her, and he would be damned if he was the one to open up another opportunity for her to be hurt.

For now he couldn't offer her much more than a smile and a pat on the shoulder. "You'll figure it out," he told her evenly. "You're too smart to let men get the better of you."

"Mm." She didn't sound convinced.

"I really do have to go now, Sakura. I have to get ready for an appointment." He turned and started walking away.

"At this hour?" she called after him.

"A beautiful girl is teaching me how to play her piano," he called back over his shoulder. "I really don't want to be late."

He slipped out through the compound gate and made his way down the pink-lit street, humming beneath his breathe.

* * *

_I wonder what he means by 'piano'…_

Sakura relaxed the moment Kakashi was out of sight with a great sigh, reclining so far back on the swing that only her grip on the suspended chains kept her from falling. She twirled in a few circles, winding the chains as far as they could go before picking up her feet and letting herself spin dizzily back in the opposite direction.

Then she stood with a notable stagger, and proceeded to wobble her way out of the academy compound and toward the hokage tower entrance.

Halfway up the flight of stairs to Tsunade's office, she doubled over with a horrified laughter.

"I can't believe I just talked about sex with Kakashi-sensei…" she whimpered, ignoring the perturbed looking chunin who was coming down the stairs and giving her an incredibly wide berth.

Their talk had given her some sort of relief. Not only had it taken her mind off Ikki, but he'd made her realize something vitally important: they weren't all that different.

Ever since she'd started dating she'd always felt a little out of place, like she was a child playing an adult's game. A child who didn't really understand the rules. For a brief while today she'd thought her careless actions had driven a wedge between her and Kakashi, but in truth it had opened her eyes. Kakashi-sensei was an adult. And more importantly, so was she. Suddenly she could relate to him where before she'd only ever been able to look up and revere him as a leader and teacher.

Although there still was a certain degree of reverence and awe…

"Sakura!"

Tsunade was standing at the top of the stairs, glaring down at her with her hands on her hips. Her yukata was parted dangerously wide as it usually was at the end of a long, tiring day. "What the hell are you laughing about? I could hear you from my office. Are you alright?" Then her gaze narrowed. "Have you been crying?"

"No." Sakura dabbed her eyes hurriedly to check for moisture, but it only served to damn her.

There was a long drawn out pause as Tsunade pursed her lips. "Eh, I don't really need you tonight anyway," she said dismissively. "Go home and get some rest. Oh, and if you see Naruto, give him this. He left it here a few hours ago."

A large, double bladed kunai landed on the step beside Sakura's foot, wedging itself into the wood.

"Yes, Tsunade-shishou," she murmured, picking up the weapon.

"And have you done your report yet?"

"No, Tsunade-shishou."

"I want it by tomorrow."

"Yes, Tsu-"

"Go home, Sakura."

Sakura went home. She dumped Naruto's weapon on her table and went to take a shower. As was usually the case after a mission, sometimes the odd sting as she lathered herself with soap was the only way to tell she'd been injured. She often didn't notice otherwise. There were scratches along her upper arm where a thorny bush had caught her, but she quickly passed a hand over these and they soon disappeared.

The only other marks on her were the faint pink lines on her thighs where Ikki had scratched her in his haste to remove her underwear. Sakura didn't consider these worth healing, but she still bitterly lamented Ikki's carelessness. She doubted Kakashi would be so inconsiderate during sex.

Kakashi would probably never directly ask for sex. All he would have to do was kiss a woman and slowly charm the clothes off her. He wouldn't just yank a girls panties down without any consideration or interest in the rest of her body. He would take his time, starting at her mouth and working his way down her body to her throat, her breasts, her stomach, and…

Sakura stopped, blinking rapidly. One hand was on her breast, squeezing, while the other was creeping lower. Faintly alarmed, she forcefully moved both her errant hands back to her hair to wash away the last of the suds.

This was getting beyond a joke. Here she was in the shower, touching herself and fantasizing about her teacher. It didn't get much more screwed up than that.

She'd be a filthy liar if she said she'd never thought of Kakashi in that way, but only in an idle _I wonder what he looks like beneath his clothes_ kind of way. She'd never actively fantasized. And she'd certainly never touched herself to thoughts of him.

Perturbed, she finished up her shower, dried and dressed herself for bed. Though 'dressing' consisted of just putting on a fresh pair of panties. Living by herself she'd gotten used to being able to go to bed semi-naked and not worry about her mother waking her up. Normally it was just her and Ikki…

The bed still smelt faintly of him, she found, when she settled down beneath the covers. His odor lingered in the pillow, but it wasn't a particularly nice smell. Frustrated, she tossed the pillow away and simply let her head rest on the mattress instead.

And despite everything, it was not Ikki who she thought of as she lay there. The images of what she'd seen that morning still perverted her mind, overriding all the pain and anger that she _should_ have been feeling over Ikki. But whereas that afternoon she'd been disturbed and upset by what she'd witnessed, now that she'd talked with the man, she didn't feel quite so awkward toward him.

Really, she thought as she drifted off to sleep, Hatake Kakashi was quite a sensual sort of man…

* * *

Kakashi glanced at his watch.

Fifteen minutes late.

_Well, better late than never. _He rapped on the door briskly with his knuckles and surveyed the street, on the look-out for any onlookers. But at quarter past one in the morning, the street was silent. The only movement came from the swaying lanterns and stirring trees.

The door opened. "Kakashi-san, you're late!" Ayame admonished him cheerfully.

"I was delayed," he replied amicably. "Cute note, by the way."

"You said secrecy was important," she said, stepping aside to let him inside. "Everything's set out in the living room."

"Prepared, huh?" he mused. "I always admire that in a woman."

He stopped at the entrance of the living room and looked through. Ayame's father – who probably had a name, but Kakashi only knew him as the Ramen Man – was sitting in an armchair reading a book. Kakashi gave him a polite wave and a hum before fixing his eyes on the upright piano in the corner of the room.

Ayame followed his gaze. "What's this about anyway? What do you need to learn for?"

"Mission," he sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"When?"

"Next month."

"Are you really good enough to master it before then?"

"Yes." There wasn't a hint of compromise or modesty in his tone. "I only need to see a melody played once, and I'll be able to play it straight back to you."

"Well…" Ayame blinked at him in bewilderment. "Let's get started then."

* * *


	4. Alpha Males and Butter Fingers

_Window _

Chapter Four

* * *

There was that _woman_. Sitting behind the table with all the other clerks, stamping some documents, signing others, handing out missions to whoever came along. Though she was well into her forties, she was probably still a chunin, but for what she lacked in talent she made up for in appearance. There was no getting around the fact that she was a very beautiful woman, with her pale skin, dark eyes, upturned nose, and naturally pouty lips. Sakura was glad to see she also had quite a large forehead – an affliction Sakura knew only too well – but this woman had carefully managed to conceal this with a thick, straight fringe. Even then, she still somehow made a large forehead quite charming. 

_It's just not fair_….

Beautiful, rich, and one of those sexually responsive women who could get off with a man without too much trouble. While girls like Sakura simply couldn't seem to enjoy sex, she was off with _multiple_ men doing just that.

Irrationally, Sakura hated her.

It wasn't even any of her business what this woman and her sensei got up to. If they were caught, there would be trouble, but that was on their heads only. She should have just been able to turn away and ignore it. She cared about Kakashi, but who he chose to screw was his own lookout, and he probably knew the consequences without needing Sakura to remind him.

Deep down, Sakura realized she was probably just jealous…

Sakura thanked the chunin who handed her a new mission scroll and moved away to read it. _Another_ escort mission set for next week. She sighed and began to read the tedious little details. However, she'd only gotten to the second paragraph when the door opened and a man walked through.

There had always been something commanding about Kakashi's presence. When he walked into that room, there was an imperceptible shift in the atmosphere, as if everyone had silently sat up a little straighter. His arrival always drew the eye. Sakura always assumed this was simply because he was her teacher, and she was required to revere him by default. But for the first time she noticed others glancing towards him too – including _that_ woman. It seemed like a primitive, long-forgotten instinct to react this way to the arrival of an alpha male.

Because there was no way getting around it. Everything about Kakashi screamed alpha – from the way he walked, to his habit of working only at his own pace. He could make you feel like the smallest, most insignificant ant with one hard look and he'd been known to reduce some of the more sensitive chunin and jonin to tears at one succinct sentence. But when he smiled at you and took an interest in you, it was like having a deity step off his pedestal for a moment to notice you, and such charm was a generosity that should never be taken for granted.

Sakura had always known this, but she hadn't been quite so acutely aware of his magnetism as she was at that moment. He didn't even seem to notice her as he breezed into the room and straight up the desk. _That_ woman's desk was free, but he chose to approach the chunin clerk beside her. If Sakura hadn't already seen them together, she never would have suspected anything had happened between them. Kimura Yoshi merely went on with her duties, and Kakashi's attention seemed focused entirely on the younger female chunin before him. He accepted a mission scroll, thanked the chunin and turned to leave, unfolding the scroll as he went. Clearly he wasn't hanging around, nor did he even seem aware of Kimura Yoshi, let alone Sakura.

In seconds he was out of the door… but Sakura was hot on his heels, unable to restrain herself any longer. "Kakashi-sensei," she began, "I need to ask you a question-"

"Oh, hello, Sakura. Found a new boyfriend yet?" His stride didn't break as he headed towards the stairs, still reading his scroll.

"Sensei, I know it's not any of my business but-"

"You always say that just before you act like it is…"

"Why her? Why Kimura Yoshi?" If she'd expected him to stop and answer the question, she was to be disappointed. Kakashi strode on.

"Why not?" he answered evasively.

"I can think of a _million_ reasons why not!" she said hurriedly, dodging around a jonin who'd stopped to tie his shoes. "She's married, for one. There are plenty of single, good-looking and intelligent women in Konoha. Why do you have to have one that's taken when you could have anyone you wanted really."

He whirled around, coming to a dead stop. Sakura had to grab hold of the handrail to keep from running straight into him. With him two steps below her, she was practically eye-level with him, meeting that dark steady eye that was usually so vague and uninterested. Now it was sharp and perceptive, and his gaze seemed to simply say, '_you'._ "What makes you think I'm not having everyone I want?" he asked in a low voice.

Sakura sucked in a sharp breath and had to look away. The underlying sexuality behind his words were as unnerving as they were exciting. And 'exciting' wasn't a description she had ever really used in conjunction with this man. But the butterflies stomping around in her belly at the liquid resonance of his voice were hard to ignore.

"Her husband won't be happy when he finds out," she pointed out, trying to stay on topic.

"And who's going to tell him?" he asked. He'd slipped easily back into his lackadaisical manner, turning to continue down the steps. "You?"

"Of course not," she said shortly, following once more. "But these things have a way of coming out eventually."

"Only in books and movies when it's a convenient plot device. We're ninja, Sakura. Discretion and secrecy is what we excel in."

"It's dishonorable."

"She's the one who instigated it."

"That's no excuse. You should know better than to accept."

"And yet I did."

"Why?"

Kakashi didn't answer. He reached the bottom of the stairs and crossed the busy foyer to the entrance, Sakura dragging along behind him like a shadow. Then they were outside, the sun bursting overhead. The delicious smell of fried fish was wafting down the street, making Sakura's stomach churn in a reminder that she hadn't eaten since breakfast. Kakashi looked once at his watch and began to walk, seemingly with a purpose in mind.

"You didn't answer the question," Sakura pursued. "Why Yoshi?"

He sighed. "Well… why Ikki?"

"What?" She nearly stopped. The question had thrown her for a loop.

"You asked me why Yoshi. I am asking you why Ikki."

Sakura's mind drew a long hard blank, even though it was a question she had often asked herself when she gave herself time to think about their relationship. She resisted the temptation to say 'why not', because that would just be sinking to Kakashi-like levels of annoyingness.

"Because…" she said slowly, giving herself time to think. "He told me this joke about a ferret in a hamster ball or something. I-I forget how it goes. But it was funny. I think."

"Incredible," he said in a way that seemed to imply it was not.

Once more, she realized he'd dodged the question. "But that's beside the point. Why choose her?"

"For the same reason you probably chose Ikki," he said.

Sakura frowned. "She told you a bad joke?"

His head turned to regard her. But the gaze he fixed on her didn't seem quite so personable anymore. "Loneliness gets the better of us all, whether we like to admit it or not. Sometimes just a little company is better than none."

Sakura didn't know quite what to say that. Her first instinct was to deny that she had gone out with Ikki simply because she was _lonely_. But then she was forced to wonder what Kakashi was admitting to…

"Plus, it gets boring when it's just you and your hand, you know?" Kakashi added lightly.

Sakura's cheeks flamed up. "I-I…" _can't believe you just said that_!

He chuckled lightly at her awkwardness. He'd never made dirty jokes to her before. But then, since yesterday morning the boundaries on their relationship had shifted. They were still student and teacher, but they knew more of each other's sex lives than normal teachers and students should ever know.

Kakashi slowed beside a take-away shop and ducked out of site beneath the canvas flaps. Determined to make sure he didn't wheedle out of this confrontation, Sakura slipped through the flaps behind him and came to a rest against the counter.

"I just don't think this is sensible, Kakashi-sensei," she urged him.

Kakashi-sensei was too busy giving his order to hear. "Yeah, I'll have the broiled saury with salt and…" He looked expectantly down at Sakura, as did the cook behind the counter. Sakura belatedly realized he was extending an offer.

"Oh," she said quickly, flustered. "I'll have the same."

If he was paying, why not?

The cook went away to fulfill the two orders and Kakashi leant against the counter with a sigh. He pulled the hitai-ate off his head and ran a hand through his rumpled white locks, as if letting them breathe. The sharingan was shut, but Sakura couldn't help but think back to what Ino had told her the previous day.

But that was a question best left unasked. Right now Sakura had more important matters to attend to. "When I found out my dad was having an affair it was awful," she said quickly, hoping to get it all out while she had Kakashi standing still. "It was like my parents didn't love each other anymore, and then they were getting divorced and there were all these horrible fights, and all I could do was hate that woman he was having an affair with, because if it wasn't for her, I would still have a family."

Kakashi scratched his scarred eyelid, looking as though he wasn't paying attention. But Sakura knew he was listening, even if he didn't want to hear her.

"Do you realize your actions could break up a family?" she asked. "That woman has a really cute son, and neither him nor his father deserve to be cheated on like that."

Kakashi snorted. "I'm willing to bet my left foot that that boy's father is not Yoshi's husband. Besides which, my actions are not really the problem here. If anyone is going to beak up that family, it's Yoshi. And you're really worrying over nothing. I'm just her flavor of the week, that's all. She'll go off me pretty soon, if she hasn't already."

"You mean, you'll stop seeing her?" Sakura asked hopefully, probably feeling more relieved about that than was necessary.

"It was pretty much a one-week stand." He shrugged. "You know how that goes, right?"

Slowly, she shook her head.

"Well…" Kakashi scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah, it's more or less over. So… don't worry about it anyway."

Sakura thought long and hard for a moment. "What the hell's a 'one-week stand'?"

"Like a one-night stand, but it keeps happening," he explained vaguely. "Usually because the sex is fantastic."

There were not many ways you could reply to a statement like that from your teacher, so Sakura kept her mouth shut. But she knew he wasn't exaggerating. After seeing him… 'perform', she knew his level of skill was probably far above her idea of average. She only needed to compare her own sex life with his and it was like comparing an amateur genin with an elite jonin. But perhaps there was more to it than that.

It really wasn't a good idea, and she'd probably kick herself in a moment, but she _really_ wanted to know. "Can I ask you a question?"

He looked down at her with that gaze that said '_you'_. "Mm?" His one opened eye watched her face – her eyes and her lips – as if what she had to say was important to him.

Really, Sakura was beginning to understand what others saw in him. He could flatter a girl without actually saying anything.

"Are the rumors about your sharingan true?"

He straightened ever so slightly. "Oh? Rumors?" he mused. "To which rumors would you be referring to, because I assure you there are quite a few…"

"I mean the one about…" Sakura glanced around to make sure there was no one to overhear. They were the only ones lining up for food and the cook was busy grilling fish, so all appeared to be safe. "I heard that you can… you know… make someone orgasm just by looking at them?"

A crow's foot of amusement appeared by his right eye, and he placed a thoughtful finger over his masked lips. "Is this your subtle way of asking for me to give you an orgasm?" he said, loudly enough to make the cook glance in their direction.

Sakura panicked. "No!" she said quickly. "I was just curious! I would have asked Sasuke, but he'd think I was hitting on him, and he really hates that…"

"So you're not hitting on me?" he teased. "I'm hurt."

"But is it true?" she asked, with a kind of horrified fascination. "Can you really… do that to people?"

"I don't know…" he said lightly. "You tell me."

Quite abruptly his sharingan snapped open and fixed her with a penetrating stare. Sakura sucked in a sharp breath and wheeled back in alarm, nearly bowling into a rack of spice jars. There she braced herself, hardly daring to move or look away from the slowly spinning tomoe that rotated around a blood red pupil.

Tense seconds ticked by.

"Are you in the throes of carnal bliss?" Kakashi asked.

Sakura looked down at herself. "I don't think so…"

"Oh." Kakashi shut the sharingan and promptly tied his hitai-ate over it with the ease and expertise of someone who had been tying the same knot every day of his life. "I must be loosing my edge," he concluded.

"Or you're just messing around with me," she retorted hotly, wondering why her heart was thumping so hard against her ribs. She hadn't _really _believed he could do it, had she? It was one of Ino's rumors anyway, which meant she should have known it was doubly likely to be untrue.

The cook arrived back at the counter with two boxes. "Two salt saury."

"Thank you," Kakashi told him gratefully and took one of the boxes. "Well, I'll see you around Sakura. We have training this afternoon, right?"

"Yes," she nodded. "Please don't forget this time."

"Yeah, wouldn't want to do that. You might come and fetch me again."

Sakura had a feeling her face was doing a rather good impression of a cherry.

Another soft laugh and Kakashi turned and walked out, brushing a hand over her head fondly as he passed her. The contact made a strange shiver of excitement run straight down her spine and into her belly. It startled Sakura. She didn't normally get chills. Not even Ikki had managed to make her body tingle by simply _touching_ her.

It was then that Sakura knew she was in deep trouble.

Firstly, because she was beginning to realize she was developing an attraction to her sensei. And secondly, because said sensei had kindly left her to foot the bill with money she just didn't have.

Sakura gave the cook a strained smile. He didn't return it.

* * *

Sakura was a conundrum. A conundrum wrapped in innocence and topped off with an outer layer of utter batshit insanity. 

She was interesting, to say the least. Half the time he didn't know if she was about to shout at him or suck up to him. After she'd caught him with Yoshi, he had wondered if she would ever be able to look him in the eye again, but it seemed that not only was she able to look him in the eye, certain curiosities had been piqued. She was a strange mixture of naivety and nymphet. Even while she blushed at his crude jokes as if she was appalled that such words could come out his mouth, she edged forward to ask deeply personal questions. It amused him to no end.

She may have aspired to act as meek and pure as Hyuuga Hinata, but inside that girl there seemed to be a tigress with a hunger to rival that of Mitarashi Anko. In truth, it was entirely possible that Sakura was a practicing schizophrenic (well, who wasn't?), as over the years Kakashi had witnessed the passionate creature within Sakura break free on several occasions – whether it was to lash out against Naruto and his silly pranks, or fighting almost literally tooth and claw to protect her teammates. Every now and then that audacious 'inner' persona shone through, challenging Kakashi's perception of this goody little two-shoes. And only Sakura could ask him if he could give people orgasms with a single look and make it sound like an innocent, perfectly reasonable question. From anyone else, it would have been purely suggestive.

This was a good girl and a bad girl rolled into one… or simply two sides of the same coin. Or perhaps somewhere inside Sakura, there was just a bad girl _dying _to break out. He couldn't say for sure he really understood his only female student. He'd long ago come to the conclusion that the purpose of women was to confuse men, and Sakura was no exception. He'd never specifically thought about it, but he had always assumed that Sakura's natural romantic tendencies and great passion for 'love' (an area of expertise that she'd often ranked alongside ninjutsu in terms of importance) would have spilled over into her personal life. It surprised him that rather than the passion-filled girl he'd guessed she would become, Sakura was the kind of girl whose love life held about as much excitement as watching an old woman knit a sweater.

And he just _knew_ that she wanted – and deserved – better.

He felt for her. He really did. He just didn't know how on earth he was supposed to help. Aside from pointing her in the direction of a few higher quality males, there wasn't much he could do, and even then he wasn't too keen on the idea.

It was none of his business anyway, he thought, stuffing another tangy chunk of fish into his mouth. Sakura's problems were her own. Why should he worry on her behalf while there was such a splendid view to appreciate! It was wonderfully peaceful up there on the hokage monument, where Kakashi was happily tucked away in the crevice of his former sensei's ear. There was a birds nest nearby full of squeaky baby hawks (sitting in the Yondaime's sideburns), but they weren't too much of a bother. While they enjoyed their lunch, Kakashi enjoyed his. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, the sky was the deepest forget-me-not blue, and the residents of Konoha were nothing to him but tiny little ants going about there business.

When he finished his lunch, Kakashi dusted off his fingers and leant back with his feet perched on his sensei's tragus. His watch told him that he still had an hour before training, so what better way to wile away the hours with a midday nap and Icha Icha over his face to keep away the glare of the sun?

* * *

"He's late again, you know." 

"I know."

"He's _always _late."

Sakura picked splinters out of the wooden post she leant against with her kunai, imagining that it was Kakashi's back she was stabbing the sharp weapon into. Some might have said this was an unhealthy way to think, but to Sakura - who had spent most of last night dreaming about removing her sensei's clothes – this was a vast psychological improvement.

Naruto milled nearby, rolling a pebble back and forth under the sole of his shoe with his hands stuffed firmly in his pockets. Sasuke was leaning on the post next to Sakura, staring intently at a green rat snake sunning itself on a rock beside a nearby pond. He had an odd hang-up about snakes these days…

They'd all been waiting for over an hour now, but that was nothing particularly unusual. But if Kakashi was as late as he'd been the previous day, it was quite likely that the boys would send Sakura off to go find him. If that happened, Sakura would strangle something.

Naruto sighed loudly. Sakura ignored him. Sasuke picked up a rock and threw it at the snake – missed – and cursed under his breath as it hastily slithered away into the bushes.

"I'm faintly ashamed," a lazy voice drifted over to them, "that I was the one who taught you how to throw."

Naruto snapped upright. "Kakashi-sensei! You're late!" he accused unnecessarily.

Kakashi held up vaguely placating hands, one of which was holding his favorite book. "I fell asleep in a giant ear…"

While Sasuke and Naruto scoffed at what could only be the most outrageous lie yet, Sakura frowned mutely at the ground, wondering what this latest euphemism could mean. She looked up in time to catch Kakashi giving her a passing glance and her scowl darkened. His gaze darted back to her face in a double-take. "What?" he asked blankly.

"I hope you're happy," she said venomously. "I had to give that man my earrings because you skipped out on the bill. And I don't even like saury. It tastes _horrible_."

"Ah? Oh. Yes." Kakashi scratched his throat as he turned vague eyes to the sky. "Well, remind me to pay you back some time."

Sakura was about to open her mouth and point out that past experiences showed that no matter how many times you reminded the man, he would _never_ remember, but by then Naruto had grown too impatient. "What are we doing today then?" he demanded enthusiastically, raring to go as ever.

"Hm? Well after Sasuke's shameful little demonstration, I think it would be wise to dedicate some time to perfecting throwing techniques," Kakashi said, reaching behind him to dig around in his hip pouch.

"That's ridiculous," Sasuke scathed. "I missed on purpose."

"Be that as it may, I want you three to start practicing with these."

Three plain-handled knives landed in the grass at their feet. Sakura picked hers up and regarded it warily.

"Hum," Naruto looked perplexed.

"I don't use tanto," Sasuke said, refusing to pick his blade up.

"Fine," Kakashi said smoothly, "but when one of you three winds up dead in a couple of years because you didn't know how to throw an impromptu weapon accurately, guess who gets it in the neck by the Hokage for not teaching you properly."

A cold wind blew through the clearing.

"Hey, hey," Naruto piped up. "What do you mean 'one of you three'? Sasuke's the one who's bitching, not us!"

"Well, one of you doesn't look like a particularly happy bunny today either," Kakashi said, slanting his gaze over Sakura.

She returned the gaze with the same scowl as before. "This is just my face."

"My sincerest apologies then," Kakashi deadpanned, before taking himself off to the side. "Use the posts as targets, please."

This was more like the old days than it usually was. Normally training sessions were simply about training and keeping up fitness, but occasionally Kakashi seemed to remember belatedly that there was something to be taught. Today he stood off to the side, sitting on the very rock the rat snake had vacated, flipping through his book and voicing occasional tips.

Unused to the light weight of the tanto and the awkward handle that was not at all design for throwing, Sakura's aim wasn't particularly impressive. Naturally Sasuke mastered the weapon irritatingly fast, and after only half a dozen throws he was nailing the target dead on with every flick of the wrist.

Naruto was having slightly more trouble, so Kakashi wandered over to stand behind him, using his hands to correct the boys stance. "You're throwing it like it's a kunai," he told the boy. "It's a longer weapon and it's handle is heavier than the blade so you have to account for the spin."

He moved on to Sasuke, whose jaw twitched when Kakashi's hand moved his elbow. "You drop your arm too fast. Don't get lazy."

Sakura knew it was coming, but she still couldn't stop herself from tensing up as she felt Kakashi draw to a stop behind her, pausing to watch her aim before making a comment. Naturally, under his scrutiny, her stress levels climbed. The result was that the tanto struck the wooden post by the handle and clattered uselessly to the ground.

Stiffly, she retrieved the weapon and prepared to throw it again when she felt warm hands slide down over her bare arms. "You're too tensed," he said, somewhere near her right ear. His voice was low and calm and so utterly delicious that it was all she could do to stop the shiver from rolling down her spine.

It was a vicious circle. While Kakashi's hands gently tried to coax her shoulders into relaxing, she felt them stiffen up even more defensively. And when those same hands dropped instead to her hips to try and modify her stance, she went even more rigid than before.

A soft laugh escaped him. "Seriously, Sakura, loosen up a little. It feels like you're about to shatter."

Well, in a way that was quite true.

He took a step closer to her, enough to feel his chest bump her back. "Relax," he said, warm breath dusting over her ear and neck, so close she could even feel it through the mask. His hands were on her hips, exerting a light pressure on them. "You want to get it right, don't you? You'll never get it if you don't do what I say. _Relax._"

Sakura made a serous conscious effort, but it worked. Slowly her shoulders dropped and her hips loosened enough for Kakashi to turn them. Her heart fluttered unfairly beneath her ribs as his right hand slid back along her arm and closed over the back of hers.

"Keep your wrist stiff," he informed her, guiding her arm back. It would have been a lot easily to concentrate on his words if he hadn't been standing so close. How was a girl supposed to think straight when he practically surrounded her? "Pinch the blade around the center of its gravity. That'll stop it spinning. And when you throw, shift your weight to the left foot. Don't make too big a gesture."

"I know," she said shortly. "I haven't forgotten the basics, Kakashi-sensei."

"Could have fooled me," he said coolly, guiding her arm in the slow throwing motion to show her how it was done. Sakura was paying more attention to his other hand, which was resting nonchalantly against her hip. "You got that?" he asked.

"Uh-huh. Yeah," she nodded quickly.

Kakashi stepped back and gave her room to both breathe and throw. She tried to convince herself that she _didn't_ miss his body heat, but when it came to throw the tanto again, something _awful_ happened.

She missed.

Deliberately.

"You're off today," Kakashi noted, after she'd retrieved the weapon and he was back behind her, using his gentle but roughly calloused hands to arrange her stance and guide her arm.

The second time she missed, he was shaking his head in disbelief. "You're getting worse. Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" he asked, wrapping an arm around her middle to press her back against him and hold her in the proper stance, fingers joining her grip on the knife. With one arm trapping her hips to his, he snapped both their hands forward to let the blade fly. Naturally it hit the target dead-on, but when it came to try again on her own, Sakura found herself unable to stop from deliberately being limp-wristed.

Kakashi seemed bemused as ran his hands over her body again, correcting her stance. "Did you injure your wrist or something? You seem very off."

"Must have," Sakura said despairingly, barely able to admit to even herself that her treacherous libido was enjoying the proximity of a male body too much to throw honestly. It was tragic. She just couldn't stop herself! And when Kakashi's hands moved around her again, her deeply disturbed inner-soul sighed in pleasure and it was all she could do to stop herself from pressing back against him.

She thought she had him fooled at least, until she heard him laugh in her ear and give her hip a soft pinch. "You're not being deliberately naughty, are you, Sakura-chan?" he asked, in too soft a voice for the other two to hear.

Her breath hitched in her throat and she stared unseeingly at the target. "No, sensei," she breathed.

"Good," he murmured. But that one syllable word seemed to hold more sexuality than all of the male pin-ups in Tsunade's office combined. "I think you can manage on your own now."

He left her like a whispering breeze, making her feel cold and exposed and deeply confused. What had just happened here? Sakura blinked at her two teammates, wondering if they'd noticed anything strange about how Kakashi had been standing with her, but unsurprisingly they were too wrapped up in their own tasks. Naruto was jubilantly hurling his tanto with growing confidence and racing back and forth to fetch it as fast as he could throw it. Sasuke was busy attaching an extendable wire to the handle of his blade to save him having to walk to the post to collect it. Evidently that 'lazy' comment by Kakashi hadn't had much impact.

Sakura glanced back at the man in question, but he was sitting back on his rock, one knee bent and deeply engrossed in his reading.

Maybe it was all in her head?

But when Kakashi looked up to meet her gaze and gave her what could only be described as a saucy wink, Sakura knew she wasn't going crazy.

It was far, _far_ worse than that.

* * *


	5. Exchanges by Roadside

_Window_

Chapter Five

* * *

It was the slam of the door that roused Kakashi the next morning. Half awake, his hand reached out automatically to feel the warm indent on the other side of his mattress where someone had been lying only moments ago. Faint perfume lingered in the room and fading heels clicked in the stairwell outside. A pair of forgotten earrings glittered on the nightstand.

She was _definitely_ getting bored of him. Normally at this point he'd be waking up to an encore of last night.

A sleepy yawn worked its way out of his throat as he picked up his alarm clock and tried to figure out what time it was. Apparently he still had half an hour to kill before he was to meet the rest of his team by the bridge. They were due to head back to the gold-mining town that day to try their luck at catching the rogues a second time, which meant he would spend another joyful afternoon sitting in a ditch wishing he'd become an accountant instead.

Kakashi was normally pretty slow in getting up. It took him five minutes to muster the will to sit up, three more to set his feet on the floor where he would sit for a further two minutes yawning and rubbing his fingers through his hair. Eventually he managed to haul himself into the bathroom and under the shower head where he stood for exactly seven minutes and thirty-four seconds debating whether or not to get a new sponge seeing that the current one had turned green around the edges – which he promptly concluded would amount to _effort_ and _expense_ and so put off the idea.

By the time he got dressed, there was still ten minutes to kill, so he went to put the kettle on.

And it was as he was pouring himself a nice cup of herbal tea that he heard a soft sound from his window. He turned, irrationally expecting to see Sakura standing there, possibly with the same stunned expression she was wearing the last time he'd seen her outside his window.

But, sadly, no. It was just his neighbor's presumptuous gray Persian cat standing on the open window's ledge, staring at him balefully from one large orange eye. The other one had been missing for as long as Kakashi had known the creature, and it was a handicap that he could easily relate to.

"Hey, Pussy," Kakashi called softly.

He didn't actually know the cat's name, so he'd dubbed it himself. Let it never be said that a clever man was also imaginative.

When he sat down at the table to drink his tea, the cat dropped onto his bed and strolled towards him to wind itself around his chair leg. Kakashi knew what it was after, and so dipped a finger into his tea and held it out for the cat to lick. Who knew if tea was good for cats? This one seemed to like it at least.

And it may not have been a particularly attractive cat, but Kakashi liked it. With it's squashed nose and single, weepy eye, it was actually pretty ugly. It reminded him of Pakkun in a way, though it wasn't nearly quite as cute as that wrinkly little bastard.

"Kakashi-sensei!"

Kakashi glanced towards the window, the tea cup half-way to his lips. There was no one there, but that voice was unmistakable.

"Kakashi-sensei! Are you up there? Listen, we have to go soon!"

A small smile twitched on his lips. For some reason he felt his morning had just gotten much better. "Is that you, Sakura?" he called back. "Why don't you come on up?"

There was a long pause that was filled with the rattling purr of the cat while Sakura deliberated.

"Are you decent?" he heard her call hesitantly.

"Mm," he grunted, picking up the cat at his feet to stroll over to the window. "You might not want to come up. I'm entertaining Pussy…"

He arrived at the window to see a very red-faced Sakura standing in the middle of the street. Yes, this definitely made his morning _much_ more interesting. "What?" he asked nonchalantly at her spluttering.

"You're such a pervert!" she hissed up at him.

"Why?" he asked, dumping the cat onto the fire-escape where it sprawled inelegantly. "What kind of pussy did you think I meant?"

That girl was now almost as red at her top. It went quite fetchingly with her hair. "You're late, Kakashi-sensei!" she snapped. "We've been waiting at the bridge for over an hour."

Kakashi glanced at his alarm clock. "Could it be you misled me?" he asked it thoughtfully.

Below, Sakura's arms folded in gruff impatience. "We're going to miss our target at this rate. Are you coming or not?"

He waved dismissively at her. "Give me a minute."

She gave him three. Once he'd collected his equipment and taken his time pulling on his sandals, he joined her down on the street, firing a polite smile at her in an effort to placate some of that impatience. Her response was to give an exasperated sigh and look even more annoying, if not a little flustered.

They walked in silence towards the bridge, taking a short-cut through the market that was heaving with mid-morning crowds. Sakura didn't seem to be in a particularly warm and talkative mood, so he took out his book with the intent of catching up on his reading while they navigated their way around the stalls and shoppers.

"I was there earlier," Sakura suddenly said.

"Where?" Kakashi asked, flicking a page over.

"There. At your place. About twenty minutes ago," he responded tightly. "I saw _her_ leaving."

"Snooping is very unbecoming of a young woman," Kakashi said drolly.

Sakura snapped a glare on him. "I wasn't snooping! And I thought you said it was over!"

"Ah," he corrected, "I said it was 'mostly over'. And if you saw her leave, why didn't you announce your presence sooner? You weren't trying to catch me naked again, were you?"

"Stop it!" she hissed. "I wouldn't want to see you naked if you were the last man in the world!" Her voice betrayed a slight tremble which made Kakashi think she wasn't being at all honest.

"If I was the last man, and you were the last woman," he began, "does that mean we would have to-"

Sakura interrupted. "No."

"But the entire human race would-"

"I don't care."

"An entire way of life on the verge of extinction and you'd refuse just because you don't want to see me naked?" he asked, trying to sound hurt.

Sakura sulked thoughtfully. Then she growled, "Fine! Maybe. But the lights would have to be off."

"Wonderful." Now Kakashi had a reason to look forward to the end of the world. He turned a benign smile down on his shorter teammate, but it slowly slid off his face as he watched her profile. She was tugging at her lower lip with a thumb and a forefinger – her hand clearly trembling, though her gaze was intense and faraway. Perhaps he'd gotten her wrong? Yesterday he'd been sure that Sakura was quite capable of playing along to an adult joke or two… but now it seemed that perhaps it was too much for her. She _was _young. Inexperienced. That line he'd warned himself not to cross when he'd seen her so distressed outside the pre-genin academy… well, perhaps he'd lost sight of it for a while there.

Sakura was first and foremost his student, and there were simply things that teachers and their students did not share and talk about like-

"I wouldn't be _that_ averse," Sakura said suddenly, giving him a shy glance. "You seem quite good at it… and… um… yeah."

She tugged even harder at her lip and flushed a deeper red. Once again she revealed a demureness that seemed at complete odds with the words that came out of her mouth. Kakashi shook his head slightly, bemused, and was about to formulate a reply when Naruto's cry interrupted him.

"Sakura-chan! Kakashi-sensei!"

They looked up at the approaching bridge and spotted their two teammates- the blond one waving enthusiastically. Kakashi lifted his hand to wave back in a slightly more reserved way, but as soon as Naruto had turned away again, engaging Sasuke in another bicker, he let that same hand slide down Sakura's back to pass over her rear. The gentle pat on her backside had her squeaking and leaping at least two feet forward. "You're not so bad yourself, I'm sure," he retorted quietly.

* * *

The journey to Asahi seemed to pass quicker than it had the first time. Last time Sakura had been reeling in shock from having caught Kakashi… _that_ way, with _that_ woman. Back then she'd walked well behind the others, struggling between the inability to look at him and the fascinated horror that made her unable to look away. This journey, however, was much more relaxed. She talked with Naruto about the upcoming mergence of the Hyuuga main house with the branch house, and the party that would ensue shortly after. Everyone was invited, but Naruto was undoubtedly the guest of honor, what with being partially responsible for the two houses wanting to unite in the first place. Sakura listened to Naruto rambling on about this, that, and Hinata, all the while stealing surreptitious glances of Kakashi.

"Are you coming, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked him.

"Maybe," he answered vaguely. Sakura didn't think he was much of a party animal.

When they arrived at the gold-mining village they split up into the same teams as before and went their separate ways. Thus began the long, tedious waiting, steeped in a dirty ditch on a hot day with cicadas still bleating incessantly in her ear. Sakura sighed and looked up and down the road, wishing that the bandits would hurry up and attack. She didn't want to have to come back another day and do this all over again.

Kakashi wasn't visible from her position anymore. She imagined he was stowed away in the ditch opposite, reading his book but keeping an alert ear out for any unusual sounds. Sakura flicked overly friendly bugs off her hair and picked at the shiny rhododendron leaves enclosing her hiding place. She was achingly bored. Bored and curious and Kakashi was right there and perhaps it wasn't appropriate to engage in small talk on an important mission, but really there was no harm.

Lifting her finger to her ear, she pressed the intercom button on her radio. "Sensei?"

"What's wrong?" his voice crackled in her ear. "Did you hear something."

"No, sensei. I was just wondering something…"

"Yes?"

"Why Kimura Yoshi?"

There was a long pause before the radio crackled again. "You know, I'm sure we had this conversation yesterday."

"No – I'm really curious," she said quickly, chewing her lip. "Why her? Is she your type or something?"

"My type?" she heard him say, sounding mildly surprised. "I don't really have a type."

Sakura pushed another cicada off her arm. "Well, then…" she began thoughtfully. "There must have been _something_ that drew you to her. What do you like about her? You can't be in it purely for sex can you?"

Silence.

"Can you?" she asked again, a little more meaningly.

"It's very good sex," Kakashi answered vaguely.

"Sensei!" she hissed. "Are you really that shallow?"

"I suppose she has a very sweet forehead, don't you think?"

"No," she replied darkly.

"And she always smells good. I always like that about women."

"Really?" Sakura took a hasty sniff of her own armpit and worried her lip even more. "What else?"

"She's tall. That's always a plus."

_Shoot!_ At five-four, Sakura was bang on average and hardly tall by any means. She'd wear heels, but even a complete imbecile would know that was a bad idea when you spent most of your timing running and jumping and climbing trees. Why did all men seem to prefer taller women? It probably explained why she was getting the dregs. "What else?"

"She's feisty. I like that as well, I suppose."

Sakura snorted quietly to herself before responding. "Isn't that just another way to say aggressive?"

"No – aggressive is what you are. Yoshi's just spunky-"

"I am not aggressive!" Sakura barked suddenly, outraged.

"You are a bit," he said.

"I'm not!" she said sulkily. "I am a complete pussycat."

A muffled laugh sounded from the other side of the road just before the radio crackled again. "Is that so?" he said, amused. "Do you purr like one?"

Sakura's mouth dropped open slightly in surprise. For a moment she didn't know what to say and could only feel her face heat up in embarrassment. She wasn't naïve. She heard the innuendo in his tone, and for some reason it hooked her. Where did that line lead?

"Depends…" she said quietly, "how you stroke me."

The radio was very quiet after that. Horribly quiet. Sakura wondered exactly how far she'd stuck her foot in her mouth and whether or not gnawing off her own fist would alleviate the humiliation. She'd shocked one of Konoha's biggest perverts into silence. Now _that_ was an accomplishment.

She waited with baited breath until his response finally came. "And how do you like to be stroked, Sakura?" he asked, in slow, measured words. The humor was gone from his voice. In it's wake was something dark, adult and far too frightening for someone like Sakura to cope with… so she laughed.

"With the fur I suppose!" she said with forced lightness, quite glad that he was on the other side of the road from her. It was better than having to face him. "So your ideal woman is tall and bitchy, huh?"

And like magic it was back to normal. "I'd hardly say Yoshi was my ideal woman," he said, the amusement returning as if nothing at all had happened. "I was just listing what I liked about her."

Sakura's heart still thumped unnaturally hard. "Then what's your ideal woman?" she asked curiously. If she had ever pictured Kakashi having a type, Kimura Yoshi fit it perfectly – tall, slim, refined and beautiful. Shame about the whole married-with-kids thing.

"She'll have to have interesting eyes," Kakashi said at length.

Sakura shrugged. That was a sweet sentiment – vague, but sweet.

"And appreciate Icha Icha."

"No such woman exists, Sensei" Sakura said bluntly.

Kakashi ignored her. "And a nice smile. That's very important. And kind. I guess… I don't really care about the other stuff."

Sakura sat quietly in her ditch, chewing over his words. She'd asked her previous boyfriends this kind of question before and the answer was usually quite predictable, being that they usually just listed their favorite physical assets. The smarter ones had described assets Sakura possessed. Assholes like Ikki seemed to go on blithely about tall, big-breasted bimbos with tiny waists and toned asses, completely unaware that his girlfriend's hold on his hand was getting painfully tight.

"What about you?" Kakashi asked.

"Huh?"

"You just asked me my ideal woman. It's only fair that you do the same."

"I don't have an ideal woman," she quipped.

"Ok. A man will do."

Sakura sighed and looked up at the large rhododendron flowers waving above her head. "I suppose… I'd like someone who can do their own laundry. Properly. And… someone who knows the meaning of personal hygiene – or just _hygiene_ generally. I like brunettes best, but I'm quite fond of blonds. And I prefer someone who likes to read – _proper_ books, not pornography-"

"But-"

"And I'd like a guy who is interested in what I have to say," she said, on roll now. "Someone who will care how my day went and what happened and won't just grunt at me and ignore me in favor of the television. And I'd like him to be chivalrous too. It's always nice to get a little courteous consideration, and he has to be funny, charming and witty and a good kisser. He has to understand the concept of foreplay and be generous in bed. Dominant but not mean. And he has to last longer than thirty seconds or-"

Sakura cut herself off, realizing too late that once again she may have been encroaching on _too-much-information_ territory.

Kakashi's response was dry. "So, not asking for much, huh?"

"Well, at least I have a good idea of what I want," she huffed. "You – your ideal woman is one with eyes and lips."

"And even then I'm willing to compromise."

"Oh!" Sakura suddenly remembered something else. "And he has to wear a uniform well."

There was a brief, puzzled pause. "How do you mean?"

"Well, there are some people who can wear uniforms and look fantastic and there are others who look completely ridiculous. I'm in the latter group, but I love a guy in uniform – especially ANBU uniform. But if he's chicken-legged it just won't work. He just looks like he's wearing pajamas or something."

"Mm," Kakashi mused thoughtfully. "I sometimes use my spare sets as pajamas."

Sakura just raised an eyebrow, and even though she knew he wouldn't be able to see it, somehow he managed to _hear_ it anyway. "You've never done that?"

"No," she said shortly. "If I were to wear pajamas, I would buy a proper set… with kittens on them."

"You don't wear pajamas?" he asked. "I suppose you're more of a night-gown kind of person?"

Perhaps a week ago – or even two days ago – Sakura would have simply agreed and moved on. But from deep within her bubbled forth that same petulance and daring that had provoked her to fail so dismally during training just to feel Kakashi touching her and standing so close. It was the part of her that recognized this man's sexuality and saw it for what it was… and wanted to respond in kind.

Taking a tremulous breath, she bit her lip. "No, Sensei. I don't wear anything to bed."

On the other side of the road, Kakashi's foot promptly slid off the slimy stump it was resting against. He nearly dropped his book in surprise too, but he recovered. He was sure he'd heard her wrong, and he almost asked her to repeat herself… but no, he knew what he'd heard and he also knew that asking her to reiterate would only embarrass her. This girl was precariously flighty when it came to these things. And besides, he was too busy enjoying the mental picture.

"Stop it," his radio crackled.

"Hm?" he responded.

"Stop saying nothing. I feel like you're picturing it."

A lazy smile spread across Kakashi's face. "I _am _picturing it," he said lightly, intrigued. "Do you always sleep naked?"

There was a slight pause before her hesitant answer came. "N-No… I usually wear panties."

"What kind of panties?" he asked, his voice low but still a little playful.

"Um… well, I have lots of different kinds," she replied bravely.

Kakashi laid his book on his chest and clasped his fingers over his stomach, his interest in this conversation multiplying. "Really?" he murmured, trying to picture Sakura in nothing but a pair of panties. But what kind? Black, white, blue, green? Frilly? Sensible? Like briefs? Or like a thong? He needed _description_! "What kind are you wearing now?"

"I-I don't remember. Hang on a moment…"

She was looking. Sakura was on the other side of the road, lifting up her skirt and peeking down her shorts to check her underwear. That thought should not have turned him on as much as it did.

"They're white," came Sakura's eventual reply, "and trimmed in red with a picture of cherries on the front and little red ribbons on the side."

Kakashi savored the image. "Panties or thong?"

Her voice was quiet. "Thong…"

_Much_ better. Now he could just imagine Sakura getting ready for bed much more accurately, with her slim legs tapering up towards a triangle of red and white cloth. The promise of ribbons made her sound like a delectable gift-wrapped present.

One he was sorely tempted to open.

Kakashi rubbed a finger over his masked lips as he continued to dwell on the image of his semi-naked student. It was a very dangerous and forbidden avenue to go down, but the image was just too tantalizing. No man in their right mind would humor this.

But whoever said Kakashi had ever been in his right mind?

"What about you?"

Kakashi lifted his head. "What about me?"

"I told you what I'm wearing, now you have to do the same," she said quietly.

He smiled to himself. The honest response would be to tell her that he was wearing a rather boring pair of old navy blue briefs with his name sewn into the back. But that just wouldn't spark the imagination now would it? His smile widened as he pressed the radio button again. "_Nothing._"

"Nothing?" Her voice was getting squeaky.

"Are you imagining it?" he teased.

"No!" she said, loudly enough that he didn't need the radio to hear her guilty response. "Don't be a pervert!"

"You're the one who started this conversation," he pointed out, amused. "If anything, you're the pervert."

"I'm not a pervert!" she cried, shocked.

"I don't know," he feigned grim honesty. "You _were_ the one spying on my sex life."

"I – wasn't – you don't – gargh!" The radio went ominously quiet and soon the sound of angry footsteps could be heard behind him. Kakashi turned his head just in time to see a gloved hand lash out of nowhere to smack him around the ear. Non-too-gently either.

The disappeared almost as soon as she appeared, leaving Kakashi with a ringing ear that possibly had a flea in it too. Once again he was left utterly bewildered about his student. One minute she was whispering dirty things in his ear, describing her underwear and damn near giving him a hard-on – then the next, she flipped out and was smacking him around the head. "Feel better?" he asked dryly through the radio.

"Shut up!" she snapped back.

They spent the rest of the mission in silence.

* * *

In truth, Sakura was more afraid than angry. _What if she really was a pervert?_

It was exciting – exciting and _wrong – _hearing her sensei ask what kind of panties she was wearing… and answering. Exciting but mostly wrong.

And she almost could have pretended it was acceptable if he hadn't gone and called her a pervert.

Damn that man, and _damn _that pushy inner voice that spoke without consent. But she couldn't help it. When she heard his voice in her ear using that dark seductive tone she'd never heard before, she couldn't quite believe it was her sensei. She's known Hatake Kakashi for over six years now, but she didn't know this man who flirted and joked and teased. She'd always known he was a pervert. But she'd never known he was a _pervert_.

Not only that, but his perverted ways were affecting her too now. She knew, as they walked back along the dusty road back to Konoha with another failed mission under their belt, that if she didn't keep her distance he would suck her right in to his downward spiral of depravity. Did he know he had this affect on her? Did think it was all a bit of harmless fun? Did he realize that when he pinched her hip and told her he was imagining her in nothing but a thong that her insides turned to liquid and she could suddenly think of nothing other than hot, dirty sex. She didn't even know hot, dirty sex existed outside fantasy until she'd seen him with _that_ woman.

And _god, _she wanted it. She wanted it so badly that she wanted to scream and throw a tantrum at the complete injustice of being an eighteen year old who couldn't attract a decent lover to save her life. While she got dregs like Ikki, Kimura Yoshi got the cream of the crop. And it wasn't fair because Sakura had _definitely_ known Kakashi longer than _that_ woman, so if anyone was entitled to be treated to good sex – it was Sakura.

And then her soul would just die a little inside, because as much as the idea of sex with Kakashi enticed her, it repulsed her too.

She wouldn't go so far as to say he was like a father or a brother to her… more like a former babysitter… or perhaps like a teacher.

When they finally arrived back in Konoha, it was once again late in the afternoon. They were all about to part ways before Naruto called out to Kakashi.

"So are you coming to the union or not?" he called to the man who was just turning to leave.

Kakashi glanced back at him. "Depends. When is it?"

"Tomorrow, at the Hyuuga estate at three."

It was actually at four, but team seven had grown accustomed to giving the wrong time to their leader to make sure he turned up at the _right_ time. It was common knowledge by now that Kakashi's day ran roughly one hours behind everyone else's. Kakashi considered the proposal and nodded. "Yeah, I suppose. If I'm not busy cleaning my sock drawer out or stitching pigeons together."

That meant his answer was roughly between the 'no - maybe' range.

"But-" Naruto began.

"Sorry, I have to go," Kakashi said, winking at Sakura as he added, "My pussycat will be missing me."

Sakura's cheeks flamed up and she stared at the ground. She suspected he wasn't really talking about cats at all…

Naruto looked confused as he watched Kakashi's retreating back. "Does Kakashi-sensei have a cat now?"

Sasuke was pretending not to care so Sakura just shrugged. "Like I know."

"And why did he just wink at you?" Naruto asked her.

"No, he didn't," Sakura snapped. "He was blinking."

"Yes, he did," Sasuke pointed out, flicking at the dirt beneath his nails. "He winked at you, you saw it and then you went red and looked away. Why?"

"Why are all men such bastards?" she responded hotly, though even she knew it was a cheap tactic to avoid answering his question. "Answer me that then we'll take – now excuse me, but I have a dinner date."

"Ooh, who with?" Naruto teased. "Kakashi-sensei?"

It was the kind of joke that could only be born out of pure confidence that it wasn't true. If Naruto thought for even a moment that she was on a dinner date with their sensei, he would probably pop a few Kyuubi tails and go on a rampage.

"Shut up," she muttered and stomped away.

Ino was sitting at the same table as last time, sucking thoughtfully on her milkshake and looking lovely beneath the red glaze of the canopy and the low evening sun. As Sakura sat down she caught a whiff of hyacinths and lilies, telling her Ino had been working in the flower shop all day. In comparison, Sakura yet again felt grubby, rumpled and in dire need of a bath.

But first… "I want what you're having," she said, eyeing Ino's creamy milkshake.

Ino skewed her a narrowed gaze. "A fantastic sex life?" she asked dryly. "Understandable, considering how crap yours is."

Sakura scowled. "I don't have one anymore," she said glumly. "I broke up with Ikki."

"Hah!" Ino bolted upright, her straw flipping up and spraying Sakura with flecks of milkshake. "I knew you'd see sense eventually! I saw him with another girl this morning; you know, the one from root with black hair and blue eyes who can kunai a flea off a dog's back at-"

"Yeah, I know," Sakura mumbled darkly, rubbing a hand through her disheveled locks.

"Was he cheating on you?" Ino asked.

Sakura shrugged. "Probably. He said we should see other people, but it seems like he had her lined up waiting for him."

Ino made a snorting sound and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. At least he's finally gone and we can work on getting you someone better."

"We?" Sakura echoed, before comprehending the rest of that sentence. "Oh – Ino, _no._ I don't want to go man-trawling. I just want to be single for a while with no vomit in my bathroom to clean up or smelly men hogging the blankets."

"Sakura – normal men aren't like that. If you just got yourself a decent guy, you'd have so much fun!"

Why did they have to talk about this? All Sakura wanted was a milkshake and some gossip about _other _people's sex lives to make her forget things like Ikki and his new girlfriend and Kakashi and his naked body. "Ino…" she said wearily.

"How about we try someone older?" Ino suggested, as if they were discussing interior decoration. "I went out with this forty-year-old guy a little while ago, and he certainly knew what he was doing. His stamina was a bit suspect, but really, once was all you needed."

"Ugh… _Ino_!"

"And perhaps someone not really into the long-term situation. I know what you're like. You're so desperate you'd marry the first guy you come across who makes you even remotely happy. All you need is a casual fling with someone good, that's all. Have anyone in mind?"

Sakura rested her chin in her palm and looked away. What would a fling be like with Kakashi? He would certainly be good, but perhaps even he could not work miracles with Sakura. She _was_ especially bad at sex.

It would be a complete disaster anyway.

Why was she even entertaining thoughts of this?

She shook her head. "It's pointless, Ino," she sighed. "Not everyone needs a boyfriend and sex to be validated."

"No, that's true," Ino nodded. "But you're probably one of the ones who does need it. At least then you wouldn't be so depressed every time I talk about sex."

"You _always _talk about sex!" Sakura protested.

"And you're _always_ depressed!" Ino shot back. "Look, I know some guys who would be really good for you. I'll introduce you to them tomorrow at the Hyuuga's reception, ok?"

"Ino, I don't think this is a good idea…" Sakura hedged.

Ino shook her head. "It's not a blind date or anything," she said. "Just meet them and hopefully you'll click with one of them."

Sakura sighed, resigned. Ino would bring those boys whether Sakura agreed or not. The only way to wriggle out was to not go to the reception, but then she might very well find herself blacklisted by the Hyuuga family for rejecting their hospitality.

"Good!" Ino said, recognizing her resigned exhale. "So make an effort, 'kay? Wash your hair, put on some clean clothes - a dress, but not a trashy one - and for _god's _sake, shave your legs."

Sakura's forehead hit the table with a sound thump and a frustrated groan. She was really beginning to dread the upcoming shindig. Trying to remember her table manners for the meal was stressful enough without having to fend of a few of Ino's idea of quality men.

She wondered if Kakashi would come.

Then she wondered why she should care if he came or not. Nevertheless, a large part of her would be glad if he stayed away. But a small, rebellious part of her also hoped he would come, sit next to her at the table, and share another private wink with her.

Sakura then wondered at what point she should start seeking medical attention for what was clearly becoming insanity.

* * *


	6. The Sweetest Smile

_Window_

Chapter Six

* * *

The following morning, Sakura had only one thing on her mind. 

Actually she had several things on her mind (like how on earth she was going to pay her rent when team Kakashi couldn't seem to nail their mission, or how she was ever going to get Ikki's smell out of her blankets, or whether or not her relationship with Kakashi would ever be the same again and exactly how many people knew Ikki had dumped her for an ANBU princess) but there was only one thing she was willing to face that day. The rest could be saved for tomorrow.

Today's worry was purely of _what_ the hell she was going to wear for the Hyuuga's reception. She'd been told the dress code was formal, but nothing too ostentatious. She knew _exactly_ which dress to wear – she just couldn't find it!

After turning her entire apartment inside out and upside down in her search for the elusive green dress, it began to dawn on her that it was simply not there. She checked in her wardrobe, under her bed, and in the boxes that still had yet to be unpacked since she'd moved in. The only other possibility was that Ino had borrowed it without asking – again – or that it was among the things she'd left behind at her mother's house when she'd moved out. It was probably in her old room gathering dust in the closet.

Now, it wasn't that Sakura didn't love her mother (she did, she really did) it was just that sometimes three blocks was just not enough distance in order to truly appreciate their special kind of love. So it was only through sheer desperation that she resigned herself to heading over to her mother's house. It was midday, her stomach was rumbling hungrily and she had half a million worries bouncing around the back of her head. She was just _not_ in the mood for her mother's special brand of overbearing. But she _needed_ that dress.

Sakura turned down the familiar street, heading to the house that she'd lived in most of her life. It was a little worn out compared to most of the neighboring houses. The area was a slightly newer development than Kakashi's side of town, so while it was still out of date and rough around the edges, it held none of the old charm and quaint patchwork quality that Kakashi's place had. This was further out towards the edge of town so there was less activity, less people, and less life.

There were no cats to be seen anywhere.

Sakura rang the bell of her old home and waited, taking a moment to run her finger across the blistering paint along the doorframe. She could still see the chips she'd made with her nails years ago in a fit of boredom like this.

The door didn't open, but she heard her mother's voice. "It's open!"

Perhaps the reason Sakura could be so anal about propriety was because her mother lacked it so completely. She rolled her eyes and pushed her way inside, stepping over the junk littering the entrance to deposit her shoes on the overcrowded shoe rack to the side. She knew this house like she knew the back of her own hand, and she headed to the living room where she had guessed her mother would be.

Predictably, there she was, slumped over a low table with a mug of hot chocolate watching bad soap operas. She was wearing the same house coat that she seemed to have been wearing for as long as Sakura could remember, with her peach colored hair twisted into a disheveled knot at the top of her head. It was eerily similar to how Sakura spent most of her quiet evenings in her own apartment. Only Sakura didn't usually have a cigarette hanging from her hand like this woman had.

"Hi, mama," she greeted, realizing her mother hadn't even turned to look at her yet.

She did then, giving Sakura a measured look and a quick smile that meant she wasn't at all overjoyed to see her daughter. "Oh, hello, love," she said, taking a loud sip of her drink. "What brings you here?"

"Well-"

"You're here for either two things; you want money, or you're guilty that you haven't visited your poor mother in so long and wanted to drop in to have a chat. Since you don't look like you're in the mood to chat, I'd better tell you that I don't have any money. Certainly none going spare."

"I'm just here for some things," Sakura said, getting annoyed. "If I want a guilt-trip I'll let you know."

Sakura turned and stalked up the stairs.

"Oh, sure! Make yourself at home!" her mother called after her sarcastically. "Don't ask permission or anything!"

There was a fine layer of dust over everything in Sakura's old room. Moving around and searching through drawers and closets made her eyes itch and her throat sore. There were some clothes hanging around beneath her bed, but they were old summer things that didn't even fit her anymore. She checked the other rooms but she found nothing else that was hers.

There was, however, an old vaguely dog-shaped stuffed animal sitting on her bed. He, like everything else, was dusty and untouched but he had been her favorite toy growing up and she'd found herself thinking of him and missing him these days. She picked him up and rolled his floppy form between her hands, listening to the beads crunch around inside of him. Stuffing was leaking out from the back of his neck and his button nose was severely chewed, but that was just evidence of how much adoration he'd received over the years.

"Hello, Rex."

On a moment of whimsy, she decided to take him with her.

"Mama?" she asked, coming down the stairs again. "Do you know what happened to that green dress I used to have? The one I got for Eiko's wedding?"

Smoke swirled around her mother's thoughtful face. "I think it was in one of the boxes your father took."

"Eh?" Sakura frowned.

"We split the things up, remember? He took pretty much everything and I got the house. Your dress is probably with him."

Sakura sighed. If there was one other person in the world she did not want to face that day it was her father. Or, more accurately, her father's wife. Whenever Sakura went over there, that woman all but chased Sakura away. If her father happened to answer the door first, she would at least do her damn best to subtlety make Sakura feel as unwelcome as possible in order to make her leave faster.

But Sakura really wanted that dress.

"Ok, thanks," Sakura said, moving forward to lean down and press a dry kiss to her mother's cheek. Her mother made a kissing sound in response, but her attention was already back on the television.

Sakura left the house with a prominent scowl on her face and a stuffed dog clenched firmly in her arms. Now she had to have another shower. There was no way she was turning up to the Hyuuga's shindig with hair stinking of cigarette smoke.

Her father lived with his new wife further into town, near to where Kakashi lived. In fact, he lived literally down the road from her sensei. It was only natural that Sakura wound up walking up the gentle hill past Kakashi's apartment. She wasn't on the look out for him or seeking to pry… it was just coincidence. And if she happened to look up at his open window, it was only in passing as one usually did when they walked past something they knew well.

And if he happened to be sitting in the window, reading his book by the light of the sun, and happened to look up the moment she spotted him… well… naturally he was going to get the wrong idea.

After a moment of her staring up at him and him staring down at her, he spoke.

"Can I help you?" he asked lightly.

"I wasn't looking for you," she replied smartly. "I'm on my way to my father's house to pick up something. Not _everything_ revolves around you."

"I'll keep that in mind," he nodded. "Nice dog, by the way."

"Uh-" Sakura realized what she was holding and awkwardly tried to hide Rex behind her back. She didn't want Kakashi seeing her with something so childish. He might think _she_ was childish. "It's just… some stupid old thing…"

"Is it a dog?" he asked. "It could be an otter, I suppose. Or a horse. It's cute. Is it yours?"

Sakura looked further up the street. She could see her father's house from here. "I have to go," she said to him. "I'm short on time."

He nodded again, understandingly. "Don't let me keep you."

She turned slowly and began walking away, feeling as if his gaze was drilling into the back of her head with every step. Since her father's doorstep was in view of his window, that feeling of intense scrutiny did not let up, even though it was pretty likely he'd gone back to his book by now.

Sakura knocked on the door and waited. She could hear a squalling toddler inside who seemed to be in the middle of a tantrum. Sakura realized too late she'd probably come at a very bad moment, but before she could run away and try again later, the door flew open and her father's wife stood there in the doorway. She looked hassled and flushed with irritation, pale blonde locks falling around her face in disarray. The moment she recognized Sakura, her brow tugged lower and she bounced the pink-haired little girl on her hip with an impatient rhythm. "What?" she demanded, making no effort to mince around her obvious distaste for her husband's previous family.

It was hard keeping cool in the face of such ill-concealed contempt, and Sakura found herself stumbling for words. "Hi, Mayu. I… um… it's just that – is Dad here?"

"He's busy," Mayu said shortly, bouncing the toddler and apparently ignoring the way it was stretching her top in its tiny, angry fists. "What do you want?"

"It's… my dress. The green one. I was wondering if it had found its way here somehow?"

Mayu's tongue clicked loudly in annoyance. "Why would it be here? Can't you come back later? It's really not the time to be-"

"I need it for tonight," Sakura interrupted. "If I could just come in and-"

"No. Wait here." Mayu abruptly slammed the door in her face.

Awkwardly, Sakura shuffled her feet and waited. She chanced a look back up the street to Kakashi's window, and found to her horror that he was still turned in her directly. She looked away hastily, cursing and hot-faced. This was embarrassing enough without someone she respected witnessing it. Her only fortune was that Kakashi _probably _couldn't hear what was being said at this distance and perhaps didn't know realize that this was a pretty ugly encounter.

But 'probably' was the operative word. The sharingan was known to lip read…

A few minutes passed, and just as Sakura was beginning to wonder if she should knock again or admit defeat and walk away, the door snapped open again. Something green was literally tossed into Sakura's face. "There," Mayu said shortly and shut the door again.

Sakura picked the green thing off her shoulder and held it out before her with one hand, the other employed in clasping Rex to her side. It was green, and it was hers, but it wasn't a dress. It was just a skirt. One that she'd grown out of eight years ago.

For a moment Sakura debated knocking again and pointing this out, but she figured that would perhaps be pushing her luck. If she asked again, Mayu would only point-blank refuse that such a dress existed in her house and shut Sakura out again. So instead Sakura dropped the old skirt into a nearby plant pot and sat down on her father's doorstep with a thump. She glanced towards Kakashi's apartment, but his window was now empty. He was long gone.

Now what?

Sakura rolled Rex around in her hands anxiously. So her one dress that might possibly have been appropriate was lost and she had virtually no money with which to a buy a new one. A glance at her watch told her that she had exactly four hours till the ceremony, which just about gave her enough time to run to the Hokage tower, pick up a C-class mission, complete it, pick up her paycheck, run to the shops and buy a new-

Oh, who was she kidding? Four hours was not nearly enough time to do all that. Selecting a new dress would take at least three hours to start off.

Anxiously, she began chewing on Rex's nose, something she did out of habit without thinking while she watched the feet of the people strolling past. There were only a few remaining options. She could always borrow a dress off Ino, but then Ino wasn't quite the same size as Sakura – especially around the bust. Any dress she owned was likely to hang off Sakura's front in the most pathetic way. And did she own anything suitable for a formal ceremony anyway?

Oh, hell. There was always Hinata. She was _bound_ to have something smart and appropriate… but she was even more blessed in the chest department than Ino and Sakura put together. It was unlikely anything she had would fit Sakura either. She'd ask TenTen, but she didn't think she knew the girl well enough. And who did that leave?

_You could always go in what you're wearing now_, she told herself.

_And stick out like a sore bloody thumb? It's social suicide!_ some other part of her answered.

She was right. She would have to turn down the invitation and just go pig out on ice cream and soap operas like her mother and mope about all the fun she was missing out on.

One of the pair of feet crossing her line of vision stopped and turned towards her. It took her a moment to realize she _knew _those toes! Her eyes trailed up from the toes to the legs, and further on up until she came to a mask-clad face that was partially concealed by a glaring orange book.

"Yo," Kakashi said over the top of his porn novel. "You ok there?"

Sakura hastily stopped chewing on Rex's nose and compressed him into her lap, hoping to hide him from view. "I'm fine," she said, unconvincingly.

"Ah," he nodded. "But people who are 'fine' do not sit on other people's doorsteps looking as though they are about to cry."

Running a hand through her hair, Sakura sighed. "I've lost the dress I was going to wear tonight. That's all," she said.

"That's unfortunate," he conceded. "What are you going to do?"

"What _can _I do?" she asked, bemused. "I don't have anything else even remotely suitable. All I have is tatty old work clothes and uniforms."

Kakashi deliberated. "Can't you buy a new dress?"

Sakura shook her head. "I don't have the money," she admitted quietly.

"Well…" Kakashi scratched the back of his neck. "Won't your mother-"

"No."

"What about your-"

"He won't either – not while _she _has anything to say about it," she said, jerking her head toward the door behind her.

Kakashi fell into a thoughtful silence that lasted exactly five seconds. Then all of a sudden he snapped his book shut, pocketed it, and strode forward to offer her a hand. "Come on, Cinderella."

"What?" she asked, regarding his proffered hand as one might regard a severed foot.

"We're going to get you a dress for the ball."

Sakura stared at him. "I told you," she said, flushing with embarrassment, "I don't have the money." It was bad enough having to admit it the first time.

His visible eye creased into a pleasant smile. "Then it's my treat."

Sakura shot to her feet, ignoring his hand. "Sensei – no – that's much too kind – I couldn't possibly-"

"Consider this repayment for all those bills I left you with," he said, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. "I imagine I've stacked up some major debt, huh?"

Sakura's head shook slowly from side to side. "No," she said emphatically. "It's too much to ask of you, Kakashi-sensei. Dresses are expensive and I-"

"Really, it's no trouble," he murmured, shrugging. "You pick, I pay, everyone goes home happy."

There was no arguing with that set, confident tilt of the head. Alpha male wasn't asking, he was _telling. _Sakura really didn't have a choice in the matter and so she fell into step beside him as they headed back into town with Rex clutched anxiously against her breasts.

"Should you even be doing this? Isn't this, like, favoritism?" she asked uncertainly.

"What makes you say that?" he replied airily.

"I haven't seen you offering to buy Naruto and Sasuke dresses lately."

"If I thought for a moment they would be interested, I would offer in a heartbeat," he said in the most sincerest way possible… which for Kakashi was quite transparent. "And what's wrong with favoritism anyway? I can think of many ways in which I prefer you to the other two…"

There was that tone again. That insinuation. Sakura clutched Rex tighter and kept her eyes firmly on the street, though she was painfully aware of Kakashi in almost every other sense. He was too busy looking around at the shops to notice the stiff reception of that comment. "What about this one?" he said, slowing down.

Sakura glanced at the clothes store he'd indicated and shook her head. "Too domestic," she said simply. She didn't really expect Kakashi to truly understand the style boundaries between casual, smart casual and formal. What she was looking for was formal-wear that was casual enough to use on all kinds of occasions. Her old green dress had embodied that perfectly and she doubted she would ever find anything as perfect…

"What about here?" Kakashi said, slowing again.

Sakura shook her head profusely. "That's Suzuki's!" she cried. At his blank look she explained, "It's way too expensive, Kakashi-sensei."

He ignored her. "They do lots of dresses though." He pointed to the window where three mannequins flaunted three lavish frocks that were probably all horrendously expensive. "Cute too."

It was safe to say that all her life Sakura had dreamed of buying something from Suzuki's. She liked to go in and try things on with Ino, but ultimately neither of them were able to afford the extortionate prices, no matter how nice the clothes were. "I'm not sure…" she said anxiously.

Kakashi had already disappeared inside. With a sigh, Sakura trickled in after him.

This was the kind of place where women like Kimura Yoshi shopped daily. Women who spent more time on their make-up than their training. Women who hooked men like Hatake Kakashi rather than women like Sakura who hooked the human equivalent of a soggy, beer-soaked dishcloth.

Sakura moved through the aisles, running her hand over the soft fabrics and delicately stitched lace. She had already spotted twenty items she honestly believed she couldn't live without, but she steeled herself and headed to the back of the shop where the dresses awaited her, along with Kakashi.

"One of these has to do right?" he asked, giving the row upon row of hanging dresses a slightly bemused and overwhelmed look.

"You'd be surprised…" Sakura said darkly, moving forward to start rifling though the hangers. It all still seemed like a terribly bad idea this; to let her sensei buy her a dress, and she wasn't used to shopping with men. None of her previous boyfriends had ever indulged her, and the last time her father had accompanied her on a shopping trip had been when she was a very small girl. Now he had a new small girl to lavish attention on, and all Sakura had left was Hatake Kakashi.

_I've got to find a decent boyfriend_, she thought bitterly, rejecting a cream gown with satin roses clinging to the collar. _A decent boyfriend to fill in this void in your heart that you're attempting to fill with your teacher_.

Sakura paused to look back awkwardly at Kakashi, noticing he was watching her with an amused sort of air. "Don't you want a say?" she asked. "It's only fair since you're paying, right?"

His amused look spread. "Are you asking my opinion?"

Sakura shrugged. She wasn't expecting much. After all, he _was_ a man.

His gaze wandered the shelves and racks thoughtfully as he tapped his chin, then he paused. "What about that one?" he asked. "You can't go wrong with red."

Sakura followed his eyes and spotted the red dress he'd indicated. Her heart gave a little skip as it fell in love all over again, but she forewarned herself not to set her hopes too high. It was mid-length, short-sleeved and high-waisted with a gathered skirt of pleated chiffon. The dark red color was set off by a swirl of paler red, pink and white petals that trickled across the breasts and down the side.

Picking it off the rack, Sakura ran her fingers over the material, marveling at the soft, floating quality of the skirt. Then she saw the price-tag and she reacted as if scorched, shoving the dress back amongst the others.

"What's wrong with it?" Kakashi asked, reaching around her to pick up the dress again. Sakura discreetly shivered as his arm brushed her shoulder. "It would really suit you."

Sakura's look was exasperated. "Kakashi-sensei, that costs the same as a full-priced B-class mission," she muttered. "I can't ask you to-"

"It's no problem-"

"But I _can't-_"

She broke off when Kakashi's hand landed on her shoulder and steered her in front of the nearest mirror, holding the dress over her front. "Now isn't that a pretty picture?"

Sakura's heart thumped in equal desire for the dress _and_ the feel of his body pressed against the back of hers. It was hard to concentrate on the task at hand when he was standing so close and his hand was pressing the dress to her stomach. It was like the training field all over again…

"Sensei, it's too expensive…" she said, giving him a pleading look through the mirror.

She saw him lean down slightly to move his mouth closer to her ear. "Sakura," he murmured. "Don't worry. I can afford it."

_Probably because he's spent most of his life perfecting how to dump his friends with the bill…_

Then things got weird again. The hand that wasn't holding the dress came up to stroke through her hair. Sakura's breath froze in her chest as she watched her sensei lift a lock of her hair to his nose and take a quiet sniff. "Have you been to a bar today or something?" he asked.

"No… why?" she asked breathlessly.

"I can smell smoke in your hair."

Realization along with embarrassment slammed through Sakura. "Oh, no, it's nothing. I was just visiting my mother." With a great deal of conscious will, she extricated herself from Kakashi's touch and ran a self-conscious hand through her hair. "She smokes a bit, that's all."

Kakashi nodded in a slightly vague way, looking at her through his hooded eye. The dress in its hanger dangled from his index finger. "So this one, huh?"

Sakura really didn't have any courage left to keep looking for anything else, so it would have to do. "Are you sure about this, sensei?" she asked. "I really don't want to be a bother…"

"No bother. I expect to be paid back though," he said, turning to head toward the cashier desk.

"With what?" she asked, trailing after him. He knew full well that she didn't have that kind of money.

"Usually with progressively deviant sexual favors," he riposted. "But I'm sure I could think of something else."

Sakura swallowed audibly, trying to ignore the giddy sensation in her stomach that thought repaying him with sexual favors would be a damn fun way of paying debts.

How deviant could sexual favors get anyway…?

Sakura stood meekly back as Kakashi paid for the dress and the woman on the check-out smiled flirtatiously as she wrapped the dress in tissue and sprinkled scented beads in the bag. Something she probably wouldn't have done if Sakura had been the one handing over the money. Apparently the woman was oblivious to the fact that a man buying a size four dress was probably attached to someone already.

And yet, even though Kakashi wasn't technically attached to anyone (Sakura didn't think _that_ woman counted), he was remarkably resistant to charm. His smiles were always warm and friendly, but they were never inviting, and he brushed off the woman's rather obvious attempts at catching his eye with mandatory politeness. He said 'thank you' and 'good bye', and then he turned to Sakura and his smile warmed a little more. "Coming?"

Sakura didn't spare the woman at the check-out any further thought as she followed her teacher out onto the brightly lit street and accepted the bag he offered her.

"This should cover the earrings you lost, right?" he asked.

"And then some…" Sakura replied faintly, still not quite believing Kakashi was capable of this kind of generosity.

"I may have to come to this party, then," he remarked, a single finger stroking his chin. "It would be a shame to miss an opportunity to see you wear a dress I picked out for you."

Sakura's mouth became too dry to comment, so she merely stared at the ground.

"Well…" Kakashi began slowly. "Perhaps not. I'll see you around then, Sa-"

He broke off when Sakura suddenly stepped forward to throw her arms around his middle, her bag crashing against his back and a rather moth-eaten toy dog being squashed under his arm. "Thank you," she mumbled into his chest. The words alone did not convey all the gratitude she felt to him, so in the heat of the moment, all that seemed appropriate was a hug. "Please come tonight."

One of Kakashi's hands touched lightly on her shoulder. "Sure," he said simply.

He didn't return the embrace, but Sakura was glad for that. They both knew that it would be inappropriate. It was one thing for her to hug him, but for him to reciprocate would be far too intimate. There were a lot of other people on the street and should anyone recognize them…

Sakura stepped back and gave Kakashi her sweetest smile. "Thank you," she said again. "I will pay you back, I promise. But probably not with sexual favors."

And then to save herself further embarrassment, she turned on her heel and literally fled home.

* * *

Until that afternoon, Kakashi had not had any reason to attend the Hyuuga's ceremony to end their house segregation. He did not know the Hyuuga family personally, he'd never been particularly interested in their clan dynamics, and why willingly engage in social interaction when he could hide away in his apartment with a good book? 

But then he'd bought that dress for Sakura, and now he really was quite interested in attending her ball for no other reason than seeing her wear it.

The Copy Ninja was not prone to fits of generosity. Why treat others when he could treat himself? Why pay a bill when it could be foisted onto someone else? But today he'd felt a bit sorry for Sakura. All his students were pathetic in their own unique ways. Naruto was a raving idiot who'd spent most of his life being unloved. Sasuke was an emotional fuck-up who still suffered from post traumatic stress syndrome to some degree for what his brother had done to him (and for what he'd done to his brother).

And Sakura was a girl who'd been quietly let down by the people she was supposed to be able to depend on… again and again. For once, Kakashi thought he should intervene.

For a long time he'd thought Sakura was the most normal of the team, and it was only recently that he had realized that this was simply due to the fact that he had never quite understood her. The boys were the ones he could relate to. Like the boys, he'd lost his family early on in life and had struggled with the intense isolation and loneliness this brought. Sakura, on the other hand, still had her family, which he had once figured was a great fortune for a shinobi. In his perspective, to be deprived of a family was just about the worst it could get, and to have a family (_any _kind of family) was certainly better than having none. He'd never appreciated that some families could inflict as much pain with their presence as they could in their absence.

It was during the Haruno divorce that Sakura had burst into hysterical tears on the training field over what had apparently been a split nail. He'd taken the hiccupping girl home at that point and that was how he'd met her mother. It was pretty obvious that the woman was a flake who barely noticed her daughter existed, let alone that she was in a lot of distress. She'd straight off asked Kakashi what Sakura had done wrong, assuming quite unkindly that Sakura had caused trouble. There was a lot of Sakura in that woman; the stubbornness, the aggressiveness, the habit of quirking her jaw to the right when hearing something she didn't like. But at the same time she was the opposite of her daughter in many ways… and Kakashi wondered if it had been a deliberate effort on Sakura's part to turn out as different from her mother as genetically possible.

Where this woman was slovenly, lazy and downright hostile, Sakura was anal, driven, and always did her best to be kind to others. Kakashi had at once sympathized with Sakura, although he had not expressed as much at the time. The woman was critical, abrasive and rude, and Kakashi had felt smothered after talking to her for only seventeen seconds. He didn't want to think how Sakura had managed to cope seventeen years with her.

He didn't know much about Sakura's father, other than the fact that he didn't blame the guy for leaving his wife. Kakashi had seen him once at Sakura's chunin exam, and he seemed to be a painfully average man with dull red hair. He had clapped his daughter's achievements with the enthusiasm of a man sitting through a pre-school recital. It amused him… but he didn't take any of it at all seriously. From what little Kakashi could remember, his own father had always understood and appreciated his son's effort and accomplishments. He remembered the encouragement and the pride from the only man he'd ever looked up to, and it was those memories he clung to with a fierce love. The disinterest his father had developed towards the end of his life had hurt. But it seemed Sakura's father had never taken an interest in the first place…

And in watching Sakura's step-mother remonstrate Sakura on her doorstep, he felt a familiar old pang of sympathy. The woman's body language radiated hostility. Sakura was being blatantly gotten-rid-of faster than Kakashi had ever seen anyone gotten-rid-of before.

So perhaps it was the shriveled black lump of his heart giving a faint pulse of sympathy for the girl that had provoked him into making that offer. He saw that defeated slump to her shoulders and the eyebrows that tilted in the kind of plaintive display he hadn't seen since he'd accidentally kicked Pakkun when he was a puppy. This was a girl in need of a good cheer. If she'd had a boyfriend (a half-way decent boyfriend), Kakashi would have suggested that she coerce him into buying her a new dress. But since she was quite obviously lacking that boyfriend (decent or otherwise), it seemed to fall on him to accommodate her.

It wasn't like he didn't have the money either. After thirty odd years of keeping his wallet firmly padlocked against everyone including himself, added to the not inconsiderable inheritance he'd gained off his father, he could probably buy a hundred girls a hundred high-class dresses and still have a comfortable bank balance. It was normally quite difficult to get the Copy Ninja to part with his money, but the thought of making Sakura happy made it worth every over-priced penny.

He'd been rewarded with a smile too. A special, warm smile that expressed immense gratitude even while her eyes remained wary and uncertain of him. He didn't blame her for being that way with him. He was pretty uncertain about himself most days and undoubtedly she found his behavior disconcerting. But he could see that, even though there was a timid stiffness about her shoulders when she was with him, her eyes lingered on him in a way that was definitely bolder than she realized.

It was the kind of lingering look he usually got off a lady who was weighing him up in preparation of asking him back to her home. And, ultimately, her bed.

So Kakashi decided then and there that he would go to the reception. He didn't bother deluding himself that he was going for any other reason than to see Sakura in that dress he'd chosen for her.

The promise of free food also sweetened the deal.

* * *


	7. Take Me Home

_Window_

Chapter Seven

* * *

"Ok, 'fess up! Who did you have to sleep with to get that dress?" 

"As if I'd tell you my source."

Ino folded her arms, her lips quirking in what could either have been a smile or a feral baring of the teeth. "You know, you surprised me. I was really expecting you to show up in that dreadful little green dress you always wear."

Sakura's hackles were up in an instant. "Careful, pig. Envy makes your face puffy. Did you know that?"

Ino looked ready to tear the very rags off Sakura's body and flee into the night. Her fingers twitched and clasped in irritation against her arms. "Come off it, Sakura! How the hell could you afford a Suzuki dress? What did you do? Solo a B-class mission? Blackmail an Uchiha? Get yourself a sugar-daddy?"

At the last guess, Sakura could feel herself beginning to hyperventilate. She told herself to calm down. One gift from her substantially older teacher did _not _make him her sugar-daddy. Not even after the comment he'd made about sexual favors.

"You're just jealous because I look better than you," Sakura retorted hotly.

"Full of yourself, much?" Ino gave her a withering glare. "Over my dead body would you _ever_ be considered prettier than me. Heck - even my corpse would turn more heads than you."

"Now that's a theory I'd like to test out-"

"Girls!" The argument was effectively stopped short as a hand appeared between them – a hand attached to one Nara Shikamaru. "You're both very pretty. Can we go inside now?"

Ino whirled on him. "Who's prettier? Me or Sakura?"

He stared. "What?"

Sakura whirled on him too. "Go on. It's not a difficult answer unless you think trashy is pretty. Tell us who you think is prettiest."

Shikamaru inhaled deeply, shoulders stiff. "Chouji."

"_What?!_" both girls hissed.

"No – Chouji – he's here. I have to go." Shikamaru apparently wasn't a genius for nothing. He disappeared into the gathering crowd outside the entrance of the Hyuuga's family compound, though Sakura had a sneaking suspicion that Chouji hadn't actually arrived at all. She turned with a scowl to Ino. "Shall we go inside?" she asked.

Ino's smile with simpering. "Let's."

Then they linked arms like perfect friends (because as all good shinobi knew, you kept your friends close, but your bitchy, back-stabbing love rivals closer) and strode down the garden pathway in a fine pair, following the rest of the arrivals into the main dojo where the reception was being held. There were already a lot of people inside, lingering and mingling and laughing together in groups. Sakura's eyes scanned the room, looking for a familiar face while trying to ignore the possibility that she was only looking for one face in particular.

"Oh, Sakura! Look!" Ino nudged her in the side and discreetly pointed towards a large group of guests that seemed to be gathered around one particular man. "That's the captain of the ANBU tracker division. Not bad, huh?"

Sakura looked and wrinkled her nose. He _was_ good-looking, but even at this distance she could recognize an attention-seeker. Besides, he already had about three girls battling for his attention at that very moment – all of them with elaborate hair, jewelry and make-up. It made Sakura slightly self-conscious of her own appearance, as her hair hung loose and wore only a touch of mascara and eye-shadow. She was still proud of her dress, but she wondered if she'd let it down somehow by being the one to wear it.

Sakura had no chance against those other girls, but then she had no inclination either for that matter. "He's not my type," she said vaguely, hoping to get Ino to drop the subject. She began looking in earnest for her teammates, just so that she could use someone as a human shield to deflect Ino's badgering.

"What _is_ your type then?" Ino asked.

Not so long ago, Kakashi had asked that question.

"I mean," Ino amended, "apart from alcoholic vomit-monkeys with the sexual stamina of a squirrel."

Sakura scowled at her, letting her friend know she was not impressed with the joke. "While you may only care about looks and money," she said coldly, "I'd prefer a guy with a good heart and a nice personality."

Ino clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. "You mean, fat and ugly?"

"No, I just mean someone who is thoughtful. Someone who doesn't demand to be center of attention. I'd prefer a humble, quiet guy to a loud, obnoxious guy – no matter how rich."

Ino was tapping her chin. "Hmm, yes," she mused. "Yes, I see now. Rather than the cream of the crop, you'd settle for the social recluse sitting in the corner, reading a book with a pair of glasses and leather patches over his elbows."

"You say that like that's a bad thing," Sakura grumbled. "I'd rather have a wallflower than some snotty pretty-boy. At least I wouldn't have to compete for his attention," she said, giving the young ANBU captain a disgruntled glance. He had all the appeal a girl could ever want, but why bother? It was unlikely he'd ever give her a second glance considering what else he could take his pick of. She'd already played the love rival game for Sasuke, and she didn't want to go through it again for another man as long as she lived.

"Well, I want to see what you'll make of the guys I invited along," Ino said in a devious tone that made Sakura's blood run cold. "One guy's in the ANBU interrogation unit, the other is a jonin teacher and the last guy works with at the pre-genin academy. He's pretty tame and bor – I mean – mild-mannered. I'm sure you'll like him. The other two are almost as strong-minded as you, but I figure you need someone like that to take lead, considering how bad you are at relationships."

"Mm," Sakura hummed, nearly straining her neck as she looked around in vain for her friends. A flash of blond caught her eye, and before Ino could launch into another lecture about Sakura needing to take herself seriously, she raised her hand. "Naruto! Over here!"

He came bounding though the crowd of guests with Sasuke in tow. "Sakura-chan! You look beautiful! Did you do your hair differently or something?"

That was Naruto. His observation skills as a ninja rivaled that of a dead cat. "New dress, Naruto," she said patiently, giving him a little twirl. "What do you think?"

"It's great! It really makes your…" He held his hands in a sort of cupping gesture before his own chest, making her scowl. Not that he noticed. He was too busy looking at her breasts. "I like the bow thing."

He reached out to poke the bow that gathered the dress directly underneath her bust, but she slapped the adventurous finger away. Ino coughed pointedly and Naruto glanced at her, as if only just realizing she was there. "Oh, hey, Ino!" Then after a slightly too-long pause, he added, "You look nice too."

Ino's eyes rolled all over again, much to Sakura's amusement. "Whatever," she said, giving Sakura an annoyed look. "I need to find Chouji before _he_ finds the buffet table and blows his diet. See you guys later."

She drifted away through the crowd and Sakura turned to her two male teammates. "Have either of you seen Kakashi-sensei?"

"No," Sasuke answered bluntly. He seemed to be annoyed for simply being there. Sakura knew he didn't like social gatherings.

"I thought he wasn't coming," Naruto said, confused. "He never comes to these things."

"Oh, right, yeah… never mind." Except she _had _asked him to come and he _had_ expressed an interest in seeing her wear the dress. But since it _was_ Kakashi, there was no reason to expect him to turn up any sooner than exactly one hour late.

She floated through the motions of the reception after that. Hinata approached to thank them for coming, though really she was only directing her thanks at Naruto. Not that he noticed. Her stammering and blushing could annoy the less patient, but Naruto was always kind and polite, as if she was the most endearing person he'd ever met. This probably only worked to worsen the poor girl's infatuation with him, of course.

But there were always worse people to project affections onto. Sakura slid Sasuke a sidelong glance and inwardly sighed. He'd never bothered to humor her or grace her with kind words the way Naruto did for Hinata. Even now he stood there with a slight scowl on his face, obviously annoyed at… well… it was anyone's guess as to what annoyed Sasuke. _Anything_ could annoy that guy.

"Aren't you upset about this?" Sasuke suddenly asked Hinata. "If the two houses join up, Neji takes your place as heir."

Hinata looked startled for a moment at being addressed. She probably found Sasuke more than a little intimidating. "Um, well… I don't mind," she said quietly, looking at the floor. "Neji's more talented than I am, and he deserves the family legacy more than I do. He'll look after it. I-I wouldn't know what to do with it. And besides… if I was to remain the heiress, Father would make me marry another Hyuuga. This way I can marry who I want…"

She flicked Naruto a nervous look at this, coupled with a blush. Naruto smiled back blithely, unaware of the implication. Sakura wanted to knock him upside the head for being so damn _oblivious_. But there was no time for that, because that was when the announcement came and everyone began filtering out of the dojo into a smaller, more private room where the ceremony would be carried out. Sakura took her seat, kneeling on the floor with her two teammates along the front row.

It wasn't the most riveting ceremony Sakura had ever witnessed. But she respected the fact that this very old family was trashing a very old and tedious tradition, and it if it was going to be trashed, it would be trashed in a very old and tedious way. Hinata couldn't have looked more pleased to hand over her title to Neji, and Neji himself looked more or less happy with the plan.

Everyone held a reverent silence as Neji recited an oath to uphold the family honor and legacy for future generations –

Until the door at the back of the room opened with a loud creak and virtually every head in the room turned to regard the late arrival vindictively. Sakura wasn't in the least bit surprised to turn with them and see Kakashi standing there, hands up apologetically as he tried to shut the door more quietly than he'd opened it.

"Late again…" Naruto muttered petulantly at her side.

A small smile touched Sakura's lips as she watched their sensei take his place along the back wall, but it quickly faded when she realized how much her gut was twisting and her heart was pounding. His eye found hers, but before she could gauge his reaction she turned away, chewing her lip.

The ceremony resumed, although Sakura felt distinctly more uncomfortable than before. The sensation of being watched made her shoulders squirm occasionally, and the urge to turn and see if Kakashi really was looking at her was overwhelming. But when sitting at the front of a room full of people keeping very still, her movement would probably be noticed by at least a hundred people. Knowing Kakashi, he was probably leafing through his book quietly rather than staring at the back of her head – which wasn't very interesting to look at – and this paranoia was unfounded. Still, she could shake the feeling…

When the ceremony was finally over, everyone rose to their feet and applauded. Sakura did the same, but the moment she was on her feet she turned and swept the crowd for Kakashi. He'd vanished into the sea of heads. She wanted to go find him, but Naruto promptly grabbed her wrist and dragged her after him down the hall. "Come on!" he urged. "They're serving the food!"

But Sakura wasn't particularly hungry. She gathered a few little nibbles on a plate and, feeling like a complete wallflower, she went to sit on one of the chairs lining the edges of the room, surveying the crowd of gathering guests. There was Ino and Shikamaru helping Chouji to decide what he could and could not eat. Sasuke, looking as if he was taking stock of all the emergency escape routes. Naruto, already on his second helping. Then there was Neji, being congratulated by the rest of his team and – Hinata – also being congratulated by her team.

But where was Kakashi?

A larger body flopped into the seat beside hers. "Yo."

Sakura stiffened. "I didn't know you would be here," she said, with thinly veiled contempt. "How's it going, Ikki?"

There was a faint black ring around his left eye from where Sakura had vented her feelings in quite a satisfactory fashion a few nights ago, and in his right hand was a glass of transparent liquid that she sincerely doubted was just water. "Oh, you know, I'm good," he said, smiling beseechingly at her in what probably would have been quite charming on his soft, sort-of good-looking face, _if_ she hadn't known him. "How are you?"

Sakura shrugged and turned away, deciding then and there to ignore him.

"I've been thinking about us…"

Sakura munched on a rice cake.

"You know, I think I've made a very big mistake."

Sakura sucked her fingers.

"Your dress is beautiful, by the way. You look lovely."

Sakura grunted, more to vocalize her annoyance at having run out of food with which to distract herself rather than to accept Ikki's compliment.

"That girl from root? She was a mistake. We're not seeing each other anymore-"

Here, Sakura laughed. "That didn't take long. What was wrong with her? Was she not willing to clean up after you?"

"Sakura, you don't understand," Ikki said, turning more fully toward her. "I know I'm a mess, but I'm getting better. I've _changed_. I want to change – for you!"

"Are you angling for a matching ring around your other eye too?" she asked testily. "Because I'll be more than happy to-"

"What we had was special, Sakura. Even you have to admit that."

"No," she snorted, giving him a stupefied look. "What we had was _horrible_."

"It was because of the drink! But I promise you, I am _really_ making an effort to put all that behind me."

"Then what's that?" she asked, pointing to the glass in his hand.

"Water. Sniff." He pushed it under her nose and she flinched away. Though she had to admit… yes, it probably was water. Now she felt a little bad for presuming otherwise.

"You're not going to drink anymore?" she asked skeptically. "Since when did you decide this?"

"Since I realized it was wrecking our relationship. And my career. And my doctor said my liver was beginning to fail, but you know… but that's not the important part.. Basically, it was an all-round eye-opener and I've realized what I burden I must have been putting on you."

"Yes, you were," Sakura agreed sulkily.

"And I've been missing you so much…"

Sakura's mouth quirked reluctantly to the side and her scowl softened. "You have?"

"I was letting the drink take control of my life, and I've realized that now and I'm correcting all the wrongs I've committed. The first and most important one being… that I let you go."

_Don't fall for it!_ a small voice inside her warned, and Sakura folded her arms defensively. "You called me 'frigid'," she said, trying to keep the hurt from her voice but not quite succeeding.

"I was drunk," he said apologetically, touching her arm.

"And you were cheating on me with that girl," she pointed out.

"I was still drunk. She was a mistake."

Sakura didn't know what else to say. Her throat had closed up and she could already feel her anger slipping away. She was going to forgive him, but she didn't _want_ to forgive him. She wasn't so desperate that she would sink to taking Ikki back after he'd humiliated her like that-

"Sakura, babe, I love you."

A lump rose in her throat.

"Give us a second chance. I'll show you how much I've changed. I want to make it work this time."

_He only wants you because you did his laundry and made him sandwiches,_ her inner voice told her sharply. _He knows you're the only girl who'll put him with him._

_But he sounds genuinely sorry,_ she told that voice.

_And you're an idiot_.

Sakura didn't want to be an idiot. This was her chance to get the guy back. He'd come crawling back – probably suspecting that she would be soft enough to relent to him – but now the ball was in her court. She didn't want him back. She liked being single and being able to enjoy her free time in her apartment without feeling the gut wrenching anxiety over when her boyfriend would come stumbling through her door, drunk, ungracious and demanding sex she didn't want. So she knew exactly where he could shove that 'love' of his. And she would have told him where that was if another body hadn't suddenly sat down in the seat on her other side with a sigh. She glanced up, her heart instantly thumping hard in her throat. She could recognize the way this man sat down anywhere. Like he _owned_ the chair.

"Sakura," Kakashi said bluntly, "Naruto wants to talk to you."

She blinked. "Sorry?"

"Naruto. He wants to talk to you. Go over and see what he wants."

That was it? No comment on her dress? No private smile? No indication that he had noticed anything below her neck?

"Ok…" She stood up.

Ikki reached for her hand. "Sakura-"

She shook him off. "I'll be back in a minute," she said simply, giving Kakashi a curious look before heading towards the buffet table where she'd last seen him. After a moment's search she found him hovering over a large platter of grilled fish. "Naruto, what is it?"

"Huh?" he looked up at her blearily. Apparently he'd already started tucking into the sake, since his gaze was a little unfocused and he was holding his chopsticks the wrong way around.

"Kakashi said you wanted to talk to me," she said. "He sounded like it was urgent."

"Um… I don't… I don't know." He shrugged unhelpfully at her, and then suddenly brightened. "Oh, hey! Sakura, look, look, look! I'm a walrus!" he said, and promptly shoved his chopsticks up his nose.

It quickly became apparent that Naruto had nothing important to say to her, so what had Kakashi been playing at? She sighed and shook her head, wandering back over to where she'd left her sensei and her ex-boyfriend.

Only, the ex-boyfriend wasn't there anymore. All that was left was her contented sensei staring at the ceiling and rubbing his chin through his mask. A frown tugged low over Sakura's brow as she came to a stop before him. "Where's Ikki gone?" she demanded.

"He suddenly remembered an appointment," Kakashi said in the same unconvincing tone he used when explaining why he was always late in the morning.

"Is that blood on the seat…?"

"…ketchup."

"Right." Her eyes narrowed on him. "I _was_ going to remind him of that appointment, you know. Before you arrived."

"Really?" he murmured flatly.

"Yes."

"Because from where I was standing, it looked as if you were forgetting."

"Well, I wasn't," she rebuked. "I was just building up to it."

"Really?" he said again, as equally disbelieving as before.

Now _that_ annoyed Sakura. "I don't need you looking out for me, sensei," she snapped.

"Looking out for you? Sakura, I have no idea what you're talking about." He stood up and gave her a smile that was probably intended to be patronizing, although it would have seemed perfectly pleasant to someone unfamiliar with the mannerisms and moods of the Copy Ninja. Especially when you only had his right eye to go by.

"If you'll excuse me," he said pleasantly moving around her. "I need to go wet my whistle. See you later."

He said it so conceitedly that Sakura had to wonder if he meant something other than getting a drink. She shuddered. His perversion really was rubbing off on her, because she could now envisage several smutty scenarios that 'wetting the whistle' could be a euphemism for.

By god… she needed a real boyfriend…

* * *

He'd been right, of course, because it was a rare day that the Copy Ninja was ever wrong about anything. She suited red, and her hair went especially well with that rich almost-burgundy color. It really complimented her eyes. 

And her breasts, for that matter, though he told himself he didn't notice the latter so much.

She was beautiful. That wasn't a particularly new revelation because he'd always known she was pretty, but now he looked upon her with a touch of pride. It was almost disconcerting how easily women could switch between their roles. Out on the battle-field, Sakura was a very formidable opponent with her monstrous strength, deadly accuracy and sheer tenacity. It was hard trying to reconcile that Amazon warrior with the dolled up pocket princess before him in her high heels and make-up. She had a disarmingly vulnerable appearance. Disarming, because he knew that while she played the demure feminine role to perfection, she bit like a rabid fox when annoyed.

Which was why Ikki sure was taking his life into his hands by sitting down next to her. Even across the room, Kakashi saw Sakura stiffen and her eyes tighten. Judging from their body language, he was sucking up to her. Cajoling her. And for a while he was confident that Sakura was having none of that kind of bullshit. He felt another pang of pride for her. No student of his would let herself be given the runaround by an ANBU brat who was still wet behind the ears.

Then her eyes softened, and her posture was changing. Ikki had thrown the bait and was reeling her in. She still looked unhappy, but Kakashi wondered if he gave her another thirty seconds, she would devotedly feeding him by hand.

Annoyed at her soft heart, he stalked over there and sat down, made up some excuse off the top of his head that Naruto wanted to talk to her in order to make her leave, and then fixed Ikki with the same look he often gave the sole of his shoe after he'd stepped in a happy little pile of dog business.

The younger man – barely more than a _boy,_ really – gulped, intimidated. Good. This would make it so much easier. "You should go now," he intoned softly.

Ikki's eyes darted after Sakura. "But Sakura-"

"Go. Now." Kakashi repeated, holding up a finger. "And if I ever see you talking to that girl again, I will personally see to it that you are demoted right back down to chunin so fast you'll still be opening your mouth to say 'Hello, Sakura' when they rip the uniform off your back. Got that?"

He didn't bother with trite threats of bodily harm. If you wanted to scare an ANBU, you had to threaten their one weakness – their arrogant, elitist streak. Even better, it wasn't an empty threat. He still held enough sway with the ANBU division captains to boot one upstart brat out of the institution without anyone asking questions. And judging from the pallor of Ikki's face, he knew this too.

"So," Kakashi said, slightly more pleasantly, "are you going to leave now, or am I going to have to stab you in the leg with this chopstick?" he asked, picking up one of the unused sticks on Sakura's abandoned plate.

Threats of bodily harm didn't have to be empty either.

Sakura may not have been particularly happy on her return, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Ikki was no good for her, and he was simply doing her a favor by chasing the boy away – hopefully more quickly and permanently than she would have done so if left to he own devices.

But in the mood Sakura was in, he was likely to have his head chewed off, so he quickly excused himself in order to get a drink and then allowed himself to be trapped by some of his more familiar acquaintances into light chit chat.

He always kept one eye out on Sakura though (which was difficult, as he only had one eye to work with). She seemed to be having a fun time. She chatted animatedly with Naruto over something, and then she caught Ino's hand and the two girls began laughing and twirling in time to the music. Really, girls were strange things. He couldn't work out if those two were the best of friends or if they truly hated each other. Perhaps it was a little bit of both?

At least boys made less mincemeat over it, he thought, glancing across the room to where Naruto and Sasuke were arguing venomously over yet another little quibble.

It dawned on him after a while that he wasn't the only one watching Sakura. A group of boys sat against the wall were watching the two girls spinning each other around in fits of giggles, while several men dotted around the room were eyeing them more discreetly, and some of them even had wives hanging on their arms. Undoubtedly some would be watching Ino, but in his opinion, it was Sakura with her bold hair and cheerful dress that drew the eye. Red was the color of love, passion and desire, and what her dress proposed, her movement, her breathless laughter and spirit promised.

If he hadn't seen it for himself, he never would have believed she was a freezing icicle in the sack.

Then she was off to fetch herself a snack, and naturally, the moment the prey was separated from the herd, the predators moved in for the kill. Kakashi watched with mounting intensity as a man approached her while she was in the process of stuffing a bean dumpling into her mouth. He wished he could hear what was being said. The man _looked_ suave and confident, nice and well-groomed, but then all of a sudden Sakura was shaking her head at him and turning back to the buffet. The predator had been given the brush-of and he retreated.

But no sooner had one gone away unsuccessful than another moved in to try his luck. This one seemed to be closer to her in age, though slightly less confident. Rather than ask her for a dance straight off as the first guy had clearly done, he attempted to butter her up first. His downfall came in the shape of a blond idiot with whiskers who pounced on Sakura and whisked her away to show her something cool that seemed to be growing on Kiba's back. The boy was left at the buffet and Sakura didn't seem to be giving him a moment's second thought.

And yet she gave the time and day for certified moron's like Ikki?

She clearly needed to sort her priorities out…

"Where are you, Kakashi-san?"

"Hm?" he blinked and turned his head to see Kimura Yoshi leaning on the wall beside him. "Right here?"

"Are you sure? You seem a million miles away." She glanced to where his eyes had been only moments before. "You were watching that girl."

A tenseness settled in his chest.

"She's your student, isn't she?" Yoshi asked.

"Yeah…"

Yoshi tilted her head and sniffed. "She's cute. That's a nice dress."

"I suppose."

She knew, or she at least suspected something. But he was confident that she would keep her thoughts to herself. After all, who was she judge the way he watched his student when she was bed-hopping her way through most of the Konoha elite? Yoshi wasn't a gossip. She couldn't afford to be a gossip.

So whatever she thought or suspected, she shrugged off and leaned toward him. "My husband's gone on a business trip for the weekend. I'm free tonight."

"Free?" he murmured, as if he had no idea what she was implying.

A smirk lifted her lips. "Free to fuck your brains out, of course."

"Ah," he nodded. "Of course. Silly me."

"I'll be waiting for you at your place. Take your time. We'll have all night to ourselves."

Now there was something to look forward to. He smirked inwardly as she sauntered away, putting a little extra sway into her hips. The woman was as transparent as hell, but she was as good a ride as any.

This would probably be the last time, though.

Kakashi let his gaze meander back to Sakura. Ino seemed to be introducing her to three men now, and Sakura was shyly smiling and tucking her hair behind her ear like the good demure little woman she pretended to be. He recognized the men. He'd been teamed with two of them in the past and he knew the third as a friend of Iruka's. They seemed to be nice guys. Sakura could do much worse.

She _had _done much worse.

_See? Ino's got it sorted. You don't need to worry about her._

He reassured himself that he didn't need to watch over her and allowed himself to be dragged off by Genma to socialize. In-between snacking on the buffet when no one was looking, he listened to Kurenai bemoaning the trials and hardship of being a single parent. He attempted to reassure her at one point by vaguely mentioning that he himself had been raised by a single parent and that he had turned out alright, but then Kurenai just started looking even more worried.

He looked across at Sakura, just to remind himself again that he didn't need to do any more 'appointment reminding', and spotted her talking with one of the three men that Ino had introduced her to. He frowned a little when he noticed that the man (the one from ANBU it seemed) was plying her with drinks. But Kakashi warned himself not to worry. A little alcohol at a party never hurt anyone.

But as the evening wore on, he _was _beginning to worry. Every time he glanced over at Sakura – which admittedly was more often than could be justifiably dismissed as casual interest – she seemed a little more unsteady on her feet and just that bit cozier with the ANBU. She was laughing at his jokes and touching his chest and he could imagine that the man was probably complimenting her dress as often as possible. The dress that _Kakashi_ had bought. He even plucked at the gauzy overskirt admiringly, which made Sakura giggle and Kakashi's eyes narrow.

He didn't want Sakura to leave with that man, he realized, which seemed to be the way things were leading. Not when she'd had that much to drink.

Time to cockblock. Something he was getting awfully good at doing.

* * *

It was the guy in ANBU that she took a shine to. From the moment Ino had announced her intentions of setting her up with someone, Sakura had been determined not to like any of the men her friend selected for her. But he had a nice smile and lovely hands and whenever she wanted a refill of her drink, he was only too happy to oblige. 

She welcomed the bitter tang of the drink. It relaxed her and loosened her lips. She was in desperate need of someone to take her mind off Ikki and Kakashi and the more she drank, the more she allowed herself to entertain ideas of using the man before her to do just that. He seemed nice. Ino had already given him her seal of approval, and Ino was never wrong when it came to men. She wondered if she took him home with her, would he be able to offer her better companionship than Ikki? As good as Kakashi?

Well, probably not. There possibly wasn't a man alive as good as Kakashi. Although that could just be her limited experience giving her a skewed perspective.

Either way, if she was going to be brave enough to invite the boy back, she needed a little more courage. The more she drank, the braver and more confident she felt. It was only when the room began to spin that she wondered if she'd overdone it a little.

"Want another drink?" her date asked.

"Sure…"

He turned away to get her a refill and the room suddenly pitched to the left. She didn't realize she was even falling until a strong, sure arm caught her around the back and brought her vertical again. "Oopsie-daisie," she heard her savior murmur patiently. "Feeling a bit dizzy?"

"Sensei?" she blinked up at him, surprised to see him there. "Why won't your heads stop moving…?"

The arm supporting her back remained there as her teacher turned to her date. "How much has she had?"

"I-I don't know… three glasses?"

"Of what?"

"Undiluted cranberry juice."

"Shit, seriously?"

"I feel so sick," Sakura muttered, clutching her stomach.

Her date – all three of him - looked concerned. "I can take her home if you like?"

Kakashi's tone was discreetly chilled. "That won't be necessary. I'll take her. Say bye-bye, Sakura."

"Bye-bye…" Sakura waved a hand at her date and allowed herself to be gently steered in the direction of the doors. She felt nothing other than relief to be going home.

When they were out in the cool night air, Kakashi allowed her to walk unaided, though his hand hovered closer to her elbow. Every time she stumbled, he would patiently correct her without a word.

Sakura inhaled deeply, trying to quell the queasy feeling in her stomach. "Thank you," she said thickly. "I think I would have thrown up on him if I stayed any longer."

"You'll just have to settle for throwing up on me instead," he teased. "Are you sure all you had was cranberry juice?"

"I thought it was cranberry juice… it tasted funny though."

"Well, Genma was in the room. It was probably spiked."

"Ah… that would explain why I'm drunk."

"Yes," he hummed, catching her again as she tripped over thin air for the fifth time. "Shame about your date. He looked like a nice guy."

"Figures," she hiccupped. "The first guy to show any interest in me who isn't a pig or a slob is only doing so because Ino told him to. Do I dress trashy or something? 'Cause all I ever attract is trash. The one night I'm wearing something someone else chose, a nice guy wants to talk to me. Huh. Maybe I'm trash, and I naturally attract trash to fill my biological purpose of having little trash babies. My parents are trash so I suppose it follows…"

"Sakura, shut up."

Sakura shut up. Alcohol always made her more likely to blurt the things she normally kept close to her heart. She knew that if she was sober, she wouldn't dare talk like this.

"How many boyfriends have you had, Sakura?"

Oh, damn. He was taking advantage of her. He knew her lips were at maximum flapping capability and he was taking the opportunity to pry. Well, hell, she wouldn't remember this embarrassment in the morning, so why not?

"Four," she mumbled. "Four bastards."

"They were all bastards?"

"Yes. All of 'em," she nodded. "Ikki was a bastard. He never did anything nice for me. I did his laundry and I made him food when we were together because he never took me out. And he humped like a dog."

Kakashi was silent.

"Then before him it was Takeo. I went out with him for a week, and he seemed nice at first, but then after I slept with him, it was all 'Bitch, make me a sandwich' or 'shut up, bitch' and 'what do you know, you're a girl'. He thought because he had this enormous cock, every girl should be throwing themselves at his feet. But he didn't even know how to use it. He thought he wasn't doing it properly unless the girl was crying."

"What did you do?" Kakashi asked tightly.

"Third time he called me 'bitch', I slapped him, he lost two teeth, he walked out the door and that was the last I ever heard from him."

"You should have ripped his cock off."

"I thought about it," she admitted tiredly, leaning against his shoulder and looping her arm through his. It was better than stumbling on alone. "Before him, it was Tetsuya. I don't… I don't remember much about him. He was so boring. I started to hate being around him because he was so boring, so I dumped him after a few weeks. And he could never keep it up, you know? Things would be going well, and then he'd just lose interest. He said he never had that trouble with other girls. Just me. So what was wrong with me?"

Kakashi made a vague sound. "Sounds like his problem more than yours."

"And my first was Shun. He was always really forward and I wanted that, because I didn't have the courage to take the lead. We dated for like three months and he was always nice and funny. I liked him. But then it all went wrong."

"What happened?"

"I gave him my virginity."

"Ah."

"I was expecting it to suck and it really did suck. I mean… _really _sucked. It was all embarrassing and painful enough as it was, and then without warning he was all 'oops, wrong hole'."

Kakashi seemed stricken. "Sakura, he didn't-"

"He did," she said flatly. "Or he tried to, but I kicked him off the bed so hard he was halfway across the room. I just curled up in a ball and couldn't stop crying. We never really spoke after that."

"I see," he murmured, his tone deceptively light and nonchalant. "What was his name again?"

"Ugh… I don't know. Ask me in the morning and I'll even give you his last known address."

Kakashi sighed and disentangled her arm from his to wrap it around her shoulders. "You're right. Your taste in men sucks. You really know how to pick them, Sakura."

"I don't pick them, they pick me," she grouched. "Nice guys who know what they're doing just don't go for girls like me." _Or they're all hanging out in different bars than me._ That was always a possibility.

"That can't be true," he said dismissively.

"Yes it can. I mean, you're a nice guy who knows what he's doing. Would you ever go for someone like me?"

A loaded question for sure, but couldn't help but ask and see how he would respond to it. She glanced up at him and saw he was watching the dark path intensely, as if thinking very, very carefully. Then he said, "If I'd met you for the first time to tonight, I probably would have been intrigued. First by your hair, then your eyes and smile. And your laugh would have sealed the deal."

Her laugh? Ino had once told her that her laugh sounded like a hyperventilating goat. He had to fibbing out of kindness.

"I probably would have cornered you and kept you all to myself for the rest of the evening," he said. "And then I would walk you home. And if you offered coffee, I would accept. And if you let me, I would make love to you all night."

He was doing it again. Making heat curl in her belly and warm her cheeks, saying things a man in his position really shouldn't say. But then, she'd known he would answer like this, hadn't she? That was why she'd asked him. A better girl would have reprimanded him for saying such things, but she couldn't kid herself. She liked the way he teased her and played with her, and by saying nothing she was letting him know it.

The street was empty at this time of night, so she felt safe to lean her head against his shoulder and take pleasure in his proximity under the pretense that she was too drunk to keep her head up. With his arm around her, she could pretend that what he'd said was true. That they'd met for the first time at the party and he was taking her home with the intent to make love to her, and the reason why he was holding her was because they were lovers, and not because she would fall flat on her face after three steps if he didn't.

When they reached the door to her apartment, she almost opened her mouth to ask him whether or not he liked coffee. Fortunately he spoke up before she made a fool of herself.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked.

"Sick," she said honestly. "Sick and dizzy."

It was hard to distinguish concern in Kakashi's face or voice even when she was sober, but she heard and saw it now. "Will you be alright alone?"

"Probably," she said, trying not to sound disappointed that this was where he left her. No coffee for him.

"Or would you like me to come up?"

Sakura pretended to think for a moment. "Ok," she said, like he'd twisted her arm.

But it was a good thing he was there, it turned out, as she stumbled up the steps to her apartment on the second floor. He caught her arm twice to keep her from falling down and breaking her stupid neck. Or nose. Whichever was worse. She thanked him each time, embarrassed that her teacher was witnessing her most clumsiest hour to date. He was the one who'd taught her how to walk on walls, yet she couldn't even walk up a set of stairs. This had to be a disappointment to him.

Though things took a turn for the worse when she moved past her neighbors door. Mrs Godo had been cooking again and the overpowering smell of spices and grease made her stomach roll over in distress.

"What's wrong? You look gray," Kakashi pointed out.

"I'm going to be sick," she warned Kakashi. She could already feel her mouth drying and her throat contracting. "Now."

"Oh."

He was walking her fast now to her door. She was certain she'd locked it on her way out, but Kakashi did something that made it open faster than she could have done with her key. Obviously locks meant nothing to elite jonin.

He hauled her into the bathroom and she fell to her knees before the toilet just in time to relive the party buffet. Kakashi crouched beside her, holding her hair out of her face with one hand and rubbing her back with the other, like helping out vomiting girls was a daily occurrence for him. She didn't want him to see her like this or listen to her heaving, but at the same time she was grateful. Grateful that he was there to rub her back and murmur reassuring nonsense unflinchingly. The few times she'd been sick as a child, her mother had never been able to stomach even standing in the same room as Sakura when she was being sick.

When the nausea finally subsided, she remained hugging the toilet, resting her sweaty forehead against her arm.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

She managed a nod.

"I'll get you some water."

"Thank you."

He led her carefully into her bedroom and left her on the bed as he disappeared to get her a drink. It seemed that no sooner had she flopped face down than he was back and urging her to sit up and take a sip. "You need to replace your fluids."

"I know," she said irritably. "I'm a medic."

"And you'll need to take off that dress."

"Hm?" Sakura blinked at him, confused. "Why?"

"Unless you plan to sleep in it, which I wouldn't recommend. It'll get all wrinkled."

Sakura looked down at her dress and lamented. She quite liked wearing it, but she didn't want to ruin it…

"I won't look," he promised.

Sakura looked up at his collar. "I wouldn't mind… if you did look," she whispered.

She felt rather than saw him hesitate above her, and then he made a soft amused noise. "Arms up," he ordered, and she complied. With a careful tug he pulled her dress up and over her and laid it out on the bed beside her. Sakura watched his exposed eye carefully, waiting to see if he would look. She'd never been exposed this much to him before, and she half wished she'd had the foresight to put on something sexier. Instead she had chosen to wear her old, slightly torn bra, because it was the only one that fit the cut of the dress and made her breasts look bigger than they actually were, along with a pair of black panties with white spots on that she'd chosen for comfort. Ino would have wept to see Sakura's choice of underwear, as the mismatched bra and panties did the dress no justice whatsoever.

But Kakashi's gaze did linger. Quite deliberately too. And the way he looked at her made her feel as if she was wearing the highest class of designer lingerie.

Or nothing at all.

He dragged his gaze back up to her face. "Where do you keep your night clothes?"

"I told you before… I don't wear anything to bed."

"No old shirts or anything like that lying about…?"

She shook her head.

Kakashi sighed and began to unzip his vest. Sakura watched with interest as he dropped it on the floor and then began to pull off his shirt. "Arms up," he ordered once more, and slipped the black skirt over her head.

It dwarfed her. Her hands didn't come anywhere near the cuffs and if she stood up it would probably fall halfway down her thighs. But it was imbued with his warmth and his smell and Sakura hugged herself to savor the sensations. "Thank you," she said again.

"I expect it back in the morning," he warned, now dressed only in his sleeveless nylon vest that seemed to be a part of his mask. "Will you be ok if I leave?"

Sakura looked up at him with wide eyes. "Can't you stay a bit longer in case I get sick again?" she asked. "Unless you have somewhere else to be?"

He shrugged easily. "I don't. It's ok."

Sakura settled down under the covers and Kakashi dragged her desk chair over to the bedside to sit in. "I'm not being a bother am I?" she asked worriedly.

He smiled at her through the dim room. "Don't worry about it, Sakura," he said, withdrawing a familiar book from his pocket. "Just worry about the blistering hangover you'll probably have tomorrow."

"Right…"

She snuggled her head into the pillow and brought her sleeve up to her nose as she closed her eyes. With Kakashi by her side she felt safe, reminded of his presence every time she heard the soft rustle of a page being turned. By then she was so drained it wasn't too long before she was drifting off, thoughts still bouncing around her head like ping pong balls. One thought in particular made her rouse briefly. "Kakashi-sensei, you never said if you liked the dress," she murmured sleepily.

It was a moment before he answered. "I thought you looked beautiful."

Smiling contentedly, she relaxed again and let sleep consume her.

* * *

Kakashi watched his protégé's pink-covered head as she drifted off into a deeper sleep. 

Yes, he did think she looked beautiful. But the dress had very little to do with it.

The glowing digital alarm clock on Sakura's windowsill let him know that it was getting closer to midnight. Right at that moment Kimura Yoshi was probably at his apartment, waiting naked in his bed, and here he was keeping vigilance over a drunken eighteen year old girl.

Some might think it was a no-brainer, but Kakashi knew exactly where he wanted to be; right here next to a sleeping Sakura.

And her underwear drawer.

_Life was good_.

* * *


	8. Akane

_Window_

Chapter Eight

* * *

When Sakura awoke the next morning to the incessant beeping of her alarm clock, the first thing that struck her was the headache pulsing away behind her eyes. The second thing was that it was raining quite hard and her window was a smeary mess that made the houses opposite look like they belonged in a vague, washed-out watercolor painting. The third thing that hit her – or rather, pressed down gently on her shoulder – was Kakashi's hand. 

"Have a lie-in," she heard him say roughly, as if he'd only just woken up himself. "Sleep off that headache."

For a moment she was confused and tried to remember just why Kakashi was in her bedroom with her. Then she gave up and put her head back down, deciding that there was probably a reasonable explanation that she would remember when she got up later. Almost instantly she fell back asleep.

The second time she awoke, her alarm clock informed her two hours had passed. It was still raining heavily outside and the headache still pounded away like a hammer against her brain.

But Kakashi was gone.

Perhaps that was just as well, she thought, slipping out of bed and staggering towards the bathroom. It was embarrassing enough that he'd had to take care of her last night when she was drunk, she didn't think she could live with the shame if he'd stuck around to witness her hangover.

The girl staring back at her in the mirror was bleak-eyed, pale and wan, and the longer she stared belligerently at her reflection, the darker the circles under her eyes seemed to become, and the larger her forehead seemed to grow. Making a soft sound of disgruntlement, she filled her sink with cold water dunked her head in it. If nothing else, it woke her up and snapped her pores shut with a bang.

As she straightened, she realized she was still swamped in Kakashi's black shirt. She remembered him giving it to her for some reason… to keep her warm… to preserve her modesty in his presence… something like that anyway. His scent was still strong, wrapping around her like a blanket of masculinity, as if it was Kakashi with his arms around her rather than just his shirt. She couldn't remember ever enjoying someone else's personal smell like this. Her mother had always stunk of cigarettes, and her father had always smelled faintly of beer, because the only time she ever saw a lot of him was in the evening when he came home from work and treated himself to a lager in front of the television. She used to envy how Ino always smelled of flowers and how Ino's mother always smelled like apples. But Kakashi's smell wasn't like that. It wasn't romantic and sweet like apples and flowers, or anything else that reminded her of other pleasantly fragrant items. Kakashi's scent appealed to her on a much more primitive level. She couldn't put her finger on why she liked it, but when she pulled the collar over her nose and breathed in deeply, she almost wanted to moan. His scent evoked thoughts of darkness and strength and warmth and _sex_, and it mingled with hers almost erotically, and-

Sakura clawed her way out of the shirt before she found herself spending the rest of the day sitting on the bathroom floor, sniffing Kakashi's clothing adoringly. That would do no good, since she had a feeling she had somewhere important to be that afternoon.

Half an hour later, Sakura was washed and dressed ready to go. The first thing she wanted to do was find Kakashi to return his shirt and apologize profusely for being such a slob last night. Hopefully what little she could remember – from the vomiting to the regaling the entire story pathetic story of her love life – was the worst of it. Hopefully she hadn't done anything insanely stupid… like made a pass at him.

Grabbing a brilliant pink umbrella from behind her shoe rack, she headed out onto the street and set off towards the older housing districts where Kakashi's apartment lay. While the rain was heavy, at least there was no wind to blow it sideways and under Sakura's umbrella. Even so, splashing through the puddles was getting her boots and legs thoroughly wet, and she half-walked, half-ran through the streets to her destination, clutching Kakashi's folded shirt protectively under her coat.

His window was closed when she arrived. Through the cascade of water falling from the clogged drain above it, she could see Mr. Ukki pressed miserably up against the glass, like a depressed prisoner longing for the sun. Normally she would have gone straight up and knocked on the window.

However, she'd learnt her lesson about that since The Incident of That Morning.

Instead, Sakura settled for picking up a pebble from the puddle before her and lobbed it at his windowpane. "Kakashi-sensei," she called, though the rain muffled her voice. Even if he was in, he might not have heard her.

She was about to find a second pebble to throw when the window lurched upwards and a ruffled head of white appeared. Without saying a word he lifted a hand, palm up as if to say, '_Yes?_'

Sakura loosened her hold on the folds of her coat and held up his shirt wordlessly. '_I've brought your shirt.'_

He nodded once and held up a finger. '_Be down in a minute,_' and shut the window as he disappeared back inside.

Sakura hugged herself against the chill in the air and looked around. Water was rushing past her feet down the steady incline of the street, turning the gutter into a small river. While she waited for Kakashi to reappear, she watched a leaf swirl away down the hill, carried by the rain water toward the large puddle gathering at the crossroad below. There were people down there. Two adults gathered around a small child dressed in a ridiculously large red coat and hood, probably on their way to school.

It wasn't until the man's black umbrella moved that Sakura recognized them, and she sucked in a sharp breath, wondering if there was anywhere she could hide in case they turned and saw her.

"Nice weather, don't you think?"

Sakura jumped. Kakashi was beside her, looking down the hill at the three people she'd been watching only a moment ago. She opened her mouth to retort that perhaps it _wasn't_ such nice weather, when she caught sight of his own umbrella that he was resting nonchalantly against his shoulder.

It was hot pink and purple and almost as silly as her own. It should have looked completely ridiculous on him, but somehow he just looked too cool to care.

Kakashi glanced at her, genuinely puzzled by her stare. "What?"

"Nothing," she looked away quickly.

"Isn't that your dad down there?" he asked, nodding his head towards the two adults standing at the crossroads below, fussing over their daughter's coat. "And your little sister?"

"Half-sister," she corrected. "Her name's Kaede."

She didn't know much beyond that.

Kakashi gave a sideways look. "Aren't you going to wave or something? They're your family, right?"

Sakura chewed her cheek and said nothing. What would be the point in drawing attention to herself? It wasn't like she had anything to say. In truth, she was probably more familiar with her teammates than she was with her immediate blood relatives. They were certainly more dependable in any case.

But they would never quite be the same as the _family_ she'd once had.

Her father had picked up his daughter now and they were walking away down the street, oblivious to the fact they were being watched. Feeling like a different kind of voyeur, Sakura looked away and quickly tried to distract Kakashi before he wondered why she was reluctant to call out to her 'family'. "Here's your shirt. I thought you'd need it… I didn't know if you had any spares."

But he obviously did, as he was wearing a spare now.

"Thanks," he said, accepting the folded shirt. "That was thoughtful of you."

"And I uh… wanted to apologize as well," she said, forcing herself to go on. "I hope I wasn't a pain last night. I've only ever been drunk, like, twice, and I always seem to wind up embarrassing myself. So if I did anything at all that, um… made you uncomfortable, I'm really sorry. I hope I didn't, but I don't remember much."

"Oh," he said, sounding slightly put-out, "So you don't remember that very flattering, if not incredibly butchered marriage proposal you gave me?"

Sakura's breath hitched. "I didn't-"

"No," he interrupted, before her panic attack could truly kick off. "More's the pity."

Sakura graced him with a cantankerous look. "I wanted to thank you too," she said, although her indignation left her sounding less than grateful. "For taking me home and putting up with me."

His gaze softened and seemed to say '_you'_ in that special way of his. "No problem, Sakura. It was my pleasure. I think I must have a soft spot for you."

Sakura gave a short caustic laugh. "I probably have a soft spot for you too," she said, _what with all the things I let you get away with saying when I would hit anyone else_.

"Really?" Kakashi said, his gaze wandering down her front. "And where would that be, I wonder?"

_Things like _that _for instance_.

Sakura felt her face heat up and took half a step away from him as she cleared her throat. "Don't be crude," she reprimanded quietly, though from the way her heart was pounding, she didn't feel all that angry. And Kakashi seemed more amused than apologetic.

"Was I being crude?" he said with feigned innocence. "Well, thanks for getting the shirt back to me, Sakura." He pressed it to his masked face. "Mm. It smells like you."

Sakura's mouth dropped open, aghast. "I-I'm sorry – I didn't think to wash it before-"

"No, it's ok," he said. "I like it. In fact, I may never wash it again."

It was hard to tell if he was joking or not; simply teasing her innocently or truly saying these things for effect. Out of all the murky haze that was last night, Sakura did remember one thing quite explicitly, even if the context was a little blurry.

"…_if you let me, I would make love to you all night…"_

Kakashi was turning, heading back towards the entrance of his apartment block. Sakura wanted nothing more than to follow him – not that he would let her.

Or would he?

"Sensei," she called, making him turn and cock his umbrella back to regard her from beneath its dripping edge. "Did you mean what you said last night?"

He blinked. "What did I say last night?"

Sakura's fingers twisted nervously around the plastic handle of her umbrella. "When you… when you said you'd make love to me?"

"Ah, well," he shoved his free hand into his pocket and looked out over the rain-washed street. "Only if I'd met you for the first time that night and I didn't know you."

"Oh," Sakura said, chastised. "Is that because there's something about me that puts you off-"

"Don't be putting words in my mouth now, Sakura," he said, cutting her off. "You know perfectly well that I am a gentleman and a highly respected shinobi and I would never make advances on my own student."

"I see," Sakura said, looking at the ground.

"I wouldn't want to be accused of taking advantage of my position."

"I know," she nodded and scuffed her boot against the wet paving.

"So you see, I would _never_ instigate anything with you. Ever."

"I _get _it," Sakura mumbled under her breath. She'd been stupid to ask the question, and obviously she'd misread whatever his teasing over the past few days had meant, but that didn't mean he had to rub it in so much. She felt like the bottom of her stomach was about to drop away.

"If, however," he went on, "I wasn't the one instigating…"

Sakura looked up at him slowly. He was staring at the pink and purple canopy of his umbrella in a thoughtful way as he rubbed his masked chin with a finger. Then he met her gaze and through the rain she saw the ghost of a slight smile. "I'll always be there for you Sakura," he said. "If you need me."

The bottom of Sakura's stomach _did _drop out then. _What was he saying…?_

"Well, anyway!" Kakashi said brightly. "Thanks for the shirt! Oh – and before I forget – you'd better have these back."

He reached into his pocket and tossed her something small and lacy, and for a moment Sakura thought it was a handkerchief. Then she held it up and her throat seized up as she realized what it truly were.

"What were you doing with my _panties_!" she hissed.

"I lent you my shirt. I was just leveling the playing field," he responded lightly.

"You just ­_took_ these because you gave me your shirt?!" she yelped. "I didn't ask for your shirt, you know!"

"And I didn't ask for your underwear, so there we have it." Kakashi was remarkably unfazed as he turned and headed back indoors. "See you tomorrow, Sakura. Remember to be bright and early for our mission!"

Sakura glared at his retreating back and wondered if she should throw her panties at him in spite. But they were one of her best pairs that she only wore on special occasions and slinging them around in the rain was a sure way to ruin them, so instead she settled for yelling, "Pervert!" at his closed door and then ran off in search of a place to hide her underwear before anyone saw her.

* * *

"Pervert!" 

Kakashi sighed as he shook the water from his umbrella and stuffed it into the wrack next to the door. She was quite right, he thought. He _was _a pervert.

But he wasn't a stupid pervert.

From his other pocket he pulled a different set of panties and laid them out lovingly over his folded shirt like a magpie gloating over a new trinket. He suspected this was the pair that Sakura had been describing to him the other day. They were red and white with sweet little bows at the hip – only she'd failed to mention the two cartoon cherries dancing on the front. They weren't nearly as fancy as the pair he'd returned to her, but he liked them all the same (he would have kept both, but the temptation to prod her indignation had been too great; there was nothing sexier than a spitting mad cherry blossom). Sakura wore panties meant for girls at least half her age, which Kakashi found rather endearing and enticing all at once.

Her contradictions continued to perplex him. Just now she'd reprimanded him for making a perfectly innocent comment about 'soft spots' and then moments later had quite blatantly asked him if he'd make love to her.

Sakura's panties may have looked cute and innocent, but perhaps there was a deeper meaning to those cherries than even she knew or realized.

Kakashi brought them to his face and inhaled deeply, taking in the soft scent of washing powder and perfumed drawer liners. But there was no mistaking that these belonged to Sakura. They, like his shirt now, was imbued with her warm, feminine aroma. He'd always liked the smell of a woman, but Sakura had an especially subtle, and teasing texture that appealed to his sensitive olfaction. He could quite happily stand here all day and-

"A-_hem_."

Kakashi opened his eyes and fixed his gaze on the plump, middle-aged woman on the stairs above him.

Smoothly, Kakashi crushed the panties into his fist and pocketed them, even though he knew it was far too late to fool this old bird. "Morning, Mrs Saitoh."

The woman's eyes remained unrepentantly narrowed. "There was a woman for you here earlier this morning," she said. "She left a message for you."

"Oh?"

Mrs Saitoh stalked down the rest of the stairs until she was before him, only just coming up to his collar. Without warning her foot lashed out and caught his shin. Kakashi hissed and moved hastily out of the way. "Ah – what-"

"That's just until she finds some rusty spoons, she says," Mrs Saitoh said brusquely, before picking up the pink and purple umbrella that was still wet on the wrack. "And please see fit to invest in your _own _umbrella, Hatake-san."

The woman slammed out of the building, leaving Kakashi to limp back up the steps to his apartment. Women were cruel, he decided. And heartless. It was safe to say that he'd been 'dumped' by Yoshi, only by now it was long-overdue. Last night really had been his last chance, and he'd squandered it without too much indecision.

This was usually how it went. He'd pick up a woman through some means or another and be satisfied for a while until he grew bored and inevitably began to neglect his responsibilities. Then the woman would go and he'd be perfectly content for a few days or weeks before the itch would return.

But something was wrong.

Kakashi felt it as he climbed the stairs until he crossed the threshold into his apartment and it finally took hold.

The itch was back.

* * *

"Your sixth month review is coming up, you know." 

"I know," Sakura sighed, snapping the plastic of her gloves for lack of anything else to do with her hands.

Tsunade didn't look up as she worked over the cadaver. "You realize you're a candidate for promotion, right?" she said, slicing the skin of the torso away, much to the absolute horror of the green medic assistant beside her. "Once you have over one hundred B class missions under your belt, the board are required to consider you."

Sakura watched the scraping and slicing and the dark, dribbling blood with an indifferent eye. "I had over a hundred six months ago too," she said morosely. "But they said I wasn't a candidate because of my lack of offensive ninjutsu. I told them my area was supplementary, but they don't consider that jonin material."

Tsunade straightened, blowing a stray blonde lock out of her face. In her right hand she held a kidney. "I won't lie to you, Sakura," she said frankly. "The system is set up against medics like you and I, and god forbid you be supplementary _and _a woman. The council want their jonin to be big, strong, strapping young men who can kill an enemy a thousand different ways. They seem to forget that without healers and back up, those strapping young men are twice as likely to need replacing after a few months. Weigh this for me, will you?"

Sakura accepted the kidney and passed it straight to the male medic assistant next to her who was beginning to look extremely pale. "Weigh this?"

Swallowing hard, the assistant wandered off to do just that, holding the kidney out before him as if it might explode at any moment.

"Do you think they'll accept me this time?" Sakura asked as she turned back to Tsunade.

Her master sighed. "Personally, if it was up to me, I'd promote you. You could say that's biased, but I probably know better than anyone else your strengths and talent. You could handle being a jonin."

Sakura's heart warmed to hear such rare words of confidence.

"But it's not up to me, I'm afraid. The council don't know you like I do. They aren't familiar with your fighting style… and they won't have confidence in it. They think being an elite ninja means knowing as many jutsu as possible. The only reason Lee was promoted last year was because Gai threatened to cry if they didn't."

Sakura sighed. "I'd like to see Kakashi-sensei threaten that for me…"

"Worth a shot, right?" Tsunade remarked dryly. "Well, if you really want to impress them and give the council something to think about… you'll need to invest in learning more ninjustu. It's likely Naruto and Sasuke will be promoted this year. It'll be a shame if you don't get in too. Pass the rib cutter, would you?"

Depressed, Sakura turned to the profusely pale and sweating medic assistant. "Rib cutters?"

He nodded shakily and went to fetch them from the equipment cabinet. He handed them to Sakura, who in turn handed them to Tsunade. "Shishou? Can you teach me some jutsu that'll satisfy the council?" she asked.

"I'd love to, but I don't really have the time at the moment. Besides, don't you have another teacher who knows more than his fair share of techniques?"

"You mean… Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura squeaked, her throat tightening for some reason.

"He's still your teacher. Get him to teach you something," Tsunade said as if it was the most simple thing in the world, which it probably was. "He'll probably be happy to oblige you. If he gave away his best move to that Uchiha brat, I'm sure he won't mind teaching you some of the stuff he's ripped off other people over the years. And you're a competent student and a fast learner. I'm sure it won't be too long before the council decide you're up to snuff."

Well, Kakashi _had_ said he would be there for her when she needed him.

And perhaps that offer wasn't just limited to sexual favors (although she was beginning to wonder if that had been a joke, because the more she thought about it, the more absurd it seemed).

"Oh, damn… Sakura, you've got little hands. Could you just stick your hand under his sternum? I dropped my hair pin…"

Sakura obeyed patiently, and as she rummaged around the chest cavity of a dead man, she wondered idly if she should really ask Kakashi to teach her more ninjutsu. It would be asking for one-on-one tuition, and with the current climate between them, that seemed to be asking for trouble.

"If I don't learn more jutsu… do you think they'll pass me over again?" Sakura asked quietly.

"Hmph," Tsunade closed her eyes as if it was an unthinkable thought. "Almost certainly."

Sakura sighed and placed the errant hairpin on a nearby tray. She glanced over her shoulder and sighed again. "Shishou, your assistant's fainted," she said, looking over the medic sprawled on the floor.

"Men," Tsunade said derogatively. "No tolerance for blood."

"Bit rich…" _coming from the woman whose spent half her adult life with a crippling terror of the stuff._

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

* * *

Sakura sipped her hot chocolate, one eye on the wall clock and the other on the television set. Her favorite show was on, but she couldn't muster up her usual enjoyment. Either it was a substandard episode (impossible) or her brain was too full of other matters to allow room for light entertainment. 

She felt bitter and depressed. Here she was, a teenager, sitting at home alone on a Friday night like some middle-aged divorcee.

Like her mother.

All she needed with a packet of cigarettes and a head full of hair curlers and it would be uncanny. A sigh escaped her lips and she took another sip of her hot drink. The show ended and the weather report popped up on screen, predicting lots of unpleasant, stormy weather. Sakura looked out the window at the darkening sky. It was clear for now, but tomorrow night it would probably be raining. And the night after that. Really, this was her last chance for a while to go out and have some fun…

Maybe she could find a new, _decent_ boyfriend tonight?

Sakura decided then and there that she'd had enough. No more moping. No more pretending to be her mother. She'd picked some damn lousy men in her time but that was no excuse to give up. With a little bit of make-up and the help of a short skirt, she might even meet her future husband tonight. Who knew?

It was better to go out there and assess her options than sit at home and wonder if her teacher was the brightest prospect she would ever face… which was, frankly, a very depressing thing to wonder.

Sakura was dressed and out the door in half an hour, but she didn't head for her usual watering hole. It was beginning to occur to her that since all four of her previous boyfriends had been picked up there, the place was a veritable armpit of humanity. She headed for the bar on the corner of the precinct, hoping that this was where Konoha's normal men were hiding themselves. The drinks were more expensive there, so at least she knew the patrons were probably better off.

It was busy when she walked in, but not overwhelming. A couple of people looked up as she entered and a few gazes lingered, which she figured was a good sign. There were no familiar faces that she could see, so she went straight to the bar, slotting herself between an empty seat and a bookish-looking man in glasses who was pouring over a notebook.

"Lime cordial," she asked the bartender sweetly. She didn't want anything even remotely alcoholic since the ordeal of last night.

While she waited, she idly cast her gaze around the room, weighing her options. There were several good-looking men around, but most were already talking to other women. Even then, good-looks were only skin-deep, as Sasuke had taught her. She'd happily take a mediocre man, as long as he had a nice personality.

Hell, at this point she would take anyone as long as they knew what they were doing in bed.

Then suddenly she spied someone that made her breath freeze in her chest and her heart stumble.

He was standing on the other side of the room, leaning nonchalantly against a wooden support pillar with a drink in his hand and a young woman before him. He was talking to her, making her laugh and nodding as she spoke, and all the while rolling a finger around the lip of his glass.

Sakura had no idea Kakashi bar-hopped…

She quickly looked away, angry at herself for having unwittingly chosen this bar – out of all the bars in Konoha (all three of them) – and running straight into the person she'd been trying to run _from_. How was she supposed to straighten out and find a decent boyfriend when the object of her latest misguided affections was standing a few metres away behind her. The bartender deposited her cordial before her, and Sakura anxiously sipped it, dabbling her fingertips in the moist condensation on the glass.

Had he seen her yet? Had he noticed her when she'd walked in and was just playing it cool? Was he staring at her back this very instant or was he too taken by the red-headed woman to have noticed anyone else?

"Excuse me, is this seat taken?" A young man indicated the empty seat next to her.

"Yes," she said tensely. "Go away."

Too late she realized the error of her knee-jerk reaction, and by then the boy was already gone. For all she knew, she could have just blown off her future husband! Hatake Kakashi might have just ruined her life forever!

Not that he realized that, of course. She looked around again to see he was still talking to that woman, although Sakura couldn't say she looked that much older than herself. She was being flirty; batting her eyes and cocking her head coyly, and he was being charming bending his head toward her and probably using his 'you' gaze on her.

From this distance it was hard to tell who was the seducer and who was being seduced.

It wasn't jealousy that burned like a hot coal in the pit of Sakura's stomach. It was more like a sense of great injustice and unfairness, and no matter how much lime cordial she downed, the smoldering lump refused to go out.

It was probably a bad idea to douse it with alcohol, but _fuck it_, it was only a metaphor. "Excuse me!" she waved her hand at the bartender. "Can I have some of the cheapest sake you have?"

He gave her a level look. "How old are you?"

The question threw her, as she wasn't used to being asked at her regular watering hole, and her moment's hesitation probably served to make her look guilty. "Eighteen," she said, and even though it was the truth, she worried that her tone sounded contrived.

"Do you have any ID on you?" the bartender asked.

"No…" she said, frowning. "I'm a ninja. I'm not supposed to carry ID."

"Then stick to the cordials or get a grown-up."

Sakura's mouth dropped open in indignation, and she was about to let loose such a stream of abuse that she would likely find herself barred for life, but _damn it_, she was an adult! But as she sucked in a breath to prepare for the tirade, the man in glasses next to her held up his hand.

"Can I have some of the cheapest sake you have, please?" he asked the bartender politely.

Sakura stared at him, as did the bartender.

"Are you buying it for yourself or for her?" the skeptical barkeep asked.

The man shrugged vaguely. "Do you care?"

Apparently he didn't. As long as the money was passed to him from the hand of someone old enough to have frown lines, it didn't matter. The sake arrived and the stranger pushed it towards her with a faint smile before going back to work.

Sakura was disarmed. "How much do I owe you?" she asked, rummaging in her pockets.

"It's ok. You can be my good karma deed for the day."

She didn't know what to make of that. With him still pouring over his work, he didn't seem that interested in striking up a conversation, so perhaps he really was only interested in getting some good karma. Besides, he was probably much too old for her. Almost as old as Kakashi-sensei, for goodness sake!

Although what was it Ino had said about an older man being more suitable and seasoned…

Sakura glanced around again, keeping a wry tab on Kakashi. He seemed to be getting closer to that girl…

When she turned back, she realized the stranger next to had followed her gaze. "If you've got your eye on the white-haired fellow, I wouldn't go getting my hopes up if I were you," he said pleasantly. "Someone else seems to have already staked a claim."

"Oh, no! It's not like that," Sakura said quickly. "I'm just… he's my teacher."

"Kakashi-sempai's student?" he sounded surprised. "Then you must be Haruno Sakura. He's mentioned you."

"Yeah… you know Kakashi-sensei?" It was Sakura's turn to be surprised.

"I used to work with him," he said. "In ANBU."

"Oh." Sakura deflated. "You're in ANBU." So his sanity was a lost cause then?

"Formerly," he said, shrugging. "Now I'm in research and development."

Well, that was a better sign. "Of?" she prompted.

"Poisons."

"That's funny… because I sort of work in the research and development of antidotes." Ok, so it wasn't laugh out loud funny, but there was a kind of irony about it.

Perhaps this man could be her future husband?

She glanced back over her shoulder, expecting to see Kakashi still cozying up to the red-head, only where he'd once been standing was now an empty space. Sakura's eyes darted around the room, trying to locate him, when a flash of white caught her eye. He was cutting through the crowd, heading towards the door to the restrooms…

… and the red-head was being pulled along behind him by the hand.

Sakura was _quite_ sure people didn't go to the toilet in pairs unless they were both girls. Which meant only one thing…

A nasty burn settled in Sakura's stomach and she couldn't explain why. Perhaps it was simply the notion that even her teacher could get lucky while she still struggled at the first hurdle? Perhaps it was because some random, faceless tart was going to see under that mask – a privilege that wasn't granted to even Kakashi's closest friends and acquaintances? Or perhaps she was merely annoyed at the fact that he was taking off with another woman when only that morning it had seemed like he would be willing to take off with _her_?

_It's none of your business_, she told herself staunchly. _Just forget it_.

Forget _him_.

With a brave smile she turned to the stranger next to her. "I never caught your name."

* * *

Kakashi didn't care for quickies. There was no finesse in a quickie. No time to savor or enjoy or luxuriate. No time for true skill or appreciation. There was just a badly lit, deserted corridor and a stack of beer-filled crates and that would just have to do. 

He would rather have taken her home and spent some time enjoying the fruit of his labor. Not that she'd been a particularly hard nut to crack, but he preferred it when the main act took longer than the foreplay. She seemed to be angling for nothing more than a short, mildly satisfying fumble in the dark, and since it was either that or nothing, Kakashi was in no place to argue. It wouldn't satisfy the itch – because the itch was not for sex. It was for companionship. And it would not be quenched by anything less than a night or two lying next to another warm human body and not feeling so damn _alone _for once.

No, this would not satisfy the itch, but it would do for now.

So Kakashi was far from completely happy as he pushed her up on the crates and, whilst occupying her with kisses, reached under her skirt to yank her pantyhose down her legs. Some might say it was impossible for a man to feel depressed when he was about to get laid, but Kakashi usually managed to succeed where others often failed. He warned himself not to think too much. The girl was beautiful, wonderfully responsive, and had agreed that there were no strings attached. What more could he ask for?

Well, first of all, perhaps a more private venue. Maybe _she _found the idea of sex in the corridor between the restrooms and the brewery to be a naughty thrill, but it just made Kakashi tense. Anyone could come along at any moment, and exhibitionism had never been his thing.

Secondly, a full night and a soft bed would have been much more favorable.

And thirdly, Sakura was there. He didn't want her to be there, but she was. Sitting at the bar talking to one of his former subordinates – a nice guy. The kind of nice guy that Sakura might actually go for and fall for and spread her legs for and-

"Hurry up!" the girl in his arms moaned, fumbling with the buttons of his pants. He obliged, shooing her hands away to unsnap the fastener and push his clothes out the way. She was almost too eager to let him get the condom on, but after a few moments he had the pleasure of watching her contort and gasp as he entered her with a hard shove that jolted her whole body.

"Yes, oh god, _yes_!" Her legs came around his hips, urging him hard against her.

She was responsive, alright. Almost too responsive. Her gaspy little moans came quick with each thrust and he worried about being overheard. It almost too much like hard work, this juggling act of trying to concentrate on both his pleasure as well as her pleasure, as well as his rhythm, and whether or not that tapping noise was just a leaking pipe or someone's footsteps coming closer.

"Don't stop – _argh!_"

Kakashi winced at the growing volume of her moans, and quickly shushed her with a finger against her lips. He tried to remember her name in order to warn her to be quiet, but it escaped him at that moment.

So he settled for burying his face in her neck, nipping and kissing at her throat. She smelled nice, but not as nice as the panties folded in his back pocket. Her moans went quiet as she listened to him whisper the usual textbook dirty-talk in her ear, telling her how hot and tight she was, and how wet, and how great she felt and how special and different she was from anything else he had ever had before. It was all complete clichéd nonsense, but she went for it. And with each punctuated thrust, it wasn't long before she was moving wildly.

"I think I'm coming!" she gasped, throwing her head back as her body began to tighten.

_Damn_. Kakashi wasn't even anywhere close to being done. He didn't want this encounter to stretch too long or else greaten the risk of discovery, but even the sweet clenching of her body alone was not enough at this point. He closed his eyes and tried to help things along with his imagination. He needed something – _anything_ to push him towards the edge. Naked women. Naked women kissing each other. Naked women touching each other.

Naked Sakura.

Kakashi's balls tightened almost violently and he shuddered. "Yes…"

Naked Sakura. Naked Sakura touching herself. Naked Sakura on her knees, sucking him off. Naked Sakura right before him, perched precariously on a stack of crates, moaning as he brought her to orgasm. He could hear her. He could_ feel_ her body squeezing around him; feel her small hands clutching at his vest as she finally hit her peak. He could taste her as his mouth crushed against hers, swallowing the sounds of her ecstasy.

And then he lost it. His hips bucked hard into hers without a rhythm as pleasure roared white-hot through his veins. A name slipped from his lips, and a groan rumbled in his throat. The girl was crying out in his ear, far too loud to be safe, but at that single moment he didn't care because every orgasm was the new best moment of his life.

The rush faded quickly though, as he knew it would, and after a few more afterthought thrusts, he pulled away.

Perhaps he'd separated too fast, because while the girl looked like the perfect vision of a sated, well-fucked female, she also looked slightly miffed. "Akane," she panted.

"What?" He was too busy snapping off the condom to fully attend.

"That's my name," she said. "Akane."

"I know," he lied. He'd forgotten.

"Then why did you call me 'Sakura'?"

"Oh, shit…" he muttered, giving her an apologetic look. "I did, didn't I? I'm sorry. That was incredibly rude of me. You probably think I'm a total asshole."

"N-No," she said quickly, taken aback by his quick apology. "No, I just… well, if you'd _said_ there was another girl, I wouldn't have… well, if you'd _asked_ I could have helped."

Kakashi blinked at her. "What?"

She sat up, and started righting her clothes again. "I used to have this boyfriend who fantasized about Cherry Kobe. You know, the porn star?"

"No, I don't know." Another lie. He did.

"Well, sometimes I would do a henge for him, you know, to look like her. I'm very good at it. I know what it's like to want someone you can't have, and I don't know, but if you want to do this again some time… if you gave me a picture of her, I could do it for you."

For a horrible moment, Kakashi contemplated it. Then he dismissed it. What kind of bastard made his girlfriend look like a porn star for him? And if he asked her to do the same for himself, he was no better.

"That's a cute talent," he told her kindly, flicking her nose. "But I prefer you as you are. It was just a slip of the tongue, I'm afraid. Sakura's my cat."

"Oh!" Despite her assurances that it was ok, she still looked relieved. And then confused. "That's a bit weird though…"

He shrugged. "Think how I feel," he said grimly. "How often does a guy call out his cat's name during sex? I wonder what a psychologist would make of that."

It was a masterful recovery, if Kakashi could say so himself. She giggled at his weak joke and kissed him. "Thanks," she said. "That was really fun."

She really was a very sweet girl, and she reminded him far too much of Sakura. But perhaps that was why he'd chosen her in the first place? He allowed himself to be kissed a few more times before she slid off the crates and finished straightening her clothes. She reached for her purse and began writing something down on the back of an old receipt. "I know you said no strings attached," she said sheepishly, "but if you ever change your mind, this is my number."

He accepted the receipt and looked at the number and the signed name – a name she'd underlined three times for emphasis, just in case he forgot it again. He smiled. "Thanks," he said. He made no promises, but maybe he would give her a call…?

Glowing, she leaned up to peck him one last time on the cheek before whispering a farewell and disappearing down the corridor to the ladies' restroom. Kakashi hitched his hip against the crates and took a moment to just breathe and think. Physically, he was satisfied.

But he wasn't _really_ satisfied at all.

Troubled, he pushed away from the crates and headed into the men's room to clean himself up and check his appearance before rejoining the bar. Lipstick was smeared damningly across his mouth and cheek, but after a few failed attempts at trying to rub it off (the stuff stuck like glue), he decided that the evidence would be hidden beneath his mask anyway.

The bar seemed busier than when he'd left it. The moment he stepped back into the hot, smoke-filled room, he made no mince about automatically trying to seek out Sakura. She wasn't at the bar anymore, and neither was she on the dance floor nor in a booth at the back. She'd gone, and with her, his former subordinate.

Kakashi wasn't sure how he felt about that. His rational self reasoned that this was a good thing, that his subordinate was a good man and a decent lover (by all accounts, not that Kakashi could personally vouch for him) and Sakura wouldn't go wrong by taking him home.

The less rational, more primitive part of his brain argued that she could still do much better.

The Itch suggested she could do _him_.

Kakashi scowled at dark thoughts. It was better to just go home and cut his losses. He hadn't gotten what he'd wanted tonight, but there were always other nights.

And there were _always_ other nights…

* * *

The sky rumbled as Sakura walked home, alone, watching the shining street paving that was still wet from the day's rain. It glittered in the lamplight, almost as if she was walking on water. 

The guy had been nice, but he hadn't been interested really. Sakura suspected he was already attached to someone else and he was just being politely friendly. Whatever the reason for his indifference to her, Sakura hadn't bothered to stick around. She wasn't in the mood to make friends tonight, so she'd excused herself and decided to visit the ladies' room before heading home, feeling that the night so far had been a complete and utter failure.

It was as she was leaving the bathroom that she heard it. Well, heard _her._ Because _she _wasn't being especially quiet.

Further up the corridor and around the corner that led to the brewery, bathed in appallingly dim light, she saw them. She knew it was wrong, and perverse, and voyeuristic, and if he'd caught her once he would likely catch her again, but she couldn't help it. _He_ had made her this way. Made her curious about something that up until the first time she'd seen him, she'd regarded as a silly act that was more embarrassing than thrilling.

Somehow he made it look beautiful. Even in this dingy corridor of orange light and alcohol-soaked concrete, even with them bent over a crate of clinking beer bottles, it was mesmerizing. Kakashi's body moved with purpose, precision, and strength, his face hidden away against the moaning girl's neck. Her face was flushed and damp, and she seemed completely oblivious to everything but the base, primitive act she was carrying out with Sakura's sensei, clutching at him tightly and moaning with each thrust. Was that how girls were supposed to sound? She didn't _look_ as though she was faking, but Sakura had never…

Then something changed and suddenly the thrusts were staggered and intense. Sakura had to look away from the raw intimacy she was witnessing. Too graphic for her. Too erotic. She'd had sex before, but it had never been like this. It seemed completely different to anything she had experience with, and to watch it was unsettling, but at the same time breathtaking.

She wanted to be that girl. She wanted to be the one crying out in pleasure, being penetrated by her deviant teacher. She wanted to feel his warmth and for once know what it was like to be with a man in the prime of his life.

But his arms were wrapped around another girl. The name that slipped from his lips – too faint for Sakura to catch from that distance – was not her own. He teased her, and he played with her, but he would never go this far with her. He would never hold her this tightly, she'd never get to feel him shivering against her with his breath on her neck. Never feel his weight over her or his hardness _inside_ her.

But, _god,_ she wanted it. She wanted it so much it actually hurt.

_This is wrong_, her brain warned, _and you're no better than Jiraiya._

Sakura shied away from the corner, backing away as silently as the circumstances would allow. The last thing she wanted was to be caught a second time peeping on Kakashi's intimate moments. He might start thinking she really was a pervert.

_And aren't you_?

The door to the women's restroom reappeared at her side, and at the sound of laughter further up the corridor that seemed far too close for comfort, Sakura ducked back into the small, brightly lit room. It would be best to hide in there for a few minutes until she was sure Kakashi and the woman were gone and she was safe to exit without running into him. And where better to hide from a man than in the little girl's room?

Sakura sighed as she moved to stand by the sinks, examining her appearance in the mirror. She hadn't gotten a very good look at the woman Kakashi was with, but nevertheless, Sakura was struck with a feeling of inferiority. Her hair was a ridiculous color, it wasn't a particularly fashionable style and she still had yet to grow into her forehead. She supposed she was pretty in a very domestic, common way, but who in their right mind would go for 'pretty' when there were plenty of stunning knock-outs walking around.

The door creaked behind her and Sakura immediately began pretending to wash her hands. Looking up through the mirror, her heart sped up a little to see it was the same girl she'd just been trying to compare herself to. The girl immediately went up to the mirrors to check her reflection, and Sakura scrutinized her discreetly for as man flaws as possible.

She seemed vain, examining herself so closely, but then Sakura had been doing exactly the same thing only a moment ago. She _was_ beautiful, but perhaps from the distracted expression on her face, like Sakura, she was not completely happy with what she saw in the mirror. Sakura doubted she was much older than herself; possibly nineteen or twenty. She was probably the same rank as well.

The girl seemed to notice her gaze and their eyes met in the mirror. Sakura flashed a brief, meaningless smile and went back to pretending to neaten her hair.

The other girl's hands dropped against the sink basin with a sigh. "You ever meet a guy who you _really_ like… but his heart is obviously set on someone else?"

Sakura paused, staring at her reflection with hooded eyes. "Once or twice," she said flatly.

"Just my luck," the girl said, smiling without humor. "I think I screwed this one up before it even started."

Then she turned and locked herself in a bathroom stall and began to cry.

Sakura stood frozen by the mirror, wondering if she should perhaps knock on the stall door and try to cheer the girl up… but it was hard to feel sympathetic when she felt almost as depressed at that girl sounded. In the end she decided it wasn't her place to get involved in this, and quietly left the restroom to head back into the main bar area. To her relief, she didn't bump into Kakashi as she made her way out onto the street and made her way home.

And it was now, as she scuffed her feet across the wet ground and pulled her arms more tightly around herself as the sky grumbled threateningly above her, that Sakura realized she was in serious trouble.

Of course, she'd been saying that for a few days, but only now did she comprehend the full extent of it.

Cutting across a row of shops, Sakura began ascending the steps towards the bridge that arched across the main river running through Konoha. On a warmer night she sometimes liked to stop here and look at all the twinkling village lights reflecting on the calm waters, sometimes with a friend… mostly by herself.

Someone was there now, leaning on the rail despite the churning sky promising rain and storm. Sakura intended to pass straight by, until she drew closer and realized the person was none other than her sensei. He turned at the sound of her footsteps and straightened, looking almost as surprised to see her as she was him. It seemed as if he'd left the bar the very moment he'd finished getting lucky.

"Hello," she said in a quiet voice, hugging herself.

He nodded slightly, moving slowly to stuff his hands into his pockets. Behind him, strings of dotted lights shimmered in the night with the Hokage tower a distant glowing specter beyond. The wide, slow river stretched out into the indiscernible distance beside them.

"You're alone?" he asked softly. His low voice seemed like the most natural sound in the world to her ears.

"Yeah," she said uncertainly, looking behind her as if to make sure. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I saw you with someone at the bar."

Ah. So he _had_ seen her. "That was no one," she said bluntly. "What about you? Where's the girl you were with?"

His head tilted back slightly, like he too was surprised to know she'd seen him. "Does it matter? She's not with me now."

"What was wrong with her?" Sakura asked dryly. "Not married enough for your liking?"

A soft, amused sound escaped him. "Something like that."

Her eyes narrowed on him. "But still good enough to…" she trailed off, not quite able to actually come out and say it. Kakashi remained unmoved, but she knew that he was now aware of how much she knew. Did he know she had actually seen him? Probably not. But his gaze was now scrutinizing.

Shaking her head, Sakura looked away. "You know, sometimes I think you're no better than Ikki. I'm going home," she said stiffly, and started to move past him.

Kakashi's hand landed on her shoulder, stopping her. The warm weight of it burned her, making her whole arm tingle, and Sakura looked up at her sensei with trepidation.

It was a moment before he spoke, as if he was weighing his words very carefully. "Sakura, adults can want, need and enjoy sex. It's nothing to be ashamed of," he said slowly. "When you're an adult you'll understand that."

His hand felt like a searing cattle iron. "I _am_ an adult," she retorted hotly.

"Are you really?" he sounded dully incredulous.

"Yes," she said evenly.

His hand fell away and moved back to his pocket. "Is this the point where I ask you to prove it?"

"And how would I prove that?"

If he hadn't been wearing that mask, Sakura was sure she would have witnessed a slow smile spreading across his face. Immediately she regretted her words and took a step back. "You're a pervert," she said derisively. She was glad it was dark, or else he might have made out how red her face was at that moment.

"Then we have a lot in common," he exclaimed cheerfully.

"No!" Sakura snapped a little too quickly. "I'm not like you. I'm not like you _at all_."

Kakashi merely cocked his head to the side and regarded her with amusement, as if she was nothing more than a child insisting she wasn't tired while yawning at the same time. Sakura waited, but when he said nothing, she drew herself up and looked away to the other end of the bridge. "I have to go home now. We have a mission tomorrow."

He held up his hand in a motionless gesture of goodbye. Sakura turned away and began walking.

"What I said this morning still stands, Sakura."

Sakura didn't stop walking. She only threw him a wary glance over her shoulder and saw he'd already turned away, leaning on the bridge rails to watch the village lights.

Hatake Kakashi truly was a contemptible man. Shameless, perverted, respectable, mysterious, young, wise, old, elusive, serious, facetious… he repulsed her in some ways, and attracted her in others. Nothing about him would ever be simple, and anything between them would be exactly the same.

It just wasn't worth it.

So why couldn't she stop thinking about it?

* * *


	9. Mission Infuriating

_Window _

Chapter Nine

* * *

The cicadas were out again in full force that day. The sun was high, and the clouds were sunken in the valleys below, leaving the sky a crisp blue overhead. Sakura squinted at it, watching a distant shape that could have been an eagle wheel across the blue canvas above her. Not for the first time she wondered what it would be like to be able to fly and look down over everything from such a great height. 

Then she'd drop things like anvils upon the heads of certain masked men…

The radio crackled in her ear. "Hey, you know-"

"Unless you're about to tell me you've seen our targets, I don't care," she snapped back abruptly. "_Don't_ talk to me."

There was a pregnant pause as Sakura snapped off a stem of fern and began stripping off the frilly, pungent-smelling leaves in an agitated fashion.

Then Kakashi asked, "Why?"

As if he had to ask. It should have been obvious that Sakura was not happy with him. She'd been giving him the cold shoulder since the moment they had met at the village gates, and when they had finally arrived at the gold-mining village, Sakura had tried to insist on partnering up with one of the boys instead of Kakashi this time.

Only Sasuke still refused to be alone with Sakura on principle for long periods of time, so he'd declined straight-away. Naruto might have been more willing, only before he could reply, Kakashi had intervened, asking with deceptive innocence what was so bad about his company.

Sakura couldn't very well say, in front of Naruto and Sasuke, that she didn't want to be alone with their sensei for the afternoon because the last time they'd been here, he'd talked her into describing her underwear to him over the radio frequency. Who knew what he'd talk her into this time? She'd die of mortification and Kakashi would die of multiple stab wounds. Not that he didn't deserve multiple stab wounds. It was just better for everyone if she kept her mouth shut.

And with no other reasonable excuse on hand to get her out of the partnership, she'd had to sigh sullenly and accept that she was stuck with him, again.

And now, even when they were alone, he had the cheek to pretend he didn't know why she didn't want to speak to him. Well, if he wasn't aware he was a fickle, philandering bastard, he would have to figure that out on his own. She would _not_ make it easy for him.

"Why?" she repeated. "Because we're on a mission. We should have our full attention on the road, not on each other – I mean – w-we shouldn't talk."

"You didn't seem to mind that too much last time we were here. I seem to remember you being _quite_ talkative then."

Sakura's ears burned. He could only have been alluding to her panty description. "This mission is important. We shouldn't get sidetracked," she said, hoping that the more often she said it, the more likely it was to mean something.

"Nothing wrong with getting sidetracked from time to time…"

God, this man could make anything sound dirty. It seemed like all he ever did now was speak in euphemisms… or perhaps it was Sakura's mind spending too much time in the gutter again?

Another quarter of an hour slipped past. The sprig of her fern in her hands had been soundly stripped and demolished, and now Sakura was running out of vegetation to destroy. The road was so quiet that a herd of small deer were feeling brave enough to wander across it, nibbling at the roadside weeds. Sakura relaxed. If the targets came this way, the deer would be the first to let her know.

It was quiet, Kakashi was engrossed in his book, and there was simply no time like the present.

"Sensei…?"

"Mm."

"My performance review is coming up… Tsunade-shishou says I'm a candidate for promotion."

"Mm."

"But… she thinks I don't have enough stock jutsu."

"Mm."

"So… could you perhaps, if you have time, teach me some of yours? I mean, everyone says you have over a thousand, and I only need a few, just to convince the examiners that I'm not completely useless."

"Mm," he hummed back through the radio. "I suppose so."

_Yes_! Sakura inwardly pumped her fist.

"On one condition."

Sakura paused. "Pardon?"

"On one condition."

"Hang on, that's not how it works. You're my teacher. You're supposed to teach me things," she pointed out. "For free."

"Take it or leave it, Sakura."

"What – but that's – you're being unreasonable!" she hissed, struggling to keep her voice down. "Seeing as how you _stole_ the majority of your moves, I don't see where you get off being so stingy about hoarding them all to your-"

"I'm not being stingy," he said calmly. "I'll quite happily impart my wisdom to you. I just think things should be equal. Hence, my condition."

Sakura ground her teeth for a moment, before eventually asking in clipped tones, "What condition would that be?"

"For every justu I teach you, you have to do something for me in return."

The fine hairs along Sakura's arms prickled warningly. Someone with a slightly less than pure mind might choose to take that comment to mean something rather seedy indeed. Inner Sakura warned her that she knew _exactly_ what he meant.

Outer Sakura played dumb. "Like what?" she asked quietly.

"I haven't quite decided yet," was the response. "But I was thinking-"

The radio cut off abruptly as a faint tremor shook the road, rattling the trees and their leaves and blissfully hushing the cicadas for a moment. The deer grazing on the road took off into the forest like little brown rockets.

Sakura heaved herself out of the ditch and onto the road. "What was that?" she called.

Kakashi dropped down from a tree a few feet away. He looked around for a moment and then pointed up the tree-covered slope behind her. "Look there."

A plume of smoke was rising above the summit of the ridge, faint, wispy and far away, but definitely out of the ordinary. "Sensei – I think the boys-"

"Then let's go."

They took off through the trees, tearing through foliage, jumping over forest debris and ducking under low-hanging branches. As they ran, Kakashi tried the radio. Sakura estimated that the boys were at least half a mile away, which would normally put them within range of the radio, but in the mountains the signals were weak, bouncing around the valleys like ping pong balls. As Kakashi called their names into his earpiece, all that returned was static. Sakura hoped this was simply because of the poor signal than a sign of trouble.

After all, this _was_ Naruto and Sasuke. It would be a rare day that anyone ever got the upper hand on either of them, even if they were sorely outnumbered.

When they reached the summit of the ridge, Sakura looked down and spotted the thin, winding path of the road below that meandered like a pale snake through the slope carpeted in green. The plume of smoke had almost faded completely, but its origin was unmistakable; it was probably that rather noticeable crater in the middle of the road.

Kakashi was naturally faster than her and he was pulling ahead. It was neither the time nor place, but Sakura found her eyes drawn to him. Name his backside in particular, but really, in action, Hatake Kakashi was a very fine figure of a man. Slender, but not thin; muscled, but only enough to make him lean. The perfect balance of a man built for speed and silent strength. In truth, it was hard to find a ninja who wasn't in the peak of physical condition, but something about Kakashi's proportions just made her want to growl and-

For a split second she saw Kakashi hesitate and look back at her. The next thing she knew, the wind was knocked out of her as he bowled her sideways.

They rolled down the slope together for a few metres before thumping to a halt at the base of an old maple tree. Kakashi was looking back up the slope, but he was making no move to get up. It didn't appear they were under attack otherwise he would be up and fighting by now.

When Sakura managed to force air back into her lungs, she punched his shoulder angrily. "What are you doing?" she wheezed. "You could have killed me."

"You were about to put your foot straight through a wasp's nest," he pointed out, bemused. "Didn't you notice?"

Sakura paused. No, she hadn't noticed. All she had been noticing at that moment had been his biceps….

…which were now braced on either side of her shoulders.

"I noticed!" she lied, safe in the knowledge that he would never be able to prove otherwise. "You didn't have to bother trying to break my neck in order to save me from a couple of bees."

He seemed to contrive to look suitably misunderstood as he got to his feet and pulled her up after him. "I just didn't want to risk an inch of that pretty skin of yours to a nest of angry wasps," he said cheerfully, sliding his hands down her arms and up again to her shoulders in what was probably meant to be a comforting, affectionate gesture.

Sakura couldn't help but feel there was more to it than that. Something about the fingers lingered on her fractionally too long, and the way his gaze wandered unnecessarily across her face before he turned away and started back down the slope.

Sakura took a deep breath and mentally gave herself a firm shake. This wasn't the time to get distracted. Not when the boys were in possible danger…

But it seemed that she needn't have worried. She arrived on the road behind Kakashi to a very lackadaisical scene. A horse-drawn cart was parked up on the roadside near to the crater Sakura had spotted from the top of the hill. In the back of the cart were seven unconscious men. Seated in the drivers seat were Naruto and Sasuke. Naruto – looking especially pleased with himself, though a little singed – and Sasuke – looking as if someone had kicked his cat.

That was always how he looked though.

Sakura wanted to cry. "Three days!" she wailed. "Three days I've been sitting in that godforsaken ditch waiting for some action – and then you two hog it all to yourselves! I could have just stayed home!"

"You didn't miss a lot. They didn't put up much of a fight," Sasuke told her.

"Aw, come on, Sakura-chan!" Naruto cajoled, pointing into the back of the cart. "I think one of them is still semi-conscious. You can slap him about if you want."

She sighed miserably. "It's just not the same…"

Kakashi had moved forward to lean over the side of the cart and investigate its cargo. "These are the right men, aren't they? You didn't just attack the first people who came along?"

Naruto and Sasuke traded slightly anxious looks before Sasuke said, "We couldn't find any sacks with money signs on them," he said dryly, "so we can't be a hundred percent sure."

"You said the rogues had a horse and cart," Naruto pointed out, indignant.

"Yes, but so does everyone else who travels these roads," Kakashi mused, straightening and turning to regard the boys. "We'll take them to Asahi to be identified. Hopefully these are our men, but just in case they're not…" He glanced sideways at Sakura. "Sakura can stay behind and watch the road. Naruto, you can watch the other one. If you two see anyone else suspicious coming by, don't engage them, just come and fetch me and Sasuke. Understand."

Oh great. _More_ lingering in roadside ditches. Sakura nodded vaguely, staring absently in the direction of the beady-eyed horse tethered to the cart. She wondered why Kakashi was looking only at her when he was supposed to be addressing both her and Naruto. It was making her feel quite uncomfortable.

"Alright," Kakashi turned and climbed into the driver's seat of the cart. "Sasuke, you're with me then."

Impassively Sasuke pulled himself into the seat next to Kakashi who promptly passed him the reigns. Now with a put-upon roll of the eyes, Sasuke urged the horse into a walk while Kakashi turned to wave at the two students he was abandoning. "We'll be back in about half an hour. Don't do anything stupid now."

"He says that like he expects us to," Naruto grumbled under his breath, before spinning to grin at Sakura. "I bet the bandits will come my way. And I'll defeat them all single-handedly!"

Sakura snorted. "I thought you already defeated them?" she commented archly.

"Yeah… well.. there could be more," Naruto said unconvincingly. "You take this road and I'll take the other road! See you later, Sakura."

If she'd thought that a mountain roadside could be boring when Kakashi was there for company, it was doubly more so when she had only herself. Not that she spent any less time thinking about him. As she stalked through the trees looking down upon the road that was already half-demolished by Naruto and Sasuke's activities, her mind should have been firmly fixed on her job at hand. It was irritating how she could only think about his unreadable looks and the indecipherable code his seemed to talk in. Sometimes she thought everything he said held another meaning.

Sometimes she thought she was imagining him to be deeper than he actually was. It was most likely that Kakashi was a slightly perverted, slightly vague thirty-something man who spoke so little that some might be tricked into thinking he was a thoughtful person, but in reality when he wasn't talking, he was reading, so all he probably ever thought about was porn.

Sakura sighed as she sank behind a wide tree of rough bark and closed her eyes. The scene from last night played on the back of her eyelids, again and again, teasing and tormenting her. She'd long stopped trying to fight the memories her mind brought up. The first time she'd seen him through that window, she had done everything to try and push the pictures out of her head. Now she simply allowed them to float by, those compelling little glimpses into Kakashi's sexuality… and the provocative little sliver of bare hip as he rode that girl over those beer crates.

What had been her name? Kakashi had whispered it, but she hadn't heard it so well. Sasaki? Takuya? Osaka? Something stupid sounding like that anyway. Sakura had been pumped and ready to hate her guts, but it was hard to hate a girl who's obvious been tossed aside so heartlessly she'd dissolved into tears in the nearest restroom.

Sakura had lied Kakashi because he'd seem different from the boys she usually associated with, but apparently this was limited purely to sexual prowess.

_And even then, you don't care, _ her conscious slipped in before she could stifle it. _You're not looking for a sweetheart, you're just looking for someone who can make you co- _

_Oh, shut up_, Sakura snapped back, and all fell silent again.

Silent, save for the distant sound of thump-thumping hooves on a dirt road.

Sakura sucked in a wary breath and carefully scooted around the tree to a more secure position and peered around it to the road below. Through the obscuring leaves and bushes, she could see another cart was approaching. There was no telling how many occupants there were, but it was definitely smaller than the one Naruto and Sasuke had apprehended.

Keeping perfectly still, Sakura decided to wait until they had passed before giving them a wide berth and cutting ahead to Asahi to warn Kakashi and Sasuke. Naruto would miss out on the fun, but there had been worse tragedies.

But as the cart drew level with her, it began to slow down. Worried that her presence had been detected, Sakura prepared to take flight. High class ninjas could always detect the chakra of a lower class ninja, no matter how well hidden, and if these men had detected her carefully maintain chakra flow, she was seriously outmatched.

"What is that?" she heard a cross-sounding man snarl.

"The road's a mess!"

Incrementally, Sakura began to relax. It seemed they'd noticed the boy's crater rather than her chakra. Well, it _was _pretty hard to miss.

"Don't worry, there's room to go around it-"

"No. Something's off about this… can't you feel it?"

Sakura held her breath.

"… feel what?"

"Something powerful was here. You can still taste it in the air. Whatever did this could still be around."

"Do you think the villagers have gotten smart at last?"

"Maybe they've laid down mines or something."

"Or something."

"We should go."

"But – all that gold-"

"I'm not taking chances."

_Dammit! _The cart was turning around, doubling back at a faster pace. If Sakura left now to fetch the rest of her teammates, it would be giving them the chance to escape.

All that ditch-sitting was _not_ going to be for nothing!

The cart was clattering away at a quick pace now, and Sakura silently ran through the trees alongside it, pulling ahead and taking a lead. She counted four men of varying builds. Who knew what their level of skill was and whether or not she was outclassed? But what kind of ninja retreated in the face of a little risk? It was either take her chances now or let the reward money slip through her fingers yet again.

And she really needed that money; her landlord was making noises about evicting her again.

Once she was about a hundred yards ahead of the cart, Sakura stopped beside a tall beech with a wide trunk a few feet up the embankment from the road. The cart careered closer, blithely ignorant of what was about to happen.

With a sharp cry, Sakura kicked the base of the tree, shattering the stump completely. The tree wailed as it lurched and twisted and slowly began to tilt. It's highest branches crashed through the canopy and she heard the rogues shout and cry out, struggling to pull the horse to a stop a mere moments before the trees smashed into the road in a cloud of dust and a hail of leaves.

To his credit, the horse looked only mildly surprised, compared to the four men behind it who had nearly jumped clean out of their skins.

They recovered swiftly.

"Who's there!" One said, dropping the reins to stand up. Sakura presumed he was the leader of the little gang. And with the size of that sword strapped to his back, he looked to be overcompensating for something. "Show yourself."

It wasn't like she could avoid detection from this point. They'd finally noticed the presence of her chakra and were looking warily towards the bush she was hiding behind.

With a calm, composed face, she stepped out of her hiding place and onto the road, aiming to inspire a little Sasuke-like awe with one cool look.

When they burst out laughing, she couldn't help but feel she'd failed somewhat.

"Relax, men. It's just a little girl," The leader snorted into his sleeve.

"Stop it!" she snapped hotly, fisting her hands on her hips. "I'm a kunoichi!"

"You've got pink hair-"

"_And_?" she hissed warningly at the masked man who'd spoken.

"And you're like three feet tall…"

"And this tree was thirty feet tall, but I didn't have much of a problem taking it out," she ground out, stepping up onto the overturned tree in order to gain a little height and inspire some belated respect. "I won't have any problem taking you guys out either."

"Have we done something to offend you, little girl?" the leader asked.

Sakura's eyes narrowed, but she ignored the patronizing jab. For now. "You wouldn't happen to be here to steal from that nice little gold-mining town, would you? Only, they've been having some trouble with thieves lately."

"And so they called you?" he scoffed. "If you didn't notice, child, we were leaving. So either you and your tree should get out of our way in the next ten seconds or we'll make you get out of the way."

Sakura remained unmoved. "I can't agree to that."

"It would be a terrible shame if you were to break that pretty little neck of yours on those rocks down there," the leader said, looking meaningful down the steep slope below the road to the turbulent, rock laden river that flowed there beneath the mist. "We have no interest in harming such beauty, so we'd be very much obliged if you stepped aside now."

"I don't respond to flattery," Sakura said shortly. Her inner tormenter, however, disagreed quite strongly. _He just called you beautiful! Score! _

The leader of the rogues scowled at her. "Ten seconds, or else. Ten… nine…"

Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Eight… seven… six… fi-fuck!"

This particular expletive came about as the cart suddenly tipped sharply backwards, the leather straps tethering it to the horse having been cut by a swift-handed Sakura. She crouched low on the horse's back, watching the man tumble over themselves in shock and surprise.

Really… this wasn't going to be much of a challenge if-

"Little bitch!"

Sakura threw herself to the side as a volley of senbon flew straight at her, narrowly missing her by a whisker. The horse decided it had had enough, and took advantage of its newfound freedom to turn and take off down the road at a delighted canter. None of the men bothered to chase it. They were now too preoccupied with circling around Sakura like a pack of hyenas gathering around a wounded calf.

But Sakura was not a wounded calf, and these men had bitten off far more than they could chew.

The leader unsheathed his sword from the scabbard on his back and leered at her menacingly as the light glinted off it into her eyes. His handling of the weapon was too lazy. He may have thought that waggling it back and forth was intimidating, but he'd never seen Sasuke hold a sword. A steady sword-hand could inspire far more terror than ostentatious swinging.

"You'll regret picking a fight with us, girl," he said.

Somehow, Sakura doubted that.

Suddenly he was swinging towards her, bursting into action simultaneously with the other three men. Sakura spun to avoid the overzealous blade and twisted to literally shoulder the large man into one of his comrades. With a hard punch to the stomach, she dispatched one of the other men coming at her with a kunai. The masked man came at her with his fists alone, but with one sharp uppercut to his jaw he was sent reeling backwards dizzily.

"Gotcha!" Arms clamped around her from behind, tightening to crush the air from her lungs. Sakura gasped. Her arms were trapped but she still had her feet on the ground. With a force of effort she drove them both backwards, straight into the upturned cart. The hard impact was enough to wind the man only briefly, but it was enough time for Sakura to break lose, wrench the wheel off its axis beside her, and crack it over his head.

With left only the leader and the slightly dizzy masked man.

"Fuck. She broke my tooth," the masked man complained. He was too busy checking for blood to see the wheel flying straight towards him like a Frisbee.

And suddenly there was only her and the leader.

He didn't look so cocky anymore, but Sakura knew better than to gloat. It looked tacky anyway. "If you give yourself up now, I won't have to break anything," she warned seriously.

He scoffed. "They were weaklings," he said simply.

"And you?" she asked.

"I trained with the Huntsmen of the Cloud village."

Sakura had never heard of them. "Oh yeah? I trained with the sannin."

"Ah…"

"Yes. Ah."

"Then it'll be quite an accomplishment when I kill you."

"If I had a ryo for every time I've heard that from wannabe bingo book ninja…"

The sword sliced through the air toward her. Sakura ducked and with a spurt of speed slipped around the man to appear behind him, aiming a punch for a weak pressure point beneath his scapula that would paralyze him just long enough to take care of him. But before her hand could connect she was forced back as he swung around fast than she could predict. The tip of his blade narrowing missed gutting he as she leapt back.

"You don't look so confident now, girl."

He was driving her back, his swings concentrated and fast – too fast for her to find an opening. All she could do was duck and scramble out of the way. The blade followed her wherever she went like a persistent fly. No matter how agile she tried to be in avoiding it, it was always there, forcing her further back until suddenly she was forced off the road onto grass. Sakura spared a fraction of a glance behind her to see that he had forced her to the very edge of the road overlooking the steep incline. For a moment it seemed that his prediction about throwing her down the mountain was about to come true. She had no where left to run.

The blade slashed down, ready to slice her in half from head to hip. Without thinking, Sakura threw up her hands to catch the blade, summoning a sharp burst of chakra to her palms to disperse the impact.

It wasn't enough. The blade hit and cut deep into her hands, spraying blood over her hair and face. Sakura's mouth dropped open in a silent scream as pain shot through her arms.

The man didn't move. When she gathered the will to open her eyes and look up at him, she saw him staring at her in confusion. "How can you…"

He didn't get to finish his sentence. Suddenly his face went lax and his eyes rolled up. The sword slipped from his fingers and clattered to the ground with him following shortly after, a ragged, bloody hole in the back of his shirt. Behind him stood Kakashi.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Sakura clutched her hands tightly to her chest and nodded with a tight smile. "Mm-hm." It didn't sound too convincing. Not when there was so much blood dribbling down her forearms from between the gaps in her clenched hands.

"Let me see…"

"I'm alright," she said, a little more exasperatedly. Already she was summoning healing chakra to her hands, gradually clotting the blood. "I'm a medic, remember?"

There was something off about his expression. He was frowning at her with that dark, flinty eye, unreadable as ever, as if she'd done something wrong. Turning, he made a gesture at Sasuke who stood a few metres away, checking over the unconscious men by nudging them with his foot. Sasuke just shrugged at him and wandered away.

Sakura peeked into her cupped hands to watch the progress of her muscles and skin knitting back together under the veil of her jutsu. She was doing her utmost best to ignore the way Kakashi was looking down at her.

"I told you to fetch us if you saw anything suspicious."

Ah. So that was how it was. "I would have," she said defensively. "But they knew something was up when they saw the mess Naruto and Sasuke had left. If I went to fetch you guys, they would have escaped."

"Not necessarily," he said coolly. "We could have tracked them."

"Ah." She hadn't thought of that. "Well, you see, I didn't think-"

"Clearly."

"But I handled them just fine!" she protested.

"Then what's this about?" He plucked one of her hands away from her chest and held it out for them both to see. But despite being covered in fresh blood, the wounds themselves were now nothing more than raised welts against her palms.

"See?" she said, tugging her wrist out of his grasp. "I'm fine. If you hadn't arrived, I would have had him."

"It takes between thirty to forty-five seconds to heal a wound like that. In a group fight, you can afford that, one-on-one, however, is simply too long. You're open to attack." He began walking away to examine the unconscious men. "My orders aren't just suggestions, Sakura. If I tell you to wait for back-up, you have to wait for back-up."

Some teachers would congratulate their students for pretty much taking out an entire team of rogues by themselves. But not Kakashi. He was too unpredictable with his praise. Some days you could fail pathetically and make a total idiot out of yourself, but he would pat you on the back and tell you you'd done a good job. And when you finally did a good job, he would turn his back on you and give you the 'should have followed the rules' lecture.

And for a man who cherry-picked which rules he liked to follow and broke whichever ones he found inconvenient, Sakura found this a bit rich.

But there was no use getting into a fight with him over it. For a start, Kakashi shrugged off fights too easily before they could gain momentum, and secondly, she wasn't nearly as bull-headed as Naruto to bother trying. So she simply clenched her teeth and turned away, quietly smoldering at his contradictory behavior. _She_ knew that she had been in control of the fight, and that was all that mattered. Kakashi could think what he liked, but ultimately he was just _wrong_.

"I heard fighting! I heard fighting!" A bundle of blond, black and orange rocketed out of the trees to screech to a dismayed halt beside Kakashi. "What did I miss?"

"Nothing dire," Kakashi intoned vaguely, bending down to pick one man up by the seat of his pants. "Everyone grab a bandit. We're heading back to Asahi."

"Mine's practically dead," Sakura groused, stooping to pick up the leader and glaring at Kakashi to let him know it was _his _fault.

"Don't sulk," Kakashi retorted. "You can heal him."

"I'm _not – argh_! Forget it."

Naturally, from that point on she did sulk. Her mood was not helped either when she caught sight of Naruto and Sasuke trading that 'it's that time of the month' look as they too began to notice her standoffish behavior. Sakura had to force herself to relax and ignore them. If she shouted at them too, it would only confirm their belief that she was being irrationally hormonal.

But it wasn't until they had dropped off the rogue with the proper authorities in Asahi and they were well on their way back to Konoha that it began to dawn on Sakura why she was so mad at Kakashi. After all, his reaction to her disobedience wasn't that harsh. It wasn't like he'd never reprimanded her for going against his orders before, so why did it upset her so much this time?

She'd expected leniency, that's why. After all that flirting, and all that innuendo, and all their flaws being laid out on the table before each other, and the frank way he spoke to her alone about matters she didn't dare talk to anyone else about… well, she'd expected things to be different. She didn't want him to treat her so indifferently once more, as if she was nothing more than a damn _student_ to him.

It didn't seem fair.

Even now, it annoyed her that he was ignoring her. But what did she expect? She wouldn't thank him to start teasing her in front of the boys, and it wasn't like he was deliberately snubbing her. In truth, he'd probably already forgotten about the brief altercation. As a teacher, he didn't hold grudges against his students for their bad behavior.

Sakura sighed, feeling some of the anger slip away. Perhaps it was her time of the month? Kakashi hadn't really done anything wrong, and she was merely behaving like the child he'd accused her of being last night. After all that had happened, she'd mistaken his impersonality for indifference. She'd forgotten the line between the personal relationship and the working relationship.

He'd told her to prove she was a grown-up like him, but so far she was showing herself up as nothing more than a petulant brat.

Swallowing her pride, Sakura quickened her pace to catch up with Kakashi. Unremarkably, he was reading his book, one hand shoved deep in his pocket while one strap of his rucksack swung free down his back. He glanced up as she appeared at his side, as if he'd forgotten she was even with them.

"Can I have the med kit?" she asked meekly.

His brow furrowed. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I just want the alcohol wipes," she said, holding up her arms which were by then crusted in dry, brown blood up to the elbows.

"Ah." He stopped and let the bag slide from his shoulder. The boys carried on walking, leaving them behind as Kakashi dug around in the pack for the packet of wet wipes and Sakura hovered awkwardly next to him. "Here you go."

"Thanks," she accepted the packet and wasted no time grabbing a bunch of wipes to start scrubbing at her stained skin. Kakashi watched her idly, but with enough interest to put her on edge. He watched her take blood off her arms the way most men would watch a woman take off pantyhose.

But she'd long passed the stage where she would insist to herself that she didn't like the way he looked at her. It simply wasn't true.

"You were right," she said eventually, passing him the used wipes to pack away as she picked another clean one to attack the blood hiding in the crevices of her nails. "I should have gone to fetch you guys. Even if I had been in control of the situation, I took an unnecessary risk. I'm sorry."

Kakashi sighed. "It's not me who stands to benefit from your obedience, Sakura. It's you. When you disobey like that or you take risks, its only yourself that you harm. When you're a jonin, you won't have to answer to anyone but the hokage, but until then, I can't afford to let you form bad habits now that could have serious consequences later on when you make a misjudgment. And misjudgments do happen. Even to the best."

She nodded quietly. "I know," she said. "I won't do it again."

"But don't blindly follow orders either. Unerring obedience is just as dangerous as constant disobedience."

"I understand, Kakashi-sensei."

He made an amused sound, and suddenly her hair flipped over her face as his hand ruffled over her head. "Don't look so serious. I'm not mad at you. Here, you can carry the supplies, Miss Muscles."

"_Oof!_" Sakura nearly collapsed under the new weight slung over her shoulders. "_Thanks_," she ground out sarcastically.

"Your earnest gratitude warms my heart," he said lightly. "So I've decided to take some time off this afternoon. Would you like to train?"

"What?" She blinked at him,

"You said you needed to learn more jutsu for your six-month review," he pointed out. "It's in two days, isn't it?"

She scowled at him. "How did you know?"

"It's my job to know these things," he said evasively. "So are you up for it?"

"Sure…"

"Great. Let's say, Training Grounds Two at three o'clock?"

* * *

At four o'clock, Kakashi arrived at the training grounds, greeted by an only mildly irate pink-haired girl. It seemed that, by now, his tardiness was so predictable that no one ever got _too_ upset about it these days. But where normally Sakura would demand to know why he was late, and then call him a liar no matter what excuse he gave, now she kept quiet. She'd been doing that for a while now, as if ever since she'd caught him with Yoshi she'd figured out that there were some things that just weren't any of her business. 

Although not that he had anything to hide today. He'd simply gone to the wrong training grounds…

"So," he declared, with as much enthusiasm as his voice allowed (which was to say, very little), "first what we'll do is comprise a list of a certain number of jutsu that would compliment your own personal style and make you a more rounded shinobi in the eyes of the examiners."

"Right," she nodded. She stood by the chain link fence, fingers of one hand looped through the holes while the other hand remained hidden behind her. There was that shy act again. That 'I'm just a girl' tilt of her head coupled with the innocent twisting of one boot into the ground. Whether conscious or not, he knew it was all just an act. There was nothing meek or shy about Sakura… it just seemed that she was trying on her best behavior after her earlier slip.

"I've been giving this some thought," he said, moving to lean against the fence a few feet from her. It dipped under his weight, tugging at her hand. "How many genjutsu do you know?"

"Uh…" She made a show of counting on her fingers. "None?"

"Well, you're a genjutsu type, so you should be able to pick these up pretty quickly. I have a few in mind that I think you'll like, so let's get started on-"

"Wait."

Kakashi paused, giving her a level look. "For what?"

Sakura's feet shifted awkwardly against the ground. "You said there was a condition…?"

"I realize that." He nodded.

"Well… I'd prefer to know what that condition is before I commit to the deal," she said.

Inwardly, he smiled. "Are you worried I'm going to make you do something… inappropriate?"

Startled green eyes flew up to meet his, and her face turned a fetching shade of pink. "N-No! I just want to know what I'm getting into."

"Don't worry," he said, scratching the back of his neck vaguely. "I won't make you do anything you don't want to. "

Sakura still looked worried.

"But maybe you'd just like to forfeit and go home?"

"Why is it so important to you that I give something back for this?" she demanded, eyebrows pinched together. "Other teachers don't expect favors in return for tuition. And you don't ask Naruto or Sasuke to pay for your help."

"Naruto and Sasuke don't want my help." A_nd I have no interest in any favors they could offer… _

"Maybe I should have gone to Kurenai-sensei?" she suggested, folding her arms defiantly.

"Maybe," he agreed. "She definitely knows more about genjutsu than me."

Sakura's eyes narrowed. "And she wouldn't expect favors in return either."

"Actually, she probably would. You're not her student, you're not her problem, and she has no obligation to beseech any of her jutsu to you. But she's a nice girl. At most she'd just make you pick up her groceries." Kakashi enjoyed the thunderous look that gradually rolled across his student's face. "It's one thing to teach children, Sakura, when those children's lives depend on you. But you're not a child anymore. You're almost a jonin and anything I have left to teach you now is not vital to your survival as it once was. What I'm doing for you now is a _favor,_ to help you impress a panel of examiners. And that means you owe me a favor in return."

"But _what_ _kind _of favor?" she hissed.

"I haven't decided yet," he said, stroking his masked cheek. "But I'm sure inspiration will hit me while you train. And like I said, I won't force you to do anything you don't want to. Ok?"

"Ok," she conceded grudgingly, though her gaze still lingered on him warily, as if she didn't quite trust him not to demand sexual favors in return for genjutsu training.

Well, it was always an idea…

"Then I have two days to teach you as many helpful jutsu as possible. Shall we get started?" he asked.

She nodded tightly. "I'm ready."

She said it so firmly that it gave Kakashi pause, and for a moment he let his eyes wander over her face, taking in the determined lilt to her eyes, her high cheekbones, pert nose and sweet, ripe lips. His gaze tracked down her long, slim throat, across strong shoulders dusted with a faint tan, and down the feminine curves of her modest breast, petite waist and narrow hips that tapered into sleek thighs he'd already seen spread once for some horny ANBU sprout. Thighs that would have looked far better wrapped around his own hips. He flicked his gaze back up to eyes that now shifted to the floor where one moment ago they'd been so unflinchingly determined. His assessment of her body hadn't gone unnoticed, though she was pretending that was the case.

"Of course you're ready," he said lightly, sliding in a suggestive tone for no other reason than to watch the heat spread across Sakura's face.

Because Sakura always did blush so prettily, and Kakashi was fast becoming intrigued to know how far he could push before her act fell away at last.

* * *


	10. Blurred Lines

_Window_

Chapter Ten

* * *

_The wine was the color of blood. Was it poisoned? Or was it just drugged? He brought the cup to his lips and tipped it back, pretending to take a sip and watched the tiniest hint of relief pass over her face._

_She was transparent. Even as he stared at her she averted her gaze, no longer able to look him in the eye. Though he struggled to ignore the lure of her lush, nude body and his own rising desire, she was an amateur compared to him. He had fought and seduced his way through entire noble courts. This slip an innocent girl would not get the better of him tonight._

_But how the thought of her possible betrayal made his heart ache…_

"_Are you still angry with me?" she breathed in the low, whispery sigh of a temptress. The tone of voice that could tie knots in his stomach._

_Yet he could not answer. Of course he was angry with her. Angry, heartsick, remorseful. There existed no other women who could bring him to his knees as she did. He wouldn't be so angry if he didn't care, even though he wished that he did not._

_Setting aside her own cup of wine, she approached him, running her long, slim fingers with ruby-red nails down his chest as she leaned in close and gazed up at him with those provocative green eyes that swam with a thousand emotions he could not put a name to. He didn't delude himself to think that one of them could be love._

"_Please don't be angry with me. How can I make it up to you?" she whispered._

"_I think you know how."_

_She hesitated only for a moment, before her fingers slid further down to the waistline of his pants as she sank onto her knees. He had been the one to teach her these things – how to use her new skills to such devastating effect. He had shown her the pleasures of the flesh and now she was trying to use them against him. A tempting smile caught her lips as she drew the fabric away and lowered her mouth over the pulsing, distended head of his-_

"Oh, _cock_!"

Kakashi glanced up with interest to see his pink-haired student sitting irately on her rump amidst a pile of upturned earth, rocks and vegetation. She had a hand clapped over her mouth, glancing at him guiltily in the wake of her outburst.

Amused, Kakashi lowered his book an inch. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah… fine…" she grumbled, picking herself up off the ground to dust off her backside. "Kakashi-sensei, it's not working."

"Then you're doing something wrong."

She glared at him for one long hard moment. Heavy clouds churned overhead, like some kind of ominous manifestation of her rather obvious irritability. Just as it was inevitable that the heavens would open up with rain, it was inevitable that Sakura would lose patience with him.

He sighed and sat a little more upright against the base of the tree he'd slouched against. "Alright," he said, pushing up his hitai-ate with a finger, "show me what you're doing."

After taking a moment to push her rumpled hair back into place, Sakura turned to him and began – with a look of deep concentration – to form the seals for the jutsu. The grounds between them gurgled a little, throwing up dirt and roots and belching the occasional rock. A vague, indistinct arm-shaped clod rose up from the churning earth, before it suddenly crumbled to dust and Sakura let out a frustrated sigh.

"You're dropping your thumb too soon on the dragon seal," he informed her evenly. "And you're not concentrating long enough. You're pushing too much chakra into it too. Remember what I said? The jutsu itself will cost you about 5 per cent of your chakra, and whatever else you give it, that is what it'll run on. If you give it too much, you'll make it more powerful than yourself, and you don't want that. They're not easy to control. And don't expect to get this as fast as you got the genjutsu. This is an earth-based ninjutsu so it won't come naturally to you."

"Right, of course." Sakura took a moment to memorize this information before moving away to start over again. She had to be getting tired by now, and she wasn't exactly giving herself an easy time.

In terms of learning ability, she was way ahead of the boys. In a way it took the fun out of teaching when they learnt faster than he could teach, but if she wanted to cram in as many jutsu as possible before her review, the faster the learner she was, the better.

Already she had two genjutsu under her belt, and if she figured out this ninjutsu before she ran out of energy, then tomorrow he would start on teaching her a few practical techniques and perhaps one particularly hard genjutsu he had in mind, if she proved herself to be proficient enough.

Her method was still rather entertaining though. As the first specks of rain flecked the ground, Kakashi saw that she had managed to lurch a muddy torso out of the ground with her next try. But before it could rise completely, the jutsu failed, and the misshapen golem fell back with a splat. Sakura shouted at it and kicked its arm as if she could bully it back into animation. She didn't even seem to notice that it was beginning to rain.

Kakashi smiled to himself and went back to his book. She would get it in good time.

And then he'd get his.

_Involuntarily, his hands sunk into her pale locks. He felt her moist mouth sliding down his aching shaft, taking him whole and deep as he strained against her mouth, even as he battled to resist her enchantment._

_Once, he had expected this girl to fall at his feet, but she had resisted him. For all his wealth and charm and looks, she had never wanted a part of him. They were enemies fighting for different sides after all. But damn her, he couldn't escape now. She captivated him and his infatuation with her had only grown. She'd tried to warn him, but his heart had ruled where once his head had, and he was willing to pay any price to make her his._

_Perhaps even betray his own country…?_

_The thought shredded the last of his remaining control. Urgently he drew her up and feverishly captured her mouth with his as she wrapped her legs tight around his waist. Carrying her to the bed, he lowered her down onto the silken sheets and pressed himself down between her welcoming thighs._

_She gasped-_

"Ah!" Sakura was breathlessly clutching a cramp in her leg.

-_and for a moment he paused to admire the incredible beauty staring back at him. He curled his hand around her throat, wishing he could draw the truth from her. Wishing he could see into her heart and mind._

"_I love you," she whispered ardently._

"_And I'll love you till the day I die," he whispered, meaning every word, even as it broke his heart to doubt hers._

"_You're so hard…"_

"It's _too _hard!"

Kakashi snapped his gaze back to Sakura. "What?"

"It's too hard!" she wailed again, once more sitting on her posterior amidst a field of churned up dirt. Rain now fell around her in a steady beat. "Every time I think I've got it, it just fails on me."

"You're getting better though," he pointed out from the cover of his tree.

"I don't think I'll get it before the review, sensei," she sighed.

He closed his book and stood up. "That's ok. You still did very well today. You got the hang of both genjutsu I showed you, so today's not a total loss. Before I got the sharingan, it took me days to learn a genjutsu."

Sakura blew out a frustrated breath. "Could I borrow your eye for the review?"

"No."

"Well, damn…"

He smiled to himself before a rumble above the clouds alerted him that it was about to start raining harder. "Sakura, you're going to get wet sitting there. Get over here."

She flushed and scurried over, head ducked as she ran. She reached the cover of the tree mere seconds before the heavens opened and the sky began pouring down even harder. Both she and Kakashi pressed back against the tree where it was most dry. For a few minutes they said nothing, content enough to watch the water come down in sheets.

"I like the rain," Sakura said out of the blue. "I love how it makes everything seem fresh and new. Konoha wouldn't be Konoha without rain."

Kakashi's eyes were hooded as he gazed out over the training field that was slowly turning to mud. "Don't you find your hair gets all frizzy though…?"

She looked at him as if he'd said something profoundly stupid, so he sighed, crossed his arms, and shut up.

"So I owe you two favors then," she said softly. "Have you decided what they are yet?"

In truth, inspiration still had yet to hit. What could she do for him in return? He could always make her pay for dinner, but then Sakura was pretty financially strained and it probably wouldn't be fair on her. He could always make her do his laundry, but then that _really_ would be unfair. He wouldn't wish that task on his worst enemy.

Of course, these were all the sensible ideas that bobbed along the surface of his immediate thoughts. Beneath this, however, was another layer of thought running closer to his subconscious than his conscious, and most of the thoughts that ran on _this _wavelength were pretty simple and utterly inspired.

_A blowjob – a hand job – a recital of the karma sutra – strip poker – a quick grope – role-playing – anything – just a quick kiss maybe –_

_Although, my bookcase does need alphabetizing…_

He began to speak, but Sakura cut him off. "Nothing weird, remember," she said sternly.

"I don't seem to recall that we decided that," he replied. "And what do you mean by 'weird'."

She flushed, staring out over the muddy field. "Knowing you, you'd make me mud-wrestle with a clone. Naked. Or something."

The chances of her agreeing to that were pretty unrealistic, but it was a nice mental image nonetheless. "Why would I make you do that?" he said, as if pondering the thought aloud. In truth he just wanted Sakura to dig herself further down this alley of conversation.

"Because you're a pervert," she retorted.

"Am I?" He glanced at her in mock surprise. "You're the one who imagined that scenario, not me. If anyone's a pervert around here, Sakura, it's you."

"I'm not a pervert!" she snapped.

"Of course you're not," he said, trying to placate her, but it only served to infuriate even more.

A sign of a guilty conscience, he decided. He had a feeling that Sakura was far more perverted than she wanted people to know.

Deciding to spare her further embarrassment, he cleared his throat. "There is _one _thing you can help me with…"

She looked at him, her angry expression fading into one of dread and grim curiosity.

"I have a jutsu that I'm attempting to develop-"

"An _original_ jutsu?"

He sighed. It was disheartening how his students felt the need to act overly surprised whenever he achieved something. "Yes, an original jutsu. It's a doujutsu, to be more exact. And obviously before I can call it 'finished', I need to test it on someone to make sure it works…"

Sakura stared at him.

Kakashi stared back.

"I'm not sure I like where this is going…" she muttered.

"It's not harmful," he assured her. "Well… you probably won't die."

She thought for a moment, sticking out her lower lip. Clearly she was not too happy about the prospect of being a guinea pig for him. "You don't have to, of course," he reminded. "I'll gladly settle for mud-wrestling."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Oh, all right…" she sighed, giving in. "If I must. But maybe… if you figure it out you could teach it to me too?"

Her eyes shone with such innocent hope, Kakashi almost wanted to kick himself. "Yeah, maybe…"

A glance over the training field told him that the rain wasn't planning to let up any time soon, so he cleared his throat. "I should probably be going," he said. "I have things that need doing."

Sakura looked at him blankly. "Things…?" she repeated. "What things?"

"I have an appointment."

Her eyebrows tilted upwards, unimpressed. "With a woman, I bet."

He paused and glanced down at her. "As a matter of fact, yes." But he didn't elaborate. He was more interested in the way Sakura's eyes had narrowed and her mouth had tightened as she looked away, her whole body language radiating the message 'You can fuck off now, thanks'. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

For a moment she ignored him, before suddenly she sighed and her shoulders dropped their tension. She seemed instantly tired. "I saw you with that girl last night."

Ah. That girl. What had been her name again…?

"Was that the first time you met her? Last night?" she asked. Strangely, the way she said it made her sound more curious than annoyed, as he might have expected considering her outburst the previous evening.

"Yep," he said evenly.

She nodded thoughtfully, frowning a little. "How do you do that?" she said in bewilderment.

He blinked. "Do what?"

"How do you get off with a girl you don't know in the space of a few hours?" Sakura tossed her wet hair. "I couldn't do that even if I wanted to. Is there some trick to it that I don't know about?"

He almost smiled. "If there was, is this your way of asking me to teach it to you?"

"N-No!" she snapped. "I'm curious, is all. But… is there a trick to it?"

"In a manner of speaking," he said loftily. "I suppose… yes, there is a particular knack to seducing someone in the space of a few minutes."

He waited, letting that tantalizing bit of information sink into her brain. Any minute now she would part those sweet pink lips and ask –

"How?" she said softly.

_And there it is._

Kakashi sluggishly pushed himself away from the tree they both leaned against, and turned slightly, his hand still resting against the trunk beside her head. He noticed that her gaze flicked warily to his arm, but she didn't seem scared. She was compelled by curiosity, and it was dangerous for him to indulge her, but it was only harmless teasing, wasn't it?

"Well, first you have to make eye contact," he said gently, "and that's when you know whether or not, she's… receptive."

"How do you know if she's receptive?" Sakura's voice was small, but not weak.

"Because she looks back at you as if she knows _exactly_ what you're thinking."

Sakura knew what he was thinking. He saw it in the way her gaze roamed his mask, as if trying to pry it off with her mind. She licked her lips once, twice, and then swallowed. Kakashi shifted his weight comfortably from his hand to his elbow, forcing himself half a step closer, and noticed that Sakura inhaled pretty damn sharply.

"And then you have to talk to her. Ask her if she's enjoying herself. If she likes the music. If she needs another drink." He reached up and ghosted a finger against a frayed bang that hung over her eyes. "And as you talk, you have to touch her and lean in close as if every word she has to say is the most riveting thing you've heard all year. As if you can't bear _not_ to touch her."

"And then what?" she whispered, enraptured and not even realizing it.

"And then when you have nothing left to say, but she doesn't care…" He swept his finger ever so lightly and slowly down the edge of her cheek, along the smooth line of her jaw to hold her chin up gently with thumb and forefinger. He felt rather than saw her tremble. Was she even aware of it? "At that point, one of you will say the inevitable words…"

Sakura's eyes were large, darker than usual and twice as intense. "What words?"

"Let's go some place quieter."

So it wasn't terribly romantic, but it was honest. For a long time she just stared at him, and then suddenly her head tilted away, slipping out of his grasp. Her eyes skittered over his frame as if she'd only just realized how close he'd gotten, but she didn't move. She didn't seem to want to.

Then she looked back at him. "And then what?"

He shifted and cocked his head. "You know what happens next." What did she expect him to do? Spin her around, push her against the tree, pull down her shorts and have his way with her? That would be taking the teaching by example thing _a bit _too far…

Sakura's eyes shifted toward the fenced off entrance to the grounds a few hundred metres away. Even though it was raining, there were still people having to go about their daily business, and if anyone would think to turn their head they would see him and Sakura. But it wasn't like they were doing anything inappropriate. He wasn't even touching her. Yet Sakura still looked woefully guilty.

"I thought you had an appointment," she muttered, keeping her head turned away from him.

"I do," he said cheerfully, then slid his hands together in the form of a seal and disappeared into an equally cheerful burst of smoke.

* * *

Sakura sagged the moment he was gone, clinging to the bark of the tree behind her as if for dear life. No doubt he'd left to canoodle with his latest conquest, but Sakura found it hard to feel too possessive of her teacher, and for that she was at least thankful. Perhaps it meant her new, turbulent feelings for him were not as deep as she feared. When she found herself getting jealous, _then_ she would worry. So far, it only ran as deep as obstinate envy for the women lucky enough to catch his attention. 

Exhaustion was finally beginning to creep over her, though Sakura wasn't sure whether or not it was a result of the training or trying to keep ahead of Kakashi in whatever unknown game he was playing with her – or she was playing with him. But nevertheless she was pleased. She'd mastered two simple, yet practical genjutsu and perhaps with more practice she would finally get the hang of the golem jutsu. Tomorrow's agenda was more genjutsu, and Sakura hadn't felt this pleased to have a natural talent since she'd first thrashed Naruto and Sasuke at chakra control.

But if she wanted to keep up the good work, she needed a good night's rest.

Sakura decided to head home. There would be no trawling the local bars and restaurants for her future husband tonight. Instead she would have a thorough shower, curl up in front of the TV, drink hot chocolate and channel her mother before hitting the mattress early. Not exactly a busy schedule, but if she stuck to it then perhaps she could keep her mind off Kakashi.

Of course, the plan failed miserably. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts of Kakashi that she conditioned her hair three times by accident, and she was too busy worrying and chewing her nails as she sat down in front of the TV that she couldn't follow the plot and her hot chocolate grew cold. In bed, with her eyes closed, it was even worse. She kept trying to remember how his face had looked when she'd seen him unmasked that time, but she realized that in the shock of the moment she hadn't been able to memorize it. All she could recall was a faint impression of a sharp, defined jaw and high, almost noble cheekbones.

She both dreaded and looked forward to seeing him the next day. When she got up in the morning she was filled with nervous energy, and was washed and ready to head off to training at least three hours too early. She filled those three hours with pacing, unnecessary hair brushing, and over watering of the plants in her window box.

Well, it wasn't like Mrs. Uno wasn't already waterlogged from all the rain last night.

The sky grumbled a plain gray as Sakura finally made her way to the training grounds. Butterflies stormed her stomach, increasing in number with each step, and when she finally arrived at the designated meeting point, she didn't know whether to be relieved or even more wound up that he hadn't arrived yet. But she hid it well. As she waited, leaning against the very tree he'd had her all but _pinned_ against yesterday, the only outward sign of her nervousness was the rapid waggle of her right index finger against her left elbow.

Kakashi was only fifteen minutes late. His arrival was marked by a low rumble of thunder that reverberated through the ground as he drew near, head down and hands shoved deep in his pockets. In the gray light, he seemed even darker than usual.

"Good morning," she called tightly, when he was close enough to hear.

He glanced up at her, then above at the sky. "I've seen better."

Then his gaze landed on her, as if to say _she_ was that 'better'.

"S-So what are we doing today?" she asked, hasty to move things along. The faster they got this done, the better the chance she had of getting home without embarrassing herself like yesterday.

"Some more genjutsu, I reckon," he answered mildly. "I have a nice, easy practical one that I think you'll like."

"Really? What is it?"

His gaze crinkled, and then in a flash of hand seals that were too fast to follow, he disappeared. Sakura jumped and looked around. Had he done a body flicker technique? If he had, she was screwed. Kakashi was far too fast to be caught out by the likes of-

"_Oof!"_

The ground came rushing up to meet her, but with her arms held behind her back she had no chance of breaking her fall. She landed with a distinct weight on top of her.

"Sensory block," she heard his deep tone drawl into her ear, far too close. "The genjutsu tricks two of your senses – your sight and your hearing. You think I've disappeared when in fact all I did was walk around behind you."

"A warning would have been nice," she grated out.

"But where's the fun in that?" he replied. "Anyway, the genjutsu ends the moment you land an attack on your opponent. But, for people like you who only need to land one hit to end a fight, it'll be a very useful tactic to gain the quick advantage you need."

He was right. It would be a very useful tactic, but frankly all Sakura could contemplate at that moment was exactly how much of his body was pressed against hers.

"Ready to learn it?"

"Hm?" Was that the inside of his thigh resting against her buttock?

Kakashi climbed to his feet and offered her a hand. "Come on," he said, once she was up and dusting herself down. "There are four seals; the rat, the horse, the dragon and the bird…"

It took several attempts before she could rattle off the sequence of seals in a fast enough manner to satisfy her sensei. Clearly she would never match his kind of speed, but then, her average opponent wouldn't nearly be as advanced as he was, so 'satisfactory' in his book was 'excellent' in someone else's.

And after she had the seals down pat, it was just a matter of figuring out the right blend of chakra and focus. The first few times she failed. Sometimes she went invisible to him, but could still be heard, and sometimes he went deaf to her, but could still see her form, and still see her when she stuck her tongue out at him for criticizing her lack of concentration.

Around the sixth attempt she was beginning to believe she was finally getting the hang of it. Even though Kakashi shook his head and told her to stop halfway through and start over again because he could still see her, she knew it was only because she was improving upon each attempt.

On the eleventh attempt Kakashi finally lost track of her. She circled him a few times, grinning to herself while he looked around vaguely, completely blind and deaf to her. He didn't seem to notice when she waved a hand in his face, and he didn't even react when she ostentatiously reached for his hip pouch – an action that would normally result in a slapped wrist for daring to go near his precious book.

For a moment she entertained the thought of throwing him to the ground like he'd done her. Only she'd be kinder and simply throw him on his back rather than his front, though she'd still sit on him. And then tear off his clothes and ride him like a-

She'd been standing there too long. Slowly Kakashi's hand reached out, bumped into her collar and then landed on her shoulder. The genjutsu died instantly and Sakura met his gaze with dismayed eyes. "You noticed me…" she sighed.

"Only because I have a very good sense of smell."

Sakura hoped she'd remember to deodorize that morning.

"I think you've got the hang of that one pretty well," he said cheerfully, releasing her shoulder and stepping back to create some distance between them. "So what is it now that you owe me? Four favors, isn't it?"

"Three," since the third ninjutsu he'd tried to teach her had been unsuccessful, "but you said if I helped you with your doujutsu, that would be it."

"Ah, I did, didn't I?" he said softly, growing pensive. "But before that, I did promise to teach you one last genjutsu."

She nodded, eager.

"But… this is a serious A-rank jutsu I'm going to show you. It'll be hard to pick up, even for a natural like you, and the only way you'll be able to understand the mechanisms involved is if you undergo it first-hand. Do you understand?"

He was being serious as usual, but Sakura detected a more unnatural concern in his tone now. "What does it do?"

His hands delved into his pockets again and he shifted his weight to one foot. "The jutsu I'm going to show you is one that will pull from your unconscious your greatest fear and confront you with it. If you're scared of heights, you'll find yourself teetering on a precipice. If you fear your friends getting hurt, you will see their deaths."

Sakura remembered something from long ago. "Isn't this the one you used on me during the first bell test?" she asked suspiciously.

He shook his head. "No. That was a vision I selected for you from what I knew of you. I saw you were excessively fond of Sasuke, so I took that and gave you a vision of him in pain. The difference with this jutsu is that you will not need to know your enemy in order to use their own fear against them. If I'd used this on you during that bell test, you might have seen something far worse than a little scratched up Sasuke-"

"_Scratched up_?" she bleated. "You butchered him! I was only twelve!"

He made a distracted gesture of dismissal. "The point is, this is a very high-class jutsu for a reason. It rarely fails, and it can incapacitate your opponent completely, depending on how great their fear is and regardless of how strong they are. You could use it against Sasuke and reduce him to a dribbling puddle of tears in seconds if you wanted to."

She looked at him, affronted. "I _don't _want to."

"But you understand the power this jutsu has, right? I wouldn't teach this to you if I didn't think you could learn it. And I believe you can figure this out before dinner time."

"Wanna bet?" She rolled her eyes. Learning an A-rank jutsu in six hours? She was good but she wasn't that good.

He shrugged. "It would be an unfair bet." Then he shifted his weight back onto both legs and moved to stand directly opposite her. "I'm going to show you now, ok? Are you ready?"

To confront her greatest fear? Was anyone ever ready for that?

Sakura took a few deep breaths and squared her shoulders, reminding herself that whatever she saw next wouldn't be real. But what would she see? What was she most scared of? Naruto dying? Sasuke dying? Kyuubi breaking free? Orochimaru taking over Sasuke? Konoha being destroyed?

Something happening to Kakashi…?

Whatever it was, she had to stay strong. She didn't want to be reduced to a 'dribbling puddle of tears', let alone in front of Kakashi of all people. So she prepared herself… though she had no idea what she was preparing herself for, she simply prepared for the worst.

"Ok," she said. "Do it."

Almost reluctantly, Kakashi brought his hands together to perform the seals – slowly enough for her to be able to follow and memorize, though she lost count around the thirteenth one. And as she watched the last seal slide into place and heard Kakashi mutter the words of the jutsu, the world around her slowly began to dissolve, blowing away on the wind like desert sand until there was only darkness.

Sakura stayed stock still, tense but alert. Was this her fear? Darkness? Was she secretly afraid of the dark without realizing? She didn't _feel_ particularly scared but…

There was something else in the darkness with her. Sakura couldn't hear it, couldn't _see_ it, but she knew it was there, circling her. Occasionally she thought she saw something move in the corner of her eye, but when she turned to confront it, it had slipped on.

A little fear welled up inside her, but she clamped down on the rising sense of panic. _It isn't real_, she told herself. _Whatever it is, it can't hurt you_. _It's just an illusion_.

Just because I can't touch you, doesn't mean I can't hurt you.

Sakura started and whipped around. "Who's there?"

No one… no one…

Sakura couldn't be sure she was even hearing anything. The indistinct voice flitted through her head, more like images than spoken words. Other sounds pressed in between her ears, and other voices – young and old, male and female – speaking short bursts of lines, but all pure gibberish.

I wanted that horse!

It's all a matter of taste.

Can't you see what you've done to him?

Hahahaha!

Bzzzt!

Don't bring that thing in here, you'll get mud all over the floor.

BITCH!

Sakura shook her head in alarm. It didn't seem like these sounds and voices were coming from anywhere but her own mind. Was this supposed to happen? She felt like she was going mad…

Closing her eyes, Sakura ran her hands over her head. "I don't like this," she said aloud, more to drown out the strange sounds. She wasn't quite scared, but she felt disturbed enough to press her hands together and perform the genjutsu release counter-jutsu. "_Kai!_"

That won't work here…

When Sakura opened her eyes, she was still swamped in darkness. She tried the release-jutsu again, but all she heard was laughter. Panic that she'd been keeping admirably tempered until then suddenly ratcheted up. She wasn't in control.

_It's not real_, she repeated to herself, _It's not real, and Kakashi will end it in a moment._

But her own thoughts seemed as indistinct and abstract as the other thoughts there. Her voice was lost in a sea of other voices, and she was beginning to wonder which one was hers.

"Kakashi-sensei – I really don't like this – you can end it now!"

He can't hear you.

_Yes, he can_. _He's-_

He's not listening. None of them listen. Not to you.

_Say whatever the hell you want, I know you're not real._

This is as real as you make it. These are your own thoughts and fears, after all. These are _real_.

_I'm not scared_.

Your future is already determined. You've already chosen it, and we can see it. It's right here in your head. In your fear…

_I'm not listening…_

Do you want to see it? Your future?

_Go away!_

We can't. We're part of you. We've always been here, with you. This place has set us free. And we have something to show you…

_You're just an illusion_.

This place is the illusion, but we… "…are as real as you."

The voice was suddenly outside her head, somewhere behind her, but as Sakura whipped around to face it, a strong hand caught her arm and forced her to her knees with a cry. The grip was stronger than anything she'd ever felt, as if the person above her was intent on holding her at the very brink of crushing her bones. She looked up, but the darkness seemed to be warping, neither hiding the person nor revealing them.

It was definitely a woman though.

"You are pathetic… you shame us…"

Sakura hissed as the grip tightened and her joints creaked. "Let me go…"

"Only once you see where you're going. Where you're leading us."

Images and sensations assaulted her mind, and Sakura was suddenly seized with a gut-wrenching misery that nearly knocked the wind out of her lungs. She could see it, like memories, rushing behind her eyes like a disjointed movie that jumped back and forth. She could see herself – _feel_ herself – alone, sitting in a living room alone with the TV on and a hot chocolate set before her. Overweight, lines stretched along the corners of her mouth and eyes, pictures of former teammates on the wall that were too painful to look at, and a picture of her family on the windowsill that she gazed at every night. Of a husband who didn't come home most nights, and of children who couldn't stand the sight of her.

She was hated. Hated by everyone she loved. Everyone she'd given her life to. She'd settled too soon for the wrong man, lost her career. Her friends had lost contact or died. And she was alone.

Sitting and watching the television… it was so normal. From an outside perspective it was just a quiet evening. From inside, Sakura could feel the despair. All the pain and hurt. All the passing thoughts that seemed to come more frequently as time wore on… _I don't like living anymore._

"No! No, that's not me!" Sakura cried out. "That's all wrong!"

"Like mother like daughter… you're repeating all the same mistakes."

"That isn't me, it's _not_ real," Sakura cried. But the tears rolling down her cheeks felt real. And the misery and depression that still lingered from the 'memories' felt all too real.

The figure released her arm and Sakura crumpled to the ground, curling in around herself and her pained arm. "It's not real, just go away. Just _go away_. You're not me. You're not real. You're not real."

A gentle hand touched her back. "Sakura…"

_Thank god._

She took a moment to carefully wipe her eyes with her fingers before she sat up and took in the sight of her teacher crouching before her. She felt like she hadn't seen him in a year, and at once she felt a mixture of gratitude for him having released her from the jutsu, and still the lingering misery the jutsu had induced. The result left her little tearful. "Sensei…" she whispered in a wobbly voice.

"Are you ok?" he asked in a low, concerned tone.

She started to nod, but then her face crumpled and she shook her head. "No," she squeaked. "It was horrible!"

"What did you see?"

"I was fat and old, and I had wrinkles – Kakashi-sensei, it was _horrible_!"

Kakashi stared at her. "You were fat and old…?" he repeated blankly. For some reason, he seemed to think that was a bit shallow.

"No, it was terrible. I wanted to kill myself," she said, trying to make him understand.

"I see." But he still didn't really understand.

Sakura wanted to explain more, but she couldn't. It was too private. She didn't want him to know that of all the things she feared in the world, it was growing old and dying alone, unloved, having lost everything she held dear now because of a series of stupid mistakes she was already beginning to make.

_I won't end up that way_, she promised herself right there and then. _I won't wind up like Mama. From now on I do what I want to do… not what I think I should do. I won't make the same mistakes anymore._

Kakashi gave her shoulder one last squeeze before his hand fell away, and she found herself missing its warmth. "It's a nasty shock, isn't it? Confronting a fear like that? Usually the worst fear you have is the one you try to hide from and ignore. Makes it all the more upsetting when you have to stare it in the face."

"Someone used it on you, didn't they?" she whispered. "That's how you copied it."

He nodded slowly.

"What did you see?" she asked.

"People," he said listlessly. "All the people who are my responsibility to protect… dying while I am helpless to watch. And it feels real, doesn't it? Even if you know it's only an illusion. In that moment it's real to you, and it's enough to frighten ten years off your life."

Sakura looked down at the ground with a shudder. She still didn't feel quite right yet.

"But it's a useful jutsu, and it's served me well a few times," he said. "And I'm sure it'll serve you well too."

"I don't…" Sakura began.

Kakashi blinked at her. "What?"

"I don't want to learn that jutsu, sensei," she murmured. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I could bring myself to use it on anyone… so I don't know what the point would be to learn it. It seems cruel."

When all she got in reply was silence, she brought her gaze up to meet his with an apologetic wince. "I'm sorry," she said again.

"No, it's fine, I was just thinking…" he mused. "If you're really that scared of getting old, you could always bribe the Hokage into teaching you her anti-aging jutsu."

Sakura sighed. "It's not the getting old bit that scares me…"

He shook his head, bemused. "Then what?"

Kneeling down was beginning to hurt her knees, so Sakura shifted sideways a little to sit on her hip with one knee drawn up to her chest, arms looped around it. "It wasn't that I was old… it's that I didn't like who I was. You know?"

Kakashi said nothing for moment, seemingly thinking over what she'd said in a vague sort of way. Then he shrugged and slipped out of his crouch to sit on the ground, mirroring her except for the soft grunt that revealed he wasn't quite as flexible as her. Resting his elbows on his knees, he gestured for her to continue.

Sakura felt a bit like a spotlight had appeared in the gray, murky heavens to fix a bright beam over her. What was he expecting? A speech? Some sort of heart to heart? She _didn't_ want to talk about this. "It doesn't really matter," she said evasively. "It's not so much a fear as a concern."

Kakashi stared at her.

"I mean… everyone's a little worried about the future, right? That's normal, isn't it?"

Kakashi's head tilted to the side, eyebrow raised.

"It's just that I feel like I've been making so many mistakes lately. I can't seem to get it right. I _think_ I'm getting it right, but then it turns out I've got it all wrong. And it's just like my mother. I feel like I'm turning into her."

"What makes you think that?" Kakashi asked.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I'm too like her to turn out any different."

"But you're nothing like her," Kakashi said bluntly. "She's flaky, dull, and neglectful. And you're… well, you're not like that."

"She wasn't always like that," she insisted. "It's just that she made the wrong choices. She married the wrong man and then she had a child and she was trapped. When she was younger, she was more like me. But it's like sixteen years of marriage just sort of… beat the life out of her. She doesn't care about anything anymore. And I don't want to end up like that…"

"You won't," he said simply.

He didn't get it. Sakura wasn't sure there were enough words in the world to make him understand. He didn't know what it was like to be her – and have to live with impaired judgment regarding the opposite sex. It was quite clear that he knew all the ins and outs of women, and he didn't have to worry about inadvertently settling for the wrong woman, getting pregnant and losing all he'd worked so hard for.

He'd never understand what it was like to be a Haruno woman with a heart set on love and romance but with a magnetic attraction to the very opposite.

Sakura didn't know what else to say, so she said nothing, glaring instead at her pale fingers twined together over her knee.

A warmer hand slipped over hers. "Sakura… whatever you saw in the genjutsu, it wasn't real. No matter how real it seemed, it can't show you your future. You should know better than anyone that no one's fate is set in stone. You don't need to worry."

Sakura stared at his hand. She liked it, with his long fingers and rough calluses. His gloves were old and worn and the metal protector on the back was scuffed dull from countless missions and clashes with enemies. He'd seen so much more action than her, in all areas of life. Perhaps she could trust his experience on this one?

"This isn't about your appalling taste in men, is it?" he asked.

Sakura looked way, blushing furiously when his hand squeezed over her fingers and knee in an affectionate, cajoling manner. "No," she lied.

"Because that's just bad luck. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you."

"I never said I thought there was anything wrong with me," she denied.

"I seem to recall you did. A few nights ago? Something about trash being destined for trash to have little trash babies? I assume by 'trash' you felt that your worth is below average."

Sakura's face still felt too hot for such a cool day. "I was drunk."

"When we are drunk our inhibitions are lowered, and what comes out of our mouths tend to be all the truths we normally keep bottled up inside. I think you feel… inferior, because of the way you've been treated in the past, and you haven't yet got the experience to know any better."

"I have plenty of experience," she said darkly. "Enough anyway. I'm not some naïve blushing virgin." Although the heat in her cheeks begged to differ.

"No," he said understandingly, "but from what I understand, you've never even had an orgasm."

He said it so frankly she didn't know quite what to say for a moment. The hand resting on her knee suddenly seemed to burn, as did his gaze. Sakura stared back at him, like a rabbit facing down a tiger. For lack of anything better to say, she muttered, "I've had orgasms…"

"Well, yes," he said impatiently, "everyone masturbates-"

"Sensei!" she cried, mortified. His hand slipped off her knee. "That's – you can't just – _sensei_!"

"You're not going to deny you do it, are you?" he asked flatly, unimpressed.

She wanted to, but some lies were just too obvious. "So? Are you saying you do it too?"

"Anyway," he said, indiscreetly sidestepping the question, "like I said, everyone masturbates. The difference here though is that you've never had an orgasm during sex. Have you?"

Sakura looked hard at the ground between them. "And?" she said morosely. "So I'm frigid. I knew that already, thanks."

"No," he said shortly, his hand lifting to push her chin up in a no-nonsense fashion, as if he was scolding her. "I know you Sakura, and I know there's nothing frigid about you whatsoever. There's a passion in here," he told her, touching a finger to her chest, "that no one's tapped into yet. That's not your fault. You just need someone who knows how to do it."

And the only person she could think of who would know how to do just that… was him. But it was completely insane. Maybe if she looked around a little harder she would see there were other men who were equally capable of 'tapping into her hidden passion', but none of them could look her in the eye and see her the way Kakashi did. She was very sure in that instant that he was the one person in the world who knew her better than she knew herself.

"Could you…?" she began softly.

Kakashi's hand fell away. "What?" he prompted.

Sakura's throat seized up. She was being an idiot, asking the utterly impossible. "Nothing… I-I think I should go."

"But you haven't paid me my favor yet," he pointed out.

"You can test your jutsu on me another time, sensei," she said, standing up. "I don't think now is a good time."

She turned to walk away, but found herself bumping straight into the hard chest that belonged to her teacher. For such a lazy man, his speed constantly surprised her. "Actually, I think now's a rather good time," he commented.

"Sensei," she said warningly, looking everywhere but at him.

"Sakura," he said, in a matching tone. "Look at me."

When she didn't, he caught her chin between his fingers again and she found she had no choice but to look him in the eye.

And the sharingan.

"Just relax… I won't hurt you," he murmured.

She knew that. Because she knew exactly what he planned to do. She should have pulled away then and reminded him of their respective positions, but instead she decided to play dumb and pretend. Pretend that she didn't expect the wave of heat that washed over her body like a gentle tide, rushing from her fingers to her toes and searing directly between her legs.

But even though she expected it, it didn't make the sensation any less shocking. It was just his eye. He wasn't touching her at all, save for the finger under her chin to hold her gaze in place. The sensations seemed to come from nowhere, ruthlessly intense and unmerciful. Sakura's breath escaped her in a gasp as her knees nearly buckled and her thighs clenched. There was no reason to this pleasure. No anchor. Sakura's fingers fumbled to catch on to Kakashi's vest, desperate for something to hold on to.

_But this is wrong!_

She wanted to stay trapped there in his gaze, let the pleasure keep building until it exploded with a scream. And perhaps she would collapse against him in the aftermath… but then what?

"N-No – what are you doing-!" she rasped, closing her eyes and pushing away from him by a sheer force of willpower alone. He hadn't been holding her there, so she met no resistance. But she found herself wishing he _had_ tried to stop her, and for a moment she sat sprawled on the ground panting with unfulfilled arousal, and was angry that he'd let her go so easily.

"Sakura." He sighed her name, but there was not an ounce of remorse or regret in his tone. Only soft exasperation.

Sakura's resolved hardened right then. "I'm going home." Whereupon she would have the coldest shower of her life. She got shakily to her feet once more and began walking away.

"You can keep pretending if you like," he said behind her, "for the sake of your conscience, that I'm not giving you a choice. If you're too ashamed of you own desires to admit what you-"

"No! I'm not ashamed of anything!" she snapped, whirling on him. "You're a pervert, that's all! You're a philandering bastard with immoral tastes and-"

"And that's exactly why you're interested. Because you think I'm the perfect guy for what you're looking for… and even better, you think I'm easy."

"You _are_ easy," she sniped.

"Well, yes," he said, lowering his head in amusement. "But while I may push the boundaries, I'm not going to overstep them. You knew exactly what the jutsu I wanted to test on you was about ever since I mentioned it was a doujutsu, but you didn't object till just now. I'm only giving you what you're consenting to, Sakura, whether you think I realize it or not. But if you're waiting for me to make a real move, so that you can continue to feel like a helpless victim to an older man and that this perversion is not yours, then you'll be waiting a very long time."

Hatake Kakashi was truly the most infuriating and repulsive man alive.

"I'm not waiting for anything," she said stiffly. "I'm going home."

"If that's what you want…"

It wasn't, but she didn't have the guts to admit anything different…

But that would change.

* * *

It was all too easy for Kakashi to lose track of the time, especially when reading Icha Icha Tactics. The moment he arrived back in his apartment, he picked up his favorite book and quickly delved into the rich storyline… and when he finally managed to pry himself back into the real world, he discovered the pale gray sky that had been outside his window when he'd stepped through the door had now turned dark. Rain came down in waves, drenching his windowpane. 

Glancing at the clock on his wall, he remembered his appointmenet with Ayame. He had just about enough time for a quick shower and maybe a light snack, and then maybe he'd only be about five minutes late?

As he was undressing in the bathroom, he caught sight of himself in the mirror and found himself staring into the fathomless wonder that was Obito's sharingan. Would Obito frown on him for using it the way he had that afternoon?

Probably not, knowing Obito. Undoubtedly if he was still alive, it was just the sort of thing he'd be doing with this sharingan on a daily basis.

Either way, it had been worth it, just to see the comely blush dust her cheeks, and the way her mouth had dropped open with that half-gasp half-sigh. If she hadn't remembered her sensibilities – those _damn_ sensibilities – he would have taken her all the way; brought her to the edge and thrown her off it just to see what she looked like and hear how she sounded when she experienced pure carnal pleasure.

He would have been the first and only person to see her that way…

His manhood twitched at the memory, and he winced. "Get down," he threatened, before stepping under the spray of the shower.

But maybe he was wrong to offer this? Certainly Sakura was in desperate need of a sexual experience that didn't leave her feeling so worthless, but maybe he wasn't the one who should be giving it. He'd warned himself before of the lines that ran between teacher and student, but lately he'd been finding it hard to care. She needed help, and he was ready and willing to provide it, and sometimes it seemed as simple as that. X and Y. Male and female.

If only things were really that simple.

Kakashi sighed. Yep. There were a million and one reasons why fucking his own student would be a very bad idea, and you didn't need to be a genius like him to figure out the primary one – that she was his _student_. The curriculum of a jonin was comprehensive, but that was just silly.

However, she wasn't a child anymore. She'd made some errors of judgment and now she needed the helping hand of her superior to guide her back onto a correct path of life -

_Oh, you sick man_.

He needed to stop reading Icha Icha.

Kakashi shut off the shower with a snap and toweled off briskly. When he emerged from the bathroom he checked the clock again. Ten minutes late for his appointment with Ayame. He was making good time!

Half-dressed, he made a quick pit stop in the kitchen to grab an orange on his way to picking up his shirt and jacket. But just as he'd made it to his third slice, a tentative knock sounded at his door. Kakashi paused and looked around in bemusement. He didn't get late-night callers, unless they were his neighbors coming to complain about something. His shower sometimes leaked, so perhaps Mr Tetsuyo downstairs had come to vent about it?

When the knock sounded again, he decided against it. No way did any of his neighbors knock with such cautious respect. It could only be one person.

Kakashi opened the door and leant against the frame, looking down at the pink-haired girl standing before him. Chewing slowly, he looked her up and down. Not one part of her did not drip water. How long had she been out in the rain?

He waited for her to speak, but she seemed to hardly even acknowledge he'd answered the door. She was working up the courage for something, he could sense it, so he simply bided his time and waited.

Her chin lifted first, then her eyes, and she shook slightly with either cold or nerves as she regarded him silently from beneath spiked eyelashes. Then her soft lips parted and she exhaled a soft sigh.

And in a small, but no less weak voice, she said, "Please make love to me."

* * *


	11. Orange Seeds of Fate

_Window_

Chapter Eleven

* * *

Sakura sat outside her mother's house long before she dared knock on the door. It was cold, her arms were prickled with gooseflesh, and every now and then a drop of water landed on her knee as the sky threatened to spill over as it had been promising all day. But as of yet, the best it could so was spit. 

She felt like a stranger on this step, even though she must have spent half her life sitting in this very same spot, talking with Ino on summer days while eating ice cream, or waiting there on chill autumn days when her parents were arguing inside (because even though simply walking in would usually break up a fight, Sakura liked to pretend to herself and her parents that she had no idea about their troubles). And nothing had changed about the view. The house that sat opposite was the same house that had always sat there, with its blue door and gray drainpipes. The neighbor to the left still kept his garden in perfect, beautiful condition, while the neighbor on the right still had her garden littered with old bikes and toys for children that Sakura had grown up alongside. But even though those children had long since grown up and left home, their toys remained in the same place… as if waiting for them if they wanted to return.

Sakura's house wasn't nearly so welcoming. She had almost hoped that if she sat on that step long enough, she would somehow be transported back to her childhood when life had been simple and things had been safe. Where being a kunoichi was just was a romantic daydream she'd always harbored and her parents had at least cared about each other enough to get by. But at the end of the day, she was still eighteen, still sitting on her old home's doorstep, still wishing for a dream of yesterday because she feared the reality of tomorrow.

Wishing never got anyone anyway. Inaction had always been the bane of her life, so it was finally time to stand up and try to take her destiny back into her own hands, at the risk of sounding like the cheesy upbeat character in the soaps she watched.

And not a moment too soon; it was beginning to rain.

Sakura stood and knocked on the decrepit door. It was unlocked, and she knew she could walk right in and kiss her mother on the cheek as she usually did, but this time she wanted her mother to come to her. To acknowledge her.

After far too long a pause, the door opened and the face of her mother peered at her through the gap in a mixture of sleepy confusion and annoyance. It was very much like the face she'd seen in the vision Kakashi's jutsu had given her, but Sakura supposed that wasn't so bad. Her mother was, in some way, still an attractive woman, especially when she wasn't scowling, smoking or making a habit of sleeping in her make-up. All three of which she was doing right now, unfortunately.

"Do you know what time it is?" her mother asked.

"It's not that late," Sakura shot back. "It's only gone half seven. Were you asleep?"

"Yes, I _was_," her mother replied, in the kind of tone that suggested she wished that was still the case. "So what is it this time? You're here for either three things. It can't be money, because you know I don't have any. And it can't be clothes, because I'm sure you've cleared out everything by now. So it would seem that your guilt has caught up with you once more, and you've come to make yourself feel better for having abandoned your poor old mother."

Sakura rolled her eyes.

"So which is it?" the woman prompted.

"Guilt," Sakura muttered. "Can I come in?"

Her mother hesitated. "Be quick. The commercial break is on."

Suddenly Sakura began to wonder why she'd even bothered coming. She followed her mother into the living room and sat down at the table, noticing how uncannily familiar it was to the living room she'd seen during that jutsu. Looking at her mother now was not unlike staring right at her greatest fear all over again.

"Sakura, don't stare at me like that." Her mother gave her a sideways look. "It's very off-putting."

"Sorry," Sakura obliged, looking at the TV. "Oh, I've seen this episode. It's the one where Denji wakes up and asks Rinoko to marry him."

"Yeah, well, don't spoil it for me or anything…"

"Sorry."

This wasn't going well.

Sakura's mother glanced at her and sighed, before reaching out to stroke the back of her smoke-stained fingers down Sakura's hair. "Is everything alright, sweetie. You look down."

Sakura looked up at her. "I've had a very scary day."

"Well, you're a kunoichi I suppose…"

"Not like that," Sakura murmured. "Mama, can I ask you a question?"

"Go on," she said slowly.

"Why did you marry Dad?"

Her mother snorted and stubbed out the dwindling remains of her cigarette in the ashtray on the table, before reaching for her packet to pull out another one. "Why else? I was thirty-two, and I wasn't getting any younger."

Sakura waited, but her mother seemed finished. "Is that all?"

"Look, Sakura, when you're older, you'll understand these things. All my friends and sisters were married and happy, and I had a habit of picking lousy men. I thought your father was different, but it just took a few more years than normal for his true colors to show. He was just like the rest and now I'm back to where I started… only now I'm fifty, and if it was tough trying to find a decent unattached man when I was young, it'll sure as hell be a miracle if I manage it now."

"Surely you knew _some_ decent men…" Sakura said, frowning.

Her mother took a long drag of her cigarette and exhaled slowly. "Maybe one or two. No. Just the one," she sighed. "When I was about your age, maybe a little older, I knew this guy who was very much a one of a kind. All the girls liked him, and I'm sure he had his fair pick of the crop. Chivalrous, skilled, good family background. He was practically perfect in every way except for one."

"What?" Sakura asked.

"He liked me."

"Oh. So what happened?"

"Nothing," her mother grouched, rolling her eyes in the exact same style as Sakura. "He intimidated me and as usual I ran from things that were above me. Biggest fuc- uh, biggest mistake of my life. He could have been your father if I'd played my cards right, and perhaps I would be living in a bigger house further up the hill than this hovel."

Sakura blinked at her in surprise. She didn't think the house was that bad, but then she'd grown up in it and had never dreamed of anything more than she'd had. Perhaps her mother felt as trapped here as Sakura had in her vision.

"Where is he now?" Sakura asked softly.

"Who knows?" Her mother rolled her shoulders tiredly. "I didn't see much of him after we ended things, and then I stopped seeing him altogether. He was a jonin… so perhaps he's dead now? Or worse; married."

Sakura thought for a moment. Perhaps if she could find this man… "What was his name?"

"It doesn't matter, Sakura," he mother said shortly. "Just let it be a lesson to you. Don't let fear dictate your life. Don't settle for second-best. If the opportunity to have what you want is there – take it. Because if you let it slide away…"

Her mother's hand stilled and ash dripped onto the table. Smoke swirled from the tip of her cigarette, diffusing and dispersing through the air until it was gone. Sakura's mother watched it for a moment, before turning her eyes back to the television set. "Alright," she said, her voice oddly flat, "you've done your duty by me. You can go now."

Sakura didn't move. "But I-"

"I'd prefer it if you just went, Sakura."

It probably wasn't a fantastically cheery subject of discussion for her mother, so Sakura understood. Rather than argue, she just nodded and leaned forward to wrap her arms around the older Haruno's shoulders. "I love you, Mama," she whispered, inhaling the old familiar smell of smoke and perfume that had been a constant throughout her childhood.

"I love you too, sweetheart." Her mother patted her arm. "Take care."

It was up to Sakura to show herself out.

The unforgiving rain lashed across Sakura as she stepped out onto the street and pulled the door shut behind her. For a long while she stood there, contemplating what to do next.

She didn't want to go home and sit alone all evening as she usually did. She didn't want to find Naruto, because he would undoubtedly be hanging out with Sasuke, and the last thing she wanted right now was to be with someone to whom she only came second. Two was company and three was a crowd sometimes, or at least since Sasuke had returned. The only other person Sakura might possibly go to was Ino, but she would only give Sakura lectures and try to fix her up with some of her ex-boyfriends.

There was one other place that she might be welcome… but Sakura didn't want to think about it.

She only knew that she couldn't keep standing there on her mother's doorstep like a senile sausage. With all the water running down in the back of her vest, it would only be a matter of time before she caught a cold. And for all the marvelous medical jutsu she knew, she still had yet to find one that cured the sniffles.

Taking off down the street, Sakura splashed through the puddles and vainly tried to shield her face from the rain as she sought shelter. It came in the form of the wide awning of a closed grocery shop. Sakura slid to a muddy stop beside a stack of baskets that smelled faintly of old cabbages and sunk back against the shop doorway. Damp rose off her like steam. She heaved a sigh and closed her eyes, finding that she wasn't quite as fond of the rain as she'd professed yesterday to Kakashi.

Oh, Kakashi…

Her heart gave a pathetic squeeze of longing and she had to fight the lump that swelled in her throat. She was in trouble, very _serious_ trouble, when the only person who understood her and could give her what she wanted was her jonin teacher. But it wasn't her fault. Recently when she was with him… as much as she dreaded it, she enjoyed it too. No one listened to her quite the way he did. Naruto didn't know how to, Sasuke didn't want to, Ino talked over her, and certainly none of the boys she's supposedly been intimate with in the past had never found room next to their giant egos to consider her. Although, she supposed, that was what she got for dating shinobi.

Kakashi was different. And since that fateful (and ghastly) morning she'd seen him with Kimura Yoshi, she'd realized he wasn't so different. He was human, and not quite so untouchable anymore. He made her talk about things she didn't dare talk about with anyone else. He made her feel things no one else had ever…

Sakura shuddered as she remembered the sensations his sharingan had inflicted upon her. Such an undiluted blast of pleasure that would have blown the top of her head clean off if she'd allowed it to continue for a moment longer. Just the memory of it made her body throb with desire. For him. For his rough, calloused hands on her skin and his warm mouth on hers and his hard body against her… inside her.

She'd come to her mother for answers, to find out what she should do. But even though her mother had told her pretty much what she hoped to hear, she still found herself hesitating…

_If the opportunity to have what you want is there – take it. Because if you let it slide away…_

The opportunity was there, free to take or reject. She could throw caution to the wind and go for it, or she could play it safe and go home, climb into a cold bed and wonder what might have happened if she'd just had the courage.

Pushing to her feet slowly, Sakura debated fretfully for a moment if she was doing the right thing. Her teeth worried her lip.

Then she decided.

Stepping out from under the cover of the shop awning, Sakura started off up the street. Her feet felt like leaden blocks, and she couldn't hurry her pace even if she wanted to. Rain hammered on her head and shoulders and street lanterns flickered on as she passed, responding to the incoming darkness. Sakura didn't notice. She had only one goal in mind, so focused that she didn't even recall most of the journey. One minute she was walking away from the grocery shop and the next she was standing outside Kakashi's apartment block on that old, sloping road with water rushing past her feet in the gutter.

A light was shining from his window, and since he struck her as the type to be conscientious of his electricity bill, it meant he was probably home. But all she could see from the street was Mr. Ukki's vague silhouette.

Sakura moved forward, passing through the rusty gate and up the broken path of paving stones to the outer door. For a moment her finger hovered over the button that would summon him to the intercom, when she remembered that it was broken. It was probably all thanks to this silly little button next to the peeling label with Kakashi's apartment number on it that she was in this situation. If it hadn't been broken that morning, she would never have gone up to his window to call him. If she'd never seen him like that, her perception of him would never have changed. He'd still be her strange, eccentric sensei with a passion for porn but nothing more, and she might right now be sitting in her home, out of the rain, unfulfilled and lonely, but at least still blissfully ignorant of what she didn't have.

She tried the door handle instead and was only mildly surprised to find it was unlocked. Inside the hall was warm and dry and instantly the contrast in temperature on her chilled skin made her shiver. But she'd be lying if she said some of her trembling had nothing to do with nerves.

The stairs seemed to stretch to infinity before her, but Sakura took them stiffly, one step at a time, past the first apartment where classical music blared, past the second and third apartment that were quiet and past a fourth where she could hear laughter bubbling from inside.

Kakashi's apartment was the fifth. There was nothing spectacular about its green door or its 'Welcome Home' doormat (other than that the mat was so old the last two letters had worn away, leaving Sakura very ill at ease with its message). She hesitated only a moment before raising her fist and knocking gingerly. She half hoped he wouldn't be in after all…

But she hadn't come this far to chicken out at the last minute.

When the door swung open, her stomach dropped and she stared bleakly at the man before her. His mask-less face threw her for a loop. As did the towel wrapped around his hair like a turban. And was he chewing an _orange_?

Sakura hadn't known what kind of fanciful sex god fantasy she'd been expecting to find here tonight, but this hadn't exactly been it.

Kakashi looked her up and down slowly, scrutinizing her wet appearance before his gaze met hers and his eyebrows lifted ever so slightly as if to say '_Well?'_.

Sakura's chin rose in response and she took a deep breath and said what she'd wanted to say since that morning at the window.

"Please make love to me."

* * *

The orange slice attempted to slide down the wrong hole right then, and Kakashi discreetly coughed into his fist. It wasn't that he was surprised by the fact that she'd come here for sex. He was simply surprised that she'd made no mincemeat about it. 

She did look terrified though, standing on his doormat, the ends of her hair and nose dripping with water, so pale she could have blended into the whitewash walls behind her. She was shivering like a kitten caught out in the cold, and as much fun as it usually was to tease and provoke this girl, now she seemed a bit too fragile for it.

"I think you'd better come in then," he said, ever mastering the art of understatement. He stepped back and swung the door wider.

She stepped through like a mouse entering the lion's den, respectfully removing her shoes as she looked around the room as if she'd never really seen it before. Maybe she hadn't? He couldn't recall her paying him many visits in the past, and certainly none where he had invited her inside. He wondered what she thought of it. He was pretty tidy, he knew, for a bachelor, and he liked to keep a command of his mess. But today he had his laundry piled up around the edge of the room, waiting to ironed and folded and put away. The majority of it was, naturally, his underwear.

He noticed Sakura's eyes register this fact before quickly darting away to examine the wall on the opposite side of the room. She nearly jumped out of his skin when he plucked the towel from his own head and draped it over hers. "You're soaking wet. Did you go for a swim in the river or something?"

He rubbed the towel over her head unmercifully, much to her chagrin. "Did you even hear what I said?" she asked. "I want you to-"

"I heard," he cut her off simply, before pointing to the living room table. "Why don't you have a seat?"

She paused, as if about to protest, then thought better of it and went to sit down. He went to collect another orange from the bowl on his kitchen counter before joining her, taking a seat on the opposite side of the table to the damp girl. He offered it to her wordlessly, but she shook her head. He started to peel it anyway.

"I always have an orange when I'm feeling blue. It never fails to make me feel better," he said conversationally. "I think it must be the vitamin C."

He watched Sakura rubbed the towel distractedly down her arms – those smooth, toned arms dusted with a hint of a fading summer tan. For such a strong girl, she was remarkably dainty, with curving forearms that taped into slim wrists and small, long-fingered hands. Her eyes seemed dark tonight, almost gray, and they watched him warily waiting for every word out of his mouth.

Kakashi turned his attention back to peeling the orange in his hand. "Why did you come here, Sakura?"

A beat of silence passed through his apartment. "I thought I made that pretty obvious," she said evenly.

"Ok, let me rephrase that," he said, fixing her with a slight smile. "Why do you want me to fuck you?"

Her wary calm broke and she flushed. "I don't want you to fuck me, I want you to make love to me. Properly. You said that if I ever needed anything you would be there for me-"

"And you took that to mean I would drop everything and screw you – sorry – _make love to you_, if ever you came knocking on my door in the middle of the night with an itch?" He pulled a slice of orange from the mound in his hand and popped it into his mouth. "Quite a conclusion to draw from a simple offer of help."

She stared at him carefully. "Was I wrong?" she asked slowly.

"No," he admitted. "But my hospitality has limits. Which is why I'm wondering what exactly your motivation is. Are you here because you want to be here? Or are you here because of something you saw in that jutsu this morning?"

Her gaze turned a little uncertain and for a long time she said nothing. After some deliberation staring at the pine tabletop before her, she lifted her head and responded. "I'm not sure what you mean by that. But it's like what you said before. Everyone gets a little lonely… but when I'm around you I don't feel it so much. You understand that, right?"

_All too well_. He nodded slowly, giving her a warmer smile. "Yeah," he murmured. "I get that."

"I-I don't know," she said, her tough demeanor crumbling around her like cracking glass as she darted a look around his apartment. "Maybe I shouldn't be here. Maybe this a mistake-"

"Maybe it isn't," he interrupted. "Maybe you should be here."

She looked at him uncertainly. "Should I be…?"

She was depending upon him to give her the answer, to decide for her what she should do, take away her choice and give her the easy way out. And as tempting as it was to secure her in his bed tonight, he didn't want to be the one making that decision. It was up to her and her only.

Kakashi looked down at the orange slices in his hand and suddenly started to break them apart. "I like oranges, but you always get the odd pip, don't you? I say there's about a fifty-fifty chance of finding a pip in each of these slices."

Sakura blinked at him.

"So let's have a little bet," he said cheerfully. "You take one of these slices at random and eat it. If there's a pip in it, you have to go home. If there is no pip, you have to kiss me."

Sakura's eyes widened and her face went fractionally paler, though whether it was over the prospect of being sent home or being kissed, he could only guess.

"Deal?" he prompted.

Slowly, cautiously, she nodded. "Deal."

He smiled lazily and deposited the orange slices in a pile in the middle of the table. He gestured to them with a finger. "Go on. Close your eyes and take your pick."

Almost reluctantly she closed her eyes and reached out towards the orange slices. Her fingers fumbled for a moment before fixing on one of the thicker slices, then with her eyes still shut she brought it to her mouth and took it whole.

Even if she found a pip now and went home, simply getting the chance to watch her slowly push that slice of fruit between her moist pink lips was enough to make up for it. That kind of image was the sort of thing wet dreams were made out of. And when she finally gave an audible swallow and her lips parted softly in the aftermath, he felt his own groin tighten in response.

Such small things didn't normally get his blood pumping like this. If she licked her lips now he couldn't be sure he wouldn't overturn the table in his haste to get to her.

Fortunately she didn't. She only opened her eyes and looked him directly in the eye. It took him a moment to realize that she wasn't spitting out any pips or otherwise making any moves to get up and leave. Which meant only one thing.

"Going to honor the deal still?" he asked.

"It's only fair," she responded faintly.

With another disarming smile he held out his hand to her. Cool fingers slipped hesitantly over his and he quickly caught them tight and drew her hand towards him to dust a light kiss over her knuckles. He felt rather than saw her sharp intake of breath. Her fingers twitched beneath his, and he marveled at the soft texture of her skin that could put the softest silk to shame.

But he didn't give her much time to adjust. After a moment he suddenly gave her hand a gentle tug and jerked her forward until she was leaning half across the table. It was just close enough for him to be able to reach up with ease, brush the winding tendrils of damp hair away from her face, and tilt her chin up to meet his kiss.

The first one was short, chaste, testing her, and the second more applied and coaxing. Her eyes slid shut and her lips parted ever so slightly, but Kakashi didn't push to take any more than was necessary. He'd never kissed anyone with quite this much attentive care before. He'd never had to. The only remotely similar instance he could recall was the first time he'd summoned Pakkun as a puppy, and he'd tentatively held out his hand to sniff in greeting, not knowing exactly what reaction he would get.

Of course, Pakkun had promptly tried to gnaw his finger off, but likewise if he didn't tread carefully enough with Sakura, he might end up losing something worse than his finger. She could be a little unpredictably volatile when pushed out of her depth, and the last thing Kakashi wanted right now was a pierced lip for his troubles.

But it seemed Sakura approved. He felt her sigh and lean into him, offering a little more of her mouth. He could taste the orange on her lips and smell the rain in her hair, and when her cold fingers touched against his neck he didn't mind so much because they'd soon warm up at this rate.

Then suddenly Sakura pulled back, lips pressed firmly together as she stared at the table. Kakashi blinked in surprise but quickly recovered. He was about to ask if she was alright when he noticed the clock on the wall behind her.

He was becoming inexcusably late, even for him. Ayame was not as used to his tardiness and probably wouldn't be quite as forgiving of this particular flaw as others. And as much as he wanted to stay, he really had to go.

"Sakura, I have an appointment…"

She rolled her eyes heavenward.

"No, really. I was on my way out when you arrived, and I should probably be going about now," he said, rising to his feet. Sakura's eyes tracked him as he moved about the room collecting his vest and hitai-ate. He turned to her as he pulled his mask into place, noting the 'abandoned waif' look on her face. "I'll be back in an hour. Maybe an hour and a half," he said, "which should be just about enough time, I think."

"For what?" she murmured.

"For you to decide whether or not you want to be here when I get back."

She blushed and looked away.

Kakashi paused to scrutinise her for a moment. "Decide very carefully," he warned softly, before stepping into his shoes and vanishing out the door.

* * *

The moment he was gone, Sakura spat out the pips and heaved a sigh of relief. If she'd let that kiss carry on in the direction it was going, no doubt he would have discovered her little deception and teased her unmercifully about it. 

Not that it had killed her enjoyment of the kiss even slightly. _No one_ had ever kissed her like that. Most, if not all the kisses she'd ever received were simply a prelude to sex – her previously boyfriends had mostly considered kisses as a necessary evil, or just something to do while unzipping her shirt. Hurried kissing was the closest to foreplay she'd ever gotten.

But Kakashi's kiss had been slow, generous, and keenly attuned to what _she_ wanted. It held the promise of greater pleasure, but it was not demanding. It was simply a kiss for the sake of a kiss and if ever there was an sterling example of a pure, true kiss, that would be it.

Typically she'd gotten it off the greatest pervert since the sannin Jiraiya.

He'd probably just had a lot of practice, she figured. Clearly when you had affairs with married women and picked up girls in bars every other night, naturally you picked up some skill. Maybe it wasn't really all that pure and true… perhaps it was just how people kissed when they knew what they were doing?

Sakura sighed and laid her forehead down on the table. What to do?

Since the moment she'd stepped inside this apartment she'd resigned herself to the idea that she was past the point of no return. Now out of the blue she'd been given another chance to back out. It was tempting to simply jump out the window and cheese it back to the safety of her own apartment, but would that really be for her own good? But if she was still here when he came back, they made love, was that really the better choice after all? Sleeping with your sensei was hugely frowned upon, and not without reason. Was it irresponsible to give into this temptation? Why couldn't Kakashi make it easier for her and just tell her to knock it off and go home? _Why_ did he humor her like this?

It would be better for everyone if she left now, and tomorrow when she met up with her team she could keep her cool and pretend nothing had ever happened and eventually one or both of them would forget this evening when she had offered herself to her teacher on a platter.

The choice was a no-brainer. With a resigned sigh she stood up and moved to collect her boots to leave, knowing that she was making the right decision.

But if it was right, why did she feel so bad?

* * *

"Kakashi-san, I hate you." 

"Sorry, what? I can't hear you over the sound of my own awesome piano playing-"

_Crash!_

Kakashi pulled his hands back from the keys only just in time to avoid having his fingers crushed as the cover came crashing down, courtesy of one irate piano tutor.

"You are officially better than me now," Ayame said, sounding put-out. "I have absolutely _nothing _left to teach you."

Kakashi stared at her. "Hurray?" he ventured tentatively.

"It took me _twelve_ years to get to this level – it's only taken you three lessons and a total of four and a half hours," she ground out, hands on hips. "Do you know how annoying fast learners are?"

He thought of his own fast-learning genjutsu student. "I find them tolerable," he said vaguely.

She blew a sigh at him and leant on the piano. "What is this for anyway?"

She'd been asking this since the first lesson, and he'd avoided answering each time, being that it was top-secret and all. But if Ayame planned to sell secrets she would have done so by now (Naruto usually told her everything and more about each and every classified mission whenever he ate ramen at her father's shop), so perhaps there was no harm in placating her anger by giving her the loose outline.

"I have a long-haul reconnaissance mission in a month. The guy I'm following moves around a lot and changes the staff in his entourage every two days. The only people he doesn't change out are three musicians. The piano player is due to be indisposed next month, which is when I will be miraculously on hand to replace him."

"Ninja have the strangest jobs," she murmured in awe. "But how do you know the piano player will be indisposed?"

Because Kakashi would be doing the disposing? "Ninjas know everything," he said instead.

"Oh, ok." She nodded. "Well, good luck then. I'll send the bill to the Hokage, right?"

"Right."

She looked at her watch. "It's late, Kakashi-san. You'd better get going before my husband gets back and has a fit over there being a strange man in the house."

"I'm not strange…" he protested, but she was already ushering him towards the door.

"Goodbye, Kakashi-san! And if I ever see you again, it will be far too soon."

He gave a theatrical sigh, but by then the door had already been shut in his face.

The night was in reprieve from the rain, and as Kakashi looked up he spied the waxing moon peeking through the break in the clouds, lighting up the street far better than any hanging lanterns. He made his way homeward, unhurried and at his own pace along the rain-washed streets. The question of whether Sakura would be there when he got back had been plaguing him since he'd left. It had even affected his playing, but Ayame hadn't noticed, which affirmed more than anything that he'd surpassed her.

But who cared about pianos and missions when there might possibly be a very lovely girl waiting for him at home to make mad, wild, passionate love to her tonight? He reminded himself that it was probably too good to be true. By now she'd probably come back to her senses and run fleeing into the night. He told himself not to be disappointed when he walked through the door and found her gone. It was only to be expected.

But his heart was in his throat when he twisted the handle and pushed inside, and then down somewhere in the region of the floor when he realized her boots were gone.

_Damn_. There was that disappointment. Completely irrational and inappropriate, but there nonetheless.

Feeling distinctly less happy than a moment ago, Kakashi jerked out his jacket, and pulled off his hitai-ate. He wasn't in the mood for tidiness, so he dropped them both on the living room table where two pips had materialized since his departure. But he wasn't in the mood to think about that either. He just wanted to go to bed and forget about what an idiot he was.

But something was very out of place when he walked into his bedroom. In the dim light, his first thought was that that pesky one-eyed cat had crawled in through the window and had taken up residence on his bed. It was a moment before his eye adjusted to the darkness and he realized the bundle in his bed was actually pink.

"I thought you'd left," he remarked, feeling almost winded. "Your boots were gone."

Sakura sat up in his bed, covers clamped over her chest. It was pretty obvious that she wasn't wearing her vest… or much of anything else really. She gave him a shy, sheepish smile and pointed to the radiator where two black boots lay drying. "They were wet…"

She was adorable. His heart went out to her. "Are you naked?" he drawled, eyeballing the figure his bed covers hugged so deliciously.

"Not quite," she said coyly, "I've told you before, sensei, I only sleep in my panties."

"Describe them."

"Black," she breathed. "With a big white heart printed on the front."

He nodded, digesting that wonderful, wonderful mental image.

"Would you like to see?" she offered shyly.

How could he refuse any offer this girl made of him?

* * *


	12. The Student and Her Teacher

_**SS:** Sorry for the delay!_

* * *

_Window_

Chapter Twelve

* * *

To say she was nervous would be an understatement. Sakura was terrified. But the anxiety didn't lessen her desire to see this through one bit. It was like the time Sasuke had returned; she'd been dying to see him and nothing in the world could have stopped her from doing that, yet she had also been scared to see how much he'd changed and learning once and for all if things between team 7 would ever be the same again. 

Now, even as the idea of life after this night loomed with a big, unsettling question mark hanging over it, it wasn't within her power to stop now. Because she didn't want to stop.

Kakashi moved towards the bed like a predator, like he knew exactly what he wanted and how he was going to get it. The confidence and authority he exuded with every move made the pit of her belly tighten with anticipation. He had an intent to possess and there would be no arguing about it now. Every cell in her body knew that something tremendous was going to happen, that this was what she'd been waiting for her whole life without realizing.

His gloved hand caught the duvet and without any preamble gave a sharp tug, pulling it out of her grasp and away from her body. Sakura gasped in surprise, but didn't shy away or attempt to cover herself. Besides, when she looked up at Kakashi she realized he wasn't even remotely interested in her breasts. His gaze was fixed purely on her underwear.

"Very nice," he murmured, hooking his hands beneath her knees to slide her towards him before reaching down to trace the outline of the white heart with the tip of his finger.

Sakura laughed and planted a foot in the middle of his chest to push him away. "You're such a pervert, Kakashi-sensei," she snickered. "Do you have an underwear fetish or something?"

"Only for you," he quipped, taking hold of the foot on his chest giving it a warm squeeze. "You always have the most interesting underwear…"

His thumb stroked down the bridge of her sole, and Sakura's breath left her in a shuddering sigh. Who knew her feet were so sensitive? "When do I get to see your underwear?" she whispered, enjoying the tingling sensations racing through her entire body from that one seemingly innocuous contact.

"All in good time," he said, "But I think the deal is tonight that I make love to you. We'll worry about me some other time, 'kay?"

Sakura blushed heavily, touched by his selflessness. But if they were just going to focus on her, wouldn't they run out of things to do after five minutes? Perhaps she would just have to trust that Kakashi knew what he was doing?

Softly he let her foot fall and held his hands out to her. She took them in hers and found herself pulled upright so she was sitting on the edge of the bed, her legs not quite long enough to reach the floor. Slowly, Kakashi knelt down between her knees and gave her a knowing look. "Nervous?"

"No," she said too quickly.

"Liar," he said, pressing a gentle finger to her nose. "I'm a bit nervous too, if truth be told."

Somehow, Sakura didn't really believe that. "Liar," she murmured back with a reluctant smile. "You're just trying to make me feel better."

"Did it work?"

"Not really…"

"Oh. Well what about this then?"

His finger hooked into his mask and slipped it down to his chin to lean forward and brush his lips against hers. Sakura nearly melted into a puddle on the bed, her eyes sliding shut with a soft sigh of pleasure. A simple kiss shouldn't feel this good but it did, and it was surprisingly far more enjoyable when she wasn't attempting to hide orange pips under her tongue. When she felt the light tug on her bottom lip and the inquisitive tap of his tongue she reciprocated eagerly, matching his intimacy stroke for stroke. She hummed her approval, her hands slipping into his hair as her insides turned to liquid. So far, this was better than sex as she knew it. Maybe even better than chocolate.

Kakashi suddenly broke the kiss and tilted his head. "Well?" he asked seriously.

Sakura stared at him dazedly, feeling drunk and slow. "No, I'm afraid that didn't work at all," she said, contriving to match his level of deadpan.

"I see," he sighed, as if dismayed. "Then how about this?"

He ducked forward and attacked her throat with a series of hot, open-mouthed kisses. Sakura's eyes fluttered shut and she fought back a moan. Her neck had always been sensitive to touch, but Kakashi's mouth was just masterful, bringing the pleasure from the contact to a whole new level for her. When his tongue slid over her pulse, followed by a soft suck, Sakura felt heat flood her whole body and moisture gather between her legs. "N-No," she said shakily, "I'm afraid that isn't working either."

"What about if I do this?" he asked, leaning her backwards until she was flat against the mattress again. With one hand cupping her back and the other drawing faint patterns against her ribs, he turned his attention on her breasts and took one dusty pink nipple directly into his mouth.

Sakura sucked in a harsh breath and arched as pleasure clenched hard in her belly. Every tug and gentle suck on her breast made heat sear through her, causing her to shift restlessly beneath him, acutely aware of the weight of his body between her legs. She rubbed the inside of her thigh impatiently against his hip, even while she bit her lip to keep from giving sound to any of the intense feelings rushing through her blood.

"So?" He murmured against her breast, giving the other neglected nipple a cheeky pinch.

"Nope, no good," she said in a high, strained voice. "I'm afraid I can't f-feel anything."

"Is that so?"

His hand vanished from her breast, but before she could wonder where it had gone she felt it. His thumb pressed down through her panties against the nub of flesh at the top of her sex. Sakura cried out, her fingers biting into his shoulders as he moved his digit in a tight massage that made her vision dim. "Ah, ok," she squeaked in a breaking voice. "I think you're onto something there."

"About time," he grunted, moving up her body again to press lazy kissed against her mouth and chin. "Don't hold back in any way, Sakura. Relax and let yourself go."

He held himself above her, watching her as he teased gentle circles against the flimsy fabric of her underwear. His gaze was like in an intense light burning down on her face, and she was acutely aware of it, yet she didn't quite have the nerve to open her eyes and meet his gaze. Instead she concentrated on the movements of his hand, embracing the waves of pleasure with open arms. It was simply unbelievable that she was already primed and well on her way to orgasm – and Kakashi hadn't even unbuttoned his trousers yet. This was an epiphany to Sakura. No one she'd ever been with had bothered to cater to her own pleasure the way Kakashi was doing.

"This is like foreplay, isn't it?" she whispered breathlessly.

She heard him laugh and then felt his warm kiss against the edge of her mouth, as if he found her comment cute and adorable. "Foreplay," he said, "is what we've been doing for the better part of this week."

"I think I like foreplay," she gasped, arching her back as another delicious tremor passed through her. "I've never… I mean, I've never really… you know."

"What?" Kakashi asked softly, pressing down against the wet fabric covering her entrance in a way that made her legs quiver.

Sakura had to take several seconds to remember her train of thought. "I've never really gotten to a point where I wanted… _you know, _so badly…"

Sakura wished she hadn't said that, mostly because it caused Kakashi to pause in surprise. Her breath came in short, aroused pants as he leant down so the tip of his nose almost touched hers. "Do you want my _ you know_, Sakura?"

She nodded breathlessly, gazing up at him desperately.

"My hot, hard _you know_? Right now? Is that what you want? Wouldn't you rather have my cock?"

Sakura flushed and rolled her eyes. "Why are you making fun of me? Are you trying to make me lose interest?" she grumbled.

"So sensitive." He offered her a placating kiss on the nose. "You can have my cock… after I hear you ask for it."

She wrinkled her nose at him. "I'm not going to ask for that," she rebutted. "I'm not a pervert like you."

"We'll see," he said amicably.

"I'm not!" she cried again, more firmly.

"You know what they say about people who doth protest too much."

"That's it," Sakura snapped attempting to roll away. "You can go screw a cat for all I care-"

"I'll just settle for screwing you, thanks," he said, holding onto her shoulders to keep her in place. "We don't have to rush things here. There's plenty enough time for you to discover your inner pervert, and I've only just started on you."

Sakura swallowed self-consciously beneath him. She watched as his eyes drifted south of her face to admire the breasts which rose with every quick breath she took. Slowly his hands traced down from her shoulders to skim softly over those pert round breasts, only pausing a moment to weigh them in his palms before roving lower over her stomach, then her hips, before settling on her thighs. Sakura's heart quickened as he sat back on his heels and pushed her legs apart, spreading her before him almost obscenely.

Anxiously she chewed her lip. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," he said innocently, pressing a scorching kiss against the inside of her left thigh, and then again further along, moving higher up her leg.

It was pretty clear what his intentions were. "I've never done this before," she admitted quickly.

"There's a first time for everything." He sounded unconcerned.

He was getting closer to the juncture of her thighs, and Sakura jolted when his mouth finally closed over her, warming her through the fabric of her panties. "Kakashi…"

Fingers pinched her thigh, just hard enough to make her flinch. "Kakashi-what?"

"Kakashi…" Her mind drew a blank. "… sensei?"

"What we're doing isn't an excuse to drop propriety and form bad habits, Sakura," he told her. "You're still to address me by my proper title."

Sakura snickered. "No, you just get turned on by being called 'sensei', don't you? Isn't that what the heroine in Icha Icha tactics does? Goes around sleeping with men and calling them 'sensei' while they teach her how to do it doggy-style or something?"

"You read that one then?" he mused, playing with the hem of her panties.

"I've read them all," she rambled. "They're alright. Quite good actually. Especially the later ones, 'cause it seems like Jiraiya-sama has figured out the meaning of 'plot'."

"Really?" he hummed, and began peeling her underwear away down her legs. "Which is you favorite one then?"

"I think… I think the one where he actually falls in love with one of his conquests," she said, trying to outtalk the nervousness creeping over her. "But he thinks she's betrayed him, but it turns out she hasn't, and he only finds out after he accidentally kills her. I mean, I know everything has to be the same by the end of the book so she wasn't really allowed to survive, but that was a sad one and – oh – my god – _oh!_"

Then he was kissing her there, his mouth hot and wet and his tongue swirling with purpose around the nub of her sex. Her breath caught in her throat and she pressed a hand to her mouth in an attempt to muffle her own groan while her other hand slid through his roughly cut locks, clinging for dear life.

With every stroke and swirl and stab of his tongue, Sakura felt herself sinking further down into a whirlpool of desire. He was so hot. Everywhere he touched her, she burned, and with every new wave of pleasure that washed over her, her senses grew dimmer and dimmer until her entire perception started and ended with Kakashi.

She felt dizzy, drunk on her own arousal. But it wasn't enough.

"Kakashi-sensei," she whispered, he head tossing restlessly against the sheets. "I need more. _Now_."

The cry that tore from her chest went unrestrained as she felt him push one large finger slowly into her, making her squirm as he pushed deeper. She arched helplessly against his mouth, overcome by the sudden, startling feeling of being penetrated. It was almost exactly what she needed, but it still wasn't quite it. Even though her whole body throbbed with building pleasure, it still felt like she was missing something very vital to her completion.

"Sensei, I need you," she pleaded.

He raised himself up lethargically and pressed a kiss to her mouth, one that tasted musky and sweet and… _oh god_, that was her she was tasting. "I'm right here," he murmured. And he kept on kissing her, thrusting his tongue against hers in time to his thrusting fingers.

Sakura tore her mouth away. "No," she whispered harshly. "I need you _inside _me."

"I am inside you."

"_No!_" she hissed, feeling her face growing hotter, embarrassed that even while he was touching her just about as intimately as a man could touch a woman, she still had trouble asking for what she wanted. "Don't be an ass, you know what I mean."

"No, I don't," he said, clearly planning on being as infuriating as possible during this wonderful experience. "Tell me what you mean."

He was going to make her say it, even if he had to torture her at the very brink of climax all night. A fine sweat was breaking out across her bare skin. Was he sweating too? She couldn't really tell as he was still fully dressed.

"Why are you still wearing clothes?" she demanded absently, and began tugging impishly at shirt. "Take them off."

He didn't hurry himself as he pulled back from her and stood. With easy grace he tugged off his gloves and then pulled off his overshirt, dropping them into a careful pile on the floor. After the shirt went his vest, leaving him deliciously bare-chested. Sakura licked her lips unconsciously, greedily taking in the sight of his broad chest flecked with several pale scares and a few darker and deeper ones that gauged lines across his otherwise flawless physique. She recognized a few and knew their back-story, but the vast majority were a mystery to her.

But this was no time to ponder the source of all his scars, because right then he was unbuttoning his pants and pushing them – along with his underwear – down to the floor. When he straightened, Sakura's mouth went dry.

It wasn't that she hadn't seen an aroused naked man before (she had, at least four times). It was just that it suddenly struck her that that this naked man was her teacher.

And she was staring at her teacher's penis.

As nice as it was to look at, it still felt just a tiny bit weird.

Kakashi turned for a moment to collect something from the drawer in the nightstand – a condom, it turned out – and when he looked back at her he seemed to notice her apprehensive turn of expression as she continued to stare at his impressive package. "What's the matter?" he asked, looking down at himself in concern.

A small smile pulled at Sakura's lips and she hid it behind curled fingers. "Nothing," she said honestly, before holding out her hand to him. "Come here."

She anticipated the feel of his body against hers, but it still didn't quite prepare her for the almost electric shock of naked skin on naked skin. He moved over her and kissed her soundly, chasing away any lingering unease with skilful, distracting lips and giving comfort and reprieve from the gnawing ache in her heart and the ever-present loneliness.

This was why she'd come here, after all. To be consumed. To forget. To affirm her life with the vitality of his.

His hard thigh parted hers, making her squirm impatiently at the novel sensation of rough hairs sliding against her smooth skin. Then she felt him settle against her - unbearably hot and hard exactly where she needed him most – and she froze in wonder. A slight roll of his hips had him grinding against her and she hissed at the far too intense surge of pleasure. She felt painfully empty. If he didn't get a move on soon she was very sure she'd go mad.

"Hurry up," she whispered, her fingers massaging the back of his neck restlessly.

"Hurry what up?" he replied innocently.

Her teeth ground together. "If you don't hurry up and finish what you started I'm going to rip off your unmentionables and throw them out of this window," she threatened with real venom.

Kakashi seemed unconcerned. "Then tell me what you want," he said simply. "Tell me _exactly _what you want me to do to you."

Grasping her hips, he held her still as he moved in tiny increments against her, fanning the flames of her arousal to dangerous proportions. She twisted beneath him, desperate to find satisfaction and do what her body – _their_ bodies – demanded. The yearning between her legs was becoming an agony and she grew more frantic, panting desperately as soft moans dwindled into whimpers. "Please," she begged, pulled at his shoulders and hair. "_Please._"

"What do you want Sakura?" he asked patiently. How could he keep such a cool head when she was at her wit's end?

But Sakura was past the point of caring about her dignity. "I want your… cock," she whispered.

"Sorry? Could you repeat that, I couldn't hear you." The slow torturous slide of flesh on flesh continued, making her shudder, unfulfilled .

"I said you're a bastard!" she growled.

"No, I don't think that's what you said," he murmured, leaning down to furrow his face against her neck and nip her earlobe gently. "What do you want?"

"Your cock… inside me… now," she said, between pants.

"Louder."

Sakura gave another growl of frustration. "I want your cock inside me!"

"My what?"

"_Cock!_" she shouted, and then burst out laughing at just how ridiculous she sounded. All his neighbors within a mile radius had probably heard that shout, and frankly it served him right. Not that Kakashi would have the decency to be ashamed by such things as people knowing he had a sex life – he'd made that all too perfectly clear to her.

"Alright," he grunted, propping himself up on his elbows. "You asked for it."

Sakura's laughter died in a heartbeat when Kakashi suddenly gave a deft twist of his hips and filled her in one hard thrust. The air rushed from her lungs in shock, leaving her grappling with the startling sensation of such an abrupt and complete penetration. He didn't move, but then he didn't have to. The sheer heat and size of him filling the aching emptiness was all she needed. Her muscles clamped down around him frantically and the bedroom whirled away into darkness as orgasm crept upon her, slowly at first as if her body couldn't quite believe it, and then suddenly she was catapulted straight into the middle of a storm. Her back arched and her vision blurred. Spasms and contractions of pleasure swept her body, centering around that point of contact where his body invaded hers, and all the while he held her arms in place against the mattress, so cool and collected in comparison to her utter loss of control, holding her down as she convulsed almost violently and rocked hard against him.

It lasted a long time, far longer than she'd ever known an orgasm to last, and as the tide of euphoria began to ebb away, what was left in its place was a new feeling of warm contentment.

But she wasn't sated.

And neither was he by the feel of it.

When she managed to find the energy to open her eyes, she smiled up at him almost drunkenly. "Wow…" she whispered.

"Are you ok?" he asked, and for the first time she realized he wasn't all that cool and collected. There was a heat burning in his eyes and a tenseness about the shoulders she clung to that gave away a very tenuous control.

"Perfect," she sighed happily. "It was perfect. Keep going – but no more teasing."

"Thank god," he moaned in relief and finally surrendered his control.

* * *

Somewhere in the dark room a clock was ticking; a soft sound to match the soft breathing of the petit figure sleeping beside him. Beyond the room, some _very_ early birds were already beginning to twitter the first bars of the morning chorus, the rain that should have chased them off having stopped at some point earlier in the night. 

He'd only had a few hours sleep and he was still tired, but he was content to lie awake now, enjoying the lulling warmth of the body snuggled up tight against his, enjoying the feel of her breath tickling his shoulder.

This had been a mistake. A horrible grievous error that he'd probably be paying for the rest of his life. It had been wrong to take this girl to bed – this young, impressionable girl who'd been left heartbroken, not by any one man, but by a failed foray into relationships. It was wrong and immoral and truly perverted.

Kakashi had been lying awake for almost an hour now, deliberating the situation and awaiting that guilt that would consume him whole.

But so far it seemed a long time coming. In fact he was struggling to feel even remotely sorry.

After all, it was hard to regret a wonderful few hours of passion spent with a beautiful girl whose responses were earnest and powerful. How could anyone call her 'frigid'? All she needed was a little extra care and attention and she took to physical pleasure like a fish to water. It was a delight learning her body, learning how to make her tremble and moan and teaching her how to do the same to him. It turned out she was an eager student not just where genjutsu was concerned…

Yet he couldn't really understand her appeal beyond that. She wasn't even remotely like the type he usually took to bed. He preferred older women – the ones who were old enough and wise enough to know that there was always another lover waiting around the corner to soothe the hurt left by the last one. Younger women still with their dreams and hopes and expectations intact were a pain. And virgins were totally off-limits.

Sakura was a strange mix of it all, though. She was young and still very inexperienced in some ways yet oddly wise in others. She was on the brink of giving up those dreams and expectations of romance and love and becoming one of the jaded older women.

For some reason he couldn't bear to watch that happen.

It hadn't escaped his notice that Sakura had been smiling a lot less these days, but tonight there had been a new life about her. She had smiled, she had laughed, and her eyes had held an old sparkle that he hadn't realised until now had been missing.

Sakura shifted against him, taking a deep breathe that she let out slowly as her slight hand rolled over his chest in a gratuitous, sleepy grope. A cattish smile curved her lips.

"Are you awake?" he whispered.

The hand paused. "If I say yes, are you going to make love to me again?" she croaked, only barely awake by the sound of it.

"Yes," he said simply, his body already responding to the mere suggestion.

"Good. 'Cuz I'm w-wide…" she broke off with a yawn, "wide awake."

Not the most convincing line he'd ever heard, but he wasn't going to argue. He rolled away briefly to fetch out another condom from his dwindling supply in the drawer, but he returned quickly, urging her to turn over so her back was pressed up against his chest. "Lift your knee," he whispered into her hair, but helped her anyway to slide her right leg back over his.

Then with one slow, deliberate thrust, he sank fully into the tight, welcoming warmth of her body. He felt her gasp all over again and clutch at the arm clamped around her waist as if they hadn't already done this three times that night. Yet there was no sense of urgency this time. Sakura seemed content with the slow rocking of their hips as he lazily worked his cock inside her. His blood simmered with a low heat, enjoyable but not demanding. This was easily the best way to wake up.

"Does it feel weird," he asked quietly, nuzzling her shoulder.

"No, it feels great," she breathed, sounding like she was on the verge of falling back into a pleasant dream. "You're very good at this."

"That's nice, but that's not what I meant," he murmured. "Does it feel weird being like this? With me?"

Her eyes slowly crept open and hesitated only a moment before reaching behind her to curl a hand into his hair gently. "A bit," she admitted. "But it's not a bad kind of weird. It's just… an unfamiliar kind of weird. It's a good kind of weird. Weird, huh?"

"Very weird," he agreed, nibbling on the shell of her ear.

"Are you sure you haven't done some kind of jutsu on me?" she asked. "I've had sex before but it's never been like this."

"Please, Sakura, you'll make me blush." He gave a sudden hard thrust, just to hear her moan in his arms. Of course this was the best sex she'd ever had. He hadn't spent twenty-odd years reading Icha Icha for nothing, while all her previous Neanderthals were self-absorbed shinobi barely out of diapers. It wouldn't take a lot of effort on his behalf to overshadow all the men before him.

But that didn't mean he would give her anything less than his 100 per cent. Because even though this was about teaching her that there was more to sex than lying back and waiting for her prince to come, he also found himself selfishly hoping that he overshadowed all the men who came after him too. That no matter who she fucked from then on, she'd always compare them to him and find them wanting. That years from now she would still be moaning his name, even after she was long married with grandchildren.

"But what do we tell the others?" she whispered, twining her fingers with his over her stomach.

"We don't," he said simply, hoping she'd understand.

Sakura was silent for a long while. "So we don't tell anyone?"

"You can if you want," he sighed, "But do you really think any of them will understand and approve? People will think I've taken advantage of you in some way."

"You _are _taking advantage of me," she snapped.

"Only because you want me to," he said, rolling his hips a little faster into hers.

"So this is a secret?" she asked, her breathing getting a little hard.

"It's entirely up to you."

Sakura didn't seem to have the breath to answer and it quickly became quite evident to Kakashi that the urgency had returned and the need to finish was overpowering. He quickly rolled her beneath him and filled her with a series of hard thrusts that had her pressing her sharp moans into his pillow. Her hand reached back for him and he caught it in his own and held onto it tight as her center started to tighten and convulse around him as every muscle in her body went taut.

She dragged him down with her, coaxing him over the edge with the violent reactions of her body. With a bitten off groan he came, his rhythm breaking down as he strained against her, clutching her hip so hard he was sure there would be bruises, but Sakura was hardly a delicate creature. She only moaned her encouragement, pressing her hips back against his and accepting all of him willingly as the lingering throb of his orgasm slowly faded.

It took a long moment for them both to recover. Kakashi rolled off her lethargically and onto his back, and Sakura moved over to lean across him and press what he could only assume was a soft, grateful kiss against his mouth. Although he had no idea where she find the energy to even move after that last bout. Oh, to be eighteen again…

"My review is today," she told him, leaning her cheek against his shoulder.

"Mm." He hadn't caught his breath back to say any more than that.

"If I get through and they promote me, it won't be so bad, right? We won't be teacher and student anymore. We'll both be jonin. And people can accept that, can't they?"

Oh, to be young and naïve too…

"Sakura, don't get your hopes up too soon," he warned vaguely.

"I know… I know…" she sighed. "I probably won't even pass…"

Kakashi said nothing.

"That's the point where you're meant to say 'I believe in you, Sakura, I'm sure you'll pass,' or something like that," she said snippily.

"Well, there's probably something I should talk to you about…"

She sighed loudly. "Never mind." She swiftly changed the subject and pushed herself up to straddle his stomach in a very bold move, one that left him intrigued… among other things. "I'll forgive you," she said, "if you do that thing again."

"Deal," he agreed, and sealed it by pulling her down against him for a slow, indulgent kiss.

From that point on there wasn't much need for talk.

* * *

"Are you pregnant?" 

Sakura looked up from her work notes with the same dreamy smile she'd been wearing all morning and fixed it on Ino. "Nope. Why'd you ask?" she asked.

Ino looked far less content with life as she regarded Sakura across the workbench as one might regard a contagious leper. "You're positively glowing. It's sickening. Stop it."

"Sorry," Sakura replied absently and went back to humming over her charts.

Ino's pen tapped a furious rhythm against the tabletop. "Something happened last night, didn't it?"

Sakura stopped humming and swallowed. She had to watch her step around this girl, as Ino was Konoha's Queen of Gossip and she could sniff out a scandal better than Akamaru could track down a biscuit. "I don't know what you're talking about," Sakura said in a nonchalant tone. "I'm just in a good mood. My review is this afternoon and I've got a good feeling about it."

"Bullshit," Ino snorted. "For every review you've always been on edge, no matter how likely you were to pass. Either you're on drugs or something else is taking your mind off it – and it must be huge if its managed to distract you from the six-month review."

"If I get promoted, I get promoted, if I don't, I don't," Sakura said, shrugging her shoulders. "It's no big deal."

"Oh my god, you _are _on drugs!" Ino hissed. "Who's your supplier? I want some."

The look Sakura sent her could have leveled a mountain range.

"I knew it. It's definitely a man," Ino concluded.

Sakura's temper finally exploded. "Oh, it always has to a man with you, doesn't it! My happiness is not as dependent upon the male gender as yours so obviously is! We're kunoichi – we don't need men to validate us. If I'm in a good mood this morning it has nothing to do with – _stop looking at me like that!"_

"Like what?" Ino asked contritely. "I'm not a complete idiot, Sakura. You've been down for days and suddenly overnight you've found your zen on the very day you should be losing all your shit? Something's happened, and I'll bet my Typhoon store card that it has something to do with whoever bought you that Suzuki dress."

Sakura sealed her lips firmly, determined not to say anything that would incriminate her.

But this worked against her more than anything she could say. A triumphant smile leeched across Ino's lips like a cat who'd cornered the mouse. "I see. I have no idea why you're being so tightlipped about this, Sakura, but am I right in guessing that whoever your mysterious sugar-daddy is, he showed you a good time last night. About time you had a good seeing to, if I say so myself."

Sakura debated the merits of strangled the other girl to death with her own stethoscope, but perhaps that would be overreacting. "It's really none of your business, Ino-pig," she said with an effort to remain pleasant.

"I know, Forehead," Ino smiled back. "But I _will_ find out who your pimp is. Trust me. I have nothing better to do. And then I'll find out if he has a brother, or hell, I may just steal him for myself."

A frown tugged low on Sakura's brow, but not for the reason Ino assumed. Sakura knew there wasn't even a remote chance of Ino being able to 'steal' Kakashi away from anyone at any time. What concerned Sakura most was that should Ino find out the identity of her 'sugar-daddy' her first reaction would be rather one of horror than envy, and her first thought would not be to steal him but to tell everyone and anyone who could make her life a misery.

But that was _if_ Ino found out.

How long would this affair last between her and Kakashi if it wasn't already over anyway? She was a ninja on the cusp of jonin-hood. She could at least keep a secret till then.

Shooting Ino another warm smile that she knew would grate on the other girl's nerves more than anything else. "Whatever makes you happy, Ino."

But not even that small altercation with Ino could drag her day down. After all, it was difficult to have a bad day when it started with something so pleasant as waking up in the arms of a warm, deliciously smelling and handsome man. One that protested sleepily when you tried to get up to find your clothes because you were late for work.

Kakashi certainly didn't care about things such as tardiness, and he had methods of making Sakura forget to care too, which was why she'd been over an hour late that morning. She went about her work with happy little smiles and sighs, a little tired, but in a very good mood. It was like she had discovered something wonderful last night that she could keep all to herself

She had worried that he'd regret it. That he'd wake up this morning and tell her it was all wrong and that it wasn't to happen again, but while they'd made no arrangements for another night, he hadn't acted regretful, because a man who regretted a night with a girl did not take her roughly against the headboard first thing when he woke up in the morning.

However, there had been something a little off about him; a slightly distant gaze as she'd dressed to leave that had left her wondered if he felt some pang of guilt or worry. But then he'd kissed her goodbye on the lips and she'd felt no doubt there. It must have been something else on his mind, probably related to work.

When three o'clock rolled around, Sakura made her way to the academy where the reviews were being held. She arrived with ten minutes to spare, so she was in no hurry as she made her way to the third floor and found the parade of anxious-looking chunin lined up against the corridor wall.

"You're late!"

Sakura started and looked around to see a harried looking Kotetsu point at her with a biro. In his hand he held a clipboard and on his shoulder was sobbing a girl of similar age to Sakura.

"I'm not late," she said bluntly.

"Haruno Sakura, isn't it?" he said, glancing at his clipboard and doing an admiral job of ignoring the girl on his shoulder. "You were called up five minutes ago and you weren't here."

"But my review is at quarter past," she argued. "It's only ten past."

"Yeah, well the examiners are getting through candidates pretty fast this year. Go to the front of the line, please."

Bewildered, Sakura did as she was told. She passed by the rest of the waiting candidates, all of whom seemed to be in various stages of a nervous breakdown. On the other side of the corridor sat the people who'd already been reviewed but had yet to leave, and even more worryingly, they all seemed to be suffering some trauma and were either staring blankly at the opposite wall or sobbing in little huddles.

Sakura took her position beside Hinata. "What's going on?" she whispered, fearful of raising her voice in what seemed like the Corridor of the Damned.

"It's the examiners," Hinata whispered back fretfully. "They say they've got ANBU members doing it this year, and even that guy from the torture and interrogation squad… I think I want to go home. I feel sick."

"Can you see who the examiners are?" Sakura asked.

Hinata looked at the door to the examination room and frowned. "I can only make out that it's two men and a woman. It's the guy on the far left that you need to be careful of. I think that's the torture guy Ibiki. Are you going before me?"

"Yes."

"Thank god…" Hinata looked faint. "Oh, here he comes."

The door to the room opened and out came a boy who looked gray and shaken. Behind him emerged Izumo, who gestured to Sakura. "You're up."

The sudden surge of fear that struck Sakura nearly knocked her flat. This was her _review!_ She'd been floating around in a happy mood all day because of Kakashi, completely neglecting the fact that reviews were horrible nerve-wracking stuff. She felt like an alcoholic who'd just turned sober only to find themselves dangling off the edge of a cliff and wondering how on earth they'd gotten there.

Somehow she managed to pull herself together and with a quiet, despairing glance at Hinata, she followed Izumo into the room.

All the tables and chairs had been cleared up against the wall, leaving only one solitary stool in the middle of the room. Facing this stool were three people sat behind a desk, each with a short pile of folders, a polystyrene cup and a pitcher of water. The woman in the middle was Kurenai, who smiled kindly when she saw Sakura. The man on her right was Ibiki, the torture specialist who stared with probably the same amount of disinterest he'd given everyone else that day.

The man on the left, the one Hinata had warned her against, the one who seemed to be responsible for most of the floods of tears and shell-shocked chunin outside, was Hatake Kakashi.

The bottom of Sakura's stomach dropped out with an almighty bang.

Stretched back in his chair, he observed her with the same kind of lazy indifference as Ibiki. Between his fingers he twirled a polystyrene cup that had been skewered on the end of his pencil. He looked bored, impatient, as if he would rather be somewhere else. He looked ready to tear her a new one.

"Well," he said, evenly. "Shall we begin?"

* * *

"Do you want to go before me?" 

"No, thanks."

"Oh, please?"

"Really, no."

Hinata chewed on her thumbnail fretfully. No one was willing to take her place at the head of the line. She was trapped, but she had to be brave. Naruto would go barging into that room as if it were a ramen factory if he were here – he wouldn't shy away in fear. So she couldn't either.

Looking through the door, she tried to see how Sakura was doing. The girl was standing before the three examiners, her heart pumping faster than most other candidates had. Hinata wondered if she was getting a harder time than the others, or if perhaps Sakura was more nervy than she looked.

Something else made her frown though. Sakura wasn't the only one with a quickened pulse in that room. The heart of the examiner on the far left, the one who had been consistently steady as a rock for every interview so far and crushing everyone who came before him like a very large rock, was racing almost as fast as Sakura's.

Then Sakura was moving, turning toward the door with chakra flowing through her system erratically. Hinata straightened and shut off her byakugan moments before the other girl crashed through the door and slammed it behind her with such a bang that all crying and wailing in the corridor ceased. Sakura swept down the corridor with a face of thunder, escorted out by a ringing silence.

Even after she'd disappeared, the whole corridor remained quiet.

Someone coughed by the door of the examination room. "You're next," Izumo said in a hushed voice.

"Oh," Hinata blushed and ducked into the room.

Immediately she sought out the examiner on the far left, and blinked in surprise when she realized it was Sakura's own sensei, looking stiff and annoyed. Well, that probably explained all the palpitations…

But then Hinata's own sensei was sat right in the middle of the contingent of examiners, and she felt nothing but relief, especially when Kurenai smiled at her.

"Ah, Hinata," she said pleasantly. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, sensei," she replied meekly. "Um… can I ask… did Sakura-san fail?"

Both Ibiki and Kurenai slid glances across to Kakashi, but he was too busy staring out the window to notice, tapping a pencil against a pile of demolished polystyrene on the desk.

Kurenai looked back at Hinata with a tight smile. "Let's not worry about that just now, shall we?"

* * *

Sakura didn't know where she was going, but she couldn't seem to stop. She didn't want to go home or go to work or really converse with another human being right then so she simply kept walking, 

She circled the merchant district twice before she realized how silly she was being and came to a dead stop on the bridge. The same bridge she often dallied on with the rest of her team while they waited for Kakashi to arrive before heading out on missions. The east exit of the bridge led home, the west exit led right back to the center of town, and neither were places Sakura wanted to go. Instead she sat down with a thump against the railings and glowered down at the water drifting by beneath her.

How could she have been so stupid?

Of all the negative results that could come about from sleeping with her sensei, this was one she'd failed to predict. Anyone would have thought that sleeping with your superior would work in your favor, not against it. Of course that had not been Sakura's goal even remotely, but a little leniency would have been preferred over increased strictness. A few days ago he'd been teaching her jutsu, confident that she would pass. Now, overnight, his standards seemed to have changed and it didn't take a genius to guess why.

"Sakura-chan…"

Sakura casually swept away any moisture clinging to her eyes and turned to see Naruto standing a good distance away on the bridge behind her. He looked worried, if not a little sympathetic. Unexpectedly she felt a horrible wave of guilt squeeze around her heart. She felt like she'd betrayed him somehow. Would he be giving her such a compassionate look right now if he knew what she'd done with Kakashi last night?

She turned away, resting her head against one of the wooden bars. "Go away, Naruto," she grunted.

"I heard from Hinata-chan at the academy…"

"I don't want to talk about it," she said warningly.

"It's ok, not a lot of people got through. You shouldn't feel bad because of it."

"Did _you_ get through?" she asked.

When he didn't answer she turned her head to glare at him. "_Did_ you get through?"

Naruto looked at the ground uncomfortably. "So did Sasuke…"

Another insult to add to the injury. Sakura actually felt the world sway a little and moved to rest her head against the railing again, more to keep it still than anything.

"It's not like we're jonin though," Naruto tried to assure her. "We've just been recommended for the examination. We probably won't pass or anything…"

A Naruto who expressed pessimism was not an honest Naruto. She knew he probably wanted to leap about in joy and profess to the world that he would ace the examinations. The only thing preventing him from doing that was because he was sensitive enough to notice Sakura had been left behind again.

"You're not helping," she ground out, "Just leave me alone, Naruto."

"I'm sorry…"

He lingered as if he wanted to say more, but eventually decided against it and she heard his footsteps moving away across the wooden boards of the bridge. Once more she found herself on her own and wondering if she was better off for it.

If anyone thought oddly of the girl sitting desolately in the middle of the bridge, they didn't say anything. Dozens of feet crossed the walkway behind her, so many that Sakura eventually lost count, but none of them deviated to bother her.

Until Kakashi arrived.

She was too caught up in her own thoughts to notice his approach until it was too late and she suddenly realized he was crouching beside her. "Hey, Sakura."

Her spine snapped straight like a whip and she glared at him. The guilt she saw written on his face – or rather, in his right eye – was enough to convince her that her anger was perfectly justified, and with a pointed huff she got to her feet and began to walk away.

"Can we talk?" he called after her.

Sakura shouted over her shoulder at him to go fornicate with himself, but not in quite so many words.

When she turned back around, it was only to walk straight into his chest. She bounced off with an indignant growl.

"Fine, but first I'd like us to talk," he said reasonably.

"What's to talk about?!" she hissed. "You failed me because you're an uptight asshole who can't tell personal apart from professional."

He held up a finger. "Now, see, that's a good reason why we really should talk."

"Alright," she said, reining in her temper as she planted her fists on her hips. "Explain to me why you were so eager to help me pass yesterday but after I slept with you last night you decided to fail me today?"

She hadn't bothered to keep her voice down, and out of the corner of her eye she noticed a passing woman glance at them. Sakura didn't care. She didn't know that woman so what did it matter what she knew or thought?

But evidently Kakashi did care. "Maybe we should go somewhere more private?"

"Oh yes, can't let everyone know _you're fucking your student._"

A few more heads turned. Kakashi frowned slightly but beyond that, nothing. "Please," he said quietly. "I only want to talk."

He held it his hand to her, but Sakura rolled her eyes and folded her arms. "I'm not going anywhere with you where no one will hear me if I scream."

"That's alright then."

He extricated one of her hands and tugged her after him. Sakura had little choice but to follow, and he led her to the end of the bridge and down the grassy embankment beside it until they were at the water's edge. Under the overhang of the bridge, all was fairly peaceful. Before them were the gently lapping waters if the river and above them the thump-thump of treading footsteps on wooden boards. They were essentially secluded.

Sakura pulled her hand free and scowled at him. "Well?" she demanded. "You better have a damn good explanation for why I should ever speak to you again."

"You're angry with me," he observed sadly.

"Well I can see why they made _you_ a jonin!" she snapped.

"I'm sorry, Sakura. I really am," he sighed.

_Dammit_, she'd sworn to herself not to cry. But the lump was in her throat and her eyes stung, and when she spoke her voice had shrunk to a hoarse whisper as she tried to stop it from wobbling all over the place. "Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded, clenching her teeth. "Why didn't you tell me you were overseeing the review?"

"Because I'm not allowed," he said simply. "And it was too late to forfeit my position."

"And you were scared people would catch on if you passed me, is that it?"

"Believe it or not, Sakura, I never intended to pass you. What happened last night made no difference to my verdict."

Sakura's eyes widened. She had considered that possibility… but she'd dismissed it in favor of believing Kakashi's judgment had been clouded by their affair, and that her failure had had nothing to do with any shortcomings of her own.

This hurt more than believing he'd deliberately sabotaged her.

"What?" she whispered. "Why?"

He gave a reluctant sigh. "During our last mission you demonstrated a serious problem with the chain of command. You disobeyed orders, you got yourself injured badly and could even have lost your life."

"I said I was sorry-"

"That doesn't change what happened. And before that you nearly put your foot right through a wasp's nest because you were too busy staring at my ass to pay attention to what you were doing."

Sakura's mouth dropped open in shock and hurt. "But – that's not fair – I only-"

"Sakura, if I passed you, what kind of teacher would I be? The responsibilities of a jonin are tremendous. You were saved this time because you had someone looking out for you. When you're a jonin, you have only yourself. I'm not going to promote you simply to make you happy and run the risk that you mess up and put your own life and your subordinate's lives in danger. Trust me, being responsible for someone's death because they depended on you is not something you'll relish. And don't pretend it wouldn't happen, because it happens to everyone. I'm not going to throw you into that kind of hell before I'm sure you're three hundred percent ready."

"So you really think I'm useless?"

"I never said that. You have potential to be even better than me someday."

She stared at him. "Really?"

"Well.. maybe. Probably not. But definitely better than the average jonin."

"Gee, thanks," she muttered. "And I suppose Naruto and Sasuke are perfect jonin material compared to me, and that's why you passed them but not me."

Kakashi's shoulders slumped. "I didn't pass them."

"Then why-"

"Because the other two outvoted me. Both Ibiki and Kurenai approved them. And if you had been male, Ibiki probably would have approved you too. I didn't pass anyone today."

Well, that made her feel marginally better, but still… "If you were going to fail me, why did you teach me all those jutsu?"

"Because regardless of whether you're a chunin or a jonin, those jutsu will be useful to you. I wouldn't deny you that."

This hadn't gone the way she'd wanted at all. She'd wanted him to be guilty and beg for her forgiveness, not hear him give reasonable explanations and feel her anger slide away like the leaves on the river surface. Sakura turned away from him, chewing her thumbnail agitatedly.

An empty silence weaved around them, filled with gurgling water and laughter of a child passing by with his parents somewhere above them. A warm hand touched Sakura's shoulder and a finger traced her ear gently in a way that made her shiver.

She shrunk away. "I think last night was a mistake," she said quietly.

He looked at her, surprised. "You're saying that because you're angry."

"No, I'm saying it because I feel _guilty_," she murmured, hugging herself for comfort. "I spoke to Naruto and I…. Kakashi-sensei, he'd be really hurt if he found out. And Ino knows I'm involved with someone and she's made it her current life's mission to find out who you are. Perhaps it's best if we just forget what happened, before people get hurt. It seems selfish to… t-to _indulge_ in this."

"I'm a selfish kind of guy," he remarked evenly.

"Yes, I've noticed."

He took a step toward her and she took one back, bumping unexpectedly into one of the wooden beams holding the bridge up. Kakashi seemed amused by her reaction and froze, hands held up. "I mean you no harm."

"No, I know…." She fidgeted, wondering if it would be too obvious if she slid out sideways and kept backing away. "I just don't think it's appropriate anymore."

"Sakura," he cajoled, reaching out to touch a hand to her cheek, "didn't you like last night?"

She nearly melted into a puddle at his touch. Her mouth had gone dry and she was doing her best to look anywhere but at him. She settled for staring through his shoulder at the grassy verge behind him.

"Why do you want to give up so easily?"

She swallowed hard. "You really hurt me today…"

"I can make it up to you."

Her eyes zeroed in on his and he froze under the ferocity of her glare. "If you think you can simply sex me into forgiving you, _think again_."

"I wouldn't dream of demeaning your anger like that. It's quite justified, and I respect that…" But he was stroking her cheek as he said it, and as much as she wanted to snap his fingers back at a right angle and shatter every single one, he had somehow managed to turn her insides to goo, and that certainly was a much more pleasant feeling than the anger.

He leaned closer, and Sakura turned her face away, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of submitting.

His lips were near her ear. "I didn't want to hurt you today."

Sakura's jaw quirked angrily.

"But I couldn't tell you beforehand. You would have been disqualified…"

Sakura screwed her eyes shut, blocking out the world and blocking out him. She half wanted him to go away and leave her alone, but she also half wanted him to take another step forward to be pressed against her.

"You're still one of the best kunoichi I have the pleasure to know. And by far the sexiest."

Sakura gave a cynical snort. She wasn't nearly naïve enough to fall for that. "I'm sure you say that to all the girls you fuck. A week ago you were screwing a married woman. A few nights ago you fucked a chunin in the back of a bar and a few days from now you'll probably giving that line to another woman."

"Possibly," he agreed. "It's not like I keep a schedule."

"It wouldn't surprise me if you did," she grumbled. "Monday, do married woman. Tuesday, seduce student. Wednesday, take out the trash."

"I'm pretty sure _you_ seduced _me," _he pointed out.

"Rewriting history now?"

"Well, you wouldn't stop going on about your panties…"

"That's only because you kept bullying me to."

"I did no such thing. But speaking of panties, which ones are you wearing today?" His hands were moving down her sides, tracing over her skirt. She'd forgone her 'action' clothes today in favor of civilian clothes, and he only had lift her skirt to find the answer.

"You think about nothing but underwear. Someone should get you professional help." She wasn't stopping his roving hands though. They inched under her skirt and skimmed her bare hips, but Sakura remained stood with her arms folded and head turned away, as if ignoring him. Because she _wanted_ to ignore him and punish him for crushing her hopes today, but she also didn't want him to stop touching her.

"Cotton," he murmured in her ear as his fingers traced the hemline crossing her rear, before squeezing her flesh in a way that made her knees weak. "With something printed on the ass…"

"Probably telling you that you can kiss it," she quipped dryly.

"Tempting proposal, but actually I think these are the pink ones with the female gender symbol pointing to your-"

"Remind me to lock my underwear drawer. You're getting too familiar." Despite herself, she smiled.

"Was that a smile?"

"No." She scowled at him.

"I think it was a smile."

"It wasn't," she groused, "and this lame tactic only works on toddlers."

"Are you sure? I could have sworn you smiled."

"Stop it." He lips were attempting to mutiny, and they quirked against her will even as she tried to suppress them.

"Ah, there it is…" he said, pleased. "I do so miss your smile when it goes away. I didn't think it was possible, but you are at least ten times prettier when you smile."

As if to prove how irresistible her current expression was to him – one that was torn between a smile and a scowl that probably made her look more constipated than pretty – he hooked a finger into his mask and pressed his lips to hers.

She didn't want to accept at first, unhappy that this man could give her one of the most grievous insults of her life _and_ butter her into submission all in the space of a few hours. But he was so warm… and he smelt so good… and it felt far better to accept him and his kiss than to reject and distance him.

So it was only a few moments before her hands came up to cradle the back of his head and raise herself higher on her toes to gain purchase. She wanted more than his lips though. She wanted his hands on her, touching her like he had last night and teasing her into a delirious state where nothing existed but the most basic of instincts and overwhelming pleasure. She would let him do it here even, right underneath the bridge with dozens of people walking up and down only metres away, where anyone could come along at any time and catch them.

But after a moment Kakashi broke the kiss and smiled down at her. His face was kind, far too kind and gentle to belong to such a renowned and feared killer and assassin as the Copy Ninja. Perhaps that was why he wore a mask? No one could take this face seriously.

"You're going to be a great woman one day, Sakura. There's no doubt about that," he said quietly, smoothing her hair back from her face. "You just have to be patient."

She gaze up at him gingerly. "Do you really think that?" If he was just saying that to appease her…

"I don't to have think. I _know_."

For some reason this made her eyes well up all over again. Not wanting him to see her cry she launched forward and clamped her arms around his neck to press her face against his shoulder and tried hard not to make a sound, though her shaking probably gave her away.

It wasn't tears and snot of joy or sadness that she left on his jacket. She still hurt for having been failed, but his faith and confidence shook her as much as they touched her. Not knowing what else to do with the volatile emotions, she could only cry, because nothing else made sense. And it wasn't simply about the abysmal review either. Their relationship scared her too. Her only hope of making this relationship _somewhat_ acceptable by being promoted to an equal rank had been dashed and she was stranded with the stark knowledge that she was chunin having an affair with her jonin teacher. It was the kind of thing that ruined reputations, destroyed careers and wrecked lives. But he was selfish, and so was she, and she didn't know why he was bothering her and perhaps he didn't either, but she didn't yet want to throw this relationship away. Not when it was the closest she'd ever had to…

Well, there was no point lying to herself. It was the closest she'd ever been to love.

But that was ridiculous because it had only been one night together and he'd already made her cry. Undoubtedly this affair would run its course and they'd both eventually break things off and things would return to normal and the secret would go with them to their respective graves. That was how it _had_ to be. There was simply no other way.

Kakashi's hands rubbed her back soothingly and eventually she managed to calm herself until she could finally disentangle, however reluctantly.

"Are you alright?" he asked as she furiously wiped all evidence of moisture from her face.

"Yes," she said in a stilted tone.

He stared at her, bringing forth her self-consciousness as he scrutinized her a bit too closely for comfort. What was wrong with her face? Was her nose still running?

"It'll be ok, Sakura," he said slowly. "I promise."

And she believed him. "I know," she said, giving him a weak smile.

A tinkle of laughter interrupted the moment and Kakashi stepped away as quickly as nonchalance would allow. Further up the river, three children had appeared around a bend carrying rods and buckets of tackle, none of them had seen the two lovers rendezvousing in the shadows of the bridge, but their privacy was forfeit.

"My door will be unlocked tonight. You're welcome to come over," Kakashi said amicably as he backed away.

"I'll think about it."

Of course she would. She had no where else to be anyway.

* * *


	13. Two Jays and a Broken Nest

_Window _

Chapter Thirteen

* * *

"I'm glad to see that smile has finally been wiped of your smug face." 

Well, at least someone was happy this morning. Sakura gave Ino an unimpressed glare across the table and sat down with her face to the sun. The waitress zipped over to demand her order, but Sakura wasn't in the mood for beverages. She just wanted the company.

"I failed," she said simply to Ino once the waitress had drifted away.

"So?" Ino shrugged at her. "So did I. We failed last year too, if you recall. I swear the standards are getting ridiculously high…"

"I really thought I'd do it this year though…" Sakura sat back and closed her eyes. The sun was far too strong today.

"You said the same last year, Sakura. Cheer up. You're not normally this pathetic about it." Ino cocked her head and watched her carefully. "Is something up with that boyfriend of yours?"

Sakura's bit the inside of her cheek. "No."

Ino thought hard before she spoke next, which for Ino was pretty unusual. "It's Kakashi-sensei, isn't it?"

Sakura's eyes snapped open and fixed on her rival and friend. "What?" she breathed, feeling cold dread sweep down her spine, numbing her extremities and making her stomach lurch.

"He was on the examining board yesterday, wasn't he?" Ino went on blithely. "I bet that's what upset you. I bet he failed you."

Sakura waited for her to go on – to start slinging the accusations of a sordid affair at her… but it seemed that was all Ino wanted to say and she looked at Sakura expectantly. After a while Sakura began to relax, realizing Ino didn't know anything at all. "Yeah…"

"He failed me too. I think he failed everyone. He's kind of harsh your teacher… Asuma-sensei always had complete faith in us. I don't think it's healthy for teachers to think so low of their students, you know? It kind of explains a lot how Team Kakashi is the most fucked up team around."

And it had just got even more so since the night before last.

Sakura felt her stomach roll in misery all over again. She'd gone back to him last night and crawled into bed with him and lain beneath him as he'd dutifully given her what she'd come for. But when it was over, Sakura wasn't left with the same contentment that she'd had the previous night. All she'd felt was gut-clenching panic. Not like the kind of panic that made you hyperventilate and run around like a headless chicken, but the kind of panic that crept up on you slowly, getting worse and worse until you could no longer sit still because of the cold tingles running through your fingers because she knew what she was doing – what _they_ were doing – was wrong.

No sooner had he rolled off her than she'd sat up and gotten dressed immediately.

He'd asked, "What's the matter?"

"This was supposed to feel good," she had replied in a voice that almost shook. "It doesn't feel good. I'm going home."

He'd rolled onto his side, head propped up though barely able to keep his eyes open. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"…you're still welcome to come back tomorrow night."

She'd paused by the door, chewing her lip. "I'll think about it…"

She'd gone straight home and flopped into her own bed that she hadn't slept in for two nights. It seemed cold and empty and despite the warm weather she'd shivered beneath the covers before finally drifting off into a dreamless sleep. Her last thought before unconsciousness took her was that being alone didn't quite compare at all to lying in a tender embrace, even if it was meaningless.

Across the table, Ino had taken out a compact mirror from her ninja satchel and was reapplying her powder pink lip gloss. She gestured that Sakura was welcome to borrow it, but Sakura shook her head. It would only glass with her hair.

"So are you going to tell me who he is? Ino asked casually. "This mystery lover of yours?"

"Why are you being so nosy about it?" Sakura sighed, not wanting to talk about it.

"Because, Sakura," Ino said as if it was obvious, "I need to check him out and make sure you're not shooting yourself in the foot again. I know your taste in men. I know you've probably hooked someone lame and it usually falls on me to cut you lose of whatever mess you've got yourself entangled in."

Was it possible that she was repeating the same old mistakes as before? Kakashi may have been better in bed than Ikki, but did that really mean he was _better_ than Ikki.

But what did it matter? This relationship wasn't serious. Kakashi confused her with his gentle touches, care and understanding, but in the long run it didn't mean anything. He was a philanderer and she knew that, and she wasn't going to forget it any time soon. She just didn't want to think about it.

"He's in ANBU," Sakura lied vaguely, hoping to throw Ino off the scent. "Dark, tall, funny… you know. My usual type."

"Is he an alcoholic?" Ino demanded.

"No."

"Does he smoke?"

"No."

"Is he well-read?"

"…you could say that."

"Disfigured?"

"He's beautiful."

"So he looks like a girl?"

"No, he's very much a man,"

"Ah-ha!" Ino jabbed a finger at her. "You call anyone below twenty-four a 'boy' and everything above that a 'man'. So he's at least in his mid-twenties."

Sakura gave her a sour look.

"Late twenties?"

"Ino…

"Thirties?"

"Ino!"

"_Sakura!_ You grave-robber!" Ino held a hand to her mouth coyly. "When I told you that you needed an older guy with experience I didn't expect you to actually go and get one! How'd you manage that? Did he come on to you or did you come on to him?"

This was not a conversation Sakura enjoyed. The faster she could shake Ino off the better. "Oh, you know. A bit of both. But you know what men are like. They have the emotional sophistication of small dogs… whistle to them and rub them on the belly and they're all yours. It wasn't so hard."

"Ahh, so you came onto him?"

"Yes."

"That has to be a first. The last time your pursued someone you were shot down so bad, you were crying for weeks-"

"Yes, thank you." Sakura said sharply, not wanting to be reminded of Sasuke's final rejection. "Can't we talk about something else?"

"Sure. Like, what's his name? Is he anyone I know?"

"Urgh…"

* * *

The coffee in the jonin break room was far too sweet today. Kakashi sipped ruminatively as he gazed out the window, watching a pair of jays attempting to build a nest in the eaves of the building opposite. Life was probably rather simple for a jay. They cared little for things such as dates and casual relationships. Straight from the word go a jay was serious about finding a mate and settling down. Kakashi doubted there were such things as bachelor jays who fucked about for a few years doing nothing but staring out of windows blankly and drinking too-sweet tea when they should have been reading mission briefings. 

Oh yes. Mission briefings.

Kakashi looked down at the papers in his lap and began rereading.

-_envoy due on the 22nd, target B at location 2-CC on map 3 of zone 5F. Class level 2, TUP and MAB, team 12 at 6F, east of location 4-NB, nice this time of year, bring sunscreen. Team 13 at 7F, contact target A through contractor C at location- _

Although, Kakashi thought, lifting his head to resume watching the jays who were now squabbling over the placement of a clump of moss, he had good reason to have never settled down. It was completely impractical far a ninja of his rank to keep a wife and a home, knowing perfectly well that one day he wouldn't come back from a mission. It wouldn't exactly be fair to put someone in that position. And secondly, he'd never really found the right woman, which may have had something to do with his lack of inclination to find the sort of woman who would want to settle down.

He was most definitely a serial monogamist. He disliked one-night stands and meaningless flings, preferring instead the semi-lasting relationships where sex was just a pleasant side-dish. But it hadn't escaped his notice that he had been having more of the former lately, and he attributed this to the fact that he was getting into his thirties now and all the good women were quickly being snatched up by all the good men. All he had left were the commitment-phobes like him and the sexual deviants…

"Hello, lover-boy."

Like Anko.

"Hello, Anko-san," Kakashi responded coolly, which was quite an achievement because she was currently draped against him, running her hands over his chest and hair and nosing his temple as if he was her favorite plush toy. Kakashi carried on reading his report and carefully sipping his tea despite the jostling.

"There's a storage cupboard across the hall with our name on it, you know," she purred into his ear seductively. "I can show you my new tattoo."

"That's nice," he murmured, ignoring the tongue trying to work its way into his ear. Dealing with Anko was like dealing with a wasp. If you gave into the temptation to flap your arms and make a fuss it would only get angry and sting you. Instead the best strategy was to remain calm and keep still until it eventually grew bored and buzzed away to bother someone else. "You haven't seen Tenzou around anywhere, have you?"

"Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. It's hard to tell with these ANBU types and their masks. What do you want him for? Can't you use me instead?"

"It's about a mission…"

"_I _have a mission for you, right here."

"I can only take one at a time."

Anko chuckled and squeezed him in a tight embrace that made him slip sideways into her. But Kakashi had eyes only for his coffee that he was attempting not to spill. "Hatake Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi… you're not being much fun today."

"Sorry."

"Want to know a secret?"

"Um…"

"This one's very _juicy_," she whispered. Her hand stroked along his thigh in an enticing manner. "Rumor has it that one of the jonin teachers is fucking his student."

The coffee cup paused for only the briefest of split seconds on its way to his lips. To the untrained eye, Kakashi had not shown even the remotest reaction to Anko's words. But there was no such thing as an untrained eye in a jonin break room. He took another sip of coffee and hummed. "Anyone we know?"

Anko had seen his reaction, and she stared at his profile intensely, an amused smile playing on his lips. "Must be. There's only thirteen jonin teachers in the village and three of them are women. So that leaves ten… including you."

"Do you think it's me?" Kakashi glanced at her, playing equally amused. "Which one am I supposed to have fucked?"

"The rumor goes that it's a female student," Anko smirked. "Which I suppose strikes you out. I'm pretty sure the only people who fly your kunai are other men."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Let her think what she wanted of him, as long as it threw her off the scent… and his hair. "It's a serious allegation this," he said speculatively as he looked back at the jay birds. "Are you sure this isn't just a rumor?"

"Oh, who fucking cares? We haven't had a decent war in years, we might as well start making up stories about each other to keep ourselves entertained." She sat away from him in a bored slump. "So that's a 'no' to the cupboard then?"

"Mm-hm."

"You boring asshole…" She turned away from him and in a heartbeat was gone, buzzing across the room to accost Genma, who was usually more agreeable to such things. Kakashi watched them out of the corner of his eye, knowing perfectly well that Anko would be telling him exactly what she'd told Kakashi… and what she'd probably been telling everyone all morning.

It seemed Sakura's little outburst on the bridge hadn't gone entirely unnoticed.

If this reached the Hokage…?

Kakashi drained the last of his coffee in one gulp and pushed his mask back into place as he stood. Next time he saw Sakura he would have to warn her about discretion. Of course, if the girl knew what was good for her she would have told him to go screw himself by now.

What had started as a fairly earnest attempt to show Sakura that not all men were impotent pigs had backfired, because all he'd managed to show her was that not all pigs were impotent. He'd failed to make her happy. Her feelings had been hurt and he thought perhaps she would understand his position, but nothing could ever be that simple, could it? Because of the nature of their relationship the professional had got in the way of the personal, and it was hard to reconcile the two for someone as young and inexperienced as Sakura.

Last night had been completely different from the first time. Her responses hadn't been quite as earnest, and while he hadn't had much trouble bringing her to orgasm, it had seemed more like both of them were simply going through the motions. By the speed of which she'd jumped up and gotten dressed no sooner had he finished, he suspected – well _knew_ actually – that she wasn't happy. It seemed this girl hadn't just been craving decent sex. She'd been craving something else too… and she hadn't found it with him.

Of course, this didn't mean Sakura would be rid of him. She had a habit of clinging to trash that was bad for her when she should simply walk away, and he couldn't just urge her to drop him because she would only take it as a rejection. Sakura's amative heart was more fragile than it looked, and he didn't want to do that to her.

"I'm sure you'll figure this out, you always do," Kakashi murmured to himself, causing a female jonin sitting a few seats away to look up in alarm and shuffle away a few more seats.

He was about to leave when he spotted movement at the window of the building opposite. A man was leaning out with a long broom and stabbing at the half-made nest in the eaves above. Two jays hopped agitatedly between chimney tops, squawking at the man angrily destroying all of their hard work.

Kakashi sighed. Some people just had to ruin it for others…

* * *

"That Kakashi… he's a bit of a bastard, don't you think?" 

Sakura said nothing, although she didn't really have to. Tsunade could probably tell how pissed off she was due to her dismayed silence as they both hung over a supine patient, swabbing his wounds. Or Tsunade was swabbing the wounds, Sakura was just holding the dish of pasty orange unguent for her shishou and fiddled with the edge of her hygiene mask.

"Did he say why he didn't recommend you for the exam?" Tsunade asked.

"Same reasons Ibiki-san gave," Sakura said dully. "He didn't think I was ready."

Tsunade snorted behind her mask. "Yeah. I bet he didn't tell you that he was thirteen when he made jonin. Like hell he was ever ready. Managed to get his best friend killed on the very first mission he led."

Sakura glanced up at her teacher in surprise, but Tsunade was too busy with the complaining patient. "Stop squirming!"

"It hurts!" the patient wailed.

"Don't be such a baby! It'll hurt even more if you don't keep still." She looked up at Sakura. "What was a I saying? Oh yes, well you'll just have to train harder for next year. But Kakashi's standards have always been insanely high. You three kids are the only ones he's ever passed ever anything."

"Maybe that's why he has such high standards…" Sakura whispered.

"Is maybe what why?" Tsunade sounded distracted.

"Do you think he blames himself for his friend's death?"

Tsunade gave her a sharp look over her mask. "Almost obsessively so."

Sakura looked down at the agglomeration of tumid pustules bubbling across their patient's stomach in a thoughtful way. "He said to me that he didn't want to put me in that position where people's lives would depend on me if I wasn't ready. Maybe he was right?"

"Yes, and maybe he was wrong."

Tsunade finished up quickly after that and told Sakura to wheel their patient back to his room. The man moaned so pathetically all the way with each bump and shiver of the gurney that Sakura was compelled to take pity on him and upped his painkillers.

"That'll teach you for not dodging that jutsu quickly enough, Hideki-san," she said good-naturedly as a smile spread across his face in response to the drugs. "You'll be lucky if you don't scar."

"Marry me…?" he whispered.

"I can't. I'm taken," she said kindly. "Well, not really. I mean, I'm with someone, but it's not like… you know… anything important or serious. So maybe I'm actually still single… but still, I see a wedding ring on your finger, so I don't think your wife would be best pleased, Hideki-san."

A loud snore was her only reply. Sakura sighed and left, wondering if she should check back with her shishou to see if there was any lingering paperwork to finish before heading home. But instead she found herself slumping into one of the waiting chairs lining the corridor outside and putting her head in her hands.

"What the hell am I doing…?" she breathed to herself.

Perhaps Kakashi was justified in failing her, after all? If the great Hatake Kakashi had gotten people killed because of carelessness in his youth, what the hell kind of chance did she stand? He had made the right decision, loathe as she was to admit it.

But the feeling of unease refused to leave. This was just a taste of the kind of problems that arose when one slept with their superior. What about when they went on missions together? Would he put her safety above the safety of their other teammates? Would he not, and inevitably hurt her feelings the next time he gave her a standard admonishment for messing up?

She had thought her decision through when she'd decided to jump into bed with him the first time. But their was nothing like hindsight to make you feel like a completely blind fool…

"Sakura-chan!"

Sakura looked up to see Naruto hurrying towards her down the corridor. "Naruto…"

"That old bat Tsunade said we'd find you here," he said as he reached her, and behind him she saw Sasuke walking at a slightly more sedate pace. "Are you hungry?"

"A bit," she acceded.

"Wanna come get some ramen with us?" he asked. "It's three for two day."

A small smile touched Sakura's lips. "Ok," she said. "Just let me get changed." She began to walk away, but turned after a few steps to regard Naruto more guiltily. "Naruto, I'm sorry about yesterday. Sorry I snapped at you."

He flushed and rubbed his head sheepishly. "Naw, it's totally fine."

After Sakura had dumped her overalls in the laundry bin for washing, she went to rejoin her teammates and together they walked through the evening to Ichiraku ramen. Naruto babbled about the preparations for the upcoming special jonin exams and Sakura had to bite down on her jealousy and simply smile and nod in the right places. Naruto was obviously pleased. Sasuke was probably pleased. Far be it from her to rain on their parade with her own malcontent.

But as the evening wore on, Sakura found herself less and less able to join in the conversation. She sat beside them, poking her soggy noodles in a half-hearted manner as she listened to the pair talk about things, people and procedures she'd never heard of.

"Himiko? Isn't that the woman from accounting?" she interjected after the name came up in the middle of the discussion.

"No, that's some other Himiko," Naruto said dismissively, and went back to telling Sasuke about the tips this other 'Himiko' had given about the upcoming exam.

Feeling distinctly snubbed, Sakura resumed eating in silence, even though she'd long since lost her appetite. Maybe it was just the glum mood she was in, or perhaps she was just being silly and paranoid, but she couldn't escape the feeling that she was not a part of this dynamic. She'd lost out on her chance to be a jonin and now she wasn't included in to soon-to-be-jonin clique they'd formed. The only way they might possible sit up and notice her now was if she tipped this bowl of ramen over her head and proclaimed herself "Noodle-Girl!", and even then they would probably only stare at her for a moment, make her feel stupid, and then go back to their discussion.

It was a while before she realized she didn't really need to endure this. She hadn't come out with her team to be ignored and snubbed, and it simply wasn't worth getting upset and angry over because they were _boys _and if she knew anything about the male gender it was that insensitivity came specially attached to the Y chromosome.

She set some money down on the counter to pay for her third of the final bill and slipped off into the night, feeling more or less sorry for herself. The boys didn't even notice, which only made her feel even more neglected. It was just tonight, she told herself. The boys were excited that they were on their way to becoming jonin and they should be forgiven for forgetting she hadn't been included while they rode their initial high.

But then it wasn't anything new either.

Naruto and Sasuke usually always paired up during missions. They were almost always just hanging out together the rest of the time or training together. When they weren't together, they talked about each other. Or at least Naruto did when Sasuke wasn't around, and when Naruto wasn't around Sasuke barely said anything at all.

They should have announced their engagement years ago.

Sakura always had and probably always would come second to them. It wasn't a bad position to be in someone's heart and mind, but it just wasn't the same as being first. In fact, Sakura didn't think she came first to anyone…

But she could be fooled into thinking that she did when she was with Kakashi.

He'd invited her back over tonight, but Sakura wasn't so sure it was a good idea. The temptation was strong though, to feel warm and loved and to forget, even for just a little while, and even if it was just imitation. It was better than nothing at all.

Sakura went home. She caught the tail end of her nightly soap opera, which was just about enough to catch up on the plot, and then she took a shower and – in a fit of spontaneity – used the shampoo she hadn't used in months. Apples. After that she toweled her hair and curled up in bed, determined not to think about anything other than what might happen in the next episode of her soap.

She would not think of Kakashi. She would not need him. She would _not_ be weak.

At half-past midnight she woke up feeling cold and achingly alone. It only took her a moment to realize she was wide awake and not going back to sleep any time soon, and only a moment more before she swung her legs out of bed and began pulling on her clothes; a simple red skirt, a white shirt, and a scarf to keep off the faint chill of the night.

She didn't bother with panties. She wouldn't need them.

The village was quiet and only a few lights were on in the houses and apartments around her. Sakura crossed the bridge and hurried though the maze of older streets, past the humming vending machines at the end of Kakashi's road and up the hill to where his apartment building sat half-way up.

She looked up at his window. The light was out, but the window was open. Sakura didn't bother to check if the door was locked – it would only delay the inevitable, and so she climbed the fire-escape, taking care to not shake the metal structure and alert every occupant of the building of what she was up to.

When she came to Kakashi's window she paused and peered inside. The last time she'd been here like this she had seen him with another woman, which had really been the start of this whole mess. Now he was acting much more angelic, asleep on the bed below her with his hand curled up to his chin and a single sheet crumpled around his form. He was quite obviously naked underneath it.

Not content to admire from a distance anymore, Sakura slipped onto the windowsill and gently stepped down onto the bed. It dipped beneath her weight and Kakashi stirred sleepily. By the time he'd opened his eyes Sakura had straddled his hips.

The moment recognition flashed in his sleepy eyes, his face broke out in a warm smile and he opened his mouth to say something-

Sakura clapped her hand over his mouth. "Don't speak, or I won't be able to say this," she said softly. "And don't smile or I'll forget what I wanted to say."

He stared up at her, bemused. Waiting.

"I don't think I can do this anymore," she whispered. "There's a reason why there are rules against what we're doing, because what we're doing is wrong and there's no way around it. It can hurt people. It's already interfering in our work. If people find out…?"

Her hand slipped from his mouth and smoothed over his brow. In the moonlight he was painfully handsome, and an ache began in her chest at the thought of throwing him away.

"I don't even know what we're doing. Are we in a relationship? Or is this one of your one-week-stand things?" She sighed and smoothed her hands down his bare chest, marveling the firm muscle and the dusting of coarser hair. "Please don't think I'm not grateful for what you've shown me. You gave me what I wanted and I'm thankful, but it can't continue. Please understand."

She saw him swallow and frown ever so slightly. "Was sex all you ever really wanted from this?"

She stared back at him. "Were you ever offering anything more?"

He exhaled slowly beneath her, and his gaze fell away from hers. "I suppose it doesn't matter now."

They said nothing for a moment, lapsing into a sort of comfortable silence. The tips of Kakashi's fingers placed against her bare knees, tapping and stroking small patterns as he thought.

"So you came all this way in the middle of the night to wake me up and straddle me without any underwear to tell me you didn't want to do this anymore?" he asked. "You're a funny girl."

"It's over after tonight," she whispered, leaning down to feather a kiss along his jaw. "Let's just have this one last night together."

"Ah. One last donut before the diet, huh?"

"Something like that…"

"It'll have to be memorable," he murmured in return.

"Yes. I want to remember this forever, sensei." She kissed him full on the lips, enjoying the way they moved against hers and his hands squeezed her thighs.

Kakashi broke the kiss and tried to sit up. "The condoms are in the bathroom, I need to-"

"No – stay," she urged him back down.

"No, we need them-"

"I've been taking birth control for two years," she interrupted, kissing his neck. "There's no danger."

"I still think-"

She bit his shoulder, hard enough to make him flinch and squeeze her arms, but judging by the reaction of the particular body part she was sat on, he had quite liked it. "Then stop thinking," she said softly, smoothing over the bite with her tongue. "When was the last time you ever had sex without a condom."

"Never," he said shortly.

"Never?" she echoed, surprised.

"Rule number something or other from the adult Shinobi guideline book; best way to find leverage against an enemy combatant is to get pregnant with his child. You can't be too careful about who you have unprotected sex with..."

"Do you think that's what I'm trying to do?" she asked, kissing his chin as she rubbed herself against his hardening penis. "Trying to get pregnant to use a baby against you? Is that why you're scowling at me?"

"No, I trust you. And you're not patient enough to wait nine months for revenge when I'm pretty sure you already have enough leverage to use against me should you ever wish to blackmail me. The first of which being that we're naked in bed together right now. This alone could get me into a lot of trouble."

"I'm not naked," Sakura pointed out. She even had her boots on still.

"Where it counts you are," he said, taking her hips into his hands to position her directly over his erection to relieve one kind of pressure by applying another. Sakura flexed and ground against him, taking as much pleasure in hearing the sharp gasp of his exhaled breath as she did the contact of his bare flesh against hers. Knowing that she could bring this man pleasure – a man whose experience and prowess more than a little intimidated her – was somewhat reassuring. Ikki had called her a frigid icicle, but Sakura didn't feel even remotely cold when she was with Kakashi. She'd never craved sex like this, and all because she'd never found sex worth having until him.

"Why is it that I'm with you, it all seems so simple," she said, reaching down between them to encircle his cock in her hand. "No one makes me feel the way you can, and I just want to feel that way again, just for a little while. I need this, Kakashi."

"Kakashi-what?" he wheezed, closing his eyes as he covered her hand with his own, guiding it at the exact pace he liked best.

"Sensei," she teased in his ear. "Teach me what it means to love, _sensei_."

She was quoting Icha Icha Tactics of course, but she felt safe doing so because Kakashi would undoubtedly recognize it. "You're beginning to sound like a true pervert, Sakura," he cautioned.

"Maybe I am one?"

But she didn't want to banter with him. She hadn't come here to tease and quote his favorite book, because when things like that happened she could feel herself growing attached. And the last thing she needed was to accidentally give her heart to a man who was completely off-limits, and who probably saw her as nothing more than another deviant relationship to add to his list of conquests.

So rather than wait for his reply, she lifted herself up and guided his length to her entrance till the slick head pushed against her wet folds.

"Wait," Kakashi said, breathing hard as he tried to hold her still. "Not yet-"

She ignored him and carefully eased herself down. He wasn't the biggest she'd ever had, but that didn't mean she would get careless. His thickness sank into her, spreading her wide and stretching her flesh tight to accommodate him. She didn't stop until she was fully seated against him, groaning weakly at the incredibly full feeling that was almost too much to bear.

Kakashi groaned too, and it strengthened her resolve. She didn't want this last night together to be another matter of him trying to please her; she wanted this to be a mutual endeavor, because they were two adults with their own needs and not because she was a pathetic child who needed to be shown how it was done.

When he took her hips and tried to guide her down over him, she resisted, rebelling against his direction and setting her own rhythm instead. Kakashi had no choice but to go along with it. Already she could see him begin to frown as he found his hand in this act almost redundant, so Sakura carefully squeezed her muscles around him and watched that frown settle into a grimace of pleasure.

She found she rather liked being on top, in control of the movements with a wonderful view of the powerful, dynamic man between her legs. She rode him as hard as she dared, swirling her hips teasingly, rising and falling, moving quickly and then slowly, and watched as the sweat began to glisten on his skin, catching in the moonlight as his body writhed in desperate submission. But she only dominated because he let her dominate, and if he wanted he could throw her beneath him and put an end to the torment, yet Kakashi was nothing if not generous lover. In the half-light she caught his half-smile and knew he approved.

"You look like a queen enjoying your throne," he panted out, angling his hips a little to hit a spot inside her that made her eyes slide shut in wonder. "Very regal... so beautiful."

"I bet you say that to all the other girls," she murmured.

"You obsess too much about 'other girls'. Can't you just enjoy the here and now?"

"Maybe if you shut up and let me," she shot back, and grinned when he sniggered.

But something bigger was beginning to take over, and Sakura found her tight-handed command slipping as she began to move more quickly in time with the rising need of her body. She moved with a need so reckless it clouded her mind and drove her to the edge of reason, making her gasp and moan without caring how she sounded or looked. Beneath her Kakashi's hips thrust relentlessly into hers, and he groaned with the same agony that she'd drawn out of him.

This was all she'd wanted. To have the chance to _take_ him as he had taken her, and she knew he was close to losing it – almost as close as her. She pressed her hands against his belly, slick with perspiration, and sat straight-backed as she moved over him, forcing them ever closer to the natural conclusion, winding that ball of heat tighter and tighter until it could be wound no more.

She whimpered as the pleasure began to unravel and the tremors started deep in her core, and she began to move with demanding violence, eager to hold onto to the feeling of being so completely taken by euphoria. Below her, his groans were escalating and he drove hard into her. He gripped her thighs in his hands, lifting her as she began to stiffen in her own climax and pushed through it, shoving her and filling her until he too lost it.

"Kiss me," he demanded roughly, and Sakura instantly obeyed, leaning down to rasp her mouth against his in what was more of a thoughtless clash of lips and teeth than a kiss. She didn't care. She just wanted to be close to him in this moment, to feel his shuddering breath and hear his gasps. His countenance was torn with ecstasy under the moonlight from the window, and inside her he jerked, spilling the proof of his own orgasm. She rode him all the way through the shuddering convulsions until he finally shuddered and relaxed.

Sakura collapsed too, resting her head against his chest as they both attempted to catch their breath and calm their hearts, but only Kakashi was successful in taming his pulse; Sakura's continued to pound in her ears even long minutes after the last lingering throb of pleasure had died away.

"Was that your first time on top?" he asked her just as she thought he'd fallen asleep.

"Yes," she said quietly.

"Did you like it?"

"Oh, _yes_."

She felt rather than heard him laugh at her response and hid her own smile against his throat. She breathed in his scent, made heady by their act, and thought that there was no better place in the world to be than right here in his arms, smiling and laughing over stuff that wasn't really that funny, but hot sweaty sex was a far better at inebriating than any alcohol.

She would miss this. Already she could feel the pain of loss, even though she was still pressed up intimately against him, still connected.

"I should probably go then," she said softly.

"Yes," he sighed. "You probably should."

But Sakura didn't move for a long time, and when she finally did it was only to sit up and strip off her suffocating clothes in order to lay back down and feel every inch of his naked skin against hers.

"I can go later," she whispered.

"Yes," he whispered back, sounding amused. "You probably can."

His hand stroked up and down her back in a comforting gesture, and one that lulled her senses and brought her to the brink of sleep. This was how she wanted to fall asleep always, she thought, before she drifted away.

When she woke up again after what could only have been a few short hours later, he was inside her, hard as a rock and moving with firm insistence. Sakura caught the rhythm almost instantly and drew her hands up over his shoulders and wrapped her legs around his waist before she was even fully awake.

Where before she'd enjoyed complete control over him, now it was him who was in complete control and even then some. His weight bore her down into the mattress, his hands and mouth enticed and aroused, and his cock thrust hard into her, plunging ruthlessly, and she was powerless to stop him. Especially with his eyes locked on hers and his sharingan swirling faster than usual, spinning a web she would be caught in long before she realized it.

Climax struck instantly, far too fast and far too intense to be natural, and far too irresistible. She cried out and convulsed as the sensations rolled on and on, fierce and uncompromising. But Kakashi didn't stop. He paused only once to adjust his angle and this was the only break she got before he resumed the pace.

The first orgasm had barely faded before he pushed her into another one. Any cries that tried to escape her mouth were blocked by his as he took her lips and thrust his tongue in an erotic imitation of what was happening beneath the sheets. Another hard shove and another almost painful climax. Her vision was filled with red until all she could see was the spinning tomoe and all she could feel and comprehend was the force of his body against, around and within hers.

The world was spinning off its axis and Sakura didn't care. She could no longer remember where she was or what time it was or even who she was. All she could do was tremble and gasp as he led her, setting the pace, their bodies rising and falling together on the same breath and the same heartbeat. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and Sakura wasn't sure she could take much more.

"Please," she begged. "No more."

He ignored her and the sensations crested all over again, hurling her straight into another orgasm that tore at her insides. She screamed, felt his hand cover her mouth and felt him begin to pound more heavily into her as, at long last, he could no longer wait. His eyes slid shut and his balls drew up in a fierce demand for a release, and with a half-shout, half-groan he gave up and shuddered, filling her with his release in a series of short, intense thrusts,

It took longer to recover this time, and Sakura clung to his shoulders as she continued to shake with breathy sobs and shed tears she didn't understand what for. They seemed to be for everything and nothing... for joy that she could share something like this with him... and sadness because it wasn't theirs to share in the first place.

"Are you ok?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes," she lied.

"I didn't hurt you did I?"

"No..."

He spread his thumbs over her cheeks, rubbing away the cold tears. "Then why are you crying?"

"I don't know," she sniffed, already feeling herself begin to calm down. "My mother told me a little while ago... you have to take hold of the opportunities that come your way, because if you let them slide away you only end up regretting it forever and wishing you had taken a chance."

"A wiser woman than I realized." He settled his weight on the mattress beside her, though he still partially covered her with his thigh settled firmly between hers. "Why did you think of that?"

"I took a chance," she told him. "And I don't regret it at all. I just wish... I just with that..."

"Wish that we were a little more free?"

She nodded joylessly and her idle fingers played with a stray lock of hair behind his ear. "Kakashi-sensei, I'm not angry about the review thing. Not anymore. That's not why I'm doing this."

"I know," he said quietly, reciprocating the small affectionate touches as he combed his fingers through her disarrayed hair.

She wished he wasn't so understanding. It would be so much easier if he would get angry and sulk at her and leave her with no doubt in her mind that walking away was for her own good, but instead his gentle touches and warm eyes that looked at her as if she was the most precious thing in the world left her horribly torn. Logically she knew that ending this relationship before it developed any further was in the best interests of everyone. But her heart was pathetic and lonely and only wanted to cuddle closer to his warmth, and what her heart wanted her heart _wanted_. Cool intelligence had a hard time reigning in the most fundamental human instinct.

"I do regret one thing though," she said eventually.

"What's that?" Kakashi perked up attentively.

"I think you've really ruined me for other men."

"Ah," he said, relaxing. "Don't worry. You'll find someone else in time and you'll forget all about me. Or maybe you won't? You're only human after all."

Sakura snorted and poked him in the ribs hard enough to make him grunt. "I'm sure you'll have forgotten all about me by next week."

He smiled at her. "You seem to think you mean nothing to me."

"I'm pretty sure you're just humoring me."

"But I'm a selfish man, Sakura. Remember? I wouldn't dream of doing something so selfless if I wasn't getting something I wanted in return."

She looked up at him uncertainly. "Is that true?" she asked.

"Mm," he hummed. "It must be. It's the only reason that would explain why I was calling out your name during love-making long before you ever arrived on my doorstep in that tight wet shirt."

Sakura blushed, but then frowned. "You haven't called out my name during _our_ love-making."

"Good. If I can think enough to remember names, I'm not enjoying myself as much as I should."

Satisfied she curled up into him with a contented sigh. "I think I'll miss this."

It was a long time before he murmured a soft agreement, but nothing explicit as to how he truly felt. After a pause he said, "I have a mission tomorrow and there's a place for a chunin medic..."

"Are you asking me to join your team?"

"I don't know any better chunin medics than you."

She wanted to accept, but it was against her better judgment. "I don't think it's wise right now..."

He sighed. "You're probably right."

She closed her eyes. "And I should probably go now."

"Yes, you probably should."

His arms closed around her a fraction more tightly, and before she knew it she had fallen asleep.

* * *


	14. Wildflowers

_Window_

Chapter Fourteen

* * *

Ino was in a bad mood that morning. Shikamaru could see it coming a mile off, because when one grew up with a girl prone to violent and compulsive mood swings, one learned to look out for them. 

He'd been sitting on a bench beside the river, enjoying the peace up until the point Ino came stomping down the path. It was a good day for cloud watching. Not too much cloud to render the hobby redundant, but not too clear either. Little fluffy white clouds floated by across their blue canvas like sheep grazing in a meadow. A lot of them looked like sheep actually.

But all thoughts of sheep and clouds were forcibly shoved from his mind as Ino plonked herself down on the bench beside him.

"I'm so annoyed," she declared.

Shikamaru looked away down the river and took a slow drag on his cigarette.

Ino sighed in a very non-subtle fashion. "You wouldn't _believe_ how annoyed I am," she grumbled a little more loudly. When he failed to respond, she thumped him in the chest. "Are you listening to me?"

"You're annoyed. I get it." Why she felt the need to announce it, when it was pretty damn obvious one way or another was a mystery to him. But then, women as a whole were a mystery to Shikamaru.

He should have realized this was just another one of Ino's leading tactics. "Want to know why I'm so annoyed?"

Shikamaru debated. "Sure." He calculated this was the least bothersome reply in the long-run. He could be truthful and say 'no', but he'd only get thumped again and then she'd tell him anyway.

"That Sakura," she began with a slight wrinkle of her nose, "she's such a pain. I followed her last night to see who this mysterious lover of hers is, but all she did was go home, watch boring soap operas and then go to sleep. So, like a dope, guess what I did?"

"What did you do?" Shikamaru was nothing but a wall for Ino to bounce her own conversation off. All he had to do was repeat her words back at her and she would be satisfied.

"I went home, didn't I?" Ino thumped her knee angrily. "I got up especially early this morning to see if she went somewhere and met up with someone before work, and guess what?"

"What?"

"She came home _ten minutes_ after I arrived."

Ino looked at him like this was some marvelous and very meaningful revelation, but Shikamaru could only stare, feeling pinned and lost. "So?" he ventured.

"So?!" Ino cried. "How annoying is _that!_ She crept off in the middle of the night to rendezvous with this mysterious man of hers, and I _still_ don't know who he is!"

"How do you know she was off seeing a man?" Shikamaru asked. "She could have just gone out for an early morning walk."

Ino gave him a pitying look. "When she came back she certainly didn't look like a girl who had been out for a walk. Only a girl who's been fucked three ways from Friday walks with the kind of limp she had when I saw her."

Shikamaru sighed. He didn't really want to think about such things. "Is it really any of your business who Sakura is seeing?"

"Yes, it most definitely is," Ino snapped. "The only reason Sakura would keep this relationship such a secret was if he was incredibly ugly. Or really poor. Or very, very stupid. Or... someone she shouldn't be seeing at all. She could be consorting with the enemy, Shikamaru! It is our duty as Konoha Shinobi to protect our village and our village's secrets and investigate any potential leak of intelligence!"

Talking about a leak of intelligence... "Ino, you don't care about that. You just want to know who Sakura is dating and find out if he's prettier than your guy."

"Oh, Shikamaru, _please_ help me out," she wheedled. "With my brains and your beauty, we could have this mystery solved by lunchtime."

Shikamaru sighed and turned his eyes upward as he thought, the cigarette burning with neglect between his fingers. After a very long and deliberate silence and nodded his head. "Maybe it's Kakashi-sensei."

Ino's head snapped around to stare at him, confused and surprised. "What?"

"There's a rumor going around the headquarters that one of the jonin teachers is sleeping with his female student, and rumors usually have _some _basis in fact. Sakura is a female student of a jonin teacher, and you're saying she has a mysterious guy who she, for no apparent reason, won't reveal the identity of. Put two and two together and you have Haruno Sakura and Hatake Kakashi."

Ino stared at him for a long time, before she growled in annoyance and threw her hands up in the air. "Don't be stupid. You could at least take me seriously."

Shikamaru shrugged and went back to sucking thoughtfully on his cigarette. It was a few moments later when a bundle of orange, black and blonde came racing past them, did a hasty U-turn and then doubled back to stand before them.

"Hey, guys!" Naruto said with way too much enthusiasm for this time of the morning. "Have either of you seen Sakura-chan around?"

Shikamaru looked expectantly at Ino whose frown only deepened. "Sakura, Sakura, Sakura! Why is everyone so obsessed with Sakura?"

"I don't know. You're the one stalking her," Shikamaru pointed out.

"Really, you're stalking Sakura-chan?" Naruto didn't seem all that disturbed. "So you've seen her?"

Ino folded her arms in a 'I don't have to tell you anything' pose, but nevertheless she said, "The last time I saw her she was on her way to the hospital."

"Cool, thanks! I'm worried that she kinda feels left out, you know. Because of the whole jonin thing. Do you think I should get her flowers or something?"

"Can't hurt." Shikamaru shrugged.

"Are you two mad?" Ino sent them both withering glares. "Give her flowers and you're as good as admitting you've done something to upset her. It'll only make her more upset because she'll realize she isn't just being a paranoid sap. Don't you dare even apologize, just make it up to her."

Female logic was a strange and powerful thing, and Naruto was clearly in awe. "Ok, cool," he said when he managed to grasp what she was saying on a fundamental level. "So... I should just hang out with her like normal?"

"Yes," Ino said, as if it was obvious.

"Thanks, Ino!"

But before he could zip away, Ino called out to him. "Hey, Naruto! Any idea who this mystery boyfriend of Sakura's is?"

He turned and looked back, confused. "I thought she was dating that Ikki bastard?"

"You're wasting your time," Shikamaru said to Ino under his breath. When Naruto had already failed to notice that he'd put on his jacket inside out that morning, it was unlikely he'd notice anything about other people's secret love lives.

"Nevermind," Ino sank back onto the bench grudgingly. "Your fly's undone, by the way."

Naruto toddled off happily, zipping himself up at he went

"Well, it's not him, that's for sure," Ino sighed. "And it can't be Sasuke because she would be rubbing it in my face by now."

"I suppose it would be futile to point out that this really is none of your business," Shikamaru said wearily.

"Yes," Ino said huffily. "It would."

Shikamaru shrugged and took another drag of his cigarette before tilting his head back. Smoke mingled with clouds, and at least his little corner of the world was adequate that day.

* * *

This tenderness would pursue her for several days, she was sure. Sakura winced as she tried hard not to waddle down the corridor towards Tsunade's office, clutching an armful of folders against her breast. Kakashi had made quite an impression on her last night one way or another. A lot of fun at the time, but now...? 

But it seemed her crafty walking skills weren't quite up to par, as she realized Shizune was staring at her bemusedly from the reception desk. Sighing, she waddled closer until she could drop the folders onto the counter.

"What's with the limp?" Shizune asked.

"I hurt my knee," Sakura lied plainly.

"Your _knee_, huh? Right" Shizune nodded in a skeptical fashion. Both of them knew it but neither would say it... that Sakura was walking as if someone had driven a wedge between her legs. "What are these?" she asked, tapping the folders Sakura had set down.

"The medical records Tsunade-shishou requested," Sakura replied, looking around the waiting area to see all the chairs against the walls were deserted. "Is she in?"

"Mm-hm," Shizune hummed, nodding. "She's briefing a team for a mission, but she should be done in a few minutes."

_Oh good, _Sakura thought, _I can sit down. _Her legs were still remarkably wobbly since last night.

But Shizune wouldn't let her. "Oh, hey, Sakura," she said suddenly, her voice diminishing to a stage whisper. "Have you heard the rumor?"

"The rumor about the pay rise?" Sakura asked hopefully.

"No, no, no, it's much better than that." With a quick glance around the empty waiting room, Shizune beckoned Sakura and they both leaned forward conspiratorially. "Did you hear? _One of the jonin teachers is sleeping with a student!_"

Sakura's heart skipped a beat, and then suddenly began pounding faster. "W-What?" she stammered.

"I know. How _weird_ is that?" Shizune wrinkled her nose. "It would be like you sleeping with Kakashi-sensei or something. It's just _wrong_."

Swallowing hard, Sakura tried to cope with the sudden cold sweat that tingled in her palms. "D-Do you know... I mean... is it true? Does anyone know who it is?"

Shizune shook her head. "But there's only ten male jonin teachers in the village. Between me and you, my money's on Nakamura-sensei. That girl of his is complete jail bait, if you know what I mean. Well... whoever it is... if it's true, they're in serious trouble. The last teacher who slept with his student was issued with a warrant for his execution."

"_What?"_ Sakura choked.

"Well, it wasn't the main reason for the warrant. He'd done a lot of other nasty stuff too, like murder, unethical genetic experimentation, conspiracy to mutiny, treason... it was Orochimaru, after all." Shizune rolled her eyes. "But this still spells trouble. It could just be a rumor though."

"Yes," Sakura nodded firmly, "it's probably just a rumor. I can't see it being true _at all_."

Shizune looked at her oddly for a moment and opened her mouth to speak, but right then the door to Tsunade's office clicked open and people began to file out. The first two men Sakura didn't know, until she spotted a familiar face – or a familiar face spotted her.

"Sakura! Hey!"

The girl was all blonde hair, gooey brown eyes and pouty lips, and Sakura knew her from the hospital – she was the same grade of medic.

Sakura hated her.

"Hi, Nibiki," she sighed, waving back less than enthusiastically. "Going on a mission?"

Long blonde hair flipped dramatically, offset my ridiculously long eyelashes bathed in mascara. "Yeah. It's a long one! Wish me luck!" Then her face fell. "Oh dear... did you pull another all-nighter last night? You work too hard, you know."

Sakura raised a hand to her hair self-consciously. Did she look rough or something? She thought she'd looked pretty fresh and perky when she'd looked in the mirror that morning. Already Nibiki was sailing away, and Sakura looked up in time to see the last man exist Tsunade's office.

Kakashi.

He nodded to Shizune first of all and then smiled pleasantly to Sakura. "Good morning, ladies," he said politely.

"Found a chunin medic, I see," she noted.

Kakashi's smile widened as he moved over to the desk to hand a slip of paper to Shizune to stamp. "Now, now," he said chidingly. "Don't get jealous."

Sakura's ears burned red as he took back the slip of paper and turned – giving her a wink only she could see as he did so – to walk out of the door. As Sakura's heart went with him, Shizune leaned forward over the counter to peer after the departing team. "Why's he taking Nibiki? That was an A-class mission I just stamped, why wouldn't he take you? You're the better medic and fighter by far."

Sakura felt worryingly depressed all of a sudden. "He asked, but I turned it down."

"Why?"

Because how could you forget someone and move on when you had to spend a whole month fighting side by side? She had to stay in Konoha and take the opportunity of his absence to forge her own path again, away from its momentarily collision with his. She would go out more. With friends. Perhaps even pick up a boy. She would make an effort to be more interested in Naruto and Sasuke's upcoming exams and put her petty feelings of inadequacy behind her. This was a new era and she was a new Sakura. Whatever rumors were floating about now would gradually fade, because there would be nothing to fuel them now. This chapter was over and done with, and the next was blank and ready to be written. And…

…and god she was going to miss Kakashi.

Shizune was staring at her, and she realized she'd been gazing too long and too wistfully at the empty doorway where she'd last seen Kakashi. There had been a question, hadn't there? "Um… I just didn't feel like going on a long-haul mission," Sakura said vaguely. "And someone has to keep an eye on Naruto and Sasuke."

To Shizune, this was a very good reason. "Ah, yes, true." She nodded sagely. "If you weren't here to look after them, they wouldn't stand a chance in the jonin examination."

Sakura grunted. _Maybe I should tag along with Kakashi-sensei after all…?_

"Well, it's nice that _some_ people find time to have a pleasant chitchat while the rest of us work our fingers to the bone," a voice said behind them.

Sakura whirled around. "Shishou! Sorry, shishou – I brought the files you requested, shishou!"

"Good. Bring them in and we'll go over them." Tsunade stood back to let Sakura into the office before her. Sakura hurried to comply, picking up the folders and scurrying into the office.

"Why are you walking like someone's driven a corkscrew between your-"

"I have a sore knee."

* * *

In Kakashi's opinion, port villages either always bustled with activity and excitement, or stank of lethargy, urine and turpentine. Port Sokko was very much of the latter variety. The air was swimming with humidity; the only breeze carried with it the stale smell of old fish and salt, and a film of muggy sweat seemed to have settled on everything. Palm trees wilted, villagers sat slumped in shade, and even the buildings looked like they were perspiring. 

Kakashi walked down the sloping path to the docks with the rest of his team under a scalding sky that was nothing more than a white haze. They all looked thoroughly unhappy and were sweating like pigs over a roast, too acclimatized to the more tepid and reasonable temperatures of Konoha. Kakashi didn't mind though. While his team sweated and emitted the occasional moan, he zipped his jacket all the way up to his chin and pushed his hands deeper into his pockets. After having been stationed on the Suna border during the war, one learnt to cope with heat.

He was watching the signs creaking on rusted hinges and the paint peeling off the houses when someone appeared at his side.

"Hey, Kakashi-taichou, aren't you hot?" Nibiki.

"I'm comfortable," he responded lightly. She herself was looking pretty cool, but a shimmer of perspiration on her forehead was giving her away. It would be a shame to ruin all that make-up…

"You'd probably feel better if you took your mask off," she suggested.

"I'm fine," he said, pretty much repeating himself.

"Mm," she nodded. "Why do you wear it, may I ask?"

He just looked at her, giving her the plain, hooded look that if held long enough would forever establish intimidation over his victim. Normally that look could frighten people off him for life, but this girl just smiled. "I used to know a guy in the academy who wore a mask like that," she said pleasantly. "Turned out it was just because he was _really_ ugly."

And with that Nibiki quickened her pace and caught up with the other team members walking ahead.

So she was passive aggressive and challenging his authority, and well, he'd expected that. He'd sniffed trouble the moment he'd seen her making that 'you work too hard' comment to Sakura, and that was when he'd decided that they would be taking the ferry from the southern route through the blistering heat of Sokko port rather than the much cooler route through the northern Matsuyama port. Because Nibiki wasn't the only passive aggressive asshole in the team.

"Um, Nibiki?" he called.

She turned happily.

He made a vague gesture towards his own eyes. "Your mascara… um… you might want to fix that."

As she blazed red and turned away, furiously wiping at her face and probably only making the problem worse, Kakashi reflected that he would much rather have preferred it if Sakura had come. Not only because she was a better medic and a more competent warrior, but because frankly he was beginning to feel the sharp loss of her company. And also, her attempts as passive aggression and insubordination were much more endearing.

They'd been traveling for almost a week now and had stayed at numerous decrepit little inns along the way. The budget _just_ about allowed enough to book a room each, but Kakashi wondered what the point was. The walls of the rooms were so thin that you could hear the snoring of the occupant in the next room over as if they were lying right next to you with their arms wrapped around you and their mouth pressed against your ear. But most importantly, thin walls did little to stifle the moans of ecstasy that could be heard now and then. Ordinarily as good as free porn, but a bit depressing when your body was struggling to cope with the sudden absence of a warm bedfellow. Two nights now he'd woken up when the sound of feminine moans echoing around his room had invaded his dreams, tricking him into thinking he was back with Sakura, and had found himself with an inconvenient mess to clean up as a result.

The Itch was creeping back over him, but where before the Itch had never been fussy about exactly what kind of female company it sought… this time it was very specific. Only one face came to mind when he was caught in a quiet moment by himself. Only her hair. Only her eyes. Only her underwear that still resided in his back pocket.

_Damn_, he wished Sakura hadn't had the sense to turn this mission down, even though he knew she was ultimately right to do so. If she had come along, they wouldn't have lasted three nights before he seduced her or she seduced herself into joining him in his futon at night, and then it really would have been her moans echoing through the paper-thin walls of every inn they stayed at, and by now their affair would have been no secret.

When they'd finally parted ways that morning six nights ago, they'd both made it plain that it was the end. There would be no more talking about it and they would both go their separate ways and forget. They were free from each other now and Kakashi was told he was entitled to return to his 'philandering' ways, as she put it.

But it hadn't been a very formal goodbye. They hadn't shook hands and waved each other goodbye. She'd gotten out of bed, gotten dressed, told him the conditions of their separation, listened to his agreement and amendments, and then had promptly sat in his lap and kissed him as if she would never see him again. It had all been well and good, but Sakura had the problematic habit of arousing him with very little effort, so he'd had to force her out the door before they wound up back where they'd started: in bed.

The moment she left his smile had faded, and despite knowing that things had gone exactly according to plan – that they'd separated without any fuss or drama or tears or anyone else finding out – he wasn't happy. He wasn't gut-wrenchingly depressed, but he just didn't feel the usual relief he felt at severing a relationship with a woman… perhaps because this one felt as if it had been cut short before it had been able to reach the point where he would have been glad to see the back of her.

It was true he wouldn't have minded a few more nights getting to know her body and enjoying her companionship, but his need for company did not outweigh Sakura's need to get away from someone like him. Because in the end he would only drag her down with him…

"Taichou, is that our ferry?" one of his subordinates asked. He was either Denji or Daisuke, but they looked too alike for Kakashi to be able to tell the difference.

He paused and lifted his hand to shade his eye from the sun in order to better see the harbor below. "You mean the one that's a tiny dot on the horizon and disappearing fast?"

The rest of his team groaned. "But the next one's not till tomorrow," the other Denji/Daisuke moaned.

"We would have made it if we'd set off on time this morning," Nibiki said off-handedly, and by studiously not looking at Kakashi she may well have been glaring straight at him.

"The ferry was an optional luxury," Kakashi said in his matter-of-fact tone. "I was hoping we'd catch it, but since we didn't we'll just have to make our way on foot."

"What?" Now Nibiki _was _glaring at him.

"You were taught water-walking as a genin, weren't you?" he said evenly. "It's only a few miles, just watch out for the big waves. And the jellyfish. And sometimes the sharks like to have a curious nibble."

Needless to say, Kakashi was about as popular with this team as he was with every other team he'd manned.

They took a break when they reached the harbor wall below. Nibiki corrected her make-up, Denji and Daisuke swapped drinks, and Kakashi leant against the wall, watching the distant strip of land on the horizon.

The port town was far too quiet for Kakashi's liking. Only one boat bobbed in the water, tied up to the mooring lines further along the dock. A tired looking man floated past, selling chunks of skewered squid dipped in sticky soy sauce, but Kakashi politely refused. It wasn't wise to accept unsolicited food on a mission, and he quickly slapped either Denji or Daisuke's hand down as one of the special jonin reached up to call the tired man back.

"But I'm really hungry, Taichou," either Denji or Daisuke complained.

"We've not eaten since last night," either Daisuke or Denji agreed.

"The faster we move the sooner we find a place to eat," Kakashi reasoned. "So if we're all done reapplying our lipstick, we'll go-"

"You need a ride?"

The group turned to face the man who'd spoken. He looked like a fisherman, what with all the darned nets he was carrying, coupled with his wild white beard and tanned bald spot. Several missing teeth grinned at them.

"Yes," Nibiki said impulsively.

"No," Kakashi said, glaring at the back of her head.

"I'm heading out to the Yura Isles… for a price I can drop you off somewhere along the way?"

"We're going to the same place!" Nibiki enthused. "How much do you want?"

"Um…" Kakashi tried to interrupt.

"Fifty thousand ryo."

"Kakashi-taichou, do we have-"

"No." Unsolicited boat rides were out too.

"But, it's so far to walk!" Nibiki protested. "And he's way cheaper than the ferry was asking – and what if I trip and fall and drown? These bags are _so_ heavy."

Well, he knew why _she'd _been passed over for promotion during the review. But then the two special jonin were looking at him hopefully, and he really did look like a harmless old man who would snap like a twig without too much trouble… although appearances were hardly something to trust.

"That's your boat?" Kakashi nodded to the lonely dingy with the folded sails.

"That's my boat." The man nodded humbly.

Kakashi sighed. "We need passage to the Isle of Yura. Can you get us there before nightfall?"

"I'll get you there before mid-afternoon… for sixty thousand ryo."

"… you… just put up your price."

"Taichou, just give him the money before it goes up to seventy."

"Fine, fine…" He was getting too accommodating in his old age, but where was the sense in taking a long hard walk when there was a ride to be had?

He forked over the money bills and as the man turned to hobble back to his boat, the team followed and Kakashi gave the man a surreptitious once-over with the sharingan. He wasn't in disguise, there was no detectable levels of chakra in him and he seemed to be very much who he appeared to be – a money-grubbing old man with a dodgy looking dingy.

Nibiki quickly forgot how happy she was at their stroke of good fortune when about fifteen minutes later she was hanging over the side of the boat, introducing the contents of her stomach to the sea as the light vessel found itself tossed around on each and every ripple and wave.

Kakashi once more found himself on holding-sick-girl's-hair duty, what with Denji and Daisuke looking a little green themselves. "Why didn't you say you get seasick?" he asked wearily, feeling as if he'd been taken back in time and he was once more baby-sitting three pubescent brats rather than two adult special jonins and a qualified medic.

"I didn't know," she wailed. "I've never been in a boat before."

Ah. "Was that why you were so keen to get this boat?"

She just groaned. "Everything smells like fish…"

"Fishing boats often do." She seemed to have finished throwing up so he set down his backpack and rummaged around in it with one hand while the other remained employed in holding her hair. "Have a tissue," he said, handing it down to her.

"Thank you," she said more meekly than he'd ever heard her sound as she discreetly wiped her mouth. He released her hair with a compassionate pat to the top of her head, but she remained hanging over the side for several minutes before she lifted her head. "You're actually much nicer than my sensei was."

"Who was your sensei?"

"Morino Ibiki."

"Ah…" That explained a fair bit.

"I envy Sakura," she croaked.

_I've noticed,_ Kakashi thought, but said nothing.

"Why didn't you bring Sakura on this mission?" she asked, looking at him. "She's a better medic nin than I am. And she can punch a hole in concrete. So… why me?"

"Don't go thinking it's because you're special. Sakura was just busy."

"She didn't look especially busy to me… when you were winking at her."

Kakashi stared resolutely at the horizon.

So Nibiki sat up and pushed her hair back. "Did you know that one of the jonin teachers is sleeping with his student?" she asked.

"If you keep your eyes on the horizon, it should help orientate your balance and you'll feel less seasick," Kakashi informed her.

"Right…"

The journey progressed uneventfully after that. Nibiki threw up twice more over the side until she had nothing left to purge, and either Denji or Daisuke was sick at least once. The fisherman paid no heed to the evident distress of some of his passengers, but at least he kept to his word and they arrived at the promised point exactly five minutes before three o'clock.

"Thank you," Kakashi said to him as they got off the boat, but what he was really saying was 'thank you for being who you seemed to be and not part of an intricate trap laid out by our targets to assassinate us before we assassinate them, thus restoring my faith in humanity to some degree'. But it was a bit of a mouthful, and they had to get moving anyway. "Come on," he said to his shaky-legged team. "Walk it off."

"But I'm hungry," someone protested.

"Walk it off," Kakashi repeated.

"I take it back," Nibiki said. "You're much crueler than Ibiki-sensei."

"That's quite an achievement. I'll make sure they put it on my tombstone," he said dryly.

They headed out of the port and onto a road winding through the forest, past old abandoned shrines and small gangs of monkeys that staked out points in the road like little bands of rogue bandits. Monkeys were a bit of a rarity in the fire country, and naturally some members of the team were curious.

"Don't stare at them," Kakashi warned.

"Why not?" Denji or Daisuke asked.

The large male monkey he'd been staring at suddenly opened it's mouth with a loud shriek and charged. Both special jonin leapt out of their skin and Nibiki squeaked and grabbed onto Kakashi's arm. But at the last moment the monkey swerved away into the trees, satisfied that its bluff had worked.

"That's why," Kakashi said drolly, shaking Nibiki politely off his person.

"I don't think I like this place," Nibiki said, shuddering as she spied a moss-covered statue of a grinning monkey hidden amongst the tall grasses at the side of the road.

"You'll have to get used to it," Kakashi told her. "We could be out here for a month."

"I'm starting to wish Sakura hadn't been so _busy_, you know?" She gave him a wry look. Kakashi pretended not to notice, but this time she wasn't content to the let the matter drop now that she wasn't feeling so queasy. With a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure the other two members of their team were at a safe distance, she bumped against Kakashi's side and said in a faint whisper. "I'm not an idiot, Kakashi-taichou. I know there's something going on between you and Sakura."

"I don't like what you're insinuating," Kakashi said, sounding detached. "My relationship with Sakura is strictly platonic. To suggest it is anything else just sullies the trust that-"

"Oh, shut up, I'm not going to tell anyone," she giggled.

Kakashi grimaced.

"I bet you're wondering how I know-"

"I'm really not-"

"Well, I was thinking about the rumor, and there's only ten people it could possibly be referring to, and it definitely wasn't Ibiki-sensei because I would _know_ about it, so that leaves nine people. Most of them are married, and the ones that aren't are way too old or their students are complete dogs. You and Sakura are the only feasible match I could think of, and that wink definitely confirmed it for me. That and you have a pair of panties in your back pocket that have her name written on the label. I found them when you were having that bath."

Kakashi sighed, "I have to say… I don't know what you're talking about."

"It's ok, I understand," she clapped his shoulder. "Plausible deniability. Don't you think that if I was going to tell everyone I would have told everyone by now?"

"Maybe you want to blackmail me?" he suggested.

"Ah-hah!" she pointed a finger at him. "So you admit it!"

"Admit what?" he said innocently.

"I bet you miss her…"

"Nibiki," he said tiredly.

"Alright, alright, I'll say no more."

And she really did say no more after that, because that was when the kunai struck her in the back of the head and killed her.

* * *

Konoha was caught in another sporadic heat wave as summer found its second wind. The rain clouds had disappeared over the mountains, leaving nothing but blue sky in their wake, and Sakura was on flower-watering duty. It was a dry heat, tolerable enough to still sleep with the window shut but hot enough to have all the plants wilt in mourning of the rain. 

Sakura leant out over her window box and poured another glass of water into the soil of Mrs Uno's plant pot. All the other plants on the ledge were dead and dying, but Mrs. Uno was a hardy plant, even if a little dull without her flowers.

Idly, Sakura wondered if she should check on Mrs. Uno's counterpart, Mr. Ukki. With Kakashi gone, that plant was undoubtedly being neglected. He'd probably be quite upset if he returned and found his shrub had withered to a brown stump in his absence like Ms Urru had after being under Sasuke's ownership for a week. But checking up on Mr. Ukki would involve going over to Kakashi's apartment, which probably wasn't a good idea given the circumstances. She would only get caught up in remembering the last time she'd been there, and then she would find herself missing him.

"Hey, Forehead!"

"Pigtail."

Down on the street below, Ino stood grinning up at Sakura like a hyena, chest thrust out and hands held in a deception of innocence behind her back. Sakura debated whether or not to throw the remaining water in her cup over the other girl, simply for the sake of it.

"You coming to the Wildflower Viewing?" Ino asked.

"Wildflower viewing?" Sakura echoed, confused.

"The bulletin's been on the board for a week, Sakura. Jeez… you've been such an air-head lately." Ino suddenly lifted her arms up and two brown bottles glinted in the sun. "If you don't come, you can't have any of my sake!"

Even if Sakura didn't feel like viewing any more flowers, she really didn't have much choice in the matter. And it _was_ tradition after all, and Ino would not leave without her. So with a sigh Sakura put her housecleaning spree on one side and walked with Ino to training ground six, which was by and large used only by pre-genin academy students and so the flora was most intact here than in any other training ground. There were already plenty of people gathered at the edge of the lake, sitting on blankets and indulging in picnics and sake-drinking contests. It was one of the few days of utter relaxation in the ninja profession, officially to admire the flowers and reflect on the transient nature of life, but unofficially to blow off steam, quaff sake, spread malicious gossip, and flirt shamelessly with colleagues – so how had Sakura forgotten?

Well, obviously her mind had been somewhere else for the past week…

"Sakura-chan! Ino-chan! We saved you a spot!" Naruto was there in the heart of the bustle, already a little rosy cheeked with a slim cup of sake in one hand. Beside him was Sasuke, equally pink in the face but with his eyes closed and an air of greater dignity about him. On the next blanket over was Team 8 and on their other side were the remaining members of Team 10.

They got straight down to business.

"To summer!" Ino roared, tipping back her bottle of sake with every intention of catching up with her teammates. Sakura tried to be a bit more sedate, but Ino all but forced the second bottle down Sakura's throat with the order to "_Drink!_"

The topic of conversation moved swiftly. If Sakura didn't keep up she would be left behind, and she seemed to have arrived in the middle of a discussion about who were the sexiest shinobi in Konoha.

"No comment," Sasuke mumbled.

"Um…" Hinata just turned red and looked everywhere but at Naruto.

"Sai," Ino sighed.

"TenTen," Kiba said confidently. "Her nunchucks are the best."

Sakura didn't know what else to say, so she simply grabbed the first name that came into her head that didn't belong to anyone in present company. "Yamato-taichou."

This was met by a wave of splutters, shrieks and vague confused noises. "_What?_" was the general consensus.

"I-I think he's cute," she said, feeling her face heat. Boy, if this ever reached Tenzou…?

"But he has scary eyes!" Naruto protested.

"They just convey deepness," Sakura snapped.

Ino snorted. "Hah!"

"You're one to talk!" Sakura whirled on her. "Sai is about as deep as leaky kitchen sink!"

"Oi, oi, oi!" Shikamaru cut in when it was becoming apparent that the two girls were beginning to square off in a prelude to a hair-pulling contest.

"Save it for when we have some mud around," Chouji reminded them, which was a genius comment because Ino and Sakura quickly forgot that they hated each other and were united once more in their mutual exasperation with the male gender.

"Urgh," Ino, huffed.

"Men," Sakura agreed.

"I think, I think…" Naruto was tapping his chin. "That Nibiki medic girl!"

"Ew, what?" Sakura glared at him. "You can't be serious."

"Yeah, she's pretty fine," Kiba added.

"But she's _fat,"_ Ino protested.

"What's wrong with that?" Chouji asked.

"Nothing," Ino said quickly.

Shikamaru shook his head. "She's not fat, she just goes in and out where she's supposed to. She's alright-looking, I suppose… bit of a wearisome attitude, though."

"Where is that cow anyway?" Ino asked moodily. "I haven't seen her at the hospital."

"Kakashi-sensei took her on that mission," Sakura said quietly.

"Eh?" Naruto looked at her oddly. "Why?"

"Needed a medic," Sakura said, growing even more quiet.

"If he needed a medic, why didn't he just take you?"

Sakura's response was now so quiet that no one could make it out. Ino laughed. "It's either because you're a crap medic or he fancies her, and either way you – hey!"

"No more sake for you," Shikamaru said, holding her half-empty bottle out of reach. "You're a mean drunk."

"Sakura knows I'm only joking," she hiccupped. "What does she care about what Kakashi-sensei thinks anyway? She's got a super-secret stud boyfriend that she's keeping all to herself and not sharing with us."

Sakura put her head in her hands, wishing the world would stop swimming about. "Ino," she ground out warningly, but by then it was far too late.

"Yeah, I heard that, who is it?" Naruto asked, and even Sasuke opened his eyes long enough to focus on her in a semi-interested sort of way. In fact, everyone was looking at her now, apart from Ino who was still trying to climb over Shikamaru in order to retrieve her bottle.

"There's no one," she said stiffly, in her best 'just drop it' tone. "Don't listen to Ino, she's drunk."

"Bull! Shit!" Ino reared over her, having given up on her quest to recover her drink. "I followed you home a few nights ago, and when I came round in the morning, you arrived _after_ me! Where were you all night?"

All eyes turned back on Sakura.

"I took an early morning walk," Sakura said lamely.

"You were gone a previous night too," Sasuke remarked, making all eyes swing to him since it was the most he'd spoken since they arrived. "Naruto and I came around in the morning to remind you about the review, but you weren't there. Your neighbor said you'd never even come home. Where've you been staying?"

"I – um – even if it was any of your business – _which it isn't! –_ yes, I staying at someone else's place, but it's over now and I don't want to talk about it." Sakura folded her arms.

"So he dumped you?" Ino droned.

"No!" Sakura snapped. "No one was dumped – it was a mutual separation."

Ino leant over to Chouji and whispered, not so discreetly, _"She was dumped."_

"Ok, ok, leave Sakura alone. If she doesn't want to talk about it, that's her business," Shikamaru said. "Let's talk about something other than he mystery ex-boyfriend."

Sakura felt a wave of gratitude towards the lazy boy.

"Like, when do you think Kakashi-sensei will be back? And how long do you think it takes him to get his hair like that?"

Some god up there was laughing at her, Sakura was sure by now.

By the time she was finally allowed to go home she was quite officially sozzled. Her friends were a great bunch of people to hang out with when they weren't strapping her to an interrogation chair and trying to extract information that would hurt them more than it would hurt her. Hopefully in time they would forget about this 'mystery' boyfriend, although perhaps the process would be sped up if she were to go out and get a new and much less mysterious boy.

But Sakura just didn't feel like it. Unless there was a boy out there who looked, acted and made love exactly like Hatake Kakashi, she was not interested.

She arrived home feeling warm and woozy and got into bed without removing any of her clothes. And while Sakura enjoyed peace and quiet and solitude… it just wasn't the same when there was no one there waiting for her. It was odd because normally she was delighted to have a whole bed to herself after having to share one with a boy, putting up with the snoring and the cold feet and the hard elbows. But sharing a bed with Kakashi, while brief in the long run, had seemed natural. He'd never hogged the covers (there was always plenty of spare when you lay that closely entwined), he'd never snored (enough to wake her at least), and the occasional nudge of his cold feet had only made her giggle.

She missed him. Especially in a lonely moment like this. She wondered where he was at that moment, how he was doing on his mission and hoped to mercy that he was safe. There was always the possibility that a ninja wouldn't return from a high-class mission like this, but since Kakashi had never failed so far she didn't feel the need to worry. It would only be an insult to him.

It had been the best decision to break up with him, hadn't it? It was better that she wasn't with him now, right? And it _was_ a good thing that she was here on her own, deeply drunk and drooling onto her pillow rather than with him in some distant, terribly romantic foreign place with only body heat to keep each other warm?

"Guh…" she complained, and pulled the blanket over head.

It would be awfully inconvenient if she'd gone and fallen in love with the most inconvenient of all people…

* * *

Sakura woke to the sound of someone banging on her head with a hammer. Pain pressed behind her eyes as she sat up and tried to remember why she'd gone to bed fully dressed. At least it saved her some time in stumbling out of bed and answering the door to whoever was knocking on it so insistently. 

The door handle was the only thing keeping her upright as she peered through the open gap. "Yess…?" she slurred.

"The hospital needs you, Sakura-san." A paramedic.

Sakura straightened and rubbed a hand over her face. "Is there an emergency?"

"Team Kakashi has returned," the paramedic said carefully. "There have been… casualties."

Sakura's hand dropped and she stared at the man. "Oh," she said. "Is he…?"

"I don't know," the paramedic said apologetically. "You have to come quickly."

"Yes. Right. Um. I-I need to get my shoes. Should I change? No… no… shoes… where are my shoes?" Sakura dithered for a moment, unsure what to do. She pulled on a boot and then a sandal, then realized her mistake and lost the sandal to put on the other boot. She turned back to the apartment, wondering if she should find some fresh clothes –

_Kakashi could be dying, you stupid girl!_

Sakura's fogged brain snapped into a new focus and she shook her head. "Ok, I'm ready," she said, pushing past the paramedic so hurriedly that she nearly bowled him over, forgetting to shut her apartment door after her in the process. She left him to deal with that.

She almost flew through the streets, cutting through every shortcut she knew and simply throwing herself over anything that got in her way, be it a pipe, a person or a building. It was only scant minutes that she arrived at the hospital, crashing through the doors and almost leaving rubber marks as her boots skidded on the lino floor. She knocked at least one nurse over in her haste to get to the EU ward, and the moment she arrived, Shizune grabbed her arm.

"Help me, quickly!" Shizune pulled her over to a gurney where deathly pale man lay. He was bleeding profusely from wound on his stomach.

But he was not Kakashi.

"Where is Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked.

Shizune just shook her head. "This man was on Kakashi's team. Heal him _now_."

Sakura was in no position to argue, and she couldn't walk away to find Kakashi now even if she wanted to. It wasn't in her nature to leave a man to die, no matter who her heart prioritized first. Immediately, despite her hangover, despite her fear that Kakashi was already dead and they simply weren't telling her, despite the fact that she really needed a shower and a change of clothes, she got to work, leaning over the unconscious man as she pumped chakra into his damaged system.

A ruptured stomach and liver… he was at death's door. He'd lost so much blood and three other medics were working hard on keeping his heart going. She wondered if Kakashi was in the same condition. Then she closed her eyes and knew she had to shut him out of her mind if this man was going to live. He had as much right to her full attention and care as Kakashi. He didn't deserve anything less.

Slowly but surely, the broken pieces mended. Membranes locked and recovered and even new skin began to grow. It wasn't until Shizune laid a hand on her shoulder that she realized it was safe to stop. He wasn't completely mended, but now the damage was superficial. All he needed was more blood, and that was not something chakra could fix.

"That was good," Shizune said, impressed. "That was quick. Tsunade will be pleased, but save yourself some energy. Someone else needs attending."

Sakura was led across the ward and behind another curtain to find another unconscious man lying prone on a bed with a deep wound in his back. A nurse had already cleaned it, and she stepped back to allow Sakura to do her thing. Another thought for Kakashi flitted through her head and she found herself increasingly frustrated that she didn't know what had happened to him.

She concentrated her energy above the man's wound and closed her eyes. It was just a flesh wound – deep but not fatal. No vital points had been hit and his nerves were thankfully still intact. It didn't take long to mend it completely, and the moment she was done, Sakura stepped back and fixed Shizune with a strong-minded look. "Where's Nibiki? She should have taken care of this."

And then she knew. Because Nibiki was a good medic and there was no way she would have allowed team mates to come home in this condition. Not unless…

Shizune seemed to wilt a little. "Nibiki's dead, Sakura."

There wasn't much that could be said to that. A lump formed in Sakura's throat and she realized her hands were shaking. She clenched them into fists and swallowed hard. "And what about Kakashi-sensei?"

Shizune nodded to a door that led off the ward into a private room. Without a backwards glance, Sakura moved towards it.

"Wait – no – Sakura, you can't go in there-"

Sakura pushed the door open regardless, her heart somewhere in the region of her throat.

Inside the room, two heads turned at her sudden entrance. _He _was sitting on the edge if the hospital bed, sans a jacket and a shirt and with his right arm in a sling, but looking in remarkably good health despite this. But his hitai-ate was gone, and when he turned his head toward her it was with one eye closed and the other dark and bleak. Suddenly Sakura didn't feel so reassured that he was ok.

He looked broken.

"Sakura, get out," Tsunade told her firmly.

Sakura looked at Kakashi again, but his gaze fell away to the floor. At that moment, leaving was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Yes, shishou. Sorry, shishou. Sensei." She bowed her profuse apology and quickly walked out again.

Her eyes found Shizune once more, who offered her a sad smile and an helpless shrug before moving away to return to the injured patients. Sakura hovered by the door, wondering exactly what to do with herself other than pace, fret, and wring her hands like an anxious relative outside a delivery room.

She didn't have to wait too long before the door opened again and Tsunade emerged. "He still has some laceration on his back that needs tending to. You can do that. I have to go inform Nibiki's family…"

A lead weight had settled in her stomach. It was always hard to cope with another loss and every now and then a life would disappear and sometimes it was someone you knew, usually someone you didn't, and occasionally it was someone you hadn't particularly liked at all. Nevertheless, it was odd to think she'd never see Nibiki again, and she didn't envy Tsunade's duty now to inform the girl's parents.

But perhaps what Sakura was most concerned about was that it had happened on Kakashi's watch. She'd never known him to lose a subordinate. He was always so careful about the safety of his teammates…

Sakura tentatively slipped into the room and shut the door behind her with a soft click. Kakashi was still sitting on the bed, too busy looking at the floor to acknowledge her entry, and for a moment Sakura was struck with uncertainty. What was she supposed to do now? What could she possibly say that could make it alright? Would he even want her company right now? Should she be formal and professional with him and heal his wounds or be his friend and attempt to heal the unseen ones?

She gingerly took a step forward and Kakashi's head came up like he'd only just noticed her there. Something in his gaze softened and he held his hand out to her, and suddenly all that uncertainty and worry vanished and Sakura knew exactly what to do. Without a moment's more of hesitation she moved forward and wrapped him in a warm embrace, careful not to jostle his injured arm or back.

So much for their agreement to never acknowledge their brief relationship again.

He leant his chin on her shoulder and she laid her head on his. Together they breathed a silent sigh of relief and soaked in the physical contact that had been denied from each other for over a week. There didn't seem to be anything to say. Words couldn't hope to communicate as much as a simple touch could, and this embrace said it all. _Hi. How are you? I'm glad you're alive._

With great reluctance she drew back to face him and ran her fingers threw his hair as he closed his eyes. Snags and knots were combed out with her fingers and his left hand rested lightly on her hip as she stroked through his dirty locks. "Nibiki died," he said dully, breaking the quiet but not the soft mood. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" she asked sadly. "It's not your fault."

He opened his right eye but it remained leveled on the floor.

Her fingers caught his hair and tugged. "It's _not_ your fault," she said more assertively.

The eye that met her gaze was blank and unreadable. "We were ambushed not long after we landedon one of the Yura Isles. They aimed straight for the team medic first of all. It's an increasingly common tactic to do away with your enemy's only means of medical support. They got her with a kunai in the back of the head and she died instantly."

Sakura's hands dropped to his knees and she bit her lip as she felt bitter tears stinging behind her eyes.

"There were eight of them. We only just managed to force them into a retreat and I had to use the emergency teleportation scrolls to save Denji. Or Daisuke. Probably both." Another wave of guilt seemed to wash over him. "I had to leave her there, Sakura. Hunter nins have already been sent out to retrieve her body, but it'll take a week to find her. I doubt there'll be much left of her by then."

"It's not your fault," she said again. "You did the right thing under the circumstances."

"It would have been you."

Sakura's eyes darted to his, but he was still looking at the floor. "Don't be stupid," she scolded. "There's no way you could know that."

"If you'd agreed to go on that mission, it would have been you lying dead on the roadside in some backward little country right now," he said wearily.

"Why are you thinking about that?" she demanded angrily. "I'm not dead, I'm right here. Why worry about something that didn't happen? Nibiki's gone, and it's sad… but I'm not the same as Nibiki, sensei. Please give me _some _credit."

She moved around the bed to stand behind him. "Now, Tsunade says you have laceration on your back. I need to lift up your shirt to heal you."

Not much of his shirt was actually left at the back. A lot of it seemed to have been ripped off and the exposed flesh was grazed and riddled with dirt and grit. "I see your back stopped your skid then?"

Very carefully, she lifted the shirt up and ordered Kakashi to hold it in place above his shoulders as she quickly got to work cleaning the wounds with an ointment that would sooth and disinfect. This was quite a painful procedure, but Kakashi didn't even flinch. Only occasionally did he hold his breath when she eased a larger splinter of rock out from his skin.

Once she was convinced he was clean, she set to work with her chakra to mend the wounds. She took her time, concentrating on doing her best work for him, but she had already expended a lot of energy on her previous two patients and she had to force herself to stop once the broken skin had smoothed out. It still looked angry and raw in places, but it was the best she could do right now.

With a shaky sigh she leant her hands on the mattress. "Ok. All done," she whispered.

Kakashi dropped his shirt and stood up, flexing his shoulders. "Thank you," he said distractedly. "It doesn't hurt anymore."

He turned slowly to face her and for a moment there was an awkward pause. Sakura straightened despite her fatigue and switched on an automatic smile. "I guess you're free to go then," she said cheerfully.

He took a breath as if about to say something meaningful and profound… but then he seemed to deflate and sighed out a simple, "Yeah", took up his jacket and torn hitai-ate and moved towards the door. Something like a hanky dropped from one of his pockets.

"Kakashi-sensei?" she called after him, but he didn't stop.

He marched out the door and nearly bumped into Shizune who herself had been about to enter. He uttered an unintelligible apology and then was gone. Shizune looked at Sakura.

"First teammate he's lost in five years," she said knowingly. "It can't be easy for him. I was going to tell him Denji and Daisuke were going to be fine, but I suppose that wouldn't do much to cheer him up. Poor Nibiki though… she was one of the best we had. She'll be missed."

Sakura sighed. "I think I'm going to go home," she said tiredly.

"Of course. Sorry for dragging you out in the middle of night."

"No, it's fine." Sakura smiled softly and rubbed her mused hair. She moved to the door to pass Shizune, but then came to a halt. "Do you think he'll be ok?" she asked.

Shizune pursed her lips. "Hatake Kakashi hasn't been ok since he was seven years old. I wouldn't worry about him if I were you. He'll cope."

Sakura wasn't positive she understand exactly, but she nodded anyway and headed home. For the second time that night she fell into bed alone and this time managed to kick off most of her clothes in the process.

She thought about Nibiki; poor, pretty, vain Nibiki whose body now lay abandoned far from home. She shuddered and wondered if perhaps things had gone slightly different it really would have been Sakura in her stead. Would Kakashi have been as upset if she'd been the one to die? It had obviously crossed his mind, which left Sakura a little puzzled.

Why had he been so stricken at the thought of Sakura being the one?

Was it possible that Kakashi actually cared about her a great deal more than she realized?

* * *

It was funny. She could have _sworn _she'd seen something fall out of Kakashi's pocket as he'd opened the door before her. An expensive looking hanky from what she'd glimpsed, and Shizune had every mind to find it and put it on one side in case he came back looking for it. But where was it? 

After Sakura left, Shizune was down on her hands and knees hunting for the scrap of cloth. It wasn't behind the door, and it hadn't been kicked under the bed. Shizune frowned as she peered beneath the defibrilator machine. "Ah-hah!" she proclaimed as she spotted the culprit cloth and snatched it up off the dusty floor.

"Oh, goodness..." Her eyes widened when she realised it was a pair of ladies underwear. She bit her lip against a mirthful smile as she examined them. What on earth was Kakashi doing with these? Either he had a lady friend or a very peculiar hobby.

The panties were small, lacy, delicately stiched and definitely expensive even if a little impractical. Shizune was intrigued when she realised there was a name inked into the label. Clearly these belonged to a woman who either visited the bathhouse regularly or whose academy habits were dying hard. She peered closer to make out the characters of the name...

...and felt ice plunge through her veins.

"Oh... goodness..."

* * *


	15. In the Red Lantern

_Window_

Chapter Fifteen

* * *

When times became difficult, Kakashi had at least one person he could turn to. When things started unraveling at the seams and the same old mistakes were repeated again and again, there was at least one set of ears who would listen without passing judgment. A memory that could be confided in with utmost confidence. 

The morning was windy and the sky was a dull white, and Kakashi stood before the cenotaph with his shoulders hunched and his head down against the blustering gales. A hundred or more names stared back at him, but only one was of any interest.

"I got another one killed," Kakashi said quietly. "So soon you'll probably have another friend down here. The list just keeps getting longer, doesn't it? They'll have to make a bigger memorial stone one day."

He looked down at the blue sling wrapped around his arm, holding it suspended against his chest. Thoughtfully, he flexed his fingers. "I'm sleeping with my student."

The words hung in the air like a bad joke. He closed his eyes, and though he was alone he felt as if the world had just gotten a little quieter and was looking his way. "Or I was, at least," he said softly. "But that's neither here nor there. The fact isn't going to go away."

He shifted his stance a little, resting his weight on the ankle that hadn't been sprained in the fight yesterday. "I think I'm in trouble, Obito. Very serious trouble. I took a girl to bed who I shouldn't have touched, and she's not like the usual type. She's young. She doesn't know any better." Then he chuckled. "She's doing her best to get rid of me."

Another gust of wind blew dust and dead, dried leaves in Kakashi's face and he had to shield his eye. Perhaps it was Obito trying to register some kind of disgust?

"I couldn't stop thinking about her for seven whole days. That's not normal, is it? And when that girl was killed… all I could think about was that if things had been a little different, if she'd said yes, or if I'd pressured her more, or if I hadn't failed her and made her fear this thing between us… my student would have died. My Sakura. I suppose this means I'm a very selfish man, but it's the honest truth. And when I think about Sakura dying, I freeze. I couldn't think about it then, and I still can't think about it now. I'm not sure I could cope if that happened. It's one death that doesn't bear thinking about. When I saw her at the hospital she looked terrible, Obito. Her hair was all over the place, she stunk of sake and I don't think she'd changed her clothes for a while. But I didn't want to let go of her. And that's not normal… is it, Obito?"

The clearing was silent. Even the breeze seemed to have died.

"What would you say to me now?" he said again, more quietly. "What should I do?"

* * *

"Shizune, what's wrong with your lip? It's all swollen. Have you been snacking on nuts again?" 

"What? Oh, no, nothing, Tsunade-sama." Shizune made a forcible attempt to stop chewing on her lip and concentrate on the paperwork before her.

"If it's not the nuts, then something's troubling you. And the size of your swelled lip is usually directly relative to the size of the trouble." Tsunade looked up from her desk and peered at Shizune pointedly over the tops of her glasses, and at times like that it was easier to see the old formidable women in the young body. "I'd say this one is pretty big. Is there something I should know about, Shizune?"

"Um…" Shizune tucked her hair behind her ear. "It's nothing, Tsunade-sama."

"Has someone been fiddling the accounts?"

"No."

"The loan sharks haven't found me, have they?"

"Oh – no!"

"Has someone we know done something incredibly stupid?"

Shizune swallowed hard. _Yes_. "Of course not, Hokage-sama," she said as evenly as possible. "My neighbors cat is just a bit sick lately."

"Well, what the hell has that-"

"I'm quite fond of it, Hokage-sama."

Tsunade sighed and rolled her eyes. _To each their own_, her shrug seemed to say. "I need you to take some samples down to the pathology lab," she said after a moment. "Tell them I need them today and don't stop pestering them until they comply."

"Yes, Hokage-sama," Shizune set down her pen and moved to accept the samples that Tsunade bundled off on her. As she battled to get the door open with her harms full, Tsunade's voice cut through her effort. "Shizune," she said slowly, as she scrutinized her work. "If I find you're keeping anything from me, I'll be very annoyed."

A shiver ran down Shizune's spine. "I understand," she muttered and hurried out before she was bullied into blurting anything stupid out.

Because what point was there in raising a fuss when it was only a suspicion? So a pair of panties appeared to have dropped from Hatake Kakashi's pocket, and those panties had borne the name of one Haruno Sakura, but what exactly did that prove anyone? Maybe it was a joke? Maybe there was some other Haruno Sakura in the village? Or maybe those panties hadn't really dropped from Kakashi's pocket at all and Sakura had left them there accidentally?

"Why me?" Shizune whimpered. Ignorance was surely bliss. If she hadn't looked for that stupid 'hanky' she would not be in this moral dilemma right now.

She found the path lab three floors down and was greeted by the gnawingly shy Hyuuga girl. "Shizune-san," she whispered with a blush. "May I help you?"

"The Hokage needs some tests done on these samples," Shizune said as she handed them over. "The tests are on the sheet, those are the samples, and I've been told not to leave until you start the tests. Now."

"Oh… uh… ok." The poor girl looked positively stricken. "But we already have a lot of work-"

"Tsunade says to do these first," Shizune said bluntly.

Hinata nodded, looking pale. "Ok… I-I'll see what I can do. Wait here, please."

She hurried off and disappeared out of sight into the lab. Shizune looked about the waiting room wearily, knowing it would take anywhere between ten minutes to half an hour to get the results. There were no magazines to read, no one to talk to, and no hanging pictures to look at. Shizune turned with a sigh and leaned against the wall. Outside in the corridor medics, nurses, and lost patients were hurrying past, constantly busy. Directly opposite was the door to the security lounge. It was open, and inside lay the dark room where vigilant operatives kept an eye on the entire hospital. There was a camera in every room these days, installed during the last war when every other patient had been a foreign spy. Nowadays the surveillance system was mostly used to identify who was stealing the puddings from the hospital cafeteria.

(Turned out it was Hari from pediatrics.)

Shizune also heard that hospital tapes were frequently distributed amongst Konoha's sleazy underbelly. All aspects of life could be captured in a hospital; usually it was death, occasionally it was new life, but the sleazy underbelly was most interested in the sex. And despite it being common knowledge that the hospital was laced with surveillance, it didn't deter some people at all. They either forgot about the ever watchful eye in the corner of the room or simply didn't care.

Shizune spine snapped straight and she pushed away from the wall.

This was it! This was how she confirmed whether her suspicions about Sakura and Kakashi were true! They'd been alone together in that hospital room for at least a quarter of an hour. If something was going on between them, surely the camera would know?

Leaving the pathology lab, Shizune darted across the hall and peered into the security lounge. Only one man sat inside, his feet on the control board and a box of doughy treats laid out beside him that he was indulging in at his own pace. He was too busy watching what looked like a familial dispute on screen 6-F to notice the woman in the door.

"Ahem," Shizune coughed, making the man snap upright. "Um… Watanabe wants you down in the foyer."

The man stared at her. "Who's Watanabe?"

"I don't know. You can ask him yourself when you see him," Shizune replied.

"I'm not supposed to leave my station," he said hesitantly.

"He sounded pretty urgent. He said it's about your mother."

"My mother? Oh god… not again…" The man ran his hands through his hair despairingly. "Can you just stay here till I sort this out?"

"Of course," Shizune nodded as the man rushed past her. "And if he's not in the foyer, he says he'll be in Radiology! Or the cafeteria!"

That would keep him busy for a while, Shizune thought as she slid into the vacated chair and immediately set about trying to figure out what the hell all these buttons meant. It took her a while to realize that the knob at the top selected the floor, and each of the many buttons below it corresponded with a screen on the wall before her. After a lot of random button-bashing she spotted the room where Kakashi had been held yesterday next to the Emergency Unit ward. She pressed the key that corresponded with the screen and it suddenly appeared on the larger screen in the middle. After more hunting and lip-biting, she found the control that rewound the recording.

With her heart pounding in her throat she worked her way backwards, watching nurses, cleaners, and patients zipping around the room in reverse at top speed. Patients were in and out of that room every couple of hours, and cleaners even more so.

And after one particular patient, Shizune realized she could have lived without seeing a man vomit in reverse.

Then _bam!_ Shizune's fingers fumbled on the controls and she hastily set the recording to normal speed again. There was Tsunade and Kakashi in the room in the middle of the night. Kakashi's head was bowed and Tsunade was fixing him a sling for his injured arm. Shizune scowled and fast-forwarded through what looked like a very quiet and reserved conversation.

She stopped at the point where Sakura burst into the room. Shizune knew that she herself had only been just outside the room, completely oblivious to the true implications of Sakura's excessive concern for her sensei's safety. Shizune had presumed that Sakura got typically worried over _any_ of her teammates, but in retrospect, her behavior last night fit with Shizune's ghastly suspicions.

Sakura was quickly shooed out and Shizune zipped quickly through the remainder of Tsunade and Kakashi's conversation. The moment Tsunade left the room, Sakura re-entered, and Shizune resumed the recording at normal speed, watching with morbid curiosity.

Sakura hesitated by the door for a long moment. Was she speaking to him? Her back was to the camera so it was hard to say. Then she took a step forward and he looked up, and then his hand was being held out and she was suddenly surging forward to take it and then…

And then they were embracing. Not like friends. Not like a teacher and a student. They embraced like lovers.

Shizune sat back and looked away, feeling sick with fear and worry. But maybe she was wrong? Maybe Sakura was a more physically affectionate person than Shizune had realized and this really was just a platonic hug? She looked back at the screen, saw that Sakura had pulled back and their heads were now close together, petting each other. Students didn't run their fingers their teacher's hair in a platonic relationship, did they? And teachers didn't touch their student's hips like they had every right to.

Unable to watch anymore, she slammed the stop button and put her head in her hands.

"Oh god… why me?" Shizune whimpered.

Of course, now that her suspicions were as good as confirmed, the right thing would be to take the matter to the Hokage. Such a breach in the code of conduct as this would be call for a serious infraction. There could be court-martials, expulsions, possibly even house-arrests. Shizune hadn't been joking when she'd said the last man to sleep with his student had been charged with execution. The law that prohibited fraternization between guardians and their wards was an old one that had remained unchanged since the old days when a young girl's chastity was only her father's business, and for any other male in a position of authority to 'ruin' that girl was one of the worst crimes that could be committed against another man's property. The law hadn't much been modified since those days because it rarely needed to be enforced.

But was this really any of her business? Sakura was a woman, not a child, and her father cared as much about his daughter's chastity as he did about his daughter herself, which was to say, very little. What Sakura got up to and with whom she did it with was her own look-out. The law about students and teachers was outdated at best and absurdly archaic at worst.

But… how long had this been going on? A year? Two years? What if there were deeper, seedier implications behind this? Kakashi was a nice man and Shizune was very fond of him… but to take up with his own student? Shizune vehemently denied the idea that Kakashi would ever coerce or 'groom' his own student into a sexual relationship… but what if that was the case? He was a very eccentric man…

Struggling to think what to do, Shizune could only sit there and stare at the screen, looking at the way Sakura's hands were splayed against Kakashi's knees and she was leaning close to him. She didn't look coerced or abused. She looked like a grown woman comforting a broken lover.

Perhaps it was as simple as that?

"Shizune-san, the test results are ready."

Hinata was behind her.

Shizune nearly jumped out of her skin as she swiveled to face the girl and made a botched attempt to 'casually' cover the screen on the control panel. She'd forgotten that the Hinata had the byakugan, which could easily see through walls and locate her wherever she snuck to. Now Hinata was peering curiously around Shizune, wondering what it was that had made her jump so guiltily.

It was too late by then. Hinata's eyes widened like saucers and she pointed a faint finger at the screen. "I-Isn't that Sakura-san and Kakashi-sensei…?" she whispered.

Shizune sagged back in her chair. "Yes."

Hinata was very quiet. "They look very close," she said with a nervous laugh. "Um… are they normally th-this affectionate with each other?"

Maybe it was selfish, and maybe it was a bad idea, but Shizune didn't want to carry this burden alone, and the urge to gossip was part of her feminine instinct that was hard to override. "I found these last night," she said, digging into her pocket to pull out the pair of scanty underwear. "They fell out of Kakashi's pocket. They belong to Sakura."

Hinata's face had turned the color of a beetroot. "B-But why would he-"

"Because _look_ at them!" Shizune tapped the screen. "Look – at – them!"

Hinata looked, but she seemed torn. "Shizune-san, what's going on?" she said quietly, as if she didn't really want to know.

"I think," she sighed, "that Sakura is having an affair with Kakashi. I think that's what's going on."

Black and white monitors flickered and ticked over, blinking eyes in the dark room that stared light down on two quiet women. Hinata looked at the floor. "It sort of makes sense, Shizune-san. At the review, I noticed that when they were in the room together, they seemed unnaturally… well, their hearts were beating like crazy. I suppose if-"

"Oh no!" Shizune clamped her hands over her hand. "The review! Kakashi was Sakura's examiner – and if he was with Sakura then… then… oh, goodness, this is bad."

"Bad?" Hinata repeated, shocked. "H-How much trouble are they in?"

It was unknowable at this point, so Shizune could only shake her head and whisper, "A lot."

And that's when she made her decision.

Turning to Hinata, she took the shy girl's hands in her own and looked her seriously in the eyes. "Hinata, we must promise to keep this to ourselves. We have very dangerous knowledge in our possession – the kind of knowledge that could ruin people. It must not get out."

"But… it's against the rules," Hinata whispered. "I don't want to tell on Sakura or Kakashi-sensei, but it's the _rules_! We'll get into so much trouble if we're found out."

"Whatever trouble we bring on ourselves it'll be nothing compared to how much trouble those two will be in. I don't think I can do that to them," Shizune told her urgently. "Can you?"

Hinata gasped, on the verge of tears – possibly because Shizune was squeezing her hands far too tightly more than anything else. "No," she murmured. "I don't think I could."

"Just pretend you never saw this and I never told you anything," Shizune said, shoving the panties back into her pocket as she hunted for the 'delete' button on the panel. She found it after a moment and felt a sigh of relief escape her lips when the image of the intimate couple was replaced with an abrupt message of 'recording deleted'.

"Shizune-san, I don't feel well," Hinata wheezed.

Perhaps it had been a mistake to tell the Hyuuga girl? Obviously her conscience would weigh on her even more than Shizune's would, but hopefully this would remain between them.

"Just don't say anything, whatever you do, Hinata," she warned the girl.

"Don't say what?"

She was quite possible the last person Shizune needed to see right then. Both she and Hinata swiveled around to face the doorway where the silhouette of a petit, strawberry-haired girl hung.

"S-Sakura!" Shizune said loudly. "Oh – uh – what are you doing down here?"

The other girl moved further into the room, and without the stark halo of light around her, her features became more visible; glowing and happy with just enough evenness and symmetry to her face to be pretty, bordering on beautiful. "Tsunade is wondering where her 'tests' are," Sakura said. "I couldn't find you in the path lab, but anyone can hear you two whispering three streets away. What's the juicy gossip?"

She hunted over the screens, probably thinking they'd seen something note-worthy. And in a way, she was right.

"Oh, we were just, um, talking about this guy I like," Shizune said, fidgeting with her sleeves as her inner-temperature rose. "I was just making sure Hinata swore secrecy."

"That's not fair!" Sakura drew back, hurt, with one fist against her hip. "I want to know who you have the hots for."

Shizune pretended that Sakura had twisted her arm. "Well, if you must know, it's Tenzou. The guy from ANBU."

"And as I was, uh, saying," Hinata added quietly. "Sakura already says she likes Yamato-taichou."

Hinata was a better actress than Shizune had realized, and she quickly played along. "Yeah," she said with a fake little laugh. "May the best girl win, Sakura."

"You two are acting very strange," Sakura narrowed her eyes at them, amused but still suspicious. "Why are you in here of all places? Where's the security guard?"

"He popped out and asked me to watch his place," Shizune said blithely, "But now that Hinata's here, she can do that. Shall we go take those results back to Tsunade?"

"Sure," Sakura shrugged and gave a friendly wave to Hinata who looked newly stricken at the duty Shizune had thrust upon her out of the blue. But at least Sakura suspected nothing. They left the security lounge and picked up the results from the lab before making their way back to Tsunade's office together.

"So what are you doing this afternoon?" Shizune asked, keeping up the pleasant small-talk in a desperate clamor for normality. "Anything interesting?"

"Just training," Sakura said dismissively.

"With Kakashi-sensei?"

Sakura turned large green eyes on her and for a moment Shizune could see the self-consciousness and doubt that must have been plaguing her for a while now. _Do you know?_ those eyes seemed to say. But after a moment, Shizune's schooled expression saved her and Sakura broke into a warm smile. "Yes. Why?"

"Just wondering if he can keep up with you kids with his arm," she said cheerfully.

"Of course he can," Sakura said, with a pink tinge to her cheeks and a wide smile on her face. "Kakashi-sensei's tough as old boots."

Spoken like a girl in love.

Shizune was going to suffer in hell.

* * *

"Oh jeez, he's on time," Naruto muttered as the trio sloped into the training grounds only ten minutes later than they should have. "I wonder who died?" 

It may have sounded like a joke, but it wasn't. Whenever Kakashi arrived at the training grounds before his team, it was only ever because his earlier visit to the cenotaph nearby had run on, and usually it meant _someone_ had died or gone missing.

Sakura knew exactly who, but she kept her mouth shut.

He was leaning on the chain link fence at the edge of the grounds as they traipsed through the gate. "Yo," he said, lifting his good hand in greeting. "Windy day, huh?"

As if to confirm this, a strong gust of wind blew past them, flipping Sakura's white skirt up as it went. She squeaked and pushed it down, but not before earning a grin and a chuckle from Naruto and Kakashi respectively. _Men,_ Sakura thought with a huff. But secretly she was pleased to hear Kakashi laugh, even briefly (and even if it was at her).

"We'll practice taijutsu today," he said, pushing away from the fence. "One kunai each, working in pairs. Let's go."

"Come on, Sasuke-bastard!"

As usual, Naruto and Sasuke paired off instantly and moved away to their own area, leaving Sakura alone with Kakashi. She looked at him, but he was looking at his sling. "Could you help me get this off, Sakura?" he asked sweetly, probably knowing perfectly well that as a medic she would be inclined to do no such thing.

"I'm inclined to do no such thing," she said bluntly.

"But I can't exactly spar with you without my hand free. It's feeling much better, honestly, and I promise I won't use it. I just need it for balance."

She giving his a suspicious stare, to which he met with an equally auspicious wink. "Alright," she sighed, giving in. "As long as you promise not to strain it."

He beamed down at the top of her head as she moved close to start unfastening the complicated buttons and clasps holding the sling in place. "Sure, we'll fight with our left hands only."

"That's not fair," she protested. "You're ambidextrous."

"I wasn't always."

She gave him an exasperated sigh and carefully helped him ease the cast off. As she went to set it down on the dilapidated picnic table nearby, Kakashi flexed his arm experimentally. "It's going straight back on afterwards," she warned.

"I understand."

When she turned back to him, he already had his kunai drawn. It twirled lazily around the index finger of his left hand, while far behind him Naruto and Sasuke were just blurs of movement that occasionally clashed with a 'clang' and a shower of sparks.

Sakura thought she'd better go easier on her opponent, what with him being a sickie. An elite genius of a sickie, but a sickie nonetheless.

She drew her own kunai and weighed its unfamiliar weight in her left hand. It didn't feel right and she didn't know quite how to stand, but she assumed the best position she could manage. Kakashi looked much more at ease with his own stance, and with a flick of his right hand he invited her to attack.

With a rough grunt she threw herself forward – missed by at least three-quarters of a mile – and staggered as Kakashi side-stepped her. She flung her arm wide at the last moment and her kunai caught his with a sharp '_chink'. _They retreated from each other again instantly, circling slowly.

This was the nature of shinobi fighting; little to no contact and plenty rumination. Opponents were usually too dangerous to fight in close-range for more than a scant few seconds, even the ones with sprained arms. In a way it almost paralleled the way a shinobi lived… with very few connections to others, but occasionally someone slipped close enough to break through the carefully guarded defenses to land a blow.

Kakashi made the next move, appearing suddenly at her side to thrust his kunai straight at her. Sakura moved quickly, letting his jab slice harmlessly through the air beside her ribs, but rather than let him get away she clamped her arm down over his, trapping it against her side. He was immobilized only briefly, but it was enough time to bring her knee up and catch him in the stomach. It wasn't a hard strike. Just hard enough to let him know it could have been harder. His response was to catch her behind the knee before she could drop her leg, leaving her hanging precariously against him.

Sakura, now as immobilized as him, pointed her own kunai at his neck for lack of anything else to do.

"I'd break free," she assured him, "But I don't want to hurt your arm."

He stared down at her. Sakura looked away, trying to give him in the hint that this position wasn't entirely appropriate. Especially since Naruto and Sasuke were only a few hundred yards away.

Slowly he dropped her leg and they eased apart, smoothing ruffled feathers and needlessly straightening clothes and brushing imaginary lint off sleeves. "Another go?" he asked.

She nodded shortly and resumed her fighting stance. Once more he beckoned her forward and she flew at him, her kunai flashing as she lashed out – being careful to aim two centimeters short of her target lest she really gut him. But Kakashi as fast, and for every step he was forced back, he took two forward to strike at her own open flanks.

"You have a very unique fighting style," he told her, slightly out of breath as they quickly retreated from one another once more. "I like it. It's like a cat."

Sakura blushed, flattered. "Really? You mean, like… graceful?"

"No," he shook his head. "I mean, batshit angry and single-minded. Like a cat whose tail has been trodden on and intends to shred your shins to hell with its claws."

Sakura's face darkened with a scowl. "And you fight like a sloth. You're so slow I can see the algae growing over you. And your arms are too long."

"Touché." He nodded, as if it was a reasonable criticism. "Again?"

Once more she went on the attack, slashing at him like the angry cat he'd compared her to, hissing when she missed. But Kakashi wasn't so much a sloth as he was an irritatingly flexible contortionist. He avoided her jabs and swipes with easy grace that made it all look so easy, and compared to Sakura whose style was built upon striking hard and fast, his was about precise movements and using no more or less energy than was needed to avoid a blow – and about looking damn good as he did it.

Then he turned the tables, and in one blurred movement the kunai in her hand was knocked from her grip. The next thing she knew, Kakashi was behind her, arm wrapped gently around her neck and his own kunai pointed non-threateningly at her jugular.

"Concede?" he asked.

_Not likely_, Sakura thought. Taking a deep breath, she reached behind her to grab what she could, and with a shout of effort bent forward and threw him over her head.

He landed on his back with a dusty thump at her feet, the visible part of his face crumpled in pain. A choked moan caught in his throat as he clutched his right arm.

Too late, Sakura remembered his injury. "Oh – I'm so sorry, Kakashi-sensei!" she cried, falling to her knees beside him. "Here – let me!"

She coaxed him to let go of his own arm and let her press her healing jutsu against his elbow. "Damn… there's me telling you not to strain yourself, and then I go slamming you into the ground. I'm really sorry."

"You're a fiery girl, and I wouldn't change you for the world," Kakashi ground out.

Sakura let her chakra gently numb the pain and heal what she could of any torn tissue. But because of the nature of the injury, she couldn't do much else. "I think we should get you back in your sling."

He sighed, but didn't protest. She help him up like he was a feeble invalid and guided him to the picnic table where she began stuffing his arm back into its proper dressing. "There you go!" she said, patting his good arm encouragingly when she was finished. "All good?"

"All good," he agreed, smiling at her.

But the moment he looked away from her, his smile faded, as if there was something else on his mind that she was not privy to. For the first time Sakura realized how close she was sitting to him… but she didn't want to move.

She _liked_ being close to Kakashi.

Even when he was… sad.

"Are you ok?" she asked more seriously.

He looked back at her and his automatic smile switched on again – the kind of smile he gave flirty shop assistants he wasn't really interested on. It definitely wasn't the one that shone warmth and awareness that he normally reserved for her. "I'm ok," he said. But it wasn't true.

Sakura didn't know what else to do. She looked down at his remaining hand that rested lightly on his thigh. And even though she knew their relationship was over and that any reminder was a _bad thing_, she couldn't stop herself from slipping her hand over his and lacing their fingers together. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

And even though Kakashi didn't look at her or smile, she felt his fingers squeeze hers in return and she knew he was grateful.

* * *

They all went their separate ways by late afternoon. Sakura bumped into Ino and together they went in search of dinner – which wasn't nearly as bad as Sakura had dreaded, because although Ino was her usual nosy self, she seemed to be losing interest in Sakura's 'mystery man'. She only asked after him twice. 

Afterwards, Ino wanted to drag her down to one of the local clubs, but Sakura declined and extricated herself from her best friend/best rival's company in order to head home. She didn't want to miss the soap tonight. She'd missed the last episode thanks to Ikki, and last week it hadn't even been aired because of the sumo. (And who in their right mind would want to watch two fat men grappling in a ring instead of a riveting portrayal of the sleazy and scandalous lives of the rich and famous? Sakura was going to write a very nasty letter to the network if that happened again.)

The moment she arrived home, Sakura jumped into the bathroom for a quick shower to wash away all the dirt and grime from her brief spar with Kakashi earlier, before she settled down in front of the TV with a towel around her head and her thick cotton dressing gown on. Everything was prepared – she had her hot chocolate on the table before her, as well as her remote control, and a nice comfy cushion to sit on. The adverts were counting down to the start of her show and the schedule seemed to be in perfect order. It was perfect.

Until there came a knock at her door.

Sakura rolled her eyes and debated whether or not to get up. She couldn't really pretend she wasn't in since the lights were on and the TV was going, but she didn't want to get dragged away from her soap a second time. "Who is it?" she called.

There was a pause. "Kakashi."

Sakura lurched onto her feet so fast she nearly knocked her hot chocolate everywhere. _Why the hell is he here?_ Had she left something at the training field by accident? Was there some news? A mission? Maybe… maybe something else?

She patted down her dressing gown anxiously, making sure the knot was fastened tight at her waist since she hadn't bothered to put on any clothes yet. She really was in no fit state to entertain guests… but it seemed sort of silly to be worried about her lack of clothing when Kakashi had pretty much seen, touched and tasted every inch of her body.

_But that's in the past now_, she thought, _things are supposed to go back to normal now_.

So she took a deep breath and assumed an air of friendly nonchalance as she headed over to the door and opened it just wide enough to peer out. "Oh, hello!" she said brightly, clutching the front of her gown close against her collar. "Can I help you?" she asked, like he was simply a neighbor popping around for a cup of sugar.

His sling was gone, she noted, and his head was tilted down in a reserved manner. When he spoke, he seemed to be consulting the door. "May I come in?"

"Um…" Sakura looked back into her apartment, quickly making sure it was fit for viewing and that she hadn't left any old underwear lying about the place. As far as she could see, it appeared presentable. "Sure. I guess." She stepped back and allowed him inside before shutting the door. Then she regarded his back, twisting her hands together anxiously as she waited for him to state the purpose of his visit… but all he did was stand there and survey her small, box-like living area.

It was the first time he'd seen her apartment, she realized. He'd only come here once before, and that had been a year ago when one wild night out with Ino had led to the biggest case of oversleeping the history of her life, because if you overslept so late that even the Copy Ninja knocked on your door wondering where you were, you knew you had achieved something stupendous. But that time he had never actually entered the apartment, because the moment Sakura had opened the door and seen it was him, she had shrieked, slammed it again, and then emerged thirty seconds later fully dressed and apologizing profusely for her delinquency. She'd never actually invited this man inside before.

She hoped it reached some sort of expectation. It was small and modern and the complete antithesis to his larger, more traditional apartment, but at least it was tidy.

"Can I get you a drink or something?" she asked, trying to fill the silence. She skirted around him on her way to the kitchen. "I can get you water – tea – hot chocolate – I think I have some orange juice left if you prefer – or maybe some milk if you don't mind that it's probably gone off by now-?"

She came to an abrupt halt as a hand snagged the back of her sash and tugged her backward. Then with slow deliberation, Kakashi took her shoulders and turned her around. He was giving her every opportunity to move away and put him in his place… but when all she did was stare up at him apprehensively, he took down his own mask and kissed her.

It wasn't playful or executed carefully like a way to showcase his skill and experience as it usually was. It wasn't dominating or possessive, or intense like the ones he would give when they lay naked together and entangled in the thrall of passion.

It was needy. Consuming. An act of taking without giving. He held her head in his hands as if he wanted to pull her into him, and Sakura's fingers hovered uncertainly in mid-air, uncertain of whether to push him away or hold on tight. Her lips responded to his, though, and her eyes slid shut as his mouth insistently rained down hard, plain kisses on hers.

When his hand moved down to slide under her dressing gown to touch her bare breast, Sakura broke the kiss. "N-no – wait," she gasped and stepped back, a hand pressed to her mouth and another to her collar. She regarded Kakashi with wide eyes while his remained dark and hooded. She saw a touch of uncertainty there, but also something else… something that went beyond simple, primitive desire to a starker need.

Sakura glanced at the television set beside them. The opening sequence of her soap was rolling, and in a moment it would recap what had happened in the previous episode and she would once again be caught up with the complicated storyline.

Kakashi began to turn away, sensing a rejection.

"Don't be silly," she whispered, catching his arm and pulling him back. With a quick series of tugs she pulled the knot of her sash loose and her gown fell open.

But Kakashi's gaze never left her face. She took his hands and sank down to the floor, pulling him gently after her. Beside them the television set told of a scandalous affair on the brink of discovery, unbeknownst to the lovers in question, but Sakura wasn't listening. With the cushion under hips, she urged him over her, kissing him firmly and showing him the way.

He didn't need much guidance. His weight settled hard between her legs and the evidence of his arousal was hard to ignore, though he did a good job distracting her with deep, probing kisses. His hips rocked once against hers and she broke her mouth from his with a sigh of, "Sensei…"

"Don't," he grunted, even as he reached down to fumble with his fly.

"Don't, what?" she asked, bemused.

"Don't call me that. Not now," he panted. In moments he'd freed himself and a tingle of shock ran down her spine as she felt the heat of his erection press against her opening. "Just call me Kakashi," he told her, half a second before he forced himself inside her.

Sakura bit off a cry of pain. She wasn't ready, and the sting of discomfort was sharp. But pain mingled with pleasure and the result was nothing short of exquisite. "Kakashi," she sighed.

He thrust again, hard, making her jolt and cling to him. "Say it again."

"Kakashi," she murmured, and slowly he began to move inside her.

It was unlike the other times. For a start they'd never done it on the floor with only a feather-stuffed cushion for relief from the hard matted floor. And where before Sakura was used to being driven delirious and drunk on her own lust before Kakashi so much as thought about entering her, now she was aware of everything with startling clarity. She heard the crackle and rustle of the cushion beneath her with ever rock of his hips, heard his panting against her hair and felt his hot breath against her neck. The florescent light on the ceiling hummed faintly above them, and wisps of steam still rose from the slowly cooling mug of hot chocolate on the table beside them. Drunken voices were stumbling around outside in the hall, but they were completely ignorant of what was taking place in this room… this hushed straining of bodies that filled the small living area with soft gasps and sighs.

She felt every tremor than ran through his frame and she partook in his pleasure as if it were her own. It was far too late for her, but neither of them seemed to care that her own need was being left behind. All Sakura cared about at that point was reveling in the feel of his body pressing down over hers and the feel of his hard length stroking deeply inside her. It didn't matter that her pleasure was out of reach and forgotten. Knowing that it was her body that made him muffle his groans against her neck and had his hips surging harder against hers was a mental pleasure that couldn't be topped.

She knew when he was nearing his end, because by now she knew the signs – like the way his breath grew shallow and his thrusts began to lose their steady rhythm. His fingers bit into the tatami mat beside her head and all of a sudden his body snapped taught against hers with a shudder. She clung to him tightly, hardly daring to breathe as she felt wetness of his release deep inside her and heard his soft groan in her ear.

He sank against her in the aftermath, spent and exhausted. Sakura remained holding him tight and stared up at the ceiling.

For anyone else, she would be inclined to think she had been used. Not two weeks ago had her last boyfriend done very much the same thing Kakashi had done tonight; stumble in through the door with one thing on his mind before proceeding to take her on the floor, taking his own selfish pleasure and leaving her high and dry.

But Kakashi was not just anyone else. He wouldn't come to her to simply slack his lust unless he had good reason… and what's more, Sakura wouldn't let him unless she felt it was important.

Where before Ikki had left her angry and disappointed, now all she felt was a dangerous squeezing in her chest that felt an awful lot like affection. A lot of affection. The kind of affection that could drive people to do silly things. She swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the feeling without success, and moved her hands up to stroke Kakashi's hair. "There's a feather poking me in the ass," she whispered romantically. "Should we relocate to the bedroom, maybe?"

He sighed. "You may have to carry me."

"I'm too tired. But I can drag you, if you'd like?"

"…actually, I think I can manage."

His weight lifted off her and he helped her up after him. She cast one last despairing glance to the television set – saw that she'd missed at least five minutes of her show now – before taking Kakashi's hand and smiling as she led him away.

* * *

He was there, sitting at the ramen bar, guzzling noodles so fast it was hard to imagine how he didn't choke. Hinata froze on the spot, biting her lip. What to say? She so badly wanted to be like one of the other girls – like Sakura – who could walk over and strike up conversation so easily without thinking about it. She wanted to call out his name, but what if he didn't hear her? What if she called his name and he just carried on eating and she remained stood there like a fool with everyone staring at her? 

And just when her courage was winding down and she realized she was going to turn around and keep walking, Naruto sat up straighter and twizzled around in his seat to find out the source of that feeling – not quite _killing intent_ – but something equally powerful aimed at him. He spotted Hinata staring depressively at the ground.

"Hina'a-'an!" he called around his mouthful of noodles and vegetables, waving enthusiastically.

Hinata looked up and suddenly felt quite boneless. And red. Very red too. "H-H-Hello, Naruto-kun."

"You're up really early this morning!" he said cheerfully. "Where are you going?"

"Um… I-I was just…"

"Want to have some ramen?" he asked, patting the empty stool beside him. "Come on, sit down."

It was easier when he just told her what to do. Hinata flushed happily and carefully slid into the booth and onto the stool beside Naruto. She was painfully aware of his mass beside her, his warmth, his spicy odor, and the way his elbow bumped hers. In truth she'd already had breakfast, but she couldn't, just _couldn't_ pass up this opportunity and excuse to sit next to him and once again keep on hoping that this time she would have the courage to say something or he would perhaps say it for her. But neither was likely to happen, and for a moment she swallowed a sad sigh.

Why was this so hard? How did other people make it look so easy when in truth this was the scariest and most difficult interaction of them all? How could Sakura so easily touch her sensei's hair and face while Hinata felt dangerous palpitations at even the most unwitting brush of Naruto's elbow against her arm?

"Are you ok?" Naruto asked, noticing her downcast gaze and silence.

"Oh, um, yes," she said quietly. "I'm fine, thank you."

"You look like something's bothering you," he observed.

Many things were bothering Hinata, but she was forbidden to speak of one and too terrified to speak of the other. Actually, she was a bit terrified to speak of the first too, because that 'something' concerned two of Naruto's teammates, one of which she knew he crushed on, or at least _had_ crushed on, and he undoubtedly wouldn't be happy to learn of that 'something'.

"You look like Sakura," he said, turning back to shoveling more ramen into his mouth. "She's been so down for ages now. Until recently. She seems to have perked up since Kakashi-sensei came back, you know?"

Hinata's breath hitched with a squeak. Naruto looked at her, but he seemed to dismiss it as one of her peculiarities.

"You're a girl," he said, "and girls talk, right? Do you know what was bothering Sakura? I have a feeling it was this mystery boyfriend of hers that everyone says she has but she denies having. Do you know who it is? 'Cuz she has this weird habit of picking complete losers and we're kinda worried that she might have picked a really bad one this time."

"I – well, he's not a complete loser," Hinata stammered, thinking of Kakashi-sensei. Until she'd found Shizune with those panties, she'd quite admired him as both a seemingly kind person and a strong leader. Now she wasn't sure what to think.

Only now Naruto was choking on his ramen and thumping the table. "Y-You know!" he spluttered. "You know who it is!"

Hinata stared at him, horrified. "I didn't… I mean… I don't know…!" She hadn't expected this kind of reaction. She'd only been seeking to reassure him that Sakura's lover was not all that bad, or at least not as bad as previous lovers, but she'd wound up under the spotlight instead.

"Who is it?" Naruto demanded, forgetting his food which meant he could only be deadly serious.

"I – um-"

"Is it someone we know?"

Hinata shrunk in her seat. "I… um…"

"It is, isn't it?" Naruto smacked his fist into his palm. "I knew it. Who is it? Is it Lee? Is it _Sasuke_? Kiba? Neji? _Shino? _Oh hell, it's not that creepy guy from the grocery store that stares at her like Orochimaru just revived him from the dead-"

"N-No," Hinata shook her head. She didn't want to say. She didn't want to be questioned. But if this kept up he would simply list all the men he knew and eventually he would probably come to Kakashi-sensei, and then Hinata wouldn't be able to stop herself tensing up, and _then he would know!_

"Well, who could it be?" he pestered. Is he a chunin? A jonin? You twitched – does that mean he's a jonin? I don't know so many jonin…"

"N-Naruto-kun!" Hinata burst out, hot-faced and faintly angry. "I-It really isn't any of your business. If Sakura-san w-wanted you to know she w-would have told you. Please! Don't ask me any more questions. I cannot answer."

He looked at her, looking almost as surprised as she felt at her angry little outburst. Immediately she wilted, wondering if he'd get angry too and hate her.

But instead he smiled. "Ok, Hinata-chan," he said, looking a little pink with embarrassment. "I didn't mean to upset you. Would you like some ramen?"

"Yes, please," she said weakly, her short burst of anger having probably burnt up a lot of her energy.

He laughed and helped her order.

* * *

Kakashi awoke several times in the night, which probably had more to do with the fact he was sleeping in a strange bed than because he was suffering any discomfort. On the contrary, he was very comfortable. Sakura's bed was ridiculously comfortable (almost too comfortable for any self-respecting ninja) and her covers were soft and smelled faintly of the perfume she usually wore. The girl in question slept curled up next to him, sleeping soundly with her hand on his chest like she was determined to keep track of him even when unconscious. 

It surprised him that she hadn't shone a light in his eyes and given him a third-degree interrogation by now. They had quite conclusively broken things off about a week ago, but it seemed she didn't want or need to question why he had come back. Perhaps she had missed him and was simply happy to have him?

Perhaps she was just biding her time…?

Whatever was happening, Kakashi didn't want to question it. He was happy and the Itch was once more content now that he was back with the person it had craved. It felt right to have her here with him, sleeping so close and so trustingly. He didn't want to cloud and complicate this moment with awkward talk about 'tomorrow' and depressing questions about the morality of this relationship… not when all he wanted was so simple.

The last time he woke up, it was because the alarm clock went off. The unfamiliar jingle startled him out of his wonderful dream about a whole Library full of a million new Icha Icha books, and immediately smacked the damn device repeatedly until it shut up. A feminine giggle diverted his attention, and for the first time he realized that Sakura was no longer beside him. Blinking, he found her sitting halfway down the bed with the sheets twisted around her lap and her elbow propped on the windowsill. She was enjoying what looked like a pot of yogurt.

Thank god she hadn't gotten round to putting clothes on yet.

"Good morning," she said sweetly, her own eyes raking over him just as gratuitously as he looked at her.

"Breakfast?" he grunted.

She nodded and licked her spoon nonchalantly. Kakashi was sure he'd seen a porn like this once.

"Are you pregnant?" he asked suddenly.

She gave him a dirty look. "You think I don't know how to take my own birth control? Do I _look_ pregnant to you?"

"I don't know." Maybe it was the morning light from the window, or the afterglow from a long night of slow, luxurious sex to make up for the lost week, but…. "You just seem to be glowing more than usual."

She held up her yogurt pot. "It's bio-yogurt, I guess…?" she said vaguely. "With strawberry."

Kakashi saw her take another mouthful of the pink, creamy substance and watched as her tongue caressed the spoon like a lover. The more he looked, the more hungry he grew, and it wasn't entirely of the food-related variety. "Can I have some yogurt too?" he asked.

"No," she said shortly. "This was the last one."

"Can I have some of _your_ yogurt?"

"No."

"Just a little bit?"

She moved the spoon out of her mouth slowly, taunting him. "Mmm… nope." Then she laughed when he didn't quite manage to succeed in nonchalantly propping his knee up to hide the sudden tenting effect that was going on down there. "Do you really like yogurt that much?" she teased.

"Not as much as other things," he admitted.

"Well," she said slowly, giving him a playful look. "You can have some of my yogurt… but you'll have to come and get it." And with that she dipped her spoon in the pot and then proceeded the drag it across her own chest.

Who was he to argue?

They both laughed as he dutifully dragged her back underneath him, his tongue following whatever trail her spoon left, until laughter eventually turned to moans and they forgot about the yogurt, and the time and where they were.

Sakura lay against him in the aftermath, small, warm and clingy. There was nothing quite like the feeling of post-coital lethargy, and Kakashi would argue that sometimes it was better than the actual act itself. He hated to think of himself as a cuddler – it sounded incredibly weak and needy. Instead he preferred to think of himself as liking his own space – but open to a cuddle if it was going. The fact that Sakura didn't seem to care for leaving any space between them at times like this suited him fine, because it had been a long time since he's ever taken a woman to bed who didn't roll away from him the moment orgasm was over, if not get up and leave entirely. The only good thing about those relationships was that they had been uncomplicated.

This one, however…

The girl pressed against his side sighed as she traced a short, smooth fingernail gently around one of his nipples. Then into the contented silent, she spoke the words he'd been dreading since last night. "What now…?"

Kakashi didn't answer. He didn't want to, because he was trying so hard not to think about it.

She lifted her head and rested her chin on his shoulder to regard him. "Kakashi," she cajoled. "What happens now?"

"What else?" he replied simply. "We get breakfast."

She hesitated, because that probably wasn't the answer she'd wanted. But after a moment she seemed to decide to go along with it. "I don't have any food left," she warned.

"Then we'll go out."

She blinked at him. "Like a date?"

"No… like breakfast."

Green eyes watched him uncertainly, laced with hesitance, but then she smiled slowly, almost shyly. "Alright," she said softly.

"But first," he said, pushing the twisted sheets off, "showers, I think?"

* * *

Sakura wasn't sure what to make of Kakashi today. He was so very much a private man who liked to eat alone, read alone and probably liked to sleep alone… if it wasn't for the inescapable fact that he was, after all, _a man_. 

Before he'd left for that mission, all that had been offered was sex, and Sakura knew that had been part of the problem. She'd gone to him for sex, gotten exactly what she'd wanted and then come away wondering why it still didn't feel right. But now _he_ had come to her, and not only was it the first time that she was the one doing the offering and he the taking, but now he was _taking her out to breakfast_.

He said it wasn't a date, but it was as good as. He'd never taken her anywhere, and likewise she had never taken him anywhere. What lay between them until this morning had been virtually limited to the bedroom, but now it was out of the bedroom, leaving the apartment and out on the street. _He was taking her to breakfast,_ and you didn't do that with people you fucked and didn't care about… it meant he had to like her, even if it was just a little, to be willing to spend time in her company during something so innocuously casual as breakfast.

Sakura didn't know what to make of that.

There was no hand holding, but then Sakura wouldn't have expected it anyway. Holding hands was what he probably thought soppy teenagers did when they thought they were in love – like Sakura and her previous boyfriends. Kakashi was too old (sort of), too serious (mostly), and too socially awkward (he made Jiraiya, a _hermit_, look like a social butterfly) to be holding hands with a lover. He treated her like a friend and nothing less, and he wouldn't demean her to the role of 'little woman' to hang on his arm and look pretty, even if they were free to act that way in public. If Sakura had learnt anything about Kakashi in recent times, it was that he was not the kind of man who sought women to flaunt. Sex, and everything revolving around that, was private.

She sent him a sideways look as they drifted alongside the early morning crowds towards the food district. He seemed to sense it immediately and glanced down at her, to which Sakura gave a deceptive smile. "You're a very strange man," she told him.

He looked ahead thoughtfully, touching his chin. "You'd be surprised how often that's been said to me over the course of my life…"

"No, I wouldn't," she said breezily, walking as close to him as she dared. "If we're going to eat out, does this mean you're going to take your mask off?"

He gave her a bewildered look. "Sakura, you've seen my face before." Any many other parts of him too.

"No, I mean… do you often do this? Do you often eat out in public and take your mask down in a place like this?" she asked, looking around the fairly busy street that was lined with restaurants, closed bars and steaming noodle shops.

"Yes," he said simply. "Quite often. Is that a problem?"

"You're ok with people seeing your face?" she asked.

"Of course." He seemed confused. "Shouldn't I be? Is there something horribly wrong with it?" He lifted a hand to touch his mask in what could have been either genuine or feigned self-consciousness. It was hard to tell sometimes.

"Well, how come you never showed your face to us then?" she demanded.

"Us?" he repeated.

"Us! Me, Naruto and Sasuke! Your team!"

"Oh…" He scratched his head. "It's not like I'm deliberately hiding it, though it's not like any of you have ever _asked_ me to take it off before either. I'm sure you guys have seen it a few times over the years?

She shook her head. "The first time I ever saw it was that morning when I… when you…" Sakura felt herself turn red. "You know – with that woman in your bed. And I'm pretty sure Naruto and Sasuke have yet to see it. I thought you might only reveal it to people you slept with."

"Well, that would be bad news for Naruto and Sasuke, wouldn't it?"

She smirked. "Actually, they're so desperate I'm sure they'd go to any length to-"

"This looks like a nice place," Kakashi said loudly, over-talking her and narrowly saving his soul from any disastrous imaginings. "Let's eat here."

It was a red lantern restaurant set virtually on the side of the street like Ichiraku Ramen, and had this really been a date, Sakura would have been greatly put out. But since it was only breakfast, she followed him between the wide gap in the red canvas screens and took her seat at the counter. Everything was just a little bit greasy – the counter, the chopsticks, the walls, the lights, and especially the cooks, but Kakashi assured her that the food was good.

"Do you eat here often?" she asked.

"Yes," he said, without elaborating much beyond that. "You'll also be glad to hear it's pretty cheap."

"Why should I be glad of that?" she asked smartly. "You're paying."

"This isn't a date," he repeated.

"It doesn't matter. Gentlemen pay for meals whether they are dates or not," she said, fixing him with a stare. "Are you not a gentleman?"

He held her gaze for a moment, and she felt herself heat under the intensity and innuendo until she had to look away. Well that answered _that _question. "Menu, please!" she squeaked to the master behind the counter who wordlessly handed two over.

"I'll have the rice and miso soup," she told the man, who bellowed the order to the cooks behind him.

"The same as well, thanks," Kakashi said, "And maybe some tamagoyaki? Pickles would be nice too? And some grilled aji? Do you have any natto left? Great, yeah, I'll have some of that too. With nori."

"Hungry?" Sakura asked archly.

"Didn't I say?"

"I'm _not_ paying for all of this," she reminded him.

"Won't you spare a kind thought for your poor skint teacher-"

"You are _not_ skint," she hissed. "You bought me a Suzuki dress last week on a whim."

"Ah," he hummed, caught in a fib. "But I had to sell most of my belongings to cover it."

Sakura wasn't fooled, but she smiled to think of that dress. "I wish someone else had a formal party," she sighed. "I haven't really had an excuse to wear it again and it's just hanging there in my wardrobe looking neglected."

"Who needs an excuse?" He gave her a shrug.

"I do," she retorted. "I can't just wear it whenever I want – it's too good and I'd look ridiculous-"

"No, you'd look beautiful," he murmured, and he said is absently and matter-of-factly that Sakura felt that feeling in her chest grow warm again. "But perhaps a little overdressed, yes," he amended. "Perhaps you should try badgering someone into getting married?"

"Badger someone into a lifelong commitment? Just so I can wear a dress?" she asked incredulously.

He nodded.

Sakura twiddled her sticks together, her gaze growing distant. "That's a really good idea…"

The food arrived, and as they tucked in, Sakura had to admit to herself that it was rather tasty. But she must have only taken two mouthfuls of her soup before she glanced over at Kakashi and saw that he had already demolished nearly half of his share. She stared at him. He paused and glanced over at her quizzically, his mask around his neck and several specks of rice on his cheek and chin.

"This explains an awful lot, though," she mused, taking up her napkin to wipe his face.

"What does?"

She ignored the question. "Have you ever heard of table manners? You'll choke to death if you eat so fast."

"I figured out at quite a young age how to eat and not die," he said dryly.

"Barely, by the looks of it," she teased.

And despite her assuages to slow down, he hared through breakfast so fast that by the time Sakura was only halfway through her meal, Kakashi had finished and was setting his empty bowl of rice down on the counter with a bang (which could either have been the sound of porcelain hitting the wood, or the sound barrier breaking).

She gave him an amused look as he replaced his mask and tented his fingers thoughtfully in front of his face. If he didn't have indigestion right now, there was no justice in the world.

But it seemed his thoughts hadn't been on his digestive track. "If I'd passed you during the review," he said slowly. "Would you have gone on that mission with me?"

Sakura's chopsticks clicked against her bowl as she faltered, wondering where the hell that question had come from, but not entirely surprised at it either. Was she supposed to feel touched that the thought of her death was eating at him, or annoyed that he was determined to blame himself for something that hadn't happened. "No," she replied shortly, choosing annoyance. "I _did_ want to break things off because of that review, but not because you failed me. It was because the moment I walked into that room and saw you sitting there, I realized it was a mistake. Whichever way you went, it didn't matter at that point. Of course, I was more annoyed you failed me… but even if you passed me, I think I would have realized eventually that I had to stay here."

She stopped and thought back. There had been a very good reason why she wanted to break things off then, hadn't there? And yet here they were again, still sleeping together, and even going out on a breakfast date. The reasons were still there, lined around them like spikes that would cut them the moment one foot stepped wrong, but something had changed last night.

"Why did you come over?" she asked quietly.

He gave a soft, caustic laugh and propped his elbows on the counter. "I had no where else to be," he mimed.

And if he meant what Sakura meant every time she had said that, then the truth was… he didn't know. He simply had wanted to see her. She'd felt that much in the way he'd touched her and the way he'd all but mated with her on the floor like it was their right to each other.

Now that was a scary thought.

This was only meant to be a fling. Something to set right a wrong and something that was supposed to end with no strings attached. Even though the parameters of this relationship had never been laid down, it had been unspoken that this was how it was meant to be. Only now they were hear, and things that needed to be said were still lying unspoken… and Sakura didn't know what to say.

"When's your next mission?" she asked, forcing the conversation on as it threatened to stagnate around this difficult point.

He made a vague gesture with his hand. "I've passed off most of them. I think I'll linger around Konoha for a while," he said.

Sakura looked at him sharply. "Do you think that's wise?"

"Under the circumstances… yes."

So he was going to let one failed mission shake his self-confidence? Sakura frowned but she said decided not to object. If his confidence had deserted him, perhaps it really was best to stay away from high class missions where doubt and hesitation could lead to fatal mistakes? Still… "It wasn't your fault," she said softly, resuming her breakfast.

"You weren't there," he pointed out.

"No, but I know you," she said, shrugging. "No one would die on your account if it wasn't completely unavoidable."

She was aware that he was watching her, but she pretended not to notice and carried on sipping her soup. As she blew on her spoon, a warm hand touched her thigh and she paused to glance at Kakashi questioningly.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"For what?" she asked confused, and a little worried that someone might look over and seeing him touching her in this 'inappropriate' manner.

He smiled. "For believing in me."

"It's not that hard," she said, flustered. "I just wish you did too."

He gave her leg a squeeze and sighed, but it didn't seem to be an unhappy one. It was the sigh of a man shaking something off his shoulders. Somewhere in the street outside a commotion seemed to have picked up, and Sakura wondered if someone had dashed out on a bill. When Kakashi stood up, Sakura wondered if he was about to do the same, but when he began rummaging around his pocket for change she relaxed. "I have to go," he said apologetically. "I have a check-up at the hospital and you know how Tsunade is when you're late."

"That's never stopped you before," she pointed out.

"I know. That's why I'm already late," he said pleasantly. And as the commotion outside grew louder, Kakashi placed some money on the counter. "That should cover my half."

"You _bastard!_"

Kakashi turned and the next thing Sakura knew, there was a loud _smack_, empty bowls, stools and a dispenser of chopsticks went flying, and Kakashi was on the floor, holding a hand to his jaw. Bewildered, Sakura jumped out of her seat and gaped at his assailant: Naruto, whose expression could be described as nothing short of murder.

But the moment comprehension dawned on Sakura, his expression was nothing compared to hers. "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?!" she shrieked.

"What the hell do you think _you're_ doing?!" he shot back, just as angry. "With _him_?!"

Hinata came hurrying up behind, looking upset. "Naruto-kun, _please_! Don't do this!" she fretted.

All around them things had gone very quiet. People looked up from their food and outside people had stopped in the street to peer at the developing drama. All of a sudden Sakura felt very cold. It was all beginning to unravel right here and now with so many witnesses. "What are you all looking at!" she snarled at the bystanders, but it only frightened away one or two so she stooped to help Kakashi up.

"Don't you touch him!" Naruto made another threatening step forward.

"Or _what_?" She planned to ignore him, but Kakashi held up a hand to politely refuse her help.

"It's ok," Kakashi said, sitting up and brushing some of the fall sticks off his lap. "Is there a problem, Naruto?" he asked with deceptive calm.

"It was you all along!" Naruto yelled. "That sick rumor was about you!"

Someone was pushing their way out of the crowd on the street, and Sakura didn't know whether to be happy to see Shiranui Genma moving forward to intervene. As an examiner he was probably a natural mediator, but Sakura knew that his arrival only signaled that the quagmire of '_oh shit' _was only spreading wider. "What's going on here?" he asked with a scowl, looking from Naruto to Kakashi.

"Him!" Naruto jabbed a finger at Kakashi. "He's the one fucking his student! He's the one sleeping with Sakura-chan!"

There was a broken note of hurt in his voice, and Sakura heard it, but right then she didn't care. "Naruto!" she hissed. "How could you!"

Genma looked at Sakura, surprisingly indifferent to such a claim. "Is it true?"

"No!" she vehemently denied.

"Don't lie!" Naruto bellowed. "I saw you!"

"Stop it!" she screamed back.

Genma held up his hand for silence. "Is it true?" he asked Kakashi, who was climbing to his feet again.

Kakashi sighed and gave Naruto a level look. "Yes, it's true."

Pandemonium broke loose again.

Naruto surged forward again, aiming another punch. "You bastard!" At the same time, Sakura lunged, aiming to tear her teammates throat out. "Don't you dare!" Genma caught Naruto around the chest and Kakashi hauled Sakura back by the waist, and while both teens struggled, Hinata weepily apologized to no one in particular.

"Get your hands off her!" Naruto yelled at Kakashi, not seeming to care that his teacher was the only thing stopping Sakura from ripping his head off. "You filthy pervert!"

"Shut up, Naruto!" Sakura snarled. "You know nothing!"

The gathered crowd was getting thicker. New people were arriving, along with familiar faces.

"What's going on?" Ino and the rest of her team were pushing their way forward. And was that a shell-shocked Iruka-sensei standing near the back? So many faces she knew and didn't know were looking on at them with a mixture of expressions ranging from humor, to disgust, to grim curiosity. Each of them knew, and there was no getting this cat back in its bag.

Sakura's struggles slowly died as the sheer enormity of what was happening threatened to crush her. She looked at Naruto, and all she saw was hate and anger and whole lot of hurt. And Ino, having extracted information from one of the other bystanders was now looking at her with a mixture of shock and disapproval.

Everything she had feared – hurting Naruto, being scorned, knowing that things would never be the same again – it was all staring her in the face.

"I think," Genma began as he quelled Naruto's struggles sharply with a hard tug on his hair, "it's time we informed the Hokage, don't you?"

* * *


	16. The Writing on the Wall

_Window_

Chapter Sixteen

* * *

Shizune licked her finger and flicked through the wedding magazine on her desk, sighing as she did so. It was a quiet morning in the Hokage tower today. The Hokage herself hadn't arrived yet and only a handful of people had popped in to drop off paperwork and reports before popping back out. Shizune eyed the clock that hung above the door of the waiting room and checked it against her own watch. Tsunade was late again. It usually meant that when she did arrive, she would probably be drunk as a skunk. 

The door opened beneath the clock and Shizune's head snapped up, expecting it to be her boss, mentor and almost-aunt.

Instead she saw Genma. She smiled automatically in greeting to her regular teammate and friend, but that smile quickly slid off her face when she noticed he was dragging a scruffy blonde boy after him by the lapels. And after Naruto came Hinata, looking pale and wan and so guilty, and after Hinata walked Kakashi with his hands firmly wedged in his pockets. A glum Sakura and an almost angry looking Ino brought up the rear.

"Sit," Genma ordered Naruto, slinging him into one of the chairs lining the west wall. "Sit," he ordered the two girls, pointing to the chairs on the east wall. He probably would have ordered Kakashi to sit too if the man hadn't already found himself a seat directly outside Tsunade's office door that was furthest away from anyone else. Hinata timidly crawled into the seat next to Naruto, which could have been the bravest thing Shizune had ever seen because that boy looked ready to kill someone.

The room was stiflingly silent.

Genma finally moved to lean on the reception desk, beckoning Shizune to lean forward. "Is the Godaime in?" he asked quietly. "Only we have a little situation on our hands."

Shizune looked around the room – at Kakashi who was staring resolutely at the floor, at Naruto was glaring death at Kakashi, at Hinata who was on the verge of tears, and at Sakura who sat hunched over in her chair, clutching Ino's hand for support, though Ino was glaring almost as murderously at Kakashi as Naruto was.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on.

"Tsunade-sama, hasn't arrived yet," she told Genma. "What happened?"

He sighed. "Fight broke out in the street. Naruto slugged Kakashi by all accounts over Sakura, and Hinata seems to be involved somehow, so I brought them all in because there seems to be some nasty accusations flying around that the Hokage herself will probably want to address. Although, I don't know why _she's_ here," he said, nodding to Ino.

Ino switched her glare from Kakashi to Genma. "Moral support," she said righteously, patting Sakura's back.

Genma shrugged. "Any idea when the Wicked Witch will arrive?"

"Soon," Shizune said faintly, looking at Hinata who couldn't meet her eye.

"I feel ill," Sakura said faintly from her chair, looking distinctly gray. "I think I'm going to throw up."

"Someone get a bucket!" Ino ordered.

Kakashi was on his feet in a moment, moving towards the queasy girl. The same instant, Naruto and Ino were on theirs, moving to block him.

"Don't you think you've done enough, Kakashi-sensei?" Ino growled at him.

"If you lay a hand on her, I'll rip it off!" Naruto barked.

"Stop it!" Sakura pleaded. "Both of you!"

"If you're both so eager to help her," Kakashi said evenly. "Why don't you actually help her?"

Ino turned her back on him and crouched before Sakura, urging the other girl to bend over as she rubbed her back comfortingly. "Are you ok, Forehead?"

"It's just nerves," Sakura groaned.

"It better be," Naruto said, glaring hotly at Kakashi who merely raised an eyebrow.

Sakura's head snapped up. "What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

But Naruto only addressed Kakashi. "If she's _pregnant-_"

"_You-!_"

"Who's pregnant?"

The quiet voice came from the door, and the room fell silent again as all heads turned to see Tsunade hanging in the doorway, her coat on inside out and a pair of dark shades covering her eyes. From the state of her hair and he appalling posture, it was clear she was suffering a hangover from hell.

"Why are there so many people in my office this time in the morning?" Tsunade croaked sullenly. "Can't a Hokage have a moment's peace around here?"

The room erupted in sound again.

"Old lady – I didn't do anything wrong – it was Kakashi-"

"Naruto attacked Kakashi, shishou-"

"_For a good reason!"_

"Do you ever shut up?!"

"I'm s-so sorry, Sakura-san, I didn't mean for this to happen-"

"This is between Forehead and the Old Pervert. Why the hell is she here anyway-"

"Don't talk about Hinata-chan that way-"

"_I have a hangover!"_ Tsunade ground out, making the room fall quiet again. "Genma, my office now, please. The rest of you can sit down and shut the hell up. I do not want to hear a peep out of any of you until I give you express permission to open your mouth, is that clear?"

No one said a word.

"Good," she grunted and stomped across the waiting room. Shizune sent Genma a rattled glance as he followed the Hokage inside her office.

* * *

Sakura's stomach continued twisting in knots the moment the door to Tsunade's office slammed shut. Right now Genma would be giving her shishou the lowdown on the situation which was developing into a drama to rival that of her favorite soap opera. Ino continued to rub her back, acting like a supporting friend even though Sakura suspected she had only come along to get the inside scoop of what was bound to be the number one topic of dinner table conversation for the next week or more. Across the room, Kakashi had retreated to his seat, but he refused to look at her… partly because Naruto would try to punch him again if he did. 

The silence was unbearable. She strained to catch anything that was being said within the office, but it seemed that the rumors of it being effectively sound-proofed were true. Not even the faintest whisper could be heard.

It had been a long time since she'd felt this kind of gut-clenching fear. Not since Naruto and Sasuke had attempted to kill each other on the hospital roof. Back then the knowledge that something had happened that could never be fixed and that their team would never be the same as a result had terrified her, and now it was happening all over again. Things would never be the same. And perhaps this time the damage done was even worse…

The door opened again and Genma sauntered out, giving Shizune a significant look. Tsunade emerged after him with a face of barely constrained thunder. She'd lost her shades and now her the dark smudges under her eyes were clearly visible, and when those eyes met Sakura's, Sakura couldn't help but shrink back a little.

The penetrating stare switched to Kakashi, who made the mistake of smiling. In a heartbeat she had stormed over, grabbed him by the collar and had hauled him back into her office without a word. Sakura caught only a glimpse of Kakashi's rather worried looking face before the door slammed shut with a bang that seemed to shake the whole building.

Everyone released a breath they didn't realized they'd been holding.

"What the hell's going on, Sakura?" Ino whispered, gaining the courage to speak now that Kakashi was out of ear-shot. "Please tell me this is a horrible mistake."

"It's not a 'horrible mistake'," Sakura said bitterly.

"I knew you had appalling taste in men, but this is just ridiculous," Ino said disparagingly. "I said go for an older man, but there _are_ limits, you know. Breaking the law is one of them."

Yelling could be heard from the office as Tsunade's voice gained volume. Sakura glanced worriedly at the door. "I thought that room was sound-proof," she whispered.

"It is," Shizune said flatly.

And yet snatches of violent verbal diatribe could be heard quite clearly. Things like "_responsibilities_" and "_certain confidences_" that "_cannot be violated_" which "_you have so kindly shat on_". Worrying bangs started punctuating each shout, until there was a bang so loud it shook the door like something heavy had been thrown against it. Sakura nearly stood up, but Ino pulled her back down.

The yelling continued, growing more audible and clear.

"_You were given a position of trust and this is how you repay me?" _Tsunade's muffled shriek cut through the tense silence. _"What? I don't care if you're bleeding _– _GET UP!"_

The screaming was fairly unintelligible after that, and Sakura felt a moan of dread rise in her throat to think that she was probably next. "She's going to kill him," she whimpered.

"Good," Naruto declared callously.

Sakura railed on him without hesitation. "Oh, look at you sitting there all smug with yourself!" she seethed. "I bet you're happy, aren't you?! Do you know how much trouble you've caused because you can't act like an adult for even thirty seconds!"

"You should have thought about that before you went off with our teacher!" Naruto shouted back. "You've brought this on yourself, Sakura!"

And the horrible fact was that it was true. Because even though he was the one who had attacked Kakashi in the middle of the street, the fault made by her and Kakashi completely overshadowed anything Naruto had done. With the way Tsunade was now, no doubt she would applaud Naruto.

Angry tears stung Sakura's eyes, but they didn't spill. Shaking Ino off, she stood and stormed over to Naruto. Genma stepped forward, apparently worried she would try to attack him again, but she stopped of where he sat. "You think you're so justified to blame Kakashi?" she demanded, glaring at him. "You think you were right to hit him like that and make that scene? Then why don't you go ahead and hit me too, Naruto? Kakashi didn't do anything I didn't want him to do – we were both in it together as equals. If anything, I was the one who coerced him, so if you're going to direct your anger at anyone here it better be at me."

She waited expectantly, meeting Naruto's glare with her own. For the first time she was close enough to see that a vicious amber had bled into his blue eyes, and his pupils were distorted. Kyuubi was there, clawing away at the surface, but Naruto was in complete control.

"Well?" she said, giving his head a jeering smack. "What are you waiting for? Hit me!"

"What the fuck's the matter with you?!" Naruto cried, pushing her away. "Why him?! What the hell is wrong in your brain that you'd even consider him?!"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Genma intervened again when Sakura made a move to slap him. She was shuttled back to her seat where Ino held her down under the pretense of a Best Friend Hug. Sakura was too angry to protest. She simply shook with rage and muttered something explicit about hypocrites and assholes.

Suddenly the shouting in the office died with a final bang and everyone looked towards the door.

"I hope she hasn't killed him," Shizune fretted.

It was unsettlingly quiet. Sakura waited with baited breath, wondering if Tsunade really _had _killed him and whether or not Sakura should break down the door to come to his rescue. But before she could give into this impulse the door swung open, making everyone jump and Kakashi emerged with a bloody hand clutched to a gash on his brow. Sakura tried to stand and go to him, but Ino had her firmly trapped.

"Genma," Tsunade snapped. "Escort Hatake to the hospital. Inform the nurses to be as brutal as they wish."

Genma nodded and took Kakashi by the elbow, leading him away as if he was a prisoner. As they passed, Kakashi gave her a surreptitious thumbs up, but it did little to quash Sakura's concern.

"Sakura," Tsunade barked, and at once she realized that it was her turn to be beaten and interrogated. As she sloped inside, Tsunade turned to address Shizune. "Get me the Law Book."

"The law book?" Shizune repeated, confused.

"The book with the laws in it! The big one!" Tsunade snapped.

"The Village Charter?" Shizune guessed.

"Whatever, just bring it to me _now._"

The door slammed shut and Sakura looked nervously around the office. There were numerous dents in the wall that seemed to have been made by the various plant pots, pen holders and paperweights that lay littering the floor. Paper was strewn everywhere. Sakura quickly scanned Tsunade's desk and was reassured to see that there was nothing much left to throw.

"Sit down," Tsunade said curtly.

Sakura obeyed meekly, though she had to pick up the chair and set it right first before she could sit in it. Tsunade took her own seat, but rather than address Sakura, she took a stapler from her drawer and began fiercely stapling documents together – seemingly regardless of the order.

Was Tsunade attempting to freeze her out? Was she going to keep quiet until Sakura cracked and spilled all? She had no idea what Kakashi had said before her (if he'd managed to get a word in edgeways of all that shouting) so she had to tread carefully.

But it was Tsunade who cracked first – or more accurately it was her stapler. One of the staples split wrong and stuck in the device, and with an annoyed grunt Tsunade threw it against the door, missing Sakura's ear by a few inches. Then she put her head in her hands and pressed the heel of her palms against her eyes.

"Why have you done this to me, Sakura?" she said weakly. "Do you have any idea what position you have put me in?"

Sakura didn't know what else to say but, "I'm sorry."

It was the wrong thing, incidentally. "_Sorry is not good enough!_" Tsunade snapped. "You're my _apprentice_! I trained you to be smart and intelligent and rational, and I am left _staggered _at how anyone under my tutelage could have done something so unbelievably stupid! I'm disappointed in you."

Sakura looked at the floor, feeling nothing short of horrible in every sense.

Tsunade forced herself to calm. "Well, we might as well get to the point," she said, with the manner of someone resigning themselves to a very unpleasant task. "Are you pregnant?"

Sakura felt a cold shiver of humiliation run through her bones. "No, shishou," she said quietly.

"Are you sure?"

"Very sure, shishou," she said again, and the annoyance she felt at so many people questioning her competence at managing her own body leaked into her tone. "My birth control is up to date. I've never had any accidents before, I don't see why I would start now."

"Don't take that tone with me, Sakura. I have to be sure."

"Sorry, shishou. I understand."

"Did he groom you?" Tsunade asked next.

Sakura frowned, not understanding. There was that time he stoked his fingers through her hair after they lay basking in the aftermath of a fantastic bout of sex, but that didn't seem to be very relevant. "I'm not sure what you mean, shishou…"

"What I mean is, did he coerce you in any way?" Tsunade demanded, leaning forward intently. "You've been his student since you were twelve. Has there been any inappropriate sexual advances during this time? Touching? Fondling? Comments? Anything that would-"

"No!" Sakura cried, faintly alarmed. "Kakashi wouldn't do that! Our relationship only started two weeks ago. Before that there was nothing, I swear. He never touched me. He barely paid much attention to me at all. He wouldn't… he's not… how could you think that of him?"

"Because you realize that _everyone_ will think this of him now?"

Sakura wilted. "I was the one who went to him, shishou. Kakashi didn't force me into anything."

"That's interesting," Tsunade said, reclining back in her seat. "On the one hand there's him taking full responsibility, and on the other here's you doing exactly the same."

"He's trying to protect me," Sakura said quietly. "But it wasn't him, it was me. It was my idea, and he only went along with it because he felt sorry for me."

"So you instigated the relationship?"

"Yes."

"For the purpose of gaining extra credits for your review, perhaps?"

Sakura closed her eyes and clenched her fist. "No. It was coincidence. And Kakashi isn't the type of person to let personal relationships cloud his professional judgment."

"Apparently not. He failed you, as I seem to recall."

Sakura nodded.

"You understand that his decision is now defunct?" Tsunade asked. "I'll have to arrange for another examiner to review you."

"I don't care," Sakura said shaking her head. "Just, please, shishou… tell me how much trouble we're in."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow at her. "How much trouble do you think you're in?" When Sakura didn't answer she went on. "Obviously you assumed there would be _some_ trouble or you wouldn't have felt the need for such secrecy."

Sakura stared at her. "You won't… _execute_ Kakashi… will you?"

Tsunade leaned forward, eyes narrowed. "I remain undecided on that one."

"Shizune-san said that the last man to sleep with his student was given an execution order."

"Yes. However, the execution order had very little to do with the fact he seduced his student and more to do with the fact he was habitually kidnapping and murdering a significant portion of our shinobi force for his genetic experimentations."

Sakura relaxed a little.

"The penalties for statutory rape are still, nevertheless, high," Tsunade went on.

"But I'm of age-"

"Yes, but the trust of student and teacher is a sacred one safe-guarded by the law itself. If it has been violated, there _will_ be consequences."

There came a knock at the door. "Come in!" Tsunade shouted impatiently.

Shizune scurried into the room with a very large, very old book pressed against her chest. As she placed it on the desk, Tsunade slid on a pair of reading glasses and swiftly began searching through the book.

"The law regarding fraternization between teachers and students is an old one, Sakura," Tsunade said as she scoured the pages. "It hasn't been updated since it was first written, which was around the time the village was first founded. I was planning to go through this book and quietly abolish all these old, silly little laws that rarely needed enforcing anymore. I had no idea I needed to hurry on your account."

Sakura fiddled anxiously with the hem of her skirt as Tsunade carefully poured over the old charter, running her finger down the pages in search of the relevant statute. She paused once, and Sakura's heart flew into her throat. "Apparently it's illegal to set fire to monkey for the purpose of clearing out the hot springs," Tsunade read aloud. "Some of the things in here are _ridiculous."_

She flipped forward a few more pages before her finger came to a stop and both she and Shizune leaned in close to read one particular passage. After a moment, they both leant back and Tsunade slammed the book shut in an eruption of dust, before settling to stare at Sakura mutely across the desk.

"So…?" Sakura edged.

"The law is quite clear on this subject," Tsunade said, almost serenely. "Teachers who take advantage of their students are to be imprisoned and/or executed depending upon the whim of the student's father."

Sakura covered her mouth, not trusting herself not to cry out.

"At least, that is the action to be taken in the case of _underage_ students," Tsunade continued. "You'll probably be glad to hear that fraternizing involve of-age students is slightly less harsh. But it all hangs on one factor."

"What factor?" Sakura asked worriedly.

Tsunade closed her eyes to ruminate for a few moments, before opening them again to regard Sakura with tired, hooded eyes. "Whether or not the two of you are in love."

"I don't understand," Sakura said hesitantly.

"It's quite simple." Tsunade folded her arms under her generous chest. "The severity of your punishment hangs on whether or not you are genuinely in love with each other. So what is your answer, Sakura?"

Sakura didn't have one. How could something so arbitrary of love affect the law? Was her teacher saying that the law was more lenient on those who had found real love than those who were simply fooling around? But exactly which category did she and Kakashi fit into? A week ago she would have been quite clear – they meant nothing to each other than a fun roll around between the sheets, satisfying biological urges. But now? Now there was a dangerous feeling in her chest that didn't belong to someone who was simply fooling around with their teacher.

Although the question was, did Kakashi feel it too? And even if they were both victims to it, was it really something as deep and profound as 'love'?

Sakura opened her mouth the hedge an answer, but Tsunade interrupted. "Please bear in mind, Sakura," she said with a humorless smile, "that I already asked this question of Kakashi, and I'll be interested to hear how your answer compares with his."

Desperately, Sakura looked to Shizune for some indication of what to say, but Shizune's face was tense and unreadable as she stared back at Sakura. This felt like a trap. If Kakashi had been asked this question he would have been compelled to reply honestly. But when he wouldn't even acknowledge the state of their relationship to Sakura, how likely was it he would have done so to Tsunade?

Resigned, Sakura bowed her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "We aren't serious. It was just a fling and nothing more. We're not in love."

When she dared to look back up at her master, Tsunade's cutting smile had widened. "How interesting," she murmured. "You may go."

Shaken, Sakura stayed frozen to the spot. "What about the punishments?"

"They will be handled later, and you'll be informed about my decision before tonight. You may go."

Sakura slowly rose to her feet. Shizune was there to open the door for her and once more she found herself in the waiting room, looking into searching, anxious faces. "What's going to happen?" Ino asked her quickly.

Before Sakura could say that she didn't know, Tsunade appeared behind her.

"Naruto," she said, addressing the peevish boy. "I'm disappointed in you. The moment you learnt of this matter you should have come straight to me rather than take things into your own hands. There is no excuse for attacking your own team leader on a civilian street – no, don't interrupt me. I'll decide on an appropriate punishment for you later as well."

She turned on Hinata who visibly flinched. "And you, Hinata. I'm surprised at you. Of all people here you had least reason to withhold information, but instead you chose to go straight to Naruto who you know perfectly well would have reacted badly. Were you trying to cause trouble?"

Hinata blanched, upset. "N-No, I didn't mean for it to happen. I didn't tell Naruto-kun. H-He kept asking questions and I told him to stop, and when we were walking past the red lantern h-he saw Kakashi with Sakura and he joked that that they were together. I-I'm so sorry. H-He saw Kakashi-sensei touch Sakura-san and then he looked at me and he just knew… I'm s-so, so sorry. But I wasn't trying to cause trouble, I promise!"

Tsunade frowned. "You still knew of their affair, but you didn't inform me. Withholding this kind of information is still a punishable offence, Hinata."

Sakura noticed the way Hinata's eyes flicked to Shizune, but she simply nodded and hung her head.

"No, Tsunade-sama," Shizune said quietly, stepping forward. "Please don't punish Hinata too harshly. I asked her not to tell anyone about Kakashi and Sakura. I am technically her superior, so she was only acting under my orders."

Surprised, Tsunade turned on her. "_You_ knew?" she demanded. "And you didn't tell me?"

Shizune nodded unhappily.

Tsunade nearly laughed. "I swear you all do this to annoy me," she sighed to the ceiling. "Please, by all means, tell me who told _you_ about this affair. Is there anyone else I need to add to this list of punishments?"

"No one told me," Shizune admitted. "I just found out."

"How?" Sakura asked weakly.

Shizune cast her a guilty look and pulled something from her long sleeves. "Kakashi dropped these. You really shouldn't write your name in your underwear, Sakura… the ink can run in the wash if you're not careful."

She passed the pair of dainty panties to Sakura who could only stare at them in confusion. Tsunade had a hand pressed over her face again, and Naruto looked apoplectic.

"You," Tsunade pointed to Ino who froze. "What are you doing here? What exactly do you need to be punished for?"

"I-I'm only here for moral support, Hokage-sama."

Tsunade's arm dropped. "Fine. You're all free to go, and I recommend that you get lost quickly before I do something I regret."

* * *

"You're a fucking idiot, you know?" 

"I know."

"You're lucky she didn't neuter you right there on the spot."

"She tried to."

Genma shook his head and whistled through his teeth as he leaned in close to examine the nurse's progress with Kakashi's head wound. The young woman was busily applying butterfly stitches to the long gash. "I count nine stitches and up," he said. "Not worth it, Hatake."

If Kakashi hadn't had his eyes closed, he would have rolled them.

"You could be executed for this, you know."

"That's ridiculous," Kakashi said wearily. "There's only two things you can be executed for in Konoha these days – treason and piracy. Neither of which I have committed to my knowledge. All I did was sleep with another adult who happens to be on the same team as me."

"That's not how other people are going to see it, Hatake," Genma pointed out. "People hear that a teacher took a student to bed and they'll assume you've taken advantage of her in some way. And you're a weird recluse… it wouldn't surprise me if they thought the very worst."

The nurse attending Kakashi's head paused. "Aren't you Haruno Sakura's teacher?" she asked.

"Yes," he said flatly.

"Ah. I like Haruno-san," she said, and then resumed her work, although this time pressing the adhesive strips to his wound with much more needless pressure. He winced, but had to endure.

"How old is she?" Genma asked. "Sixteen… seventeen?"

"Eighteen," Kakashi replied tersely.

Once again Genma shook his head in disbelief. "What are you doing with a girl that age?" he asked, bewildered. "Is this some midlife crisis you're going through? You have to be careful, Hatake. You know what it's like to be eighteen… you fall in love at the drop of the hat. Is that really something you need to be tangling with?"

Kakashi studiously ignored him.

"Oi," Genma bent down to eye-level with him. "You two aren't in love are you?"

Kakashi flicked an impassive glance his way. "The Godaime asked that very same question."

"And?" Genma prompted. "What did you say?"

"I told the truth."

"Which is?"

"None of your business."

Genma sighed and straightened. "I have to say, for once I don't envy you that much. Whatever punishment you're given… I think it's safe to say you're fucked."

"Thanks."

"And good luck looking your teammates in the eye again."

"…right… thanks."

"Don't mention it," Genma clapped him on the shoulder. "Well, I'm sure there are at least a handful of people who haven't heard the news by now. I can't let Anko have all the fun, so I'm off to go find them. I'll see you around, Hatake."

Kakashi heaved a small sigh and closed his eyes again, letting the nurse continue with her brutal prodding and poking. Eventually she finished and stepped back to admire her handiwork. "Perfect," she said with menacing cheer. "You can go now."

"Don't I get a lollipop?"

He made that half-hearted joke virtually every time a hospital visit came to an end, whether it be for a flu jab, a broken leg, or a coma. Normally the nurses and medics laughed it off, but the look this nurse gave him made him wonder if he'd said something obscenely inappropriate. She looked at him as if he'd demanded oral sex.

People had always thought of him as a pervert. But now it was clear they thought of him as a _pervert_.

"You can go now," she said frostily, turning her back on him.

"Right," he said, cowed.

It was best just to get out of there and go home. His uniform was covered in blood (because head wounds always bled disproportionately to their seriousness) so his first plan was to get changed. Then he would…

Actually he didn't really know what he would do after that. He'd been warning himself since the night Sakura had turned up on his doorstep soaking wet that the consequences would be dire should they have been found out. But his major defense against this had simply been to make sure no one would find out; it had been his plan A.

There was no plan B.

"Looks like you'll have to ride this one out," he murmured to himself as he made his way down the long sterile corridors, ignoring the way eyes darted away from him the moment they caught sight of him. He could feel them staring at his back, though, thinking he couldn't tell. But he just mentally shrugged and left the building without fuss.

It was already midday outside. The streets were thick with people on their lunch break, and in a way this was a small blessing because Kakashi could blend more easily. A few eyes lingered on him as he made his way home, but it was still early. It would be at least six more hours before the gossip spread to all corners of the village, and until then it was still possible to traverse the streets without every other person glaring at him.

But it wasn't a completely hassle free journey. As he turned down a residential avenue someone recognized him from across the street and shouted out. "What's the matter, Hatake? Can't find a willing grown up so you've resorted to dipping your prick in your own kids?"

This was followed by a rowdy round of laughter and guffaws, and Kakashi glanced over with only mild curiosity to see a small gang of young jonin congratulating themselves. Though they seemed to know him, he hadn't a clue who any of them were, so he shook his head and continued on his way. Heckling was nothing new to him, and over the years he'd learnt to ignore it.

But how would Sakura cope?

At least his apartment door hadn't been egged yet. Kakashi let himself inside his own home and quickly slung his uniform in a heap beside the bed before pulling on a clean black vest and training pants. He spent a few minutes examining his new cut in the mirror, noticing that the first few strips had been laid with precision and care while the last few (coincidentally laid after he'd mentioned Sakura's name to the nurse) were haphazard and all over the place.

Tsunade's temper was almost as legendary as her rotten gambling skills. It didn't surprise him that she'd resorted to throwing things at him so quickly, because he knew that she had a special interest in Sakura and had grown fond of the girl over the years. It was only natural that she was protective of her own apprentice and in many ways she was more Sakura's teacher than he was.

And the thing about the Hokage was that when she started throwing things, it wasn't wise to dodge; it only made her angrier, as Kakashi had discovered. Quite quickly he'd learnt how difficult it was to explain and defend your position when a volcanic woman was hurling half the objects in her office at you, and there were only so many things you could dodge. So between getting hit in the head with a plant pot and being nailed in the gonads by a pair of sharp scissors… Kakashi felt he'd made the right choice.

He was clumsily attempting to straight the stitches on his brow when he caught sight of movement in the mirror behind him. Without turning around he watched Sakura quietly slip in through the window and onto his bed. She looked tense.

"I see you escaped unscathed," he commented, turning his attention back to his stitches.

Sakura walked up behind him, and the next thing he knew, she'd banged his head against the mirror.

"Ow." He was beginning to feel quite abused today.

"You idiot!" she ground out, shaking a pair of panties at him angrily. "You stole my underwear!"

He glanced at the panties and his eyebrows shot up. "Oh! I was wondering where those went. I thought I'd dropped them during the mission," he said, taking the panties to admire them.

Sakura snatched them back. "You dropped them in the hospital," she said hotly. "Shizune found them and that's why everyone knows now."

"So Shizune told everyone?" he asked, frowning. That didn't sound like something Shizune would do.

"No, she told Hinata who can't stand up to Naruto to save her life," Sakura sighed, chewing her lip. "Tsunade-shishou says that she'll decide the punishments later today. But everyone knows, Kakashi. Everyone's looking at me funny and I can hear people laughing behind my back."

She looked like she might start crying at any moment, so Kakashi reached out to touch her shoulder compassionately and let her fall against his chest. Her breathing was shaky, but she seemed to be trying hard not to cry… she just needed a moment to compose herself. In the mirror, Kakashi caught sight of their reflection. Did they look mismatched? Did they fit? Kakashi couldn't tell anymore. He'd lost the ability to distinguish. All he saw was a short, pink-haired girl tucked under the chin of a taller white-haired man.

"Naruto hates me," she whispered. "He's never looked at me like he did today. I feel like I've betrayed him… but I'm _so angry_ at him too! How could he do that in front of everyone?! It's like he wanted to humiliate us!"

"Naruto isn't so objective, Sakura," he said softly. "He was hurt. He just confronted what he saw… I doubt he realized what would happen. He probably doesn't even know it was against the rules."

"Why are you defending him?" Sakura asked, leaning back to scowl at him. "He hit you."

"He hurt me," he corrected, "because we've hurt him. My face might be bruised for a week, but his feelings will probably carry this hurt for a lot longer."

She sagged against him again. "I'm scared," she muttered.

"So am I," he said.

"No, you're not," she groaned. "You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"Did it work?"

"No…"

With a soft smile he took her head in his hands and lifted her face to receive a kiss. She was despondent at first, but then she suddenly pulled away and moved to sit on the bed, her back turned to him. "I'm not in the mood," she said unhappily. "I can't even look at you, I feel so guilty. If anyone knew I was here, I think they'd be quite upset."

He moved to sit on the bed beside her. "You should probably go then," he suggested.

"But there's no where else to go," she said. "And I mean it. Everywhere I go… everyone's going to know and they're going to sit there and judge me. You're the only one who will smile at me today."

She glanced back at him and promptly burst out laughing. Perhaps because Kakashi at that moment was contriving to glare and pout at her? She fell sideways, her head landing in his lap and gradually her laughter faded. "I wish time would stop," she said, her fingers curling in the fabric of his pants. "I don't want to face what comes next."

He stared back at his reflection in the mirror opposite, watching his fingers brush through her hair, seemingly of their own accord. "You can't stop time, Sakura. We have to be brave."

"It would be easier to stop time," she mumbled.

She didn't say anything after that. Her eyes slid shut and after a while he was convinced she'd fallen asleep. His leg was falling asleep, but he didn't have the heart to wake her and set her aside… instead he carried on smoothing her hair and watching that man in the mirror who he barely recognized anymore.

A sweet chirping sounded from the open window. He glanced over distractedly and saw two small birds hopping along his windowsill and fluttering their wings and swiveling their heads in jerky motions.

"Sakura." He squeezed her shoulder and she stirred slowly. "We're being summoned."

* * *

"Naruto-kun… are you mad at me?" 

Naruto wasn't sure. It wasn't her fault that two of his closest friends had been sleeping with each other behind his back, but at the same time he felt like blaming everyone involved.

"You knew, Hinata-chan," he accused, but managed to keep most of the anger out of his tone. For some reason he couldn't shout at this girl. It seemed cruel. "Why didn't you say something?"

She flinched as if he'd shouted anyway. "I'm sorry, Naruto-kun…"

They rounded the corner of the Hokage tower and Naruto leapt over the fence of the academy grounds, intending to take a short cut. After a moment of hesitation, Hinata followed.

"How could they do this?" he raged, more to himself. He kicked the small carousel he'd used to play on as a child (usually alone) and spent it spinning. It didn't alleviate his anger as much as he'd hoped. "It's _sick_! It's_ wrong_! It's like _incest_ or something!"

Hinata wrung her hands behind him. "B-But they're not related."

"My team is like my family, Hinata-chan," he explained. "Kakashi-sensei is like a big brother. And Sakura is like my sister – no! – my cousin. Removed a few times. Because it's weird to like your sister, right? Right…"

"I understand," she said quietly. "I see my team as like a second family sometimes."

Naruto shook his head. "It's the only family I've got…"

Hinata looked at him, a fleeting hint of surprise in her face. "I think I understand what you mean," she said.

With a defeated sigh, Naruto slumped down to sit on the carousel, clinging to the bars on either side of him. "He knew I liked her," he said in a low voice. "I told him often enough. But she was supposed to be in love with Sasuke-bastard! I could cope with that… but now she's gone after Kakashi-sensei too? It's like she'll have anyone but me. What's so bad about me that she'd rather go for an old man?"

Hinata sank down next to him. "I don't th-think there's anything wrong with you," she said quickly. "Sasuke-kun and Kakashi-sensei are very similar when you think about it… and maybe that's the type of guy Sakura-san likes. Th-There are loads of girls who would like you. I bet th-there's loads of girls who would die for the chance to be even noticed by you."

"Oh yeah?" Naruto said glumly. "Name one."

Hinata seemed to have lost her voice at that point. Naruto took it to mean that she couldn't think of anyone, but that didn't surprise him. "Forget it, Hinata-chan," he mumbled. "There's nothing I can do about it now. Everything's gone wrong…"

"I didn't want to keep you in the dark, Naruto-kun," she whispered. "But I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't want to betray Sakura-san either. I don't agree with what she's doing, but… she seemed happy."

Naruto looked at her. "Happy," he repeated impassively. "What if he's forcing himself on her?"

Hinata looked uncertain for a moment. "Do you think Kakashi-sensei could do that?"

"I guess not…"

He pressed his face into his hands and wished he could black out his own memory. It was burned into his brain. Following Hinata's gaze across the street to the restaurant to where Kakashi and Sakura were sitting, making that joke to Hinata that Kakashi was really her secret man… seeing that look of horrified guilt cross her face and then the way Kakashi's hand slid onto Sakura's leg in the way no teacher should ever touch a student… and…

It had crossed his mind. Of course it had, it was only natural. The moment he'd heard that rumor about the jonin teacher and the student, he'd immediately wondered if it might possibly be referring to Kakashi. But he'd dismissed it as impossible. Though at the back of his mind it had never truly left him, and all those funny looks the two had been giving each other and the way they had sat so close on the picnic bench yesterday… it all made sense now.

"Do you think she's happy?" Naruto asked quietly.

Hinata deliberated. "If she was… you made her very unhappy, Naruto-kun."

That was true. He felt guilty for losing his temper like that, but at the same time the anger and injustice still cut deep. The feeling of betrayal was making it hard to forgive.

Cool fingers touched the back of his hand and he blinked in surprise to see that Hinata had placed her hand over his on the bar. Oddly, her fingers were shaking, but then Hinata had always been a bit weird…

"I-I like you, Naruto-kun," she whispered, slowly turning red. "I really do."

He stared at her, and then smiled. "I like you too, Hinata-chan!" he said cheerfully.

Her eyes widened almost hopefully, but then she quietly sagged. "Right…"

What a strange girl. Naruto might have asked if there was something wrong with what he said, but at that moment a large song thrush landed at their feet. It warbled a short song, flicked its wings twice and then flitted off into the trees. Naruto wrinkled his nose and looked up at the Hokage's tower looming over them.

"She must have decided already," he sighed. "We should go."

* * *

"Ah, what a bunch of cheerful looking souls you all are," Tsunade greeted them dryly as they filed in through the door and arranged themselves in a line before her desk. 

Sakura glanced across at Naruto who was staring obnoxiously out of the window as if he would rather be somewhere down there than up here in this room with her and Kakashi. Hinata and Shizune stood between them, effectively keeping them separate in case any more fisticuffs broke out.

"You all know why you're here," Tsunade said, getting straight down to business. "It pains me to have to do this, but there really is no way around it. I hope you'll understand.

"First all, Naruto," she said looking to the boy at the end of the line. "A shinobi needs to keep a controlled reign on his emotions at all times. Losing your head and attacking your team leader is unacceptable. I'd like you to apologize to Kakashi."

Naruto shifted on his feet, looking constipated. After a moment he turned his head vaguely in Kakashi's direction and muttered something that could have been 'sorry'. Kakashi cleared his throat and nodded, equally uncomfortable. Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Shizune and Hinata," Tsunade turned to address them, "You both withheld information from your Hokage. I understand that you did so thinking it was in the best interests of your friends, and I admire your loyalty… but there is a time and a place to keep secrets and this was not it. You're both suspended from work for two weeks, no pay."

Shizune's chin wobbled a little bit, but she nodded her acceptance while Hinata looked like she couldn't believe her luck. Perhaps she had been expecting much worse?

Sakura was next in line and Tsunade's amber gaze landed on with the kind of expression that was hard to tell if she was smiling or not. "Your apprenticeship with me ends today, Sakura," she said softly. "I can't teach you anymore. I'm sorry."

Sakura's breath left her like it had been pulled out of her, "Shishou, _please-_"

"This isn't open to debate, Haruno," Tsunade interrupted. "From now on you address me as Hokage-sama."

Her mother could have called now and told her she wanted nothing more to do with Sakura, and her father could have walked in and told her straight to her face that he didn't love her as much as he did his new daughter, and it wouldn't hurt nearly so much as it hurt to be disowned by Tsunade. Sakura swallowed hard and lowered her eyes to the floor, more to hide the film of tears that threatened to fall. "Yes, Hokage-sama," she rasped.

"And Kakashi," Tsunade turned on him. "How is your head?"

"Sore…"

"Good," she replied contritely. "I'm hereby demoting you to chunin, Hatake Kakashi. You will not have another chance for promotion for the next ten years, and you will never teach again as long as you live."

Beside her, Kakashi went very still. Sakura glanced at him in shock, wondering how he must be taking this. What little was visible of his face was lax with astonishment.

"Team Kakashi is now officially disbanded," Tsunade went on. "Tatami Iwashi recently transferred into ANBU so there is an opening on Team Genma. Kakashi, you will be taking this vacancy and working under Genma with Shizune and Raidou. Tenzou was originally going to have this position as he handed me his resignation last week, but under the circumstances I think it's more prudent that he form his own new team with the remaining members of Team Kakashi, now named Team Tenzou."

"What?" Sakura breathed.

"Wait," Naruto said, unfolding his arms. "How is _this_ fair?"

"This is the most leniency I can grant you," Tsunade said testily. "Would you rather I throw him in prison?"

Naruto struggled for words. "But you're breaking up our team!"

Tsunade threw up her hands. "I have no choice!" Her angry eyes flashed on Sakura and Kakashi again. "Do you two even realize what kind of disgrace you are in? You have committed a taboo! I would throw the book at you entirely but what you both face from this point on will be more devastating and cruel than anything I can give you. You will suffer enough without any help from me."

Sakura couldn't help it. Fear clenched hard around her heart and her hand moved of its own accord, seeking out Kakashi's. His warm fingers closed around her trembling ones, safe-guarding them and making her feel fractionally less terrified. If he was here with her she could face it. Alone she would crumble.

"I hope you're all very pleased with what you've accomplished with your actions today," Tsunade drawled, the disappointment stinging them all. "And I hope to god that this relationship is worth the sacrifice of your team. Now get out of my sight."

Naruto tried to protest. "But-"

"_Get! Out!_"

She was in the mood to throw things again. They had no choice but to file out, shell-shocked and devastated. It felt a little unreal, Sakura reflected, to think that Team Kakashi was gone and Kakashi was a chunin and she was no longer the apprentice of the Hokage. It would sink in soon, but for now they were just words that danced before her like a prophecy that would soon come true… something that spelled doom whichever way you looked at it.

She glanced at Naruto who looked unusually blank. Like a kick in the guts, self-loathing struck her. What had she done? This team was his life… his family… and she'd destroyed it.

"Naruto…" She reached out to touch his arm, but he flinched away. The look he gave her said it all, and he quickly turned and walked out of the waiting room. Sakura wondered if he would ever speak to her again. Shizune passed her, giving her a sideways glance and a disappointed sigh. Hinata avoided looking at her entirely.

Kakashi's hand still held hers. "Let's go home," he said quietly.

Disgraceful. Shameful. Revolting. Disgusting. These were all whispers Sakura caught as she followed Kakashi's lead home. People openly stared, some bothering to hold their whispers until they had passed but some uttered their repulsion with almost deliberate volume. _How dare they,_ she heard, _together like this in broad daylight? They should be ashamed._

And she was. Shame pressed around her like a suffocating blanket to the point where she even tried to shake her hand out of Kakashi's to keep them from staring at their joined hands. But Kakashi wouldn't let her. Wordlessly he held onto her until they arrived at his apartment where he let her fall on his sofa before disappearing into another room. Sakura pressed her face against the cushions and willed herself not to cry. Not in front of Kakashi. Not when he was so calm about it.

He returned a moment later and sat down next to her, pulling her upright and sliding a lightweight box onto her lap. She looked down and snorted with laughter despite herself. "Am I that obvious?" she said shakily, taking one of the tissues.

"I suspected," he said quietly.

"Well, I'd hate to disappoint," she squeaked, and pressed the tissue to her face as she hunched over and began to shake with stifled sobs. Kakashi's hand warmed her back, letting her know she wasn't alone. "I'm sorry," she gasped, "y-you got demoted because of me."

"And you lost your apprenticeship because of me," he said quietly. "I think we've sustained equal losses here."

"But the team!" she cried. "It's not Team Kakashi without Kakashi in it! Naruto will blame me for losing you! He hates me – you saw the way he looked at me!" She sniffed and closed her eyes. "Everyone hates me. They're all whispering… I can still hear it…"

"It won't be easy, Sakura-"

"_Understatement!_"

"But things will get better," he said. "I promise."

"You promised that before," she pointed out warily. "And right after that, everything got a lot worse."

"Yes, but it _did _get better eventually. Just give it time. Give _them_ time."

"I guess," she whispered sadly.

"And I suppose, failing that, we could always defect to another village."

He probably meant it as a joke, but Sakura locked it away in the back of her mind as the extreme back-up plan. She turned and leant against his side, enjoying the way his arm wrapped around her automatically. "I feel guilty for even being here," she confided in him softly. "Maybe I should go home?"

"Why feel guilty? The damage has been done," he said, not without a small trace of bitterness. "We've paid for this, we might as well enjoy it."

Sakura wondered if they would get their money's worth though. Knowing Kakashi's track record, he was probably overdue to dump her and pick up the next girl that managed to intrigue him. She warned herself to keep a hard heart. In her experience, men hit the deck and made a run for it when things got rough, and though she liked to think Kakashi was better than most men, she refused to keep any illusions that he was perfect.

She wouldn't blame him if after a while it dawned on him that she hadn't been worth the loss of his job and reputation, because right now she was thinking exactly the same. Why had he bothered with her at all? As far as she knew, she hadn't been worth this much trouble. Not to anyone to whom she was just a casual fling and another notch in the bedpost.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again.

"It's not your fault," he murmured back, his head leaning against hers.

"I think it is," she said, even more quietly. "In the office, Tsunade-shishou asked me whether or not we were in love. She said our punishments depended on my answer… and I think I gave the wrong one."

"What did you say?" he asked, suddenly attentive.

"I told the truth," she said helplessly. "We're not in love. But maybe I should have lied if it meant you kept your job…"

He was silent for a long time, and in the pause she heard the hum of conversation and traffic on the street below. It made her wonder exactly how she was going to face going out there again.

"Tsunade asked me the same question," he said after a moment. "After she stopped throwing things at me, I mean."

"And how did you reply?"

"I also told the truth," he said vaguely. "But it doesn't really matter now."

"I guess not…"

Yet there was no shaking the overwhelming sense of loss now. She closed her eyes and listened to Kakashi's breathing as she felt the steady thump of his heart beneath her hand on his chest. Did he feel it too? These turbulent emotions pumping through the blood? The fear that clenched like a vice around the stomach? The regret so sharp in made the chest hurt?

* * *


	17. Static Stars

_Window_

Chapter Seventeen

* * *

Sakura was the first of his team to arrive at the designated rendezvous point on the elevated rooftop garden behind the gymnasium. He saw her approaching from his vantage point in the shade of the old tree and made every effort to keep his expression schooled. 

Malicious gossip had it that this was the girl who had seduced Hatake Kakashi and gotten him ejected from the elite class. The other, even more malicious branch of Konoha gossip would have it that this was Hatake Kakashi's victim. Two stories that neither of which Tenzou was inclined to believe. He'd worked with Kakashi closely in the past and knew the man was as much a sexual predator as he was a penguin, and while he knew Sakura could be a little crazy when it came to love, there was simply no way that she could have seduced her sensei for the purpose of causing trouble or getting 'better grades'. Simply put, these were two people with strong personalities… there was no way one could have forced himself or herself on the other without some kind of mutual agreement.

That didn't mean that Tenzou understood it, though. In fact he was pretty baffled about this whole scandal. He'd never noticed anything between these two people before and honestly he was more curious about how on earth it had transpired rather than taking up with the suspicion and disapproval like most of the people whispering about this affair had.

Sakura arrived on the rooftop with a cagey glance in his direction and a self-conscious hand tucking her hair behind her ear. She looked twitchy and paranoid, and Tenzou didn't exactly blame her. He'd heard a lot of nasty things being said about this girl over the past few days…

"Hello, Yamato-taichou," she said quietly, but kept her distance.

"Hi, Sakura," he said, holding up his hand. "You can call me Tenzou now. I don't use codenames anymore."

"Of course… Tenzou-taichou." She was looking hard at the ground, her arms folded tightly across her chest. Her body language radiated defensiveness and '_do not talk to me'_ vibes.

Tenzou drummed his fingers awkwardly against his knee. "Nice day, huh?"

"Mm."

"So… uh… I heard you had a second review and you were passed," he said conversationally. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," she said, withdrawing into herself even more if it was possible. She didn't seem too pleased about the prospect of being promoted to jonin.

As he was trying to figure out a way to make another stab at conversation, a blur of orange and black caught his eye. _Oh, thank god_, he thought. Naruto was here. The boy arrived on the mossy mound on his other side, but when Tenzou looked at him, he too was exhibiting the same anti-social body language and bore a scowl so deep Tenzou was sure it had stuck.

"Yo," Tenzou greeted him.

"Hey, Yamato-taichou," Naruto said stiffly, glaring in the opposite direction from Sakura.

"No need to call me that anymore, Naruto. I'm not in ANBU, so you can just call me Tenzou."

"Right," the boy answered distractedly.

The wind blew across the rooftops and rattled the tree above Tenzou. Everyone was studiously ignoring each other, pretending they weren't actually up in this garden with anyone else, and exactly how long did they think they could keep this pretence up on a _mission_?

"Well, this is nice," Tenzou said with forced cheer. "Our first mission together in three years."

Neither of his teammates so much as twitched. If Tenzou looked down, he was sure he would see the ground beginning to frost over.

"Where's Sasuke?" he went on, deciding to stick to basics. "Did he get the memo to meet here?"

"I don't know," Naruto and Sakura chorused, and then glared at each other as if this was an unspeakable offence.

"Right…" Tenzou said slowly, casting his eyes heavenward in a silent plea for help. He'd known this would be tough. Team Kakashi was tightly-knit and as close as a family, and breaking into it was akin to walking into an existing household and declaring himself the new father. He had expected an unenthusiastic welcome considering the circumstances of this team arrangement, but he hadn't expected that most of the animosity would be between his teammates rather than aimed at him. This family had been torn long before he'd stepped into the picture.

Sasuke was ten minutes late, much to Tenzou's despair after having to sit through those ten long minutes of freezing contempt between Naruto and Sakura. The Uchiha heir came strolling down the street below at a sedate pace as if there was no rush in the world, and Tenzou quickly stepped to the edge of wall, intending to make it perfectly clear that this was not acceptable conduct. "You're late," he said sharply to the boy below who stopped and looked up at him vacantly. "Not exactly an impressive start, I have to say."

Sasuke stared at him. "Who are you?"

"Tenzou, although maybe you know me as Yamato."

Sasuke's blank face remained nonplussed.

"You stabbed me once."

"Oh… yes." Sasuke's gaze dropped, and in a flicker of movement he was stood in the garden next to Tenzou. "Where is Kakashi?"

Tenzou looked at Naruto, Naruto looked at Sakura, Sakura looked at Sasuke and then quickly at the tree. "You mean… you haven't heard?" Tenzou hedged.

Sasuke blinked at him. "Heard what?"

Apparently the Uchiha household resided beneath a rock.

* * *

"Back so soon?" 

Kakashi said nothing. He simply handed over his muddy scroll (which was almost as muddy as him) to the woman behind the desk and waited while she read though it.

"How impressive," she cooed, "It would normally take a chunin three days to complete this kind of assignment. You did it in a single afternoon. Keep this up and someone may promote you."

And then she laughed, because everyone knew by now that the Copy Ninja would likely retire before he ever got to the chance for a promotion to jonin. Again, Kakashi said nothing and waited for her laughter to die. His lack of reaction seemed to disappoint her, and with a dismissive sniff she stamped a seal on the scroll and wrote him a pay-slip. He took it and turned to leave, but her pointed cough made him pause.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asked.

He looked back at her through mud-caked bangs.

"You already have another mission lined up," she said, dangling a new, clean scroll before her. "C-Class. You have to take this scroll up to the Watch Tower in the Forest of Death."

Kakashi moved to accept the scroll, but she moved it out of reach.

"Are you sure you can handle it?" she said sweetly. "Even chunin can have trouble with the Forest."

She laughed again as he took the scroll before she could yank it away a second time and walked out of the mission room, his sodden travel cloak swinging behind him. Out in the hall he didn't waste time. He slipped a small scroll from the pocket of his vest, bit his thumb, and dragged his bloody digit down the length of the inscribed incantation.

Pakkun appeared in a fluster, startling half the other shinobi in the hallway. "What is it?" the dog rumbled. "I was in the middle of my bath."

That explained his lack of attire. "Take this message to the tower in the Forest of Death," he said, crouching down to proffer the scroll to his companion.

Pakkun accepted it between his teeth. "Is that all?" he mumbled. "A child could do this."

"And so could a small dog. Now go."

With a soft growl (the canine equivalent of an exasperated sigh), Pakkun turned and trotted away down the corridor, his claws clicking on the linoleum floor as he went about his job. It was one less tedious task for Kakashi to do. For now, all he wanted to do was go home, soak himself in the bath until he was a ninja prune and then sleep the rest of the day away.

But it was not to be.

Just as he was about to walk out of the headquarters, he ran into Iruka. "Sorry," he mumbled absently, meaning to continue on his way.

Iruka's hand on his chest stopped him. "Kakashi-sen – I mean… Kakashi-san," he said. "The Hokage wants to see you."

Kakashi scratched his head. "Now?"

"As soon as possible," Iruku said, nodding. He, like everyone else, regarded Kakashi a little too stiffly. It wasn't like he'd ever gotten on particularly well with Iruka, as they'd never quite seen eye-to-eye when it came to the students they both had a hand in raising. But now it seems Iruka thought even less of his teaching methods.

It was only to be expected.

"Ok," Kakashi sighed. "Thank you, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka's jaw was clenched as Kakashi moved away, heading down the street to where the Hokage's tower dominated the landscape. There was someone else sitting at the reception desk outside Tsunade's office now that Shizune had been dismissed, and she gave Kakashi a distasteful once over as he entered. "You can go in," she said, though her expression said she would rather he go hung himself.

He knocked on the door and Tsunade called him inside. Her head came up to regard him.

"You're filthy," she commented.

"Thank you, Hokage-sama," he said, humbly dripping on her floor.

Tsunade shrugged and rolled her shoulders before returning to her work. "I've called you here because there have been some complaints about you."

Kakashi tried to feel surprised. "Hokage-sama?"

"Sexual harassment, Kakashi," she said frankly. "An intern at the hospital says you made inappropriate sexual comments as she removed your stitches."

"I said my head was throbbing," Kakashi explained wearily. "She _did_ ask if I was ok."

"One of your fellow chunin complains you were looking up her skirt on Thursday."

"I dropped my pen behind her, I was only picking it up-"

"And an academy teacher said you groped her on Friday."

"She tripped on the stairs above me," he explained patiently. "I only saved her from breaking her neck."

"And your neighbor is complaining that you are deliberately exposing yourself to him through the window."

"No more so than usual," Kakashi said, shrugging. "Why is he looking anyway?"

"The same reason everyone else is looking," she said pointedly and set down her pen. "If you tell me it's all nonsense, I'll believe you."

"Hokage-sama, it's all nonsense."

Tsunade smirked. "Very well," she murmured. "I trust you to be honest with me."

He bowed his head and observed the carpet. The bloodstain from where she'd tried to split his head open last week was still there, though it looked as if someone had unsuccessfully tried to clean it out. "Is that all, Hokage-sama," he asked.

"Yes," she said, smiling that predatory smile. As he turned to go, she added, "One thing though; I asked her. The same question I asked you."

He glanced back at her.

"You were right." Tsunade gave him an amused look.

Kakashi nodded absently and then smiled weakly. "I did tell you so, Hokage-sama."

"You aren't helping yourselves," she warned lightly.

"No, I don't imagine we are." He gave her one final courteous bow and walked out.

"I'm missing three mission reports from you!" Tsunade called after him. "Just because they're C-class doesn't mean you get to blow off the formalities!"

It had been a long day, and still all Kakashi wanted to do was go home and play up his reclusive image. But he simply couldn't afford to give any more excuses for his 'superiors' to launch complaints against him. He hadn't been a chunin since he was twelve years old, and frankly he'd forgotten how tough it had been. Spending most of his life as a jonin had meant for most of his life he had been answerable to no one but the Hokage, and that everyone else was either an equal or a subordinate. And he hadn't always been a gracious superior… and by god some of his more dissatisfied subordinates were taking delight in this opportunity to make him _pay_.

There was that Ikki boy too. Kakashi seemed to recall threatening to slap the boy with a demotion to chunin if he didn't stay away from Sakura… and yes, he saw the irony now in hindsight, and from the way the boy smirked when they passed in the corridor yesterday, so did Ikki.

Kakashi collected blank report forms from the ground floor supplies room and went on his way. Out of force of habit , he veered into his usual tavern where he often got most of his paperwork done. A busy bar and the ambient stench of alcohol-soaked wood was a far more productive environment for work, he found, since his apartment had far too many distractions.

But the moment he walked in, the conversation in the bar lulled. Inwardly he sighed, but outwardly he pretended not to notice. This had been happening pretty much everywhere he went, after all, so he prudently made his way to the bar and found his usual seat.

Ayame swept into view, tapping her wedding ring against the bar. "Kakashi-san, if you're just here to work, you can leave," she said shortly. "Every time you come in here and take up a seat without ordering, that's one less seat for paying customers to use."

Kakashi glanced around the bar. There were plenty of spare seats and there always had been. "The words 'what's really bothering you' come to mind," Kakashi drawled, making Ayame blush.

"We have rules, Kakashi-san, I've told her you before," she said. "What a jonin can get away with does not compare to what a chunin can-"

"It's alright then," Kakashi said, appeasing her. "I'll have a beer. Non-alcoholic. Half-pint."

She scowled. "We only have bottles," she said and disappeared for a moment before returning with the drink in hand. She set it down before him and then left him to it. If Kakashi had been planning on drinking it, he would have been disappointed that it was actually warm.

Silently he got down to work, and gradually the level of conversation rose back to its normal volume. Kakashi's pen raced through a class of report he hadn't touched in over twenty years, although the only real difference between filling in a report for a high class mission and a low class one was that there was usually no shortage of facts to report for a high class mission. Low class missions were usually so disgustingly dull that Kakashi wound up having to pad up his work and waffle in order to fill up the spaces. And if there was one thing Hatake Kakashi was not good at, it was waffling.

"What happened to that mission you were preparing for?"

Kakashi glanced up at Ayame. From the look on her face, it appeared that she wasn't sure she should even be talking to him, but for whatever reason she was compelled to.

"You know?" she continued. "The reason why I was teaching you piano?"

Kakashi leveled her a dull look before eventually stirring himself to answer. "It's been cancelled. Someone else will be going in my stead."

Ayame frowned. "But you spent all that time-"

"Four and a half hours all together, wasn't it?" he murmured. "Not all that much time compared to your twelve years. The mission was A-rank. I can only accept B-rank and lower. Someone else will be going in my stead."

Ayame looked down at the bar. "I'm sorry." She seemed to mean it.

"Not as much as I am," he intoned lightly and gave her a small, meaningless smile.

At that point a rowdy crowd of shinobi entered the bar and Ayame drifted away to serve them. Kakashi went back to his paperwork, glad that he was almost finished and soon he could go home.

The rowdy shinobi laughed their way to a table behind Kakashi, and for a while they enjoyed their in-jokes and drinks without noticing anyone else in the bar. But it was only a matter of time before Kakashi felt the tell-tale prickle of awareness that he was being watched.

Someone cleared their throat behind. "So, did you hear about that teacher who slept with his student," they said with deliberate volume.

Kakashi's pen paused against his report for only a brief second before continuing. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Ayame glance in his direction.

"Yeah, nasty stuff that."

"What kind of moron would sleep with his student?"

"Although, did you see the girl?"

"She's that pink-haired one, right?"

"Right."

"Complete jailbait, right? I've seen her in the hospital. If she was my student I'd probably bang her too."

"Why? You don't know where she's been. She's such a cocktease, she's probably fucking half the village anyway."

Kakashi laid down his pen and looked up at Ayame who was in the process of spitting in one of the beers the rowdy men had ordered. He lifted his hand to get her attention. "Could I get a Snap Dragon, please? And the check?"

She frowned at the odd request and went to mix the drink.

"It doesn't matter if she's the easiest bitch in town, you still wouldn't stand a chance," said one of the men, and they all laughed.

"Do you think she's a natural pink?"

"Cuffs and collar might not match, eh?"

"Eh, she'll probably spread her legs and show you if you ask nicely enough."

"Or you give her money."

"Or offer her extra credits for her exams."

"Or you buy her a dolly!"

Laughter exploded from the group again, and Kakashi calmly folded his mostly finished reports away. Ayame arrived before him again with his drink and exchanged it for the money he laid down on the counter. She looked confused.

As the laughter and guffaws continued to ring out behind him, Kakashi picked up the drink and turned his back on the bar. He nonchalantly walked up behind the man doing the loudest laughing and who had been making the noisiest comments, and then poured the drink over his head.

The laughter from the table suddenly died and the entire tavern plunged into a hushed silence, no one daring to even breathe.

"What the hell-" the drenched man spluttered into the silence and tried to stand up.

"Ah-ah." Kakashi pushed him back down with a hand on his shoulder and leaned over him to pick up the flickering candle on his table. "You may not want to move so recklessly. I seem to have poured a highly flammable drink over your head entirely by accident."

If it was possible, the tavern fell a grade quieter. No one could take their eyes of the Copy Ninja leaning upon the shoulders of a very wet and flammable man with a naked flame in his hand. Kakashi regarded the lit candle with mild interest, turning it this way and that to watch the white wax dibble down into the holder. The candle made a sudden movement towards the man's dripping face and he flinched hard.

"Very dangerous thing, fire," Kakashi murmured into his ear, "where flammable liquids are concerned."

Very slowly, he reached around with his hand and extinguished the candle wick between a thumb and forefinger. A wisp of smoke furled and then died.

No one relaxed.

Kakashi clapped the man on the shoulder and straightened. "Try to be more careful next time, hm?"

He tossed the cooling candle back on their table with a clatter, shoved his hands back into his pockets and walked out, secure in the knowledge that he'd managed to generate more hostility towards himself and that tomorrow there would undoubtedly be several extra complaints about his behavior.

It would have been wiser to simply set down his money and walk out. Talk, however vicious, was still just talk and Kakashi had heard it all over the past few days. Nasty comments, jokes and jeers about himself he could shrug off without too much concern, but the moment the nastiness turned on Sakura… that was when he discovered there was a limit to his temper. Perhaps it was because it didn't seem right to malign someone who wasn't present to defend themselves, or perhaps because he knew that _had_ she been present, she would have been truly hurt.

Kakashi closed his eyes and tugged down his mask until it bunched around his neck and he could suck in deep, clear breaths of the cold evening air. He didn't know why, but it seemed so much harder to breathe these days.

* * *

"So? How'd it go?" 

Team Tenzou stood stonily silent before the Hokage's desk. Sakura could have cut the tension with a kunai, but at that moment she contented herself to be on the peripheral, not wanting to partake in any of the proceedings now.

"Not well, Hokage-sama," Tenzou said carefully, ignoring Naruto's derisive snort. "We're having some trouble with communication and the chain of command."

"I don't understand why Kakashi can't lead us," Sasuke complained to Tsunade with a faint frown.

"Because he messed about with Sakura! Weren't you listening?" Naruto snapped at him.

Sasuke turned a scowl on Naruto. "So?"

"What exactly was the problem, Tenzou?" Tsunade asked, interrupting the fight before it could begin.

"Sasuke seems to have trouble following commands. At several points in the mission he deliberately ignored orders and did as he wished, jeopardizing the plan. Naruto and Sakura refused to cooperate with each other, and Naruto also had some trouble sticking to the plan and went overboard on a few of our targets."

Tsunade tented her fingers. "And Sakura?"

Sakura continued to stare at the floor as she felt a few pairs of eyes land on her.

"Sakura has been… distracted, Hokage-sama," he said. "I had to repeat orders twice sometimes, and her reactions have been slow in combat."

Said girl's shoulders slumped a little and she closed her eyes.

"The mission was a success," Tenzou went on, "but it probably had more to do with blind luck than any actual proficiency on our part as a team."

The condemnation fell heavy on them all. Tsunade rubbed a finger across her lower lip. "I see," she said. "Well, I can't expect a perfect dynamic on the first try. It takes a while to build up an effective rapport. You four are undoubtedly in the top ten elite shinobi in this village and I have every confidence that in time you'll work out these problems. If you don't… I guess we could do a little more shuffling."

"Look, I like Tenzou-taichou," Naruto said. "But there's only one person in the village who knows this team well enough to lead it. Give him back to us!"

"Agreed," Sasuke broke in. "I refuse to be ordered around by a guy who can get himself stabbed even when no one's aiming at him."

"Tenzou-taichou isn't weak! He wasn't going all out against you back then – none of us were!" Naruto barked at him.

"And y_ou_ were the one who stabbed him," Sakura blurted out. "He was protecting me because _you _were aiming at _me_ to begin with! You've never apologized for that either!"

"Yeah!" Naruto added.

"Shut up," Sakura snapped at him.

"Oi, I was defending you!"

"I don't need you defending me!" Sakura ground out. "Your idea of 'defending' someone involves humiliating them and then jumping on the bandwagon to turn your back on us like everyone else-"

"Would you two shut up?" Sasuke sighed.

"_No one asked you!" _ They both chorused.

"Everyone! _Shut up!_" Tsunade said, slamming her hands onto her desk hard enough to make her lamp wobble precariously (which seemed to have been poorly mended since she threw it against Kakashi's head). "Sort this out amongst yourselves! I do not have the time to be sorting out your petty squabbles. Now go away. Don't forget your reports."

They all turned to slope out, but just as Sakura reached the door, Tsunade called her back. "A word, Sakura."

Dreading what that word might be, but glad that Tsunade was at least calling her by her given name rather than her family name, Sakura shut the door after her team and moved to stand before Tsunade's desk again.

"Yes, Hokage-sama?" she asked quietly.

Tsunade gave her a tight smile. "How is everything?"

How was everything?

To be brutally honest, everything was a living nightmare.

Sakura had come to dread attending her work at the hospital, to the point where she felt sick just thinking about it. People she had once liked and who once had liked her too now regarded her warily. Conversations stopped when she walked into a room, even the ones that weren't about her, and any attempt to join in would result in her being effectively blown off. She couldn't decide who was worse – the men or the women. The women looked at her scornfully and she heard the nasty comments of those who didn't realize she wasn't completely deaf. To the women, Sakura was a whore who had used her body to get ahead and they were almost gleeful to see her toiling down there with the rest of them now that her apprenticeship had been taken away and all the rights and privileges afforded to her by Tsunade were gone.

But the men were equally bad, if not worse. They leered at her, blocked her path in the corridors, pestered her in the cafeteria and talked down to her. There had always been some degree of this kind of behavior, but since her affair with Kakashi had become public knowledge, it had happened far more frequently. To the men, Sakura was an object. Her intellectual worth was forfeit under her presupposed sexual worth.

Her landlord was the worst of all. After coming back from a hard, painful day at the hospital she'd been accosted outside her apartment by the man who claimed he hadn't received her rent. Sakura had informed him that she'd paid only the previous week, but he then informed her that he hadn't received any money whatsoever. He did, however, suggest other forms of payment, and the innuendo was unmistakable.

Sakura was now looking around for a new apartment.

Then there were those who pitied her, who thought she was a victim of some sort. They were the ones who looked on sadly as if she had been grievously shamed by Kakashi. It was these looks that Sakura could not stand, because these were the people who called Kakashi a pervert… a predator… a pedophile. They knew that he had started teaching her at twelve, and in their minds this was when it had started. They didn't seem to know or care or take to time to realize that Sakura was a grown woman with a strong mind and the idea of anyone getting round her fists in order to force themselves on her was laughable.

But no one was laughing. (Apart from Anko, who thought this whole thing was one big delightful joke.)

And no matter how many times Sakura protested the idea, the general consensus seemed to be that Sakura was pregnant. Twice now she'd been given a pitying look by the woman at the teahouse (where she used to meet with Ino) who kept commenting that Sakura had to keep up her appetite – she was eating for two now, after all.

Sakura had eventually replied that unless she'd taken on a tapeworm (possibly from eating the food from that particular teahouse), this was just not the case.

Sakura was also now looking around for a new teahouse.

Now she looked up at Tsunade and wished there was some way to turn back time… then she could have strangled Naruto before he had the chance to open his big mouth and inserted his foot. But there was no taking back what had happened, and there were no magic words to say that could undo the damage that had be done.

How was everything?

"Everything is fine, Hokage-sama," she said quietly, not quite able to meet her former master's eye.

"Is there anything you'd like to tell me yet?" Tsunade asked. "Something you left out of our last chat?"

She seemed to have something specific in mind, although Sakura didn't know what it could be. Perhaps she'd heard something over the course of the week? Gossip had a nasty habit of taking a basic straightforward rumor and embellishing it beyond recognition like a malicious game of Telephone. For instance, while the original fact was that the affair had been blown of its cover outside a greasy restaurant by one loud-mouthed Naruto, it was now accepted 'fact' that Kakashi had actually been caught spanking Sakura in a hospital closet by the nursing staff.

"I have nothing to declare, shishou."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"I mean… Hokage-sama," Sakura amended dimly.

"Very well," Tsunade sighed. "You may go. And tell Kakashi that attempting to set fire to one's superiors is generally frowned upon."

Sakura's eyes flew wide. "Y-Yes, Hokage-sama. Thank you."

She hurried out before Tsunade changed her mind about letting her go and brought her back in for interrogation. She didn't stop until she was outside the waiting room where she leaned her back against the corridor wall to just breathe, wondering if there existed a jutsu that could wipe memories on the grand scale of an entire village? She just wished everything could be normal again…

She'd been doing a lot of wishing lately.

"Haruno!"

Bile rose in her throat and she turned to begin walking away. The speaker blocked her with a body flicker. "Where are you going, Haruno?" he said in that same sing-song tone. "How rude you are, not even acknowledging me."

If she acknowledged him, she would break his jaw. She tried to move past him, but his hand hit the wall, barring her with his arm. "What's the matter, Haruno?" he mocked.

"Go away, Takeo," she said in a low voice, staring straight ahead.

He grinned at her. Two of his front teeth were missing, courtesy of Sakura herself several months ago when she had imparted a very important lesson to him: Haruno Sakura did not suffer boyfriends who attempted to push her face into the pillow and twist her arm in the middle of rough, painful sex while calling her derisive names. He hadn't had the gall to speak to her after they'd broken up (or more accurately, after she'd broken his teeth up), but now that she was the laughing stock of the village, she was once again touchable.

And harass-able.

After him, Ikki had seemed like Prince Charming himself.

"Such a devious bitch, sleeping with an old man to get ahead," he smirked. "I bet you were fucking him all the time we were together."

He wouldn't have tried this if there was anyone else around. The hair on the back of Sakura's neck prickled. He was leaning far too close and she'd never liked his smell, and during the span of their relationship as his true colors had begun to leach through, his smell had gradually become enough to make her gag.

"Maybe I was," she said uncaringly. "His cock is even bigger than yours, did you know that? And unlike you, he _really_ knows how to use it."

This was only half true, but it was worth the fib to see the angry red bleed over her ex-boyfriend's face. Sakura knew that Takeo's penis was an extension of his ego and he was altogether far too proud of it, particularly when it came to size. To mock it was to mock the very foundation of what made Takeo _Takeo_, this wretched excuse for a human being.

He suddenly grabbed her arm painfully hard and Sakura found herself thrust sideways into the bulletin board beside her. She raised her eyebrows at him and placed her hand loosely on his arm. "Do you really want to get into a fight with me?"

She only had to squeeze and his bones would be crushed to dust. Belatedly he realized this, and with a derisive scoff he released her and let her go. Sakura slipped away, rubbing her abused arm as she went.

"Whore!" he yelled spitefully after her.

Sakura ignored him and kept walking, not even turning back when she heard the door to Tsunade's office crash open and the woman herself come barreling out to grab Takeo and haul him inside. "Let's go find some bleach to wash out that filthy mouth of yours, eh, brat?"

Sakura disappeared around the corner before she could be dragged into it. She was walking a little too fast – almost running – and she couldn't seem to slow down.

If she could dig herself a hole and hide in it for the next twenty years, it would be an ideal solution. Kakashi had told her to ignore the comments and the looks and not to let it get to her. But it was easy for him to say something like that because _nothing_ ever got to him.

"It'll blow over," he'd said confidently.

But _when_?"

Sakura glanced up at the clock hanging up against the foyer wall as she passed beneath it, and realizing what time it was she gave an inward sigh. She should have been at her mother's house a quarter of an hour ago. She was late.

It had been a lofty hope, she knew, to imagine that the news wouldn't reach her mother. The woman was, after all, a civilian and rarely did civilians and shinobi move in the same social circles and while a teacher sleeping with a student would be a big deal amongst the Konoha ninja, the ordinary civilians of Konoha (comprising roughly two thirds of the overall village population) probably didn't give two hoots.

But Sakura's mother was also very good friends with Ino's mother, who was herself married into a fairly prominent shinobi family. Sakura could only assume that Ino had told her mother the gossip and Ino's mother, being rather like Ino herself, wasted no time in telling Sakura's mother what Sakura had been up to.

The only thing that surprised Sakura was that it had taken a week for her mother to contact her. She'd been dreading it every day until finally she'd come home yesterday from another frosty day at the hospital and found a message on her phone from her mother, asking Sakura to meet her the next day at seven o'clock.

Sakura arrived at seven-thirty, and when her mother answered the door she knew there was something very wrong because her mother was dressed, her hair was down and style, and there wasn't a cigarette in sight.

"You're late," she said to Sakura, pressing two fingers to the corner of her own mouth as if she was missing that cigarette quite acutely. "I shan't ask where you've suddenly picked up this bad habit."

Sakura's head ducked slightly and mumbled some excuse about being held up by a mission. One of the things she'd often complained about to her mother was how her 'annoying sensei' was 'always late'. That was pretty much all she'd ever told her mother about Kakashi, although Sakura had told her plenty about Uchiha Sasuke, ranging from his favorite brand of ice cream to how he folded his socks.

That Sakura had developed a tardy streak after a few weeks of being with an infamously tardy man… well, it didn't reflect well on their relationship. No doubt her mother though Kakashi was already proving himself to be a bad influence on her daughter.

"Come in then," he mother stood back to let her inside where the ghost tobacco smoke still hung, permanently entrenched in every surface. "Kitchen."

Sakura moved towards the kitchen, feeling nervous and twitchy, but she stopped dead at the sight of the person sitting at the kitchen table, in the same old kitchen chair he'd always sat in when he'd lived here.

"Dad," she whispered, shocked.

He looked up at her, his face somber and serious with his short white hair (that had once been the same peach pink as Sakura's) cropped in such a way that made his balding less obvious. Right then Sakura knew the reason for her mother's change in appearance, though from the way her father still has his coat on, it seemed he wasn't planning to stop long.

"Sakura." He greeted her as if he was about to break the news that someone had died. "Please have a seat," he said, like it was his house and his kitchen and his chair to offer. Sakura glanced at her mother, but the woman had simply gotten that vague '_I don't care'_ look she often got when in the same room as this man. She took a seat opposite her ex-husband and stared out the window beside her, leaving Sakura little choice but to sit down between them.

Sakura was in for a serious grilling if her father was involved. She didn't know if her mother had solicited his help or if he'd simply imposed himself, but now she found herself caught off guard. Her mother she could just about handle. Her father… she'd never quite figured out if she could stand up to him.

So she tried to stall. "How is Mayu and Kaede?" she asked, inquiring after her step-mother and younger half-sister.

Both her parents didn't take kindly to this question. Her mother's lips thinned to hear Mayu's name spoken under her roof, and her father frowned, knowing perfectly well that she was stalling. "They are well," he said. "Kaede has started school, but she's already adamant that she'll be going to the academy."

Sakura blinked in surprise. "She wants to be a kunoichi?"

"She wants to be like her big sister," he said with a shrug. Something about his tone and expression told her that he wasn't too happy about it. He'd always thought the ninja profession was frivolous, like some kind of unnecessary ballet class. All little girls wanted to be a kunoichi, but in reality they were more likely to be an office worker or a retailer. Even Sakura's relative success as a kunoichi hadn't dissuaded her father of the view that it was a profession not to be taken seriously. His attitude didn't surprise her.

What did surprise her was that the little sister she had rarely seen and spoken to… looked up to Sakura. It made Sakura feel a little guilty that she hadn't made more of an effort to get around her step-mother to get to know her younger sister. Although, judging from her father's demeanor, he would rather his second daughter had found a better role model, because lately Sakura was probably a bit of a disappointment.

"I might be promoted to jonin soon," Sakura said faintly. "Maybe I'll get to teach her?"

Her father's disapproval deepened. "Speaking of teachers," he said.

Sakura had walked right into that one.

"I'm sure you've heard then," she cut in, before her father could get any further. "About me and Kakashi?"

"It seems like everyone's telling me," her father said. "I've never been so ashamed. I'm a laughing stock at work because my daughter is screwing her teacher."

Sakura frowned but said nothing. Trust this man to make this about _him. _He'd always been a selfish bastard, content to walk away from his wife and his child to start a new family simply because he was bored with the current one. It had never mattered to him what happened to other people. Whatever right he felt to swoop back and lecture her about shaming him now was sorely misplaced.

"You make it sound lewd," she said.

"It _is_ lewd," he snapped. "I've heard so many despicable things about you Sakura, I don't know what I'm supposed to believe."

"Then don't believe any of it, if that's what makes you happy!" she snapped back.

"Sakura," her mother quietly admonished. "Don't speak to your father like that."

"I'm not a child," Sakura rebuked. "I won't let either of you treat me like one. If you want to haul me up on who I take to bed, talk to me like an adult."

"We just don't understand," her mother said. "We're not sure you're really aware of what you're doing here-"

"Whatever possessed you take up with your _teacher_ of all people?" her father broke in. "Do you realize how this looks?"

Sakura stared at him. "Of course I know how it looks. It looks like he's taken advantage of me. To others it looks like I've taken advantage of him. I've heard it all, Dad – that he molested me, that he raped me, that he's a dangerous pervert, and that I'm a whore and a blackmailer and a little slut who wanted an easy promotion." She folded her arms tightly over her chest. "I assure you I realize exactly 'how it looks'. What it actually is… that's another thing entirely."

"Then what is it?" her mother asked tiredly.

Sakura looked at her and thought hard for a moment before answering. "It was an opportunity I couldn't afford to let slide by. I didn't let fear dictate me and I didn't settle for second-best. I took what I wanted for once."

Slowly her mother's eyes widened, and then shifted away to look back out of the kitchen window. She was done. She understood.

But her father didn't. "What the hell does that mean? You 'took what you wanted'?" he repeated, confused. "You said you don't want to be spoken to like a child, but you certainly sound as greedy as one. You don't just take what you fancy in this life – not when there are such serious consequences involved! How could you be so selfish?"

"Because you know all about being selfish, don't you?" her mother exploded at her father. "How dare you lecture her on selfishness when you couldn't even content yourself to a single wife and a single family! You did exactly what you wanted without a care for anyone else, and now you have the gall to come here to preach about selfishness afflicting others! You only seem to care when you're no longer the only selfish bastard in this house-!"

"Nevermind that," Sakura's father said, red-faced and angry. "I didn't come here to be insulted. I came here to understand what the hell my daughter thinks she's doing and when she'll come to her senses."

"I never lost my senses," Sakura said contritely. "Kakashi is very good to me. The only problem here is that he's my teacher – other than that, no one would care."

"His being your teacher is a _big_ problem," her father said bluntly.

"He's not a very good teacher," Sakura replied, as if this might lessen the weight of the issue.

Her father merely snorted. "Clearly!"

Sakura's temper snapped with an audible bang of her hands on the table. "Fine! I get it! You don't approve! Well, I've never sought your approval before and I don't think I'll start now. I don't care if you think I'm confused or disturbed or being taken advantage of, because what do _you_ know? You don't know me at all! You never bothered to know me!"

Sakura's temper was inherited from her mother, and it was partly this temper that had driven him away from his wife. He didn't handle aggression very easily, so all he could do was sit there and absorb her anger, struggling for a comeback and a way to regain control of the situation. Sakura knew well enough not to give him the opportunity.

"You've never taken me seriously, Dad, and it doesn't surprise me that you don't take me seriously now either," she berated. "I don't care what you think. You gave up being my father years ago, so don't walk in here and act like you get to pick up where you left off just because it's now convenient."

A small smile played on her mother's lips.

Her father noticed it. "Masaki!" he admonished. "She's just like you; wild and unrefined. No wonder you approve of her delinquency."

"Have you asked at all if your daughter is happy?" Sakura's mother asked. "Would that matter to you? Or are you only concerned with what your work colleagues say about you behind your back?"

He squared his shoulders and looked at Sakura. "Well? _Are _you happy, Sakura?"

Sakura closed her eyes. How could he ask her that? Of course she wasn't happy. How could anyone be happy being snubbed by her peers and viciously torn apart by gossip every day while her best friend would barely look at her? "Kakashi is good to me," she repeated. And that was all she would say on the matter.

Her mother passed two fingers across her lips again, as if her craving for a cigarette was growing stronger. "And do you love him, Sakura?" she asked.

"What does that matter?" her father demanded. "It'll end the same either way."

Her mother shrugged and looked out the window again, withdrawing from the conversation once again as if it was no concern to her. A despondent quiet fell upon the kitchen table and Sakura's shoulder slumped beneath its weight.

This was just like old times…

* * *

At the first opportunity, she ran away from that house and left her parents bickering away in the kitchen as if she was thirteen again. But she wasn't a child anymore. She was a woman and she'd hoped to take this opportunity to straighten things out with her mother and make her understand – and her mother _did_ understand. It was her father who had upset the precarious situation by asserting his opinions where they were not needed or wanted. 

Yet at the end of the day, her parents approval and understanding were not necessary, even if they would have been appreciated. It did not matter. They did not control her and Sakura was free to walk – and so she walked. And she didn't stop until she was at the top of the Hokage monument looking down at Konoha with all its twinkling lights. The village stretched out beneath her like a rippling reflection on a pond, and up here life's problems seems inconsequential. Up here, alone, she did not have to answer to anyone, or hear the horrible things they said about Kakashi and herself.

She felt far less alone up here than she did down there.

A boot scraped on the rocks behind her and Sakura's head whipped around, her hand moving to draw a kunai. There was a shadow there, moving against the shadows of the treeline above her. Then he stepped under the lamplight and Sakura relaxed.

"We really must stop meeting like this," Kakashi said, coming to a stop beneath the light that cast an orange halo over his pale hair.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. She noticed that he wasn't wearing his mask anymore.

"I needed to breathe," he said with a shrug.

She knew the feeling. Konoha had been suffocating lately, and up here the air felt so much clearer. She turned back to view the night side of the village and wondered how many of those lights belonged to people she knew. People who now thought of her and despaired. Kakashi climbed down to the rocky ledge to sit down next to her, looking down at the lights and perhaps wondering the same thing. Glancing at him, she realized he was filthy, right down from the caked mud at the bottom of his travel cloak to the flecks of dirt in his hair. It seemed that his superiors hadn't yet tired of seeing him off on the most tedious and messy missions they could find. Kakashi had took it with good humor at the outsight, saying it was only to be expected that when he'd spent most of his jonin life making everyone else miserable it would inevitably come back to bite him one day. But now she could see the contempt was beginning to wear him thin.

Sakura looped her arm through his and leant her head on his shoulder, not caring how dirty he was. For now he was hers, and she was his. Both were trapped together in a cage they had made for themselves.

She lost track of the time up there at the edge of the monument, somewhere above the Sandaime's enormous forehead. The air was mild and Kakashi was warm, and soon she found her eyes closing of their own accord.

"Perhaps we should go back," Kakashi suggested eventually.

"No." She roused enough to shake her head. "I don't want to go back down."

"What do you want to do then?" he asked.

"Let's stay up here tonight," she said, pivoting herself to lie back on the dusty ground to look up at the stars. "Let's stay up here and sleep under the moon and the stars and that strange puffy thing over there."

"I think that's a cloud."

"A cloud…" she whispered, and closed her eyes. "A cloud can float anywhere it wants and travel the world and never be tied down. We're more like stars, aren't we? We're stuck in place, one of many… and sometimes we fall."

And then she started to cry.

Kakashi's warm fingers ineffectually brushed at her tears, but it was no good. They kept coming. So then he leant down and kissed her hard on the mouth, urging her to forget. After a moment's hesitation she did, and soon she was clutching at him, pulling at his filthy cloak and clothes, desperate to reach the heat of his skin underneath.

They were safe up there on the ledge, hidden from any prying eyes below and obscured from the quiet path that led behind the monument by trees. No one would see them unless they knew where to look. Kakashi's hand raked over her breasts, scraping across hardened nipples, and then pushed deep under her skirt and shorts to grasp her hard through the thin fabric of her underwear.

Their kiss broke with Sakura's gasp and she looked up at him, dizzy with desire and panting with growing need.

That moment broke swiftly and in the next they were tugging at each others clothes and Sakura was pulling Kakashi down on top of her. They didn't remove anything; just pushed their clothing out of the way to allow the contact they both needed, and in seconds Sakura had grasped Kakashi in her hand and had guided him to her entrance.

He gave her a fever that ran through her veins, consuming her thoughts and taking her away from everything but him. She was far past the point of being self-conscious about the things she whispered in his ear. He'd taught her confidence, and she no longer held back anything. She nipped at his jaw, raked her teeth along his neck, told him to take everything she had and writhed and arched in perfect synchrony with him.

Then at once he stopped and held himself still. "What did you say?"

Sakura's head rolled back, a frown forming across her brow when he refused to keep moving with her. "What?" she gasped out, hardly caring.

"What did you just say?" he said again, holding her chin to force her to look at him.

"I… I don't know. Kakashi, don't stop," she pleaded, lifting her head to touch her lips against his. "Kiss me."

He hesitated, but soon he was kissing her again, though not as hard as before. His hand tangled in her hair, stroking down her cheek, until suddenly he had rolled over and she was above him, straddling him. She gasped and laughed with him as if the tears and the heartache belonged to someone else, because right now her head was full on Kakashi alone and it was hard to worry about other things, such as life, when she was with such a beautiful man who looked at her like she was the most beautiful woman.

It ended, not with shout but a sigh. She clung to him, shivering in the aftermath of waning adrenalin and insetting exhaustion, though a lot of it had to do with how the mild breeze now chilled her sweat-slicked skin. Kakashi pulled her half beneath him again, covering them both with his filthy traveling cloak. She was probably just as dirty as him now, but that seemed trivial. Especially when the stars were so bright above them.

"How long?" she whispered, as her pulse gradually slowed and his warmth soothed her senses. "How much longer is this going to go on?"

Kakashi's nose nudged her temple. "Don't worry about it."

And so she didn't.

* * *

It could have been a mistake. People often said things in the heat of the moment that they didn't really mean, or they were so swept up in the fantasy and romance of it that they projected emotions that they wouldn't honestly have when they came back down to earth. And sometimes in the heat of the moment, one's hearing might not be as clear as it normally was, and at times like that sometimes something could be lost in translation. 

So perhaps he was wrong, but he was very sure that Sakura had whispered "I love you so much," in his ear a few moments ago, somewhere between a "Yes," and a "Don't stop!" She apparently didn't realize what she'd said, so there was no point pursuing it with her. She would only deny it.

There was always the possibility that he'd heard her say 'I'd love a sandwich.'

It seemed unlikely though.

"You're a fool," he whispered to her, but by then she was half-asleep and only turned her head slightly towards him with a soft grunt, not really hearing or understanding him at all.

A whole myriad of emotions stirred within him, even if it wasn't outwardly apparent. Exasperation, affection, as well as a touch of egotistical male pride, but also a melancholy that had been pursuing him for days now like a hole in the pit of his being that yawned ever wider the longer he lay with this young girl with her bright eyes and soft hair and smooth skin.

_She's not for you_, he warned himself, though it wasn't a warning he liked to hear. _Look how far you've dragged her down so far. You can't take her all the way with you._

He sighed and pulled his arm tighter around her waist, almost afraid to let go.

"Are the two of you in love?"

That was what Tsunade had asked him in her office as he crouched by the door, clutching a messy head wound that looked worse than it actually was. He'd been scared that if he moved she would start throwing things again, but she'd taken the moment to calm down and throw him the blunt question.

"Are you two in love?!"

He'd thought carefully, because he knew this woman well and knew her traps. "Do you want the honest answer?" he had asked her. "Or the convenient answer?"

"Obviously I want the truth!" she had raged, her hand reaching threateningly for her desk drawer to find more things to hurl.

"One of us is in love," he'd told her.

And Tsunade had just stared at him, turning red with anger all over again. "What the hell kind of answer is that?!" she demanded. "Is it her?" When he didn't answer, she scowled. "Is it you?"

Kakashi gave no indication of it being either way, so she had huffed and folded her arms. "No matter," she'd said. "I'll just ask Sakura."

"Why bother?" he'd asked her pointedly. "She won't tell you the truth. She'll only tell you what she would expect me to say."

"And what would she expect you to say?"

He'd shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine."

He didn't know why he'd been so disappointed to learn that Sakura had no faith in his feelings for her. Well, actually he _did _know why he was disappointed, but it wasn't in her – rather it was in himself. She'd assumed, though probably not without reason, that he would have told Tsunade that they weren't in love. She didn't think Kakashi could give himself to love.

And Kakashi didn't think he could either.

"So where does that leave us, Sakura?"

* * *


	18. The Act of Secrets

_Window_

Chapter Eighteen

* * *

Sakura sat alone on her side of the table, staring at the pock-marked surface of the glazed wood while her husband – soon to be ex-husband – made equal attempts to ignore her very existence on his side. Only he wasn't alone. A younger, prettier woman than herself sat beside him, staring at Sakura like the epitome of everything Sakura had once been but had now lost. 

The despair was slow and grinding, but no less acute. There was nothing left to do. It couldn't be fixed. He would leave her to raise their daughter who seemed to blame her mother for her father's lack of interest, and Sakura knew that in a few years that daughter would leave home for good and never look back.

She looked up and met the apathetic one-eyed gaze of her husband.

"You can have the house," Kakashi said. "I won't be needing it. However, I don't think you'll be needing this, so why don't I take it with me?"

He gestured to a bloody lump of flesh on the table between them that Sakura had only just noticed. From the way it throbbed in a slow, dull rhythm, Sakura knew it was her heart.

"I see," she said, resigned.

The slow, pulsing thud of that organ echoed in her ears long after the dream faded and Sakura opened her eyes to find herself looking at her own chest of drawers. An uneasiness contaminated her, left over from the remnants of her dream – not quite a nightmare but hitting far too close to a real fear than was comfortable. She rolled onto her back with a sigh and ran her fingers half-heartedly through her own hair. This hadn't been where she'd gone to sleep, but no matter. Kakashi must have carried her back from the Hokage monument without waking her, although he was long gone by now.

Or at least that was what she thought, until she heard her whine of door hinges and looked across the room to see Kakashi coming towards her, fully dressed in the same travelling cloak from yesterday. In one hand he carried a mug of coffee, and in the other he held a glass of orange juice. He sat down on the edge of her cheap mattress, and everything on the bed, including Sakura, pitched towards him.

"Take your pick," he said, indicating the two drinks.

Touched by the gesture, Sakura sat up and reached for the coffee. "Thank you," she said quietly, watching as he shrugged and took a sip of the orange juice. His gaze was fixed somewhere on the wall before him, as if his mind was somewhere very far away, and when he spoke it was with very slow deliberation.

"You said something last night," he started off lightly.

Sakura cast her mind back, but she couldn't remember saying any one particular thing that Kakashi should feel the need to bring up again today. She _had_ asked him how much longer he thought their affair would continue, but Kakashi had slithered out of answering that question, just as he slithered out of all previously similar questions regarding the nature of their relationship. She got the impression that Kakashi wasn't keen to discuss it, being the kind of person who would rather let something run its own course without much thought or consideration.

"What did I say?" she asked. He didn't answer straight away, so she closed her eyes and took a small sip of her hot drink.

Bliss.

"You said that you loved me."

Sakura spluttered, and small flecks of coffee when flying. She quickly steadied herself and pressed a hand to her mouth – more to wipe away the errant dribbles of coffee than as a reaction to what he said. Her mind raced. Had she really said that? When? How did Kakashi feel about that?

It was easier to focus her mind on trivialities. "You did that deliberately," she said, faintly accusingly. "You waited to say that just to see me spit my coffee."

"Yes," he admitted. "But it's true. Last night you said 'I love you'."

"When?" she demanded, disbelievingly.

He gave a vague wince. "I guess you were a little caught up in the moment when you said it, huh?"

Sakura felt her face grow hot. "You mean I… when we were…?"

Kakashi nodded.

"Oh…" She looked up at Kakashi to meet his blank, utterly unreadable gaze. His inexpressive face could be annoying sometimes, and right now it was devastating. How could she figure out how to rectify the situation when she didn't know how he felt about her slip of the tongue? He'd brought it up, so obviously it was weighing on him… but for what reason? Because he hoped it wasn't true?

Because he hoped it was?

"Well, don't take it personally," she began, waving her hand with a slightly embarrassed laugh. "I should probably explain, right?"

His uncovered eye narrowed ever so slightly.

"Well, you know how needy Ikki used to be… he used to make me say things like to help him get off. It didn't really matter if it was true or not, he just liked to hear it. I guess old habits die hard. And I guess I should be a little more careful how I throw that word around, huh?"

"That's it?" Kakashi made it sound more like a statement than a question. "So you didn't actually mean it?"

She gave him a shy smile. "Relieved?"

His gaze shifted back to the wall and he smiled faintly, though it was hard to tell if it was a smile or relief or something else. "It's best if we don't get attached, Sakura," he said. "The situation is complicated enough."

"I understand," she said quickly, feeling a tenseness settle in her gut. "I know this is just a… what do you call it? A two week stand?"

His smile was a little more genuine this time and he looked her dead in the eye as he reached over to flick a stray bang of hair from her cheek. "I hope you're not tailoring your answers according to what you think I want to hear, are you?"

A cold pang went through Sakura, the kind she only got when she'd been caught red-handed at something.

"Because all I want to hear is the truth," he continued. "So…"

Sakura looked down at the mug of coffee in her hands and watched her fingers nervously shift against the zigzag pattern on the side. Did he really want to hear the truth, or did he, like most people, actually just want to hear what he wanted to hear? Because Sakura couldn't guarantee that he would be happy if she told the truth.

Because the truth was that she suspected she was falling, and falling quite hard. She knew that because she responded to him unlike she'd ever responded to anyone else, and the feelings she held for him were unlike any feelings she'd suffered for any other man – even the ones she'd been intimately involved with. This relationship had started as quenching a curiosity, and she'd hoped that she could be the kind of person who could simply have sex without confusing it with love… the kind of person Kakashi was. Except she was belatedly beginning to realise that she could no more stop herself from falling in love than she could stop herself from grieving when someone she cared for died.

It wouldn't have been the first time she thought she was in love, but all other instances paled in comparison to this… this warm gooey feeling of affection whenever he casually touched her or smiled at her, and this blazing intensity of wanting and needing whenever he kissed her. She'd never had this before with anyone else. Never.

And as much as it scared her, she never wanted to let him. The idea of not having him around terrified her. It wasn't just about the sex anymore. Just being in the same room as him gave her a warm, mellow glow in her heart. It felt good to talk to him, and she shared things with him that she'd never dared share with anyone else because she'd never thought they would be interested or care enough about her. But Kakashi cared. And it wasn't just polite interest as she'd imagined it might be at first. He actually liked her, and he _did _care about her.

But not as much as she realised she cared about him.

She knew that the moment she opened up her mouth and confessed any of this to him, she would undoubtedly ruin everything. Because if she knew anything about Kakashi, it was that he wasn't like her. He'd started this relationship with her because she had promised him that she was an adult and capable of handling it, and the last thing she wanted to do was blurt her feelings and secure in his mind the idea that she hadn't changed since the days she was chasing after Sasuke like a love-sick duckling. She didn't want to disappoint him that way.

Confessing her feelings would lead to one of either two things; the first being that he would likely try to let her down gently and quickly end their relationship in the interests of not wanting to lead her on. The second would be that he would feel guilty and duty-bound to honour her feelings and continue to stick with her out of some misplaced sense of responsibility. She would become a burden to him.

Neither scenario she was too keen on, so she said nothing, and only smiled at him affably like she considered him a good fuck-buddy and nothing else, because that was surely all he saw her as.

He stared at her a moment and then shook his head with a slight laugh. "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

Perhaps he'd decided he didn't want to hear the truth after all. A much wiser decision, Sakura felt. She sipped her coffee, suffering an emotion that was halfway between relief and despair. How much longer could this go on?

"I have to go see Tsunade about something," he said, standing up. "I'll see you later, maybe."

"Ok," she murmured, nodding. "Later." Maybe?

He set down his half-drunken glass of orange juice on her nightstand and shifted out of the room like a vanishing shadow as the sun hit the window behind Sakura. She turned her head, blinking against the pale glow that illuminated her room and the old, ragged toy dog that sat slumped on her windowsill.

"Oh, Rex…" she sighed and picked up the dusty old dog to snuggle back beneath her blankets with him.

As a child she had doted on this dog more than anything else. Sakura had always needed something to love, and for lack of anything better to project her feelings onto, she had loved this dog. Eventually these feelings had transferred to Sasuke, and she'd stuffed this toy deep under her bed after being jeered by Ino that Sasuke liked mature girls – not the ones who still played with stuffed animals. And after her feelings for Sasuke had been worn down, she thought she could love Naruto for a while, until she realised she wasn't in his thoughts enough to be that important to him. And steadily her feelings had shifted from person to person, growing weaker and less enthusiastic as time wore on, until she found herself dating an idiot like Ikki who she didn't even particularly like.

Kakashi was in the dangerous position of rekindling her passion for love – the pure kind that she had once exacted on this very toy. And Sakura could only hope that as she'd once grown out of Rex, she would also grow out of Kakashi.

Outside the clouds knitted shut over the sun again, like sodden clumps of cotton heavy with water. Sakura squeezed Rex closed to her chest and closed her eyes. "Looks like rain, Rex."

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" 

Kakashi scratched the back of his neck and gazed at the Hokage's desk. "I don't see any alternative," he said, moving his hand to rub his cheek thoughtfully through his mask.

"I think you're doing this to slight me," Tsunade said testily, scowling at him. She tapped a pen rapidly against an unsigned form before her. "How petty."

He'd anticipated this reaction, so Kakashi merely nodded. "I know it appears that way, but I have weighed the options and I believe this to be the most beneficial to the most people."

"You must think I'm absolutely crazy," she snorted. "I'm not letting my best jonin resign. We're short-handed enough as it is without letting you walk out of here."

Kakashi smiled weakly. "Once upon a time you were one of the best jonin in the village, and the best medic to boot. The Sandaime still let you leave."

"Because I was no longer of any use to Konoha one way or another!" Tsunade snapped. "I was a mess, so it didn't matter."

"And you think I'm still of use to Konoha as I am?" he asked. "Handing me a stream of mediocre missions that any idiot can handle? Is that really exploiting any of my usefulness to this village as an elite shinobi? You may as well have resigned me to cleaning bedpans in the hospital for all the use I am now."

But Tsunade only shook her head. "We can't risk you falling into the hands of another village. Your skills… your lineage… they belong to Konoha."

"Konoha is my home and always will be," he said, placing a hand over his heart. "As much as it may hate me, I still love this village. I would never jeopardise it. If I have to, I'll sign the official secrets act and you are free to execute me if I violate the agreement."

"So what? You'll become a hermit?" she said derisively. "You'll wander around aimlessly until the day you die? What sort of life is that, Kakashi? I don't think you fully understand what you're signing on for."

He sighed. "A lifetime alone in the wilderness seems much more attractive than a lifetime in a village which scorns me."

With a grunt, Tsunade began massaging her temples like she had a migraine coming on. "The village scorns you because they don't take you seriously. They think you've abused your position as a teacher, and they will not forget that so easily. It does not help, Kakashi, that you refuse to elaborate exactly what your relationship with Sakura is about."

"If I said we were in love, would it make a difference?" he said tiredly. "Would you take Sakura back as your apprentice? Would you promote me again?"

Tsunade stared at him hard. "No."

"Then I'd thank you and everyone else to mind their own business."

Now it was Tsunade's turn to sigh. "You are not helping yourselves," she warned him again.

Kakashi smiled at her vaguely. "We are. Just not in a way you'd understand, Hokage-sama."

"I hate cryptic assholes like you."

"Will that be all, Hokage-sama?"

"You are a fine nuisance, Hatake Kakashi," Tsunade grumbled as she got to her feet and moved to the filing cabinets at the edge of the room. As she rummaged around in the drawers, Kakashi found his gaze drawn to the window where specks of rain were beginning to gather on the glass. Outside the sky rumbled its discontent. As a rule he didn't like the rain much, but he was beginning to understand why Sakura might like it. It gave relief and soothed, washing away the past in preparation for the new. Perhaps it was fitting that he leave on a day like this.

Even if it wouldn't be kind on his hair.

"Here." Tsunade threw herself down in her chair again, and slid an old, yellowed contract across the desk to him. Across the top in stylised calligraphy were the words 'Official Secrets Act – Contract for Decommissioned Shinobi'. "I've never had to hand out one of these before. I hoped I never would."

She passed him a pen, but Kakashi didn't sign straight away. Very carefully, he read through the contract – the large print and the small print. 'Under pain of torture and/or death' leapt out at him immediately, but it was a contract not that dissimilar to the one he'd signed upon entering ANBU. The gist of the issue was that if he dared breathe a word of Konoha's intelligence to an outsider, his life was forfeit. Since it wasn't something Kakashi ever planned to do, it didn't concern him.

But he still hesitated to sign.

"Does Sakura know you're leaving?" Tsunade asked quietly, after a sufficient amount of time had passed for Kakashi to read the contract through three times but still had yet to sign.

Kakashi stared dully at the contract, unresponsive.

Tsunade slid the paper back towards her and folded it in half. "I want you to take it home with you and really think about whether or not you want to sign it," she said, holding it out to him. "If this is an impulsive decision on your behalf, it would do well for you to think it over more carefully."

"I've been thinking about it for several days now," he told her.

"Then think about it for several more," she said shortly. "I still maintain that this is hardly the best way to go about helping yourselves."

Kakashi got to his feet and gave her a small bow. "Thank you, Hokage-sama," he said, before straightening. "But perhaps I should tell you… it's not about helping ourselves… it's about helping Sakura."

Tsunade frowned. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Even I barely know these days," he replied loftily, and then left her to stew in her angry silence.

* * *

Sasuke sighed softly to himself as he stared back at his reflection in the mirror. Beside him, Naruto leant against the wall, smoldering like a small volcano that was dying to erupt at the slightest provocation.

"You know, you don't _have _to follow me into the restroom, you freak," he told the blonde.

"Hey – I'm not going to let you wriggle out of this just because you need a piss, you pee-shy prick!" But his eyes remained resolutely on Sasuke's face as Sasuke took care of his 'business'. "How the hell can you _not_ care?!"

"Because I _don't _care," Sasuke replied with a shrug.

"Aren't you worried about how long it's been going on behind our backs?"

"No. And what do _you_ care anyway? You were never bothered by any of her other boyfriends."

"Because they were freaking lowlifes who didn't matter! It was ok to hate them!" Naruto banged his fist against the door in frustration. "But this is Kakashi-sensei!"

"You say that like it means something."

"Kakashi-sensei isn't a lowlife! What if she really likes him? What if this is serious? How much water have you drunk today anyway?"

"_Stop. Looking._"

"Oh – uh – sorry."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and quickly buttoned himself up before turning to move to the sinks. Naruto followed him like an irritating piece of toilet-paper stuck to the bottom of his shoe. As the Uchiha tried to wash his hands in peace, the Uzumaki continued to badger him.

"The team will never get back together at this rate!"

"There's no soap in this dispenser."

"Are you listening to me?!"

"I'm trying not to."

"_Sasuke!_"

"Naruto, you're the reason the team has been broken up."

"What?" Naruto yelped.

Sasuke flicked the other boy a faintly impatient scowl as he dragged some paper towels from the box on the wall and rubbed them over his hands. "You know perfectly well that Kakashi could have led this team as a chunin. It's not unheard of. He was placed somewhere else because Tsunade knew you wouldn't get along with him. So instead you're now taking your anger out on Sakura, and it won't be long before Tsunade takes her away too if you can't play nice. If you could swallow your jealousy for five minutes, it wouldn't have to be like this."

"You can't possibly know that. Kakashi was moved as part of the punishment."

"Yeah. Your punishment." Sasuke shrugged. "You have to live and let live, Naruto. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face."

He moved to the restroom door and Naruto glowered after him. "You've been way too mellow since they took your drugs away…"

"But I'm right, though."

"Sometimes…"

Sasuke paused in the doorway. "Her taste in men sucks, Naruto, you know that, right? Kakashi may not be our first choice, but she clearly likes him and he's a hell of a lot better than anyone she's ever dated before. Don't you think?"

"Well, _obviously,_" Naruto grouched, folding his arms with a huff.

"Everyone's giving her a hard time over this. Can't you of all people at least try and be happy for her?"

Naruto's scowl deepened. "No one else has any right to be pissed off," he protested. "They're our teammates – we're the only ones who are allowed to be annoyed!"

"In theory," Sasuke said. "In practice, everyone likes to stick their nose in where it doesn't belong, and the result is that now you've turned your back on someone just when she needs you most."

Naruto stared at him, still frowning, but now a touch of uncertainly had entered his eyes. With a soft smirk, Sasuke turned to him more fully. "You once told me that whatever I'd done, you could forgive me. Because we're friends."

He raised his eyebrows so Naruto would catch his drift, and the moment he saw Naruto's gaze slide to the floor, he turned away. "I'll see you at practice. Idiot." He left Naruto in the restroom with the door swinging in his wake.

* * *

Crouched by the vending machine outside the Hokage-tower, Sakura swore softly to herself as her pink umbrella slip and dribble of water slid down the back of her neck. The machine was being contrary, refusing to give up its high-energy chocolate snack that Sakura had paid for. Kicking the machine hadn't made it all that cooperative, so now she used her chakra-fuelled strength to tip the huge box from side to side in the hopes of dislodging the treat. 

"You shouldn't do that."

Sakura turned to glare at the person addressing her, and promptly froze as she met a pair of icy blue eyes that surveyed her from beneath a heavy, black fringe.

Kimura Yoshi stood there on the steps of the tower, giving her a quiet smile that was difficult to read. With one hand she held a pristine white umbrella to shield her glossy black locks from the rain, and it seemed to have been coordinated splendidly with her fashionable white overcoat and her white-painted toes. Just looking at her made Sakura feel horribly inadequate. Pink hair tended to clash with most colours, so Sakura had been resigned for most of her life to wearing shades of red and green. Kimura Yoshi could wear any colour she wanted and get away with it.

She could wear nothing but a sandwich board and still get away with it.

"I'm not stealing," Sakura said defensively. "I paid for that chocolate but now it's stuck. I was just trying to-"

"I know," Kimura Yoshi interrupted. "I just meant that you're going about it the wrong way. If you tilt the machine it'll trip the mercury switch inside and it'll trigger the security lock. Then you definitely won't get what you paid for."

Sakura carefully let the machine fall back into its original position. "Oh," she said flatly.

Kimura Yoshi advanced on her and they stood together, surveying the chocolaty snack that was stuck in its metal rungs. The older woman pursed her heavily painted lips, and with the hand holding the umbrella she performed a single tiger seal and muttered a word to soft for Sakura's ears. When she reached her other hand forward, it slipped straight through the glass panel of the vending machine as if it was as solid as water, took hold of the snagged packet and pulled it free.

The chocolate fell into the tray at the bottom and Sakura quickly stooped to collect it as Yoshi withdrew her hand.

Surprised, but nonetheless grateful, Sakura looked up at the older woman. "Thank you," she said. She didn't know why someone like Kimura Yoshi would want to help someone like Sakura. Of all the people to stop and offer their assistance, why did it have to be Kakashi's former lover? It was safe to say that Yoshi probably knew about Kakashi and Sakura by now, which made her pleasant smile all the more confusing.

"My pleasure," Yoshi replied blandly, before reaching into her pocket to find some extra change. She slotted it into the machine and punched out the code for her own snack – a diet soda.

_Of course._

Sakura stood awkwardly as she munched on her snack and Yoshi sipped her soda. The rain coated the street around them, gathering in puddles and dribbling down clogged drains, and around them people hurried back and forth under hoods and umbrellas and occasionally plastic shopping bags.

"People can be cruel, can't they?" Yoshi murmured in a low voice. "Individual, they can be as nice as pie. But en masse… human beings are a malicious, fickle creature. They easily judge and single out those who don't fit in completely, and can make their lives hell. It doesn't take much to sway the mob mentality against you."

Sakura crammed the rest of the chocolate into her mouth to give her an excuse not to respond, because she honestly didn't know what to say to that. Was Kimura Yoshi sympathising with her?

Why?

"I understand it that you're still with Kakashi…"

Their eyes met and Sakura thought she saw a glimmer of pity in the woman's eyes.

"I hope you don't take this the wrong way," Yoshi said steadily. "But I feel the need to warn you, as someone who has dealt with Kakashi in the past, that you shouldn't get attached to him."

Sakura choked on her snack and Yoshi quickly passed her the diet soda. After a few hasty gulps, Sakura could breathe again. "Pardon?" she wheezed.

"Hatake Kakashi does not invest much in relationships," Yoshi warned her. "Get out of it while you still can, because you're young and you can do so much better. He'll only break your heart if you pin all your hopes on him."

Sakura forced a laugh. "But… we're not that serious-"

"Then why are you still with him?" Yoshi asked pointedly. "No casual relationship is worth this much trouble. If you didn't love him even a little a bit, you would have ended it a while ago."

"But-"

"Haruno Sakura," Yoshi cut her off. "Leave him before he hurts you. It's always the same with that man. He will entertain you for a while, but gradually he will grow bored until drops you without so much as a word or a thank you. It wouldn't surprise me if he is already looking for a way out."

A hard lump settled in Sakura's throat as she fought for words. "He's not… he's not like that with me," she said. _At least not yet._

"Oh?" Yoshi narrowed her eyes speculatively at Sakura. "How do you mean?"

"He cares about me," Sakura said awkwardly. "At least a little."

"How?" Yoshi pressed.

"He… talks with me about stuff.."

Yoshi didn't look impressed.

"And… he bought me a dress."

"From Suzuki's, right?" Yoshi nodded in comprehension.

Sakura blinked at her in surprise. "How did you know?"

Yoshi opened the front of her white coat to let Sakura glimpse the sleek dress beneath it that shimmered with all the colours of a peacock's tail. Sakura stared at it in dumbfounded shock.

"Who do you think bought me this dress?" Yoshi asked. "He bought me lingerie too."

Kakashi had never bought Sakura lingerie… he only stole it from her.

Well, Sakura refused to believe that a person's feelings towards their partner was directly proportional to the amount of money spent on that partner. But something inside her hardened a little anyway. What she'd thought was a special, unique gesture from Kakashi apparently wasn't so special at all. Did he always buy affection with gifts like this? When he'd taken her into Suzuki's that day, had he already been in there with Kimura Yoshi? Had his kindly moment of generosity for his poor penniless student actually been a routine?

"I have to go," Sakura said, feeling sick. "Excuse me."

"Oh… well, try to remember what I said, ok?" Yoshi called after her as Sakura turned and all but fled.

As her feet hammered the wet paving, all she could think of was that dress. It stuck in her mind like a splinter of doubt that was wedging itself steadily deeper. She'd remembered how Kakashi had selected that dress and held it against her as he whispered in her ear that he could afford it. It was a cherished memory because back then she'd thought that Kakashi wasn't a materialistically generous person. She'd thought she was special to him, because she'd never known him to do anything like it for anyone else.

Now she imagined him holding that peacock blue dress against Kimura Yoshi's much fuller and voluptuous figure and whispering in her ear the same things he'd whispered to Sakura.

The red dress that she'd coveted and hung up so carefully in her closet seemed cheapened.

Without remembering quite how she'd arrived there, Sakura found herself standing before that closet, staring at that same red dress. Water dripped from the discarded umbrella on the floor behind her and the rain lashed at the window, darkening the room and bringing out the deeper blood tone of the dress.

It wasn't so special.

And neither was Sakura.

"No more…" she muttered under her breath as angry tears stung her eyes. "I've _had it!_"

She tore the dress from its hanger and threw it on the bed, which she then kicked hard enough to send it scudding against the wall with a terrific bang.

No, she couldn't lose control. Girls who were not in love did not get so upset when they realised their lover was equally indifferent. Sakura pressed and hand to her mouth in an effort to control her breathing and closed her eyes against the hot tears threatening to spill. The anger still coiled thick in her belly, making her fingers tremble with the effort to contain it.

Was she always going to be a slave to her emotions like this? She knew Kakashi was a philanderer with lose moral boundaries. She'd known that right from the very start. Why did she let it hurt her now?

_Because you were doing a fine job pretending he was something better than what he was,_ that snide little voice in Sakura's head reminded her. _You actually believed it would be different with you._

"I've been such an idiot," Sakura whispered as she sank down onto the bed.

She'd gotten carried away. She'd let this go on for too long. Now she'd lost her grip on her heart and let it fall into Kakashi's hands before she'd realised what she'd done. Kakashi didn't love her. Once again she was wasting her love on another undeserving male, even though she'd promised herself to keep her emotional distance this time. She was not as adept at separating sex and love as Kakashi was, and she'd been a fool to think she could be like him.

There was only one thing left to do now, and it had been a long time coming. No longer could it be put off for the sake of a little sentimental attachment.

Calmly, Sakura got to her feet and carefully folded the red dress into a small bundle that she placed into her brown satchel with equal care. Then she picked up her umbrella again and took to the wet streets. The humid scent of rain hung heavy in the air, dampening the normal sights, sounds and smells of Konoha in the afternoon, though for now Sakura was glad of it. Kakashi always hid in the Hokage tower when it rained. On a sunnier day, he could have been anywhere. At least now she wouldn't have to search very hard for him.

But it was as she was crossing the bridge that ran over the river which bisected the village, that an indistinct shape appeared in the rain before her. For a split second she dismissed the person as another villager out for a stroll in such fine weather, however, she knew that gait, and that slouch, and that filthy travelling cloak.

She drew to a dead stop halfway across the bridge and waited for him, running through the script in her head to make sure she'd memorised her lines before she opened her mouth. Kakashi drew to stop a few metres short of her, looking at her evenly from beneath the dark hood of his cloak. He didn't smile or beckon a greeting as he normally did. It was almost as if he knew what she was about to say.

Sakura opened her mouth, but no words came out. He throat closed on itself. How did you tell the man you loved that it was over?

"It's over."

That hadn't been her.

"What?" Sakura breathed, wondering if she'd really heard those soft spoken words.

"It's over, isn't it?" he said, his voice nearly drowned out by the rain. "I can see it in your face."

Sakura had been trying vainly to school her expression, but that was probably what had given her away. Without a word she unfastened the satchel resting on her hip and pulled out the folded red dress. "Here," she said numbly, holding the garment out to him. "You can have this back."

He made no move to take it. "That's a lovely thought," he told her. "But I don't think it would fit me."

His dry joke grated on her already frayed nerves. She had planned to be civil and mature and – and _this dress was supposed to _mean _something!_ When she handed it back, he was supposed to accept it and understand that it was a symbol of every meaningless affection he'd cherished on her, and recognise her rejection of such superficial notions. He was _not _supposed to make jokes!

Without thinking, she turned and threw the dress over the railings of the bridge and watched with satisfaction as it slipped away through the air like the rain to land in the river below. There is floated, hammered by the rain until slowly the burbling river swallowed it whole.

It was gone.

Too late, Sakura wished she hadn't done that. She looked quickly at Kakashi to see what his reaction was, and noticed he was staring at the surface of the river where the dress had disappeared.

"I see," was all he said.

"I'm serious," she told him fiercely. "It isn't worth it, Kakashi. Sensei. We both knew it wasn't going to last so why are we dragging it out? No one is going to accept us until we stop with this nonsense!"

There. The flash of relief in his face - small and fleeting, as if a little weight had just been lifted from his shoulders, but no less obvious. Sakura's heart squeezed painfully in her chest to think that Kimura Yoshi had been right after all. He _had_ been looking for a way out.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"For what?"

"For whatever earnest intentions I had at the start have been lost somewhere along the way and now it appears that I am just your latest in a string of abysmal relationships," he said. He chuckled, but there didn't seem to be much humour in the sound.

Sakura felt something calm inside her. "It wasn't your fault," she whispered. "You were the best I've ever had…"

"Yes, the sex was rather good."

"No." She shook her head. "You were the best… the best _man_. You've been the nicest and most patient and most… _everything_. I don't regret it. Even though it's been hell this past week, I wouldn't trade what we had together for anything. It's just that there's no point dragging it out and making it worse for ourselves. I don't think we mean that much to each other to make it worth this."

He nodded slowly. "I see. Although if I was the best man you've ever had, you have my pity."

Possibly a joke, possibly not. The comment was accompanied with a sad sort of smile aimed at the ground, so perhaps he was aware of his inadequacies. The most prominent of which was that he could not form deep, meaningful attachments to other people. To dogs, to books, and even to some extent _plants, _yes. But something in this man stopped him from bridging connections.

He'd once told her, not so long ago when she'd found herself dumped by Ikki and was taking out her anger and misery on the old academy swing, that the entire venture of having relationships was to find the _one _that made all the pain and loss worthwhile. And if you never found that _one_, it would never stop.

She'd gotten the impression then, as she did now, that Kakashi had been speaking of himself. He was not looking for a great romance, and Sakura was, and therein lay the problem.

"I guess… that's all I wanted to say," Sakura said, her heart feeling heavy in her chest. "I won't keep you from… wherever it was you were going."

"I was coming to find you actually," he said.

Sakura blinked. "Oh."

"There was something I needed to tell you."

"What?" she asked guardedly, wondering if he'd actually been on his way to tell her what she's essentially just told him – that it was over.

"I'm leaving Konoha."

Sakura waited for him to go on, but he fell silent after that. "Leaving?" she repeated. "Are you going on a mission or something?"

A dimly pained expression touched the corner of his eye. "No," he said slowly. "I'm resigning and I'm leaving Konoha.

Sakura stared at him. "What are you…?" she breathed. "Why?"

"As I am, I don't think I'm much use to Konoha," he said roughly. "My talents are being wasted, I've lost my purpose… and I don't think people would miss me much, I'm sure you'd agree."

"You mean you're running away," Sakura paraphrased sharply.

He didn't even bother protesting. "However you like to put it."

"But you can't!" she said hotly. "We'll go see Tsunade right now and tell her that it's over between us, and maybe she'll reinstate you as a jonin again-"

"She won't," Kakashi said bleakly.

"How do you-"

"Because I've already talked it over with her."

Panic welled hard beneath Sakura's ribs. "But you can't just leave! You don't just run away when things get a little tough!"

"Why not?" he rebuked. "I have no reason to remain here. And if I take myself out of the picture, people may be able to forget more readily and forgive you."

"If you take yourself out of the picture, it's as good as admitting you've done something wrong!" Sakura snapped.

"Perhaps, but the people of this village are fickle minded, Sakura. My father was once in utter disgrace, shunned by everyone he cared for, and scorned by the rest. They did not forgive and forget; at least not until he withdrew from society completely and was never seen again. Out of sight and out of mind is the general rule of this village. His death slipped by them unnoticed in the end."

Sakura's cold fingers clung to the handle of her umbrella as she peered at him through the rain. Chastened, she began, "Your father-"

"Is not important right now," he said shortly. "The point is, I know how the consciousness of this village works, Sakura. I have seen many shinobi fall from grace and be shunned, and I know what happens to them. The sooner I leave, the better."

"But people will blame you," Sakura pleaded. "They'll think you forced me or something and that now you're running away!"

"Then let them," he said gently. "I have a tougher heart than you, Sakura. Let them waste their resentment on the one of us who cares least. Maybe then they won't give you such a hard time if they believe it was my fault, and I won't be here to take the heat."

Sakura shook her head. "Don't be such a martyr!" she forced out. "Neither of us did anything wrong! You shouldn't have to go – you should be here, leading our team like always!"

"Tenzou is competent."

"Of course he's competent," Sakura said impatiently. "But he's not you, and neither Sasuke nor Naruto will ever really accept him as a replacement."

"Then that's a problem that they'll have to work out," said Kakashi.

It wasn't working. Her attempts to dissuade him were falling flat on the wooden boards of the bridge and she knew that she could wheedle and ply well into the night and his resolve would still be as strong as ever. He was leaving Konoha. And there would be no arguing.

"But… I'll miss you," she whispered. "Please don't leave me."

"I thought you wanted to end our relationship?" he pointed out kindly.

Sakura scowled. "You were coming to find me to tell me you were leaving Konoha for good. You clearly also wanted to end our relationship tonight. That's probably why you looked so freakin' relieved a few moments ago."

"Then what's the problem?" he said, in the same manner of someone changing the subject. "We've both met our natural end, obviously. What need do you have for me to remain in Konoha?"

"Because I only wanted to end our relationship! That didn't mean I never wanted to see you again!" she blustered.

He looked at her hard for a long moment. "Perhaps it would be better if we never saw each other again?"

"I don't believe that," she whispered as strongly as she could. "If I were you, and it was you asking me to stay… I would stay."

"You'd never leave Konoha," he said assuredly. "You wouldn't even contemplate it."

He was probably right.

"Even after what's happened, you still love this village," Kakashi went on quietly. "But I think I've seen it's ugly side one too many times now. I've seen how it can turn against a man whose only crime was to save his friends. I've seen how it can hold a child to blame for crimes it didn't commit, and how it can persecute two lonely people for trying to take comfort in one another for a short while…"

Sakura's breath left her in a whoosh. She wanted to cry, and maybe Kakashi sensed that because he held out his hand. "Sakura," he said, in a soft offer.

Perhaps it was more of a command than an offer, and Sakura couldn't quite resist it. Her umbrella dropped to her side and the rain pattered unsympathetically upon her head and shoulders, and slowly she moved forward to accept Kakashi's hand and allow herself to be tugged into his warm embrace beneath his cloak.

It was too familiar, and too _nice_. Her heart ached plaintively in her chest as she realised she didn't want to let go. Not ever. If she told him that she loved him, would he stay? And would that be fair to hold him to emotional blackmail?

In the end, she'd always known that eventually she would have to let him go. She had gotten what she'd asked for – affection, fulfilment, some self-respect. And next time it would be better. Next time she wouldn't settle for anyone but the best, and perhaps she would find someone who overshadowed Kakashi effortlessly and make her forget him.

Well, it was unlikely, but a girl could dream.

Slowly, he released her and splayed his hand on the top of her damp head. "Things will get better, Sakura. I promise," he said.

He was probably right. In fact he usually was. But right then Sakura didn't care. The pain in her chest had intensified to such a point that she could barely breathe, let alone speak, and so she simply turned around and walked away. Not a single word of farewell crossed her lips, because she knew that if she tried to speak, all that would come out would be a horrible, strangled croak and maybe a wail of despair. Aiming as she was for dignity and maturity, Sakura felt this would be a bad thing.

"Sakura!" he called after her, but she didn't turn and acknowledge him. What was left to say now anyway, other than the token goodbyes that would never really quite give closure to the full extent of their relationship?

If Sakura shed a tear or two on the way home, even she wouldn't have known about it. With the rain streaming steadily down her face, it was difficult to say which drops were from the sky and which from her eyes.

All she wanted to do was go home and go to bed, even though it was only mid-afternoon. She had no wish to deal with anyone or anything for the rest of the day, which was why she wasn't all that pleased to see Naruto leaning on her apartment door when she arrived.

"What do you want?" she bit out in a tone that implied she wished him gone.

He straightened hastily. "Are you ok?" He peered at her worriedly. "You're all wet."

"I hadn't noticed," she said sarcastically and forced him out of the way to unlock her door. He made a move to follow her inside, but Sakura slammed it effectively in his face and leant against it as she tried to gather her wits.

Behind her, Naruto knocked on the door.

"That was a hint, Naruto!" she snarled.

"I came to apologise, Sakura-chan."

That got Sakura's attention. Frowning, as though she couldn't quite believe what she was hearing, she said. "What did you say?"

"Look… I'm sorry, ok." His voice was so quiet she could barely hear it through the door. "I'm sorry I was a jerk and got you two in so much trouble, and I'm sorry about how everyone has been treating you. I didn't realise that would happen, Sakura-chan! You've gotta believe me! You know I like you Sakura-chan, which was why I was so mad with Kakashi-sensei! But I didn't think anyone else would give a shit… not really…"

"You thought wrong," she said weakly.

"I'm sorry," he said again, and she felt the door thump like he'd smacked his head against it. "I've been thinking… and I don't like being mad at you Sakura-chan. And I hate that you're mad at me. Please can we just be friends again?"

Fresh, hot tears rose urgently to her eyes and Sakura had to hold her breath to hold them back.

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto begged. "_Please?_"

She couldn't have stayed mad, even if she'd wanted to. Unsteadily she dashed the tears from her eyes as best she could and pulled open the door. Naruto looked almost as miserable as she felt, and without a word, she threw her arms around his neck and attempted to choke him with the most desperate hug she'd ever given anyone.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" he wheezed.

She pulled back enough to punch his arm, none too gently. "That's for being such an idiot!" she admonished.

"But we're friends, right?"

"Of course," she sniffed. "We'll always be friends. Idiot."

"And I don't mind so much that you're going out with Kakashi-sensei," he said quickly. "It's weird and all, but I think I can get used to it. As long as you don't do weird stuff in front of me, I'm ok with it. He's really a nice guy when you get down to it, so I suppose I don't blame you for liking him and stuff… and… what's wrong?"

Sakura turned and went back into the apartment to kneel down at her living room table. Gingerly, Naruto followed and shut the door behind him before he took a place next to her. "What's wrong?" he said again. "Sakura-chan?"

She forced a smile. "It doesn't matter anymore, Naruto. Me and Kakashi broke up so you don't have to get used to us. Everything's back to the way it was before."

He stared at her, and it was clear from his blank expression that he didn't dare believe a word of it. "Hey, you're not ok, are you?"

"I'm fine," she persisted.

"No, you're not, you were crying when you came home a second ago!" he accused. "Kakashi – that bastard – he broke up with you didn't he? I'll kill him!"

"Sit down," she tugged his arm when he would have gotten up. "_I _broke it off, not him."

"Then why were you crying?" Naruto demanded.

"Because…" And it hurt to think it, but Naruto needed to know too because Kakashi hadn't been her sensei only. "Because he's leaving Konoha."

Naruto looked confused. "On a mission?"

"No… for good. He's going into some stupid self-imposed exile because he's got it into his thick stupid head that it will be better for everyone if he left the village." She ran a hand through her wet hair, annoyed and despairing. "He won't change his mind."

"But if he leaves, he can't lead our team," Naruto protested.

"I know," she said testily. "But then he can't anyway, because Tsunade won't let him on the same team as me."

"But now that you've broken up, maybe-"

"I doubt it." She sniffed again and blinked away the tears that were beginning to grate like sand in her eyes.

"Cheer up, Sakura-chan," Naruto cajoled, but it only made her feel ten times worse. Undoubtedly next he would say something along the lines of 'it's not the end of the world', even though in some small metaphorical way, it _was_.

So she put her head in her hands and tried hard to hold the tears inside.

"Forget him, Sakura-chan," Naruto said, patting her shoulder awkwardly. "It's not the end of the world."

Sakura gave a strangled cry and threw herself down onto the table.

"It's not like you were in love with him, so it's not a big deal, right?" he attempted. Then he went very still and his eyes very wide. "Unless… oh my god."

Sakura looked at him warily, fearing her feelings were too obviously written on her face.

"You really are pregnant, aren't you?"

A hard shove sent him flailing on the floor, whereupon Sakura yanked off his sandal and began beating him with it.

Arms raised defensively to protect his head, Naruto cried, "Alright! Alright! You're not pregnant – sorry I asked!"

"You're as much an insensitive bastard as he is!" Sakura snapped and dropped his sandal on his stomach.

"What if I go talk to him?" Naruto suggested. "Maybe I can get him to stay?"

Sakura calmed down a little. She was distinctly reminded of the last time she'd tried to convince someone she loved to stay in Konoha, and that time she'd failed too and Naruto had eventually succeeded in her stead. "Do whatever you like," she said flatly. "I officially could not care less about anything to do with that man. I just don't care anymore."

It wasn't completely honest, but in truth she _was_ tired. She was sick to death of the whole damn thing. Maybe it was better if Kakashi left, after all? It was easier to forget a man who wasn't there than if she had to interact with him on a day-to-day basis. She would miss him painfully, but what if having him around only protracted those feelings over a longer period of time, like having a wound that refused to heal because the cause was still there, aggravating it.

"If you somehow manage to convince him," she said finally, in a weary voice. "It will only mean he loves you and values your feelings far more than he ever did me or mine."

* * *

What exactly did one pack when they went into exile? A few pairs of clean underwear, definitely, some spare changes of clothes, and maybe some reading material? Some money almost certainly, and maybe Mr. Ukki. But was this all his life consisted of in the end? Underpants and porn novels? 

Unfortunately he wouldn't be able to take a great deal of money. The laws of Konoha didn't allow residents to take all their monetary assets away with them. He would have to forfeit most of his inheritance to the village itself, and all the money and wealth that had belonged to his family would now belong to the Konoha Treasury, the agents of which would no doubt whittle it away on repairs, new equipment, bribes, little gifts for their wives…

But money mattered very little to Kakashi. For most of his life he had only spent what he'd needed to live comfortably, and he found he was not particularly high-maintenance. A little could go a long way for Kakashi, and the idea of suddenly becoming much poorer did not concern him. After all, for a jonin of his skill, it would not be difficult getting money. He already knew of several outposts in many neutral countries who could offer jobs to shinobi with no allegiance to any one village. There was a lot of money to be made as an independent contractor, if you were _good_.

And even if for some absurd reason he found himself penniless with no means of affording food or shelter, he was a _ninja_. He'd survived ten days out in the desert with only the clothes on his back in the day. If he really was forced to become a hermit living out in the wild with only the barest essentials provided by nature to support himself, he would be King of all Hermits, because his years of intensive survival training had taught him the best places to build shelter, how to build shelter, what to eat and how to stave off the parasites.

But even if he was destined to become a rich wandering hero who floated from town to town or a crazy old man who lived in a swamp, Kakashi doubted either would be a truly happy life. He found happiness in well-trodden routine, and he didn't much care for change. As anti-social as he realised he was, he _did_ enjoy his acquaintances, even if he never felt the need to bring any of them very close. To leave behind everyone he knew and had grown up with, and giving up his purpose as a weapon for greater cause than himself… it sounded like an empty existence. And if he dared relocate to another village and pledge a new allegiance in order to carve out a new life for himself, he would then find himself on Konoha's most wanted dead-or-alive list. That wasn't something he was keen on. He knew many of the Hunter-Nin in the ANBU division, and a hell of a lot of them were mean, skilled bastards who could probably bring him down within a week if they were ordered to.

Kakashi looked at the slightly crumpled contract on his kitchen table and read through it for perhaps the hundredth time. A blue ballpoint pen weighed in his right hand, poised over the empty space at the bottom of the paper where his signature was supposed to go. It would only take a few quick pen strokes and his time in Konoha would be over. He would leave behind everything he knew and loved. Every_one_ he knew and… loved.

He still had no managed to bring himself to sign the document when a knock sounded at his window of his bedroom. Kakashi frowned and left the contract on the table to investigate who it might be, and for some absurd reason his heart fluttered at the thought that it might be her.

But it wasn't.

Blonde hair and orange clothes greeted him, and the moment Naruto saw him, the boy made a sharp beckoning gesture. He wanted Kakashi to open the window.

"Are you planning on hitting me again?" Kakashi called out to him, half teasing, half serious. He couldn't imagine why Naruto wanted to see him unless it was to pick a new bone with him or apologise for the last one. From the boy's angry expression, he knew at least that Naruto wasn't there to apologise.

Nevertheless, he dragged the window up and stepped back to allow the boy inside, not particularly caring that mud was then traipsed all over his bed and matted floor.

"You're leaving Konoha!" Naruto spat, wiping rain from his face.

Naruto lifted his head. "You've either been speaking to Tsunade or Sakura. Which was it?"

"Sakura."

"Then you're friends again?" Kakashi inquired mildly. "That's nice."

He turned and left the room to go back to the kitchen. Naruto followed him, knowing perfectly well that his accusation had been nicely side-stepped.

"_Why _are you leaving Konoha?" Naruto demanded.

"For many reasons. Most of them obvious."

"You're running away because everyone's being mean to you?" Naruto barked. "Well boohoo – I've put up with it for eighteen years so you can just suck it up and get on with it!"

Kakashi said down at the table and folded the contract away without a word, and without Naruto realising what it was. "It's not nice finding yourself on the outside looking in, is it?" Kakashi said quietly. "Being resented and mistrusted by everyone? There were many times when you were young that I thought you might have been better off if you'd run away. But this isn't really about me, Naruto. I'm not running away for selfish reasons."

"Then what's it about?" Naruto asked hotly.

"What's best for Sakura."

Naruto frowned but said nothing,

"Sakura is better off without someone like me, wouldn't you say?" Kakashi asked with a faint smile. "If I leave, people will be more inclined to be easier on her. And it's better if I removed myself before she gets attached to me for some strange reason."

"She's already attached, sensei," Naruto said, smacking the table. "You're just cutting loose and running away. Everyone says that's what you do to girls when they get clingy! They say you string them along and then dump them when you get bored."

"Yes, I do," Kakashi sighed, looking at the table. "I'm not particularly good at being entrusted with hearts. But that's not what I'm doing to Sakura."

"Oh yeah?" Naruto snorted, begging to differ.

"Naruto…" Kakashi looked up at the younger man, and said very carefully, as if it was very obvious. "I _love _Sakura."

Never a more horrified expression had ever graced Naruto's face. "What?" he whispered, mortified. "You're joking."

"I wish. But don't go breathing a word of that to anyone," Kakashi said cheerfully. "There's no need to burden Sakura with my feelings, and she's better off not knowing."

Naruto stared at him in complete disbelief and confusion. "But that makes no sense! If you love her – stay! Why would you deliberately hurt her like that?"

"Because I love her too much to let her love someone like me?" Kakashi said vaguely. "You wouldn't understand, Naruto."

Naruto ground his jaw. "Then explain it!"

Looking down at the table, Kakashi seemed to think very hard for a moment, then he scratched his head and looked up at Naruto once more. "Imagine there is a beautiful figurine that you want to see brought to life with paint, but you know that you would not be able to do it justice if you were to try to paint it yourself. You'd make a mess of it. So instead you will step aside and let someone with better skills do the job. Because even though you wish you were the one able to paint the figurine, you would ultimately derive more pleasure in watching someone else do it who can give the figurine what it deserves, even if it hurts not to be party to its beauty."

He finished and looked expectantly at Naruto, who only shifted uncomfortably. "I don't get it at all," he mumbled.

"I would be happier seeing Sakura with someone who deserves her, and can make her happy," Kakashi said, "than keep her to myself and watch how our relationship pains her every day."

"But what if she loves you too?" Naruto asked.

Kakashi didn't betray even the flicker of an eyelash. "Does she?"

Quickly, Naruto shrugged. "Hypothetically, I mean."

"Then…" Kakashi sighed and looked at the ceiling. "It makes no difference, I suppose. Unrequited love is easier to forget than requited, so even if she did love me for some absurd reason, she would be better off thinking I was a heartless bastard who wasn't worth her time. Right?"

Naruto remained mute by the table.

"Come on," Kakashi said with a humourless smile. "Don't tell me you aren't at least a little pleased that she dumped me? It's only natural."

"No, I'm like you, sensei." Naruto said slowly. "I'd be happier seeing Sakura with someone who makes her happy… even if it hurts not it's not me."

He turned, heading towards the apartment door.

"Naruto," Kakashi called after him. "Don't say anything to her. Promise me."

The boy shot him a petulant glare. "I won't tell Sakura a thing," he snapped, and slammed the door after him.

Kakashi slumped back in his chair with a deflated sigh. For a few minutes he stared at his kettle, unable to pull himself from his thoughts, then slowly he withdrew the contract from his pocket and smoother it out on the table once more. He took up the ballpoint pen and without really thinking, he scratched out his name at the bottom.

There, he thought. It was done.

And he then resumed staring at the wall, waiting for night to draw in around him.

* * *

Naruto rung the doorbell of the great house, wondering if he would be let inside now that the rain had thoroughly soaked him to the bone. If the old man answered, he would almost certainly be turned away. 

Kakashi's confession burned in the pit of his stomach, and the promise he'd made tasted sour on his tongue. He did not want to keep things from Sakura, but a promise was a promise, and he could not betray that.

_However…_

Light spilled over the porch as the door before him slid open, revealing the diminutive form of one Hyuuga Hinata. She peered out at him and suddenly went quite red and near speechless. Really, Naruto thought that was a bit of an overreaction. It was only a little rain. "N-Naruto-kun!" she gasped. "W-What are you doing here?"

"Hey, Hinata-chan. You can keep a secret, right?" he asked.

"Um…"

"Because you'll never guess what Kakashi-sensei just told me."

_However, there were ways around promises._

* * *


	19. Goodbye

_Window_

Chapter Nineteen

* * *

Sakura sighed as she straightened the bed covers on her bed and scratched a futile finger-nail against the smudge of mascara staining her white pillow. That's what you got for crying yourself to sleep without cleansing your face first. 

Bed made, she now sat upon it and gazed emptily around her room. It seemed bereft of energy, like herself, and the morning light from the window was cold and pale, casting a starched, unflattering glow on everything it touched. She still had two hours before she had to be at work, and there was nothing to fill the void in time till then with anything but her own thoughts.

After today she would concentrate on work and training and missions and hobbies, and make herself so busy that she wouldn't even have time to _think _about thinking. Because when she thought, she could feel herself buckling under the weight of her own depression. The thought of Kakashi leaving made her chest constrict and bear a real physical pain, and Sakura knew then that is was definitely love she felt, even if it was very misplaced. The thought that it was because of her that he felt the need to leave the village cut worse than a thousand nicks of a sharp kunai. The thought that despite everything, Kakashi was indifferent to any attachment to her made her want to curl up and die.

Her mother had once said to seize hold of opportunities before they slipped out of grasp forever. And Sakura had done that, and she didn't regret it. But she didn't want to follow her mother's ultimate mistake and give her heart to the wrong man and wind up desolated as a result. Kakashi wasn't much like her father in many senses. Her father was small-minded, never did a job thoroughly when slapdash would do, and was a little too partial to beer. By contrast, Kakashi was diligent, unremittingly tolerant and staved off destructive vices. But there was some streak of similarity… some vague disinterest and apathy towards those who depended on them, and a fickle taste where it came to women.

It was those qualities in her father that had made his family unhappy. Sakura didn't think she could dare try loving a man with an equally inconsistent nature.

_You'll get over him,_ she warned herself briskly, turning to lean on the windowsill and look out at the pale, overcast sky that met the rooftops, as if to remind herself that that was more to the world than her small heart and the feelings contained therein. _You never thought you'd get over Sasuke, but you did. _

Yes. It was for the best that Kakashi was leaving. With him gone, she wouldn't have to confront him every day and he would merely become a fond memory in the back of her mind. On lonely nights she might occasionally remember his warmth lying next to her, and the slow, luxurious way he made love to her in the middle of the night when they were both too aroused to sleep but too tired to cure it fast.

She would remember every touch, every kiss and every caress – from the way he pressed down on her shoulders when he took her hard from behind, making her scream, to the way he flicked her nose over the breakfast table when he thought she'd done or said something cute. Some of those looks he sent her, the long lingering ones he gave when he thought she didn't notice, could almost be mistaken for love. But who knew what thoughts passed behind that iron-flecked eye when he watched her. When the affair had started, he'd often worn a faint smile when he looked at her. But these days his face was always schooled and his expression empty when he watched her face and listened to her talk.

He hadn't been happy these last few days. Even though he'd still dutifully let her into his bed and given her everything she'd come for, his countenance was always a little too solemn and his shoulders a fraction too stiff. Sakura was pretty sure that he no longer found her company or her body all that much pleasing anymore. The novelty had worn off. Perhaps it was only that she was his student and that he couldn't quite blow her off like all the other women because of their current situation, that he had wordlessly stuck by her. She'd done him a favour cutting him loose. And herself one too, for that matter.

Who knew what awaited Hatake Kakashi now? Sakura could see him in her mind, rambling over hills and through woods as he slipped from town to town, Icha Icha book in hand, and completely content. He would still sponge off other people, no doubt. He would talk his way into getting a free room for the night, or a free meal, and sometimes he would probably get a free bed companion along with the deal.

Sakura knew that she didn't have to worry about this man when he was out on his own. He'd been out there surviving on his own long before she was born, and he would continue to survive without her.

But it still _hurt_ so much…

She rested her cheek on her fist and turned her eyes to the street below. It was market day and the traders had arrived to sell their wares, and now the streets were busier than on any other day of the week. So many people passed beneath her window that one face blurred into the next. They were Konoha. They were the vindictive mass that had forced the man she loved to leave. Sakura remembered being part of that mob mentality when she was young, picking on Naruto and despising him simply because everyone else did and because, yes, he was a little different. She wasn't proud of herself for that. And now that she found herself on the receiving end of irrational, hypersensitive scorn, she found herself wondering why Naruto didn't hate Konoha for all the years of abuse it had put him through. Just over a week of the same treatment and Sakura was already finding herself thoroughly disillusioned in this village and the people in it who she'd once considered the greatest of all the five nations.

Then, suddenly one face differed from the rest. Mainly because it was covered with a mask.

Kakashi.

He looked up and gave her a cheerful wave and disappeared into the apartment building entrance below. Panicking, Sakura checked her make-up was still correct and that her flat was still tidy, and then went to hover near the door, waiting for the inevitable knock.

Just when she was beginning to think that perhaps he'd gone to visit one of her neighbours instead, the knock sounded. Sakura waited a few seconds, not wanting to be so fast that he would know she'd been waiting with her fingers on the handle, and then opened the door to greet her ex-lover with a phlegmatic smile.

"Kakashi-sensei!" she said. "What are you doing here?"

She got a vague inkling when she realised he wasn't alone on her doorstep. Wrapped securely in one arm against his chest was his green, leafy companion; Mr Ukki. When Naruto had given him that plant (as he'd also given two similar plants to Sakura and Sasuke), Mr Ukki hadn't been especially big. Now he was just under two feet tall with a thick spread of leaves, testament to how long Kakashi had been caring for him.

"Here's the thing," Kakashi started. "I thought perhaps I could take him with me, but I'm not sure all that walking would suit a plant. So I was wondering if perhaps-"

"I would take care of him for you?" Sakura finished. She looked at Mr Ukki, and Mr Ukki probably looked at her in his own plant-ish way, and they came to a mutual agreement. "No problem. He can go next to Mrs Uno."

She beckoned him inside and led him into her bedroom – like she had so many times before – and pulled the window open to make some room for the new guest in her window box. She furtively threw a plastic pot of dead geraniums and then pointed to the vacated hole. "He can go there."

Kakashi didn't look reassured. "He's never lived outside before."

Sakura stared at him. "He's a plant," she said slowly.

"What if he gets lonely?" Kakashi asked worriedly.

It was likely he was winding her up, but one never could tell with Kakashi. "Mrs Uno will keep him company," she said, gesturing to her own plant that was only about half the size of Mr Ukki. "Maybe they'll even hit it off and pollinate?"

Kakashi looked at her sceptically. "The title of your plant would seem to imply that she's married. A bit scandalous, don't you think?"

"I don't think Mr Ukki would feel restrained by that," she retorted. "Like plant, like owner."

"Touché," Kakashi sighed and reluctantly handed his companion over. "He has to be watered every day, and here's his plant food – you have to give this to him every three weeks, but only two drops with his water."

Sakura accepted the little bottle of liquid and fiddled with it between her fingers as she looked up at Kakashi restlessly. "So you're definitely going then?" she asked quietly. He must have been if he was imparting his beloved plant on her.

"Yeah, in an hour or two," he said quietly, nodding but not quite meeting her eye.

"Just an hour or two?" Her heart knotted in her chest. "Have you packed? Have you got everything you need? Surely you need more time to-"

"There's just a few things I need to do," he interrupted softly. "I've emptied my fridge, I've given all my food to the neighbours, I've asked the superintendent to turn off my water and electricity, and once I sort a few things out at the Hokage's tower, I'll be on my way."

Sakura nodded dumbly. "I see," she said. "Are you not going to say goodbye to anyone?"

He shifted his stance. "I'd rather just sneak out melodramatically and leave everyone wondering. It's much more fun."

She smiled weakly at him. "I'm sure you don't have to leave, Kakashi," she said, slipping back into her familiar mode. "Can't you rethink this?"

"I have rethought it. Several times, in fact," he admitted. "But my conclusion is always the same. I should go, Sakura… it's for the best."

Pressing her lips together tightly, she tried to nod again but it only came out as a slight head jiggle.

"Don't look so sorry for me," Kakashi told her. "On the contrary, I choose to see this as a good thing. I can take whatever missions I like at my own pace, stay in hotels every night, and gorge myself on room service for the rest of my… for a long time. Jiraiya often said I was a man after his own heart, and if that's true then I'll enjoy my newfound freedom as much as he did."

Sakura wasn't sure she trusted that to be his honest feelings about the subject. "You're a very stubborn man," she said with a sigh.

"I suppose I am." He shrugged. "But not nearly as much as you."

She frowned, too busy wondering what that was supposed to mean that she couldn't form a reply. In the brief pause, Kakashi seemed to gather himself and moved back towards the door. Sakura followed him, and when he suddenly stopped and turned around, she nearly crashed into him. She took hasty step back.

"This will be it for a while then," Kakashi said, the words jarring in Sakura's ear. "We probably won't see each other again, so…"

"What are you talking about?" she asked, blinking. "You're not leaving yet, you said so yourself."

"Yes, but-"

"I'll see you off at the gates," she said firmly. "We can say goodbye there."

He stared at her. "You don't have to-"

"I want to," she interrupted. "And I'm going to wave until you disappear over the horizon, so don't think you're going to get away with a quick handshake on my doorstep. Saying goodbye will be the last thing you do in Konoha, not number 10 on your check list of things to tie up before you leave. Don't insult me like that."

He laughed and rubbed a hand over his hair. "I guess when you put it like that…"

"Right, so I'll meet you at the gate in an hour," she said decisively, knowing full well that Kakashi would make it in no less than two hours. "Ok?"

A sigh escaped him. "Ok."

He reached out a hand, as if he was about to place it on her shoulder, or her head, or even her cheek – but he suddenly seemed to think better of it and forced it back down to his side with a vague smile. "Ok," he said again. Then he quickly turned and walked out the door.

Sakura sighed and let her head drop in his wake. "Idiot," she murmured to the empty apartment, not even knowing if she was referring to Kakashi or herself.

With little else to do, Sakura slipped on her shoes and left her apartment to wander down to the gate. She might as well wait there and get a little fresh air, and hopefully she would catch Kakashi before she had to head off to the hospital. The streets were so busy and full of faces she didn't recognise that no one took much notice of her. Shoulders bumped hers, and she was forced to squeeze between groups of people who inconsiderately stopped to chat and block up the narrow street, but it was a relief not to have anyone do double-takes as their eyes drifted over her. To be too crowded to bother seeing her and whispering things about her.

Market stalls lined the road that led to the main gateway, and she sat on one of the wooden bollards marking the entrance to watch the people busily move about the plateau before her. Behind her lay the fields and forest that surrounded Konoha, but Sakura didn't dare face it, because then she would be faced with the fact that Kakashi would soon be out there, gone and out of sight and from her point of view he would be as good as non-existent.

"Hey, Sakura."

Ino broke away from the crowds to approach her, some blonde girl at her side that Sakura didn't recognise. "Aren't you going to take a look around the market with us?" Ino asked. "You should see the paintings at the art stall."

"Maybe later," Sakura said.

"Are you waiting for someone?" And though Ino's tone was light, her eyes narrowed suspiciously with disapproval, and Sakura didn't have to be a mind-reader to know who she was thinking of what she thought of that idea.

Sakura shrugged at her. "Sort of," she replied. "Kakashi's leaving today… I'm waiting here to say goodbye."

"Kakashi-sensei's leaving?" Ino gaped in soft surprise. "You mean, on a mission or for-"

"For good," Sakura finished for her, somewhat tetchily. "He's leaving for good."

"Oh," Ino said and smiled awkwardly. "Well… I'll catch you later then."

She turned and walked away with the other blonde girl, to whom she whispered "_That's the one I was telling you about,"_ when she mistakenly thought they were out of earshot.

Shaking her head, Sakura looked at the sky and resigned herself to wait. She looked at her watch, and gradually an hour passed. Kakashi didn't appear, but then she hadn't expected him to. Who _did_ appear, on the other hand, was quite a surprise.

"Kakashi's leaving, huh?" Genma called as he approached, senbon bobbing in his mouth. "That's a damn shame. Isn't it, Shizune?"

"Just like him to take such rash decisions on short notice," Shizune said flatly. "Can't say it surprises me."

They moved off to converse beside the stone pillar holding up the gate, and Sakura realised they intended to stick around and say goodbye to Kakashi too. It was only fair, considering they were his friends too, but Sakura couldn't help but feel her heart sink that her last moment with Kakashi would not be alone.

Then Tenzou appeared. "I hear Kakashi-sempai is going away," he said to Sakura. "Is that true?"

She nodded.

"So quickly… he was planning to sneak off, wasn't he?" Tenzou said, smiling cynically. "It's not obvious, but there's a touch of melodrama about that man."

"He finds farewells awkward," Sakura told him. "He didn't want to make a fuss."

"And he liked the thought of leaving people stumped too, right?"

"That as well."

After Tenzou, it was the ramen girl. "I was just shopping for new utensils," Ayame said to Sakura, "And that blonde friend of yours told me that Kakashi-san is leaving today. Has he already gone?"

"No, not yet," Sakura answered, faintly surprised at the young woman's appearance.

"Oh good." Ayame sat down on the bollard next to Sakura's and gave both Sakura and Tenzou a sheepish smile. "I don't want to part with him on bad terms, and I think I was a little rude last time we spoke. And he's such a good customer of Father's that I-"

"He's leaving already?" Naruto arrived, out of breath and shiny with sweat. "He's leaving _today?"_

Sakura was faintly impressed by Ino's skills of spreading news. If ever an urgent message needed to be sent between nations, forget messenger eagles; just get Ino on the job.

"Yeah, he's leaving," Sakura said dully, feeling her last meaningful moment with Kakashi slipping further and further away from her. She didn't want to share it with so many people.

"Have you spoken to Hinata yet?" Naruto gasped.

Sakura frowned. "No. What's that got to do with anything?"

"Argh, damn it…" Naruto collapsed onto the ground and there he spent the next few minutes recovering his breath.

"Did you run all the way across town?" Sakura asked incredulously.

"Yeah. But Sasuke-bastard refused to run." Which was why the boy in question arrived ten minutes later than Naruto.

"Why is Kakashi leaving?" was the first thing the Uchiha asked.

Sakura dodged the question. "Are you here to say goodbye?" she asked him. "How sweet and sentimental of you."

Sasuke crossed his arms with an indifferent half-shrug. "I was just curious, and I have nothing better to do."

"I see," Sakura smiled wryly at him, suspecting that Sasuke would be missing their sensei a great deal more than he would ever let on.

More people arrived, some Sakura knew, most Sakura didn't though she realised Kakashi probably knew them in some way. Izumo and Kotetsu showed up, along with Raido, and then came Ibiki and Ebisu and Iruka, and they all inquired if Kakashi had gone yet and then decided to stick around to see him off too. Then people who began to notice the accumulating crowd near the gates came forward to ask what was going on, and when they heard that the Copy Ninja was leaving Konoha, they too wanted to stick around and bid him farewell. Individuals that Sakura didn't think had ever spoken to Kakashi or who had only heard of his name wanted to be part of the leaving party, and eventually Sakura was forced to realise that Kakashi wasn't just hers. He was Konoha's. And they all wanted a last goodbye.

At this rate Kakashi wouldn't even notice her.

"Quite the crowd, isn't it?" Ino said, gliding up to Sakura's bollard through the throng of people gathered around her. "People seemed really interested when I said he was leaving."

"Don't tell me _you_ want to say goodbye too?" Sakura raised an eyebrow at her.

Chouji appeared beside Ino. "We wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for Kakashi-sensei. He probably saved our bacon when we went up against that Akatsuki dude with the horrible tentacles. Right, Ino?"

"Right, right," Ino grudgingly admitted.

"He's a decent guy," Shikamaru said, stepping up with his hands shoved in his pockets. "Everyone knows that. I guess that's why so many people want to say goodbye."

"If so many people like him, why haven't they been nicer to him?" Sakura asked dully.

Ino shifted uncomfortably, but it was Sasuke who cleared his throat and said, "You don't often appreciate what you have until you're under threat of losing it. Changing circumstance makes hypocrites of us all. Naruto, would you get up?"

"Where's Hinata-chan?" the blonde boy whined from the ground. "_She _should be here."

Sakura glanced at her watch again and sighed anxiously. Two hours was up. She was supposed to be at the hospital right now, clocking in for her shift, and Kakashi said he would be here an hour ago. Maybe he had changed his mind? Maybe he was going to stay after all?

What if he'd taken another route out of the town?

She looked around at the gathered people pressing in around her and despaired a little. There were so many people now, all wanting to say goodbye to Kakashi, and she would be swept away by the tide before she could get to him if he arrived now. He'd probably look around and think 'where's Sakura? She said she would be here,' and Sakura would wave from behind the shoulders of people much taller than herself, and he wouldn't see her, and he would just shrug and leave anyway.

Sasuke and Naruto bickered a short distance away, arguing over who would miss Kakashi the most ("You would!" "No, _you _would."), and Ino had slipped away with her team to talk about something else entirely, but something which was making Ino giggle loudly and uncontrollably. Sakura sat very much alone on her bollard, peering at her knees sullenly, half wishing they would all just go away. Another person arrived to join the growing crowd, but Sakura no longer took any notice.

At least, not until he came to crouch before her and smile as he peered into her face. "You look as if someone kicked your dog."

It was Kakashi, though it took Sakura a moment too long to register this, because he wasn't wearing his uniform anymore and his face was completely naked. Her mouth dropped open in surprise and his smile widened a little in response.

_Well, of course!_ She wanted to kick herself for being so stupid. _Of course he wouldn't be wearing his uniform!_ But that was what Sakura had been looking for. It's what everyone was looking for – a white-haired man with a masked face and a Konoha uniform. But he wasn't even wearing his hitai-ate, and the effect was very disorientating.

Sakura could only gape. "Why aren't you-"

"Because I won't be needing it," Kakashi told her, and he looked at her in the same old way that said _'you' _and _'only you'. _There was a whole crowd of over a hundred people gathered here to see him specifically, but he only smiled for Sakura. The smile that dimpled his handsome face and made his scar, now painfully visible, crease beneath his eye. He was holding that eye shut with nothing but concentration it seemed, now that he had no metal protector to pull down over it.

Sakura had never realised that Kakashi possessed anything more to wear than the regular uniforms, but here he was, dressed in what almost amounted to civilian clothing. There was a long-sleeved blue shirt, secured at his waist with a pale obi tied in a knot at his hip, though his pants and boots appeared to be more or less the same. On his back was an old leather satchel whose strap reached across his chest, and that, along with the carefully folded yellow scarf around his neck, seemed to be all he was taking with him. He was virtually unrecognisable, especially if you had never seen his face before. And as such, no one but Sakura had noticed him.

"So you're going," she said, struggling to keep a steady voice as her eyes drank in the sight of him greedily.

"Yes." He nodded.

"Now," she said.

"Yes." He smiled at her again and she had to look down at her lap again, swallowing hard.

"Please reconsider," she whispered.

He laughed. "No."

"But…" _I'll miss you! I love you! And I'll hurt you so hard! _"But I-"

"_Kakashi-sensei!_"

* * *

It must have been a hot day, because wherever Kakashi went an awful lot of blushing followed him. Personally he felt it was cool enough for a scarf, but perhaps that was just him. 

Even the Hokage seemed a little flushed when he laid down his hitai-ate on her desk and handed her the contract he'd spent last night agonising over. She scowled at his signature, as if scrutinising it for flaws, and cleared her throat.

"Everything appears to be in order," she said evenly. "Have you made all your arrangements?"

He nodded. "Yes, Hokage-sama."

He'd dropped Mr. Ukki off with Sakura, he'd been back to his apartment to change, gather his things, and silently say goodbye to the four walls that he'd spent most of his life living within. From here he would head to the gates, say goodbye to Sakura once and for all, and then try to remember the way to Kuroshima; that city hub in the neutral country to the east where the women were pretty, the hotels were cheap, and no one could tell a ninja from their elbow.

"Remember that you must report back once a month so we can keep track of your movements. If you fail to contact the village for over a month, I will be sending out hunter-nin to track you down and haul your ass back here to hear your explanation."

"The only reason I would fail to check in is if I was dead, Hokage-sama," Kakashi told her pleasantly.

"You'd better hope that would be the case," she replied. "If we find you consorting with any other village, you're as good as dead."

"I understand. Just because I'm leaving does not mean I'm disloyal to Konoha."

"Good, then we won't have a problem." Tsunade smiled at him tightly. "It was a pleasure knowing you, Hatake Kakashi."

"Likewise, Hokage-sama." He took her offered hand and bowed slightly.

"Look after yourself," Tsunade said, somewhat softly.

"I'll do my best," he said, and smiled at her. Another flush appeared to come over the woman and she quickly looked away. "Perhaps you should open a window if you're hot, Hokage-sama?"

She pointed at the door in annoyance. "You can go now."

Kakashi took his time making his way to the gates. Walking down the market street he lingered at stalls with interesting wares and wound up buying three bento lunch boxes, one nicely forged steel kunai with a trailing blue ribbon and a bag of sweeties that he threw away in the next trash can he found after he discovered they were banana flavoured. He was procrastinating, and he knew it, but he felt no urge to rush. Every step he took was a step closer to Sakura, and ultimately a step closer to taking the first of many steps away from her.

"Flowers, sir?"

Kakashi turned his head to look at the flower girl behind the stall he was passing. She was smiling at him, holding a white orchid and surrounded by the headiest and most exotic looking flowers Kakashi had ever seen. "No, thanks," he said.

"Surely a handsome man like yourself has a sweetheart who would appreciate a little gift of nature?" she said, holding the orchid to her nose.

Kakashi found his gaze lingering on a bucket of lilies with ripe pink and red petals. He knew Sakura liked lilies, and he knew she liked pink, and he knew in all probability that she would probably like pink lilies, but perhaps it wasn't appropriate? He didn't want to confuse things by giving her a flower as they parted. And after seeing what she had done with the last gift he'd given her, he didn't feel that she would appreciate it all that much.

"Thank you," he said again, "but no thanks."

He continued on his way and saw the tops of the gate and the perimeter wall appear above the swarming heads of the market crawling crowds. He stopped one last time at a stall selling strange shiny, disk-like things that he feigned passing interest in, before finally giving up the pretence and resigning himself to head for the gate.

As he detached from the market crowds, he quickly noticed that there was another crowd gathered at the gate. There must have been a big mission planned or something, for so many people to gather at the entrance of the village like this, but where was Sakura?

"Excuse me," he said, as he shouldered his way through the lingering mass of bodies, looking for that glimpse of red and pink that would put Sakura apart from the crowd.

And there she was, sat on a bollard and staring glumly at her knees like a naughty child ordered to go sit in the corner. She didn't recognise him immediately when he crouched down before her, probably because she wasn't used to seeing him maskless and without his uniform in a crowded place.

She didn't want him to go, judging from her stilted words and downcast eyes. She seemed to want to tell him something, but was unable to come right out and say it as easily as someone like Naruto might. Her feelings were closely guarded and internal, and only she was privy to them. It was probably better, because when everything was laid out on the table it tended to make things overcomplicated anyway.

He wanted to kiss her, at least just one last time. But most of all he just wanted to her to be happy and to see her smile, and for that to happen he had to leave her alone and not muddle her up with his impulsive affections. He would settle for a goodbye and perhaps a short embrace, and then he would quietly slip away.

But fate often conspired against him.

"_Kakashi-sensei!_"

Kakashi looked up to see Naruto, sitting on the ground, gaping at him as if he had two heads. The loud chatter of conversation around them died swiftly and all eyes turned on Kakashi, which was slightly unnerving. Kakashi wondered if he was about to be lunched.

"Hey, you're not wearing your mask…" That was Ayame, staring at him in shock.

"Whoa…" Genma's senbon slipped from his lips and clattered on the ground.

"Oh my…" Ino took a half-step back into Chouji, eyes wide and cheeks slightly pink.

Frowning, Kakashi straightened to his feet. "I suppose you've all heard I'm leaving, so this is goodbye," he said solemnly. "I wasn't exactly expecting a send-off…"

They all stared at him now as if they didn't recognise him, and clearly he'd taken them all by surprise with his bare-faced audacity. What did they expect him to do? Make a speech? Wave awkwardly and back away slowly out of the gate? Didn't people these days know it was rude to stare like that?

He looked to Naruto and held out a hand to help the boy up off the ground. Once rise, he clapped his hand on Naruto's shoulder and smiled at him despite the lack of smile in return. "Naruto, at first I wasn't sure I'd ever like you, but you've proven yourself to me and everyone here time and time again. I'm proud of you, and I have no doubt that you'll continue to grow in my absence." He paused. "But lay off the ramen occasionally or you'll be growing in the wrong direction."

Naruto opened his mouth to respond, but Kakashi moved on to Sasuke. "You once told me that you had only two life goals – to kill your brother and resurrect your clan. Congratulations on the first, and good luck with the second. You've always been an over-achiever, so I expect great things from you in that department, though I won't be around to offer any advice about girls from now on."

Sasuke glared at him.

Kakashi sighed. "Do you want a hug?"

"Don't you da-"

"Come here." Kakashi pulled the rigid younger man into a tight embrace and patted him on the back. "If ever I had a son, I imagine he'd be something like you." He pulled back to give Sasuke's hot face a warm smile. "Makes me awfully grateful I'm childless."

Releasing Sasuke, he turned to address his other acquaintances.

"Genma, thank you for all the money you lent me. I'll pay you back some day. Shizune, look after the Hokage. Ayame, your cooking is the best, send your father my best wishes. Shikamaru, your intelligence sometimes makes me feel threatened, but generally I like you. Chouji, I just like you. Ino… I like pink lipstick on you better than that shade of red. And Tenzou, don't let my team bully you in my absence – and keep an eye on the pink-haired one. She's trouble."

Gradually people got over their shock of his appearance and started to come forward to bid their own farewells. He exchanged handshakes and smiles, received claps on the shoulders and accepted a few kisses on the cheek by a few of the more forward ladies – and twice from Ino who came back for seconds. Anyone would think that he was marvellous friends with all these people.

There were proclamations that he was a loss and would be missed, but Kakashi wondered about that. Looking around at the faces around him now, some he recognised and most he didn't, it seemed that a fair number were only there now to watch a spectacle. They were not interested so much in wishing him goodbye as they were in gathering fuel for the gossip that would undoubtedly start up all over again the moment he was gone from sight. A few might even have only come to garner some sense of satisfaction at watching him being driven out. More than a few probably thought he deserved it.

He looked around, searching for Sakura once again and caught the girls slightly damp hand as she tried to sink back into the crowd. She was visibly upset, refusing to look at him though her clammy fingers gripped his hand tightly as if afraid to let go.

"Sakura, this is goodbye."

Her brow twisted, and she still couldn't look at him. "You're not going to be warm enough," she said quietly.

"I'll be fine."

"Where's your other bags? You're not taking enough supplies."

"This is all I need."

"But you…" Her voice broke and her breath escaped her momentarily. Then she looked at up at him. "You mustn't talk to strangers."

He smiled. "I promise."

"And… you must eat well and remember to change your underwear every day. Don't forget to bathe."

A few of the nearest ladies covered their mouths with their hands and giggled discreetly. Kakashi didn't care. "I won't."

"And don't eat anything a stranger gives you. Don't get into fights. Don't take S-class rogue missions because you won't have our back-up anymore and you'd probably get yourself killed."

"Sakura…"

Fat tears rolled down her face. "And you have to at least write and let us know you're ok, so we don't worry. We'll worry anyway, but we'll worry less if you remember us." At that point she was unable to continue, and her head dropped to her hair curtained her face and hide her feelings from so many prying eyes. It reminded him of the time he'd found her by the swing, when that rotten excuse for a male had ditched her and she'd tried so hard not to let Kakashi see how much she was hurt. This girl became attached so easily to worthless things and she never felt things by halves. But as she'd quickly gotten over Ikki… he at least hoped that she would bounce back as fast with him.

Gently, he pulled her forward and enveloped her in a quiet embrace. She pressed her hot face against his shoulder as he stroked the back of her head, and she fit against him so perfectly that it didn't seem right that she wasn't meant for him. He never wanted to let go of this girl. That this would be the last time he would ever hold her or touch her tore at his heart; an entirely new kind of grief he'd never felt before.

Behind Sakura stood Naruto, and when his eyes met Kakashi's they shifted to the ground unhappily. That boy alone knew how Kakashi felt. But if he really wanted what was best for Sakura, he would keep his mouth shut.

"You do understand why I'm doing this, don't you?" he whispered, for only her to hear.

"I'm sure I will eventually," came her muffled croak in response.

He eased her back and, after taking one look at her crumpled tear-streaked face and snotty-nose, dug into his pocket to find a spare paper tissue for her. Without a mask he usually found himself prone to hay fever, and tissues were always a useful thing to carry around, and Sakura took the one her offered gratefully and hastily blew her nose.

When she tried to hand it back, he objected. "Uh… you can keep it," he said. "I'll try and come back for it one day."

She looked at it, confused. "But it's just a paper tissue." The usual procedure was to throw it in the nearest ban.

"I know," he sighed unhappily. "I should give you something cool like a handkerchief when I say that, but I'm just not a handkerchief kind of guy. You'll have to make do with that."

A small smile brightened her face and warmed his heart. "I'll treasure it then," she told him.

Right then would have been the perfect moment to kiss her. He wanted to so badly that he swayed on the spot, his throat aching because his heart seemed lodged there, restricted and pushed down. But it wouldn't have been a good idea to give in to such flippant urges. There were already enough frowns levelled at them for having spoken and embraced. They'd probably drag him off her and boot him out the gate if he tried to kiss her now.

Forcibly straightening and backing away from her, Kakashi took stock of all the faces around him. They all looked unusually sombre now. Some even appeared guilty.

"I don't have much more to say," he said, his quiet voice carrying easily over the quieter crowd. "But you're all hypocrites, backstabbers and two-faced liars, and I love you all very much and will miss each and every one of you very dearly. Except for exactly thirteen of you."

Feet shifted uncomfortably. People looked at each other and coughed awkwardly.

"Goodbye."

With one last glance at Sakura to give her a small, private smile, he turned and began walking. Past the pillars, through the gates, out onto the open dirt track road. No one called after him and he didn't look back, and soon the sounds of Konoha faded from his ears until all he could hear was the wind sighing through the trees and the dull thump of his heart that seemed to only get slower and slower with each step he took.

* * *


	20. When the Snow Begins to Fall

_Window_

Chapter Twenty

* * *

Frosted grass crunched under foot as Sakura took a shortcut across the park. Last summer this place would have been teaming with children playing on the swings and climbing frames, but now winter had descended on Konoha and everything had fallen asleep. From outward appearances, it would seem as if the village was in stasis, lying dormant until spring; but life still pumped under the surface if you knew where to look. 

When Sakura entered the hospital she was greeted by a waiting room full of bodies, and a blast of air so hot it made her face tingle. Everyone came down with the sniffles in winter. And at least half of them thought they were on death's door and needed hospitalising. Sakura unwound the red scarf from around her neck and moved through the drippy crowd to the reception desk.

"Is Tsunade-sama in yet, Ai?"

The receptionist looked up from her computer screen and smiled pleasantly. "No, Haruno-san," she said. "She's been and gone."

"And she looked sober to you?"

"…yes, Haruno-san."

"Oh, good." Sakura sighed and with a soft goodbye, she headed down the east wing corridor to find the locker room.

"Morning, Haruno-san," a passing medic smiled at her as he went past, and Sakura perfunctorily smiled back.

Three nurses with pink hats and the exact same hairstyle overtook her. "Morning, Sakura-chan," they chorused. One of them added, "Have you seen Daisuke-sempai today? He's wearing the sweater his grandmother threatened to knit him – it's _adorable!"_

"I'll keep my eyes open for him," Sakura replied amicably, before slipping through a side-door and into her designated common room. There was only one other person in there, and she sat by the radiator, hugging a steaming cup of hot chocolate to her lips with an expression of weary bliss.

"Good morning, Hinata-chan," Sakura greeted her.

Hinata started and gasped as a few flecks of hot liquid spilt down her front. "M-Morning," she mumbled, turned red and lowered her head.

That was unusually jumpy, even for Hinata. Sakura peered at her curiously. "I can't hear your thoughts, Hinata, so there's no need to act so guilty when I interrupt them," Sakura said lightly as she moved to her locker. "Besides, everyone already knows you think Naruto's ass is cute and that you abuse the byakugan to look through his clothes."

"I – ah – um – do – I-I wasn't thinking about that!" Hinata cried in alarm.

"You're still thinking about that kiss, aren't you?" Sakura guessed, shrugging out of her coat to sling it in the locker. She turned to see Hinata's face had turned an even darker shade of red.

"You heard about that?" the pale girl whispered.

"Yes, from Naruto. And you know what you should do now?" Sakura asked.

"W-What?" Hinata stared at her in dread.

"Kiss him again."

"Oh, no! Kissing Naruto the first time was the hardest thing I've ever had to summon the courage to do!" Hinata cried. "I'm not sure I could go through all that panic again. And he just stood there, Sakura-chan! So I just wound up walking away very fast…"

"So you didn't see what that kiss did to him, huh?" Sakura flopped down on the seat opposite Hinata and pressed her hands to the radiator. "You should have seen him, Hinata. Naruto was wandering around all day yesterday that something had set off an exploding tag next to his head. We had to say everything twice because he was so distant."

"Oh no… I've traumatised him," Hinata whispered sadly.

"Well, you definitely surprised him, and at least I don't think he's in any doubt that you're interested." Sakura smiled at the girl before her. "You don't have to worry. Naruto is a very forward person once he gets a clue… he'll do most of the work from this point on."

Sakura disliked playing match-maker, but she couldn't deny there was something about Hinata and Naruto's relationship that interested her. It was just… simple. All Hinata needed to worry about was overcoming her shyness, but Naruto was there for her, and there was nothing standing in their way. No one would look down on them for any relationship that developed between them, and they were two kind-hearted, un-jaded people who were capable of a clean, uncomplicated love. There was no chance of their relationship being debased by perversion.

Theirs was the potential for an innocent love, and Sakura couldn't help but want to nurture that and watch it grow.

Some would say that was living vicariously through her friends, but it suited Sakura just fine. After what she'd endured… she couldn't bear the thought of others not finding the happiness that she herself had missed.

"When you get the chance," Sakura said at last, gazing out the window at the frosted trees and railing, "You should tell him how you feel. Tell him everything."

Hinata was watching her carefully, and finally spoke up. "It's not the same you know."

"Hm?" Sakura glanced up at her.

"At least I have the excuse of not knowing how Naruto-kun feels about me to make me hesitate," she said. "But _you_… you know how-"

"Eh – Hinata-chan you're so strange! Most girls love to talk about themselves and the boys they like, but you always try to change the subject!" Sakura said cheerfully and got to her feet. "Well, I have rounds to do. I'll talk to you later!"

Ok, so perhaps she was doing exactly what she'd accused Hinata of, but Sakura didn't feel like talking about depressing things that morning, and she really did have rounds to do. She had stitches to remove, infections to kill, poison to neutralise and a cold cure to invent (or at least the latter was what people seemed to expect from her when she explained there was no known jutsu that could cure the sniffles).

There was only one last patient to see before lunch, and Sakura paused outside the examination room when she spotted the name on the chart.

Kimura?

With a hint of dread, she pushed open the door and stepped inside. A young boy sat on the hospital bed within, a bulky white cast on his arm and playing what appeared to be a thumb war game with an older man. Sakura recognised them instantly, since this boy had been her patient two years ago as well – Kimura Yoshi's husband and their son. She could only be relieved that the woman herself was not with them.

"Didn't I fix that arm two years ago?" Sakura asked as she approached. "Don't tell me you broke it again."

"Sorry," the boy said sheepishly. "It was during training a few weeks ago. I'm a genin now!"

"Then I'll probably see you in here more often then, huh?" Sakura said, taking the boy's arm gently in her hands to examine it more closely. "I bet you're looking forward to getting this thing off. Looks like a lot of people have signed it though. Any pain?"

"Nah, it just itches."

"Well, give me a few minutes and then you'll be able to give it a good scratch," Sakura collected the cutting tools from the nearby cabinet and rolled up a chair to sit beside the boy. She smiled at the boy's father as she arranged her equipment. "It's nice to see you again, Kimura-san. How is your beautiful wife?"

"You know Yoshi?" he asked, sounding surprised.

"We've talked a few times during work," Sakura said softly as she began cutting away at the hardened plaster cast. "She's a very nice lady. And she always wears such lovely dresses, don't you think?"

They weren't perfectly innocent questions. Since the time that Yoshi told her Kakashi had bought her that blue dress, Sakura had held a few questions that she'd never been able to answer. The main one being, was it possible to buy a dress for a woman without her husband realising? Sakura knew the only way to get answers was to surreptitiously fish for them.

"There's one dress she wears often," Sakura went on, "and I've been meaning to ask her but I never got round to it. It's a lovely blue one, and shimmers like peacock feathers, and I wonder… do you happen to know where she got it? I'm attending a wedding in a few weeks and I'd love to get myself a dress like that."

"I know the dress you mean," he said, stroking his short beard. "The one with the lace at the shoulders?"

"That's the one, sir."

"I believe it's from Suzuki's. I think." Then he chuckled. "Well, I really should know. I bought it for her birthday last year after all, but my memory's not particularly good. I suppose it could be from any boutique in town, I'm afraid."

Sakura's hands paused their work for a fraction of a moment, before a small touched her mouth. "Is that so?" she murmured. "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you."

Once the cast was off, the boy gave his arm an earnest scratch and flexed it happily as if it had never been broken twice over. Sakura smiled as she bid the pair farewell, made a hash of the resulting paperwork, and then slunk back to the locker room to collect her coat and scarf. She would get lunch on the way to the Hokage tower where she would spend the rest of the day running around after the Hokage, because even though she'd been formally dismissed as an apprentice over six months ago, not a lot had changed. Tsunade still expected Sakura to be around to pick up extra work and would still explain the more advanced medical jutsu that Sakura tried to learn, if Sakura took the initiative to ask for help. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that, regardless of Sakura's new status as a simple upper tier medic rather than apprentice, she was still one of the few people that Tsunade trusted implicitly. Sleeping with her sensei hadn't changed Tsunade's faith in her as a confident and medical successor.

Unfortunately, all that meant was that Sakura was stuck with the same amount of work as before, only now she didn't get any of the perks that had once been afforded. But Sakura didn't mind so much. There was still so much left to learn, and Tsunade was still willing to teach her. Even if it wasn't in any official capacity, it was enough.

She walked in through the entrance of the Hokage tower with a bento box in one hand and a canned hot drink in the other. No sooner had the blast of hot air from the heaters hit her face this time than someone was hurrying forward to confront her. "There you are!" It was Kimiko, who Sakura vaguely knew from administration. "Tsunade-sama has been waiting for you – you're to go up immediately. She says it's urgent."

"Why? What's happened?" Sakura asked.

"I don't know, but she says it concerns you."

_Kakashi_, Sakura thought instantly, and all but fled away up the stairs, trying to avoid knocking anyone over in her rush but not always succeeding. She crashed through Tsunade's office door, out of breath. "Tsunade-sama! What is it?"

Tsunade looked up at her. "Oh, good! You're here." Then she held up a colour chart. "Which do you think I should paint the walls with? I was thinking maybe Meadow Sunshine or Forest Green. What do you think?"

Sakura stared dumbly at her Hokage and the colour chart while she attempted to catch her breath. "Well, actually," she began, "I quite like Bubblegum Pink, but-"

"Useless girl! Why on earth did I think it was a good idea to ask you?" Tsunade waved her away. "Shizune! Shizune get in here and help me pick a colour!"

Sakura gratefully retreated to one of the empty desks at the edge of the room where the clerics often worked and quietly devoured her lunch, even if it was a little jumbled up now after that hasty dash. She'd really thought that perhaps there had been news of Kakashi. Bad news. Like perhaps he'd been found dead somewhere and Tsunade wanted to break it her to her gently.

It was quite irrational really, but for the last six months Sakura had been reacting that way pretty much every time Tsunade called her 'urgently', even though it was always about some other tedious detail that could have nothing further to do with Kakashi.

As far as she knew, Kakashi was alright. Last she'd heard, he was very far south, enjoying summer while Konoha endured winter. He sent little updates every now and then to Tsunade as per his part of his contract, but it was never more than a few lines attached to the leg of an eagle. The last one had roughly gone like this:

"_Hello all. Enjoying Cape Buto. Weather is nice. Food is vile. Give regards to Team Tenzou. Bird keeps pecking me, so I'll keep it short._

_Goodbye._

_Kakashi xxx"_

So at least Sakura knew he was relatively safe and alive, even though it gnawed at her that he never really mentioned her. Even in the longer letters he occasionally sent that went on for a few paragraphs at least, he only mentioned her name in passing the way he did Naruto or Sasuke's name.

Odd… for a man who professed to love her.

While Shizune continued to insist that Ocean Blue was a far more suitable colour for the Hokage's office than Forest Green, Sakura picked at her pickled vegetables and sipped at her now only lukewarm can of tea. She remembered how she'd bumped into Hinata at the hospital the very day Kakashi had left Konoha. The Hyuuga girl had been even more nervous than usual and very peculiar, and when she had inquired after Kakashi and Sakura had told her that he'd left, she had abruptly burst into tears.

It had been quite a strong reaction for even Hinata, and Sakura had quickly gotten to the bottom of it.

At some point the previous night, Naruto had confided in her that Kakashi had confided in _him _that he loved Sakura, and that Naruto had been forbidden from mentioning it. So Hinata was upset for two reasons – the first being that she'd once again failed to keep a secret entrusted to her, and the second being because she felt the situation was just too cruel.

"But he loves you, Sakura-san!" she'd cried. "He only left a few hours ago – maybe you can still catch up to him!"

Sakura had sat down very quietly and thought very carefully.

Yes, she could still catch up to Kakashi. But then what? What had this revelation changed in the long-run? Presumably he was already aware that he was in love with her, so telling him what she knew would not likely sway him from his decision to leave. And though she could suck it up and tell him that she felt the same, was that any more likely to change his mind?

Because if he loved her, then it meant he hadn't left her because he'd grown bored of their relationship. If he loved her, the only reason he would want to leave was because it was kinder than staying and finding themselves alienated a little more each day by their own home.

He'd asked her if she'd understood why he had left…

She realised she did now. Sort of.

A strange kind of peace had eased the knot around her heart and she'd smiled at Hinata and reassured her that everything was ok. She wouldn't follow after Kakashi, because that wasn't part of the plan. And at least she felt better, knowing that he had loved her after all.

But what about now? Was six months enough time for him to forget? He'd covered a lot of ground in those long months since his departure, and Sakura didn't doubt that he'd come across several exotic foreign women. He was a philanderer by nature, and though he had told Naruto that he loved her, did that mean it was the kind of love that lasted? The kind of love that could withstand to test of time and be remembered when he next saw a disarmingly beautiful face?

It wasn't impossible that he'd been with other women since then. She'd even had a dream one night of Kakashi making love to a faceless, unknown woman, the same way he'd used to make love to Sakura. Even though it had just been a dream, she had a feeling it was her subconscious seeking to remind her that Kakashi was Kakashi, and his heart did not work the same way hers did.

So for six long months – and then some – she'd been waiting. For exactly what, she wasn't entirely sure. But in the mean time, it had been just as Kakashi said. His departure had changed something about the way people looked upon their relationship. No longer had it been seen as a sordid little affair of a perverted teacher lusting after young flesh and a promiscuous girl using her body to get ahead. Since his departure, it had gained some sense of vindication.

For some, it was as simple as seeing Kakashi's face. At least it was for Ino. It seemed that the moment Ino had seen Kakashi as he really was, she had forgotten why she'd ever been opposed to Sakura's relationship with him in the first place.

"Now I know what you saw in him," she'd said to Sakura for days following his departure. "It's sad that he's gone. Now that I think about it, you two look really good together. He's not as old as I thought, you know?"

Of course, Ino was especially vapid and she would forgive any man a sin if he had a pretty face. But for others at least some similar sort of reaction had taken place. Perhaps because Kakashi had for his entire life hidden himself from the village and kept all details of both his appearance and his life a secret, he had unwittingly made it difficult for people to trust him and his intentions. When people had heard the infamous copy ninja was sleeping with his student, his aloof, eccentric nature had only served to damn him. But when he'd stood there before them, in civilian clothes with his normal, albeit handsome face open to their scrutiny and perhaps even when he'd embraced Sakura lovingly – because now she knew that it _had_ been love he'd felt for her – they had understood him. He had been a simple man to them that day, not that strange masked figure who floated through the village streets, whom everyone knew but at the same time… was a stranger.

And then it had somehow gotten out that he'd loved her. Sakura didn't know if Naruto or Hinata had said something to someone else, or if someone had overheard Hinata breaking down to Sakura in the hospital (hospitals not being the most private places in the world) but eventually it had been common knowledge that Hatake Kakashi had loved Haruno Sakura, and then he'd left the village a noble and wronged man.

There were still plenty of people who did not approve of that relationship, but with Kakashi gone there was not much fuel for their gossip anymore, and they were drowned out by those who talked instead about the Great Tragic Love Story of the Copy Ninja and the Hokage's Apprentice. What a handsome man and a spirited girl, they said, and what a shame everyone was too close-minded to let their love bloom. Forgetting, of course, that these were the very same 'close-minded' people who had once whispered behind their hands about scandal. People's memories were awfully short.

Sakura didn't care for hypocrisy, but at least she was thankful to be able to once again walk down the street without being heckled and work at the hospital without being given cold shoulders by her colleagues. After she'd proven that she worked as hard as ever, with or without the benefit of being the Hokage's apprentice, she had regained a lot of the respect she'd lost.

She could breathe again. And she knew that if Kakashi hadn't left, and that if they'd stayed together, clinging to the tattered remains of a misplaced relationship, the condemnation would have continued until one of them snapped.

That was why Sakura had convinced herself to let him go.

But she was still waiting for something; some kind of sign of what to do next.

"Sakura," Tsunade called her, bringing her out of her thoughts. "When you've finished your lunch, can you photocopy these? I need fifty copies of each."

As Sakura leant over the copying machine, her chin resting in her palm while the panel of light slid back and forth with a low hum beneath her, she wondered what her future held. If Kakashi returned, would it work out between them? Would he still be interested? What if he _was_ still interested but didn't want to return? Could Sakura leave and go look for him?

But Sakura didn't want to leave Konoha. She wasn't like Kakashi, because her attachments to her friends were not so easy to dismiss. She couldn't leave Naruto, or Sasuke, or the home she'd grown up in with its familiar streets and alleys and building. She couldn't become a traveller… she had too much stuff she would have to carry with her – hair dryers, make-up, shampoo, all her clothes and her medical books – and it just wasn't possible to _be _Haruno Sakura and a displaced wandered living off the barest essentials.

More than anything, she just wanted Kakashi to come home. Never in a single one of his letters and notes had he expressed any kind of regret that he'd left, or that he missed Konoha. And with every month that passed and with every time he failed to mention her name in any meaningful sense, Sakura's confidence waned that he still loved her. What if he was unhappy out there on the move? What if he blamed her? What if what had once been love had been twisted into bitterness and regret and he now wanted nothing to do with her?

The copy machine went quiet and Sakura collected the thick wedges of printed paper to begin sorting them into the correct piles. One sharp paper edge caught the side of her finger and she hissed in pain as a thin line of blood appeared. Odd, how she could be run through without so much as a gasp, but when she got a paper cut she felt the need to whimper and swear as she sucked on the pathetic wound.

Priorities… that's what she needed.

"Sakura-san, is everything ok?"

Sakura jumped at the sound of his voice, even though she knew she shouldn't have been that surprised, seeing as how the Reprographics lab was right next door to the poisons Research and Development lab. "Shinra-kun!" She pulled her finger from her mouth and waved it reassuringly at the man standing in the doorway. "It's nothing, I just got a papercut. I'm so clumsy."

He nodded. "Are you done with the photocopier?" he asked, holding up his own wad of worksheets. "Only I need to…"

"Oh – go ahead!" Sakura grabbed her work and moved to a free table to allow him access to the machine. As she went back to sorting her copies into piles, she watched Shinra's back as he stood programming the machine. She'd spoken to him on several occasions since they had first met at that bar where he had bought her a drink and Kakashi had taken that red-haired girl in the back, mostly because Tsunade had decided Sakura had reached a point in her unofficial training to get more closely acquainted with poisons and antidotes, and she was spending every other day in the Poisons R&D lab where Shinra worked.

Through their conversations, Sakura had learnt many things about this man. He was quiet, but he wasn't shy, only absorbed in his tasks and work so thoroughly that it was hard to distract him. And he had a good heart. He'd always been kind and polite to Sakura, even for the short time after Kakashi's departure when most of the people in this building still scorned her for one reason or another. However, he wasn't terribly good at explaining how some of his poisons worked to Sakura, and as a result, she had sometimes spent hours with him in his lab working under his watchful eye.

If she guessed his age, she would put him somewhere between herself and Kakashi, though she suspected his personality made him appear older than he actually was. And for all intents and purposes – he ticked the necessary number of boxes that made Sakura sit up straighter when he entered the room. Intelligent, a genius in his field, kind, good-looking, and carried himself with an air of dignity and restraint.

If her heart hadn't already been stolen by Kakashi who was now carting it over hills and dales somewhere in the south, she might have been very interested in this person. Only, like most men she set her heart on, she was quite sure he was indifferent to her.

"My sister's getting married next week," he said suddenly, making Sakura pause though he didn't look around at her.

"Congratulations!" she exclaimed. He did look around at her then, and he expression was very serious. "Um… it is congratulations… right?"

"Oh, yes. He's very nice." He nodded thoughtfully. "The only problem is, I don't have a date."

Sakura suspected she knew where this was going, and a tingle of alarm and excitement ran up her spine. "Is that so?" she asked slowly.

He turned to lean his back against the running photocopier. "I was hoping you could help me in that area," he said to her.

"You mean… you want me to help you kidnap and drug some poor girl into doing your bidding?" she asked.

"Ordinarily. But perhaps something a bit simpler?" he suggested.

Sakura swallowed. "You're asking me to go with you, aren't you?"

"Obviously you don't have to if you don't want to," he said quickly, which was possibly the first hint of insecurity she'd ever seen in him. "I was just hoping that-"

"Yes, of course," Sakura interrupted. "Of course, I'll go with you. I'd be happy to."

He stared at her in surprise and then smiled slightly. "I thought maybe you were still…"

"You have to move on at some point, right?" she said gingerly. "I'll go with you to the wedding. I want to."

But she wasn't sure that was entirely true, and as she made her way home that evening, she convinced herself she was doing right. The river beneath the bridge had frozen over, and she paused at the railing to peer down at the thin sheet of ice covering the water's surface. Six months ago she'd thrown a very beautiful, very expensive dress into this river because of one woman's lie, and not for the first time she felt a pang of regret – only now it was deeper, because now she knew that it hadn't been an empty gift, and god only knew what Kakashi had felt when he'd watched her throw it away as if it was.

Sakura found herself irresistibly seized with the urge to contact him. To read his words, if not hear his voice, and tell him all the thoughts and worries on her mind. She wanted to write a letter and ask him if he still thought of her, and if it was ok that she was going to a wedding as another man's date. Was it ok to move on? Was it ok to try and fall in love again?

She continued homeward, her heart thoroughly sunk. If she knew of a way to contact Kakashi, she would have done it by now. She always contemplated writing him letters, but where the hell was she supposed to send them? He moved around so much that by the time any letter she sent reached his last known location, he undoubtedly would have picked up and left long before. Only Tsunade had the means of emergency contact with Kakashi, but Sakura didn't want to ask her. Tsunade did not always respect privacy as she should, and any message she forwarded from Sakura to Kakashi would almost definitely be circled twice around the office before being sent.

Inside her apartment, Sakura slipped off her shoes and her coat and carefully folded her scarf. She ate the pudding she'd been saving in the fridge and then went to catch up on her reading in bed. Outside the sky filled with a pale grey – a colour that reminded her so sharply of a certain man's hair - and then began to snow, as it often did these nights. Sakura watched the soft flakes pass over the flared light from the street lanterns and heaved a soft sigh to herself. Kakashi would hate to have missed the snow.

For as long as Sakura had known that man, she'd learnt that he cared little for most types of weather extremes. He was indifferent to rain, wind, and heat waves, but at the first sight of snow, he became a veritable encyclopaedia of snow facts.

"You can always judge the temperature by the shape of snowflakes," he'd said to them, during their genin training days when the snowfall had gotten so thick on their mission that they'd been forced to stop and take shelter under the trees. "Between three and ten degrees, they form star shapes. Between ten and eighteen, they look like plates. Between eighteen and twenty-three, they fall in little columns, and become needles between twenty-three and twenty-seven. And then between twenty-seven and thirty-two, they fall like plates again."

All three children had really not cared in the slightest and had shivered dramatically beneath the boughs of the trees. "So what does that mean?" Sasuke had asked grumpily.

"Well, these flakes are plate-shaped…" Kakashi sighed, holding out his hand to catch the stray snowflakes, "so its either fucking cold, or really fucking cold. Take your pick."

"Sensei, how is it you know so much about nothing at all?" Sakura had grouched to him.

"When you're as old as I am," he'd said, "you too will have had all the time in the world to learn about many useless things."

Gradually, her memories faded into dreams, and before she realised it, she had fallen asleep amongst her text books, with visions of snowy hair and warm embraces to keep her company through the night.

* * *

Fresh snow crunched under foot as Kakashi steadily made his way across the dormant field. "Morning, friend," he muttered to the soggy scarecrow he passed that hung limply under the snow piled on top of its hat and sleeves. The snow had to be at least six inches deep on the ground alone, but it still continued to fall unrelentingly. 

It was going to be one of _those_ winters, it seemed.

Kakashi tugged his scarf more tightly around his nose and mouth and looped it over his head to simultaneously keep his ears warm. There wasn't much further to go. Up ahead he could already see the road that he'd travelled down countless times before, and he knew that following it would lead to the gates of Konoha in roughly one mile. But when Kakashi leapt the ditch and found himself on the grassy roadside verge, he cut straight across into the trees on the other side. The road was nothing but slimy, slippery slush, and he didn't really want to make his grand re-entrance into Konoha with a wet ass after taking one misjudged step. Not that anyone was expecting him.

But he _had_ seen one or two kites gliding around silently in the skies and he was willing to bet at least one of them was acting as Konoha's eyes and ears. It wouldn't surprise him if news had already reached the Hokage that a suspicious character was creeping through the snow towards the village. Hopefully they would recognise him, or he might find twenty ANBU suddenly materialising in the surrounding woods to push him down on the ground and strip-search him. Twenty ANBU might suddenly materialise anyway even if they _did_ recognise him, depending on how vindictive Tsunade was still feeling. Was six months enough time to forgive and forget that he'd defiled her favourite apprentice?

Well, he was about to find out.

As he'd expected, the entrance gates were blessedly absent of any overbearing greeting party similar to the farewell party that had seen him off. He made his way humbly beneath the arch and in an instant he was home. It was almost as if he'd never left. No one paid much attention to him as he slipped through the streets, and certainly no one seemed to recognise him. Perhaps because his face and hair was mostly obscured by his scarf, or perhaps because it was snowing hard enough to severely limit visibility. Either way, Kakashi made his way towards the Hokage tower unmolested. What he really wanted to do was go home and climb into a hot bath, but no doubt Tsunade was aware he was back by now and she would expect him before her desk as soon as physically possible.

When he stepped through the doors of the Hokage tower, the blast of warm arm on his face was almost uncomfortable after such prolonged exposure to the cold. His clothes suddenly felt hot and itchy, but he stoically made his way up the stairs until he was before the office door he'd spent that last sixty miles visualising in his head. He only hesitated for a second or two before opening the door and letting himself inside.

Shizune's head popped up. "No visitors, please. The hokage's very busy," she told him formally.

"Yo," he greeted, holding up a gloved hand.

The woman frowned and peered at him. When her mouth dropped open and her eyes flew wide, Kakashi guessed that she'd probably recognised him. "You're back," she gasped.

"I need to see Tsunade-sama," he said. "It's quite urgent."

"Oh… um… of course, go right ahead."

He murmured a soft thank you and pressed on the handle to Tsunade's inner office.

It was safe to say he was expecting Tsunade, being that she was the Hokage and supposedly the sharpest tool in this shed that was Konoha, to be drumming her fingers knowingly on her desk and saying something along the lines of "I've been expecting you," or "What took you so long?"

It was also safe to say he'd expected her to at least be sitting upright.

The moment he closed the door behind him, Tsunade sat bolt upright in her chair with a snort and a piece of notepaper stuck to her chin. "I'm awake," she said quickly in a slurred 'I'm not really awake at all' tone and clumsily fixed her hair. "What is it?"

It was as she was belatedly peeling the paper from her face that she finally seemed to get a good look at him. "Oh, it's you," she said. She definitely sounded surprised, but there was nothing to say it was pleasant surprise or disappointment she felt as she appraised him. "What are you doing here?"

"I have some information I thought would be of interest to you," he began, cutting straight to the point. "Hanging around Giiza, you tend to hear some things whether you want to or not. Am I correct in saying you have an escort mission planned next week for some family across the salt pans?"

A small smile crept across Tsunade's lips. "You would."

"Well, there's going to be-"

"An ambush?"

Kakashi sighed. "You already knew…?"

"Kakashi, I have spies posted in every possible corner of the land. This information is at least two weeks old; it's useless to me," Tsunade said evenly, straightening her hair clips. "And I refuse to believe you trekked all the way from Giiza in this weather to tell me some mundane little plot that, even without being forewarned, could easily be quelled anyway. And you couldn't have posted a messenger bird?"

"I felt like a walk." Kakashi shrugged.

Tsunade's snort was derisive. "Your lies are as bad as ever," she remarked coolly. "What's really going on here?"

Kakashi merely smiled and shrugged again. "It appears I've wasted a trip, that's all. I hope you don't mind if I stop by for a few nights while I wait for the snow to ease up?"

"The exile was imposed by you, not me," Tsunade reminded him. "Do what you like. I don't really care. Though I daresay certain people will be happy to have you back for a while."

"Ah, yes. Naruto is probably missing having someone coming around to clear out his fridge. I dread to think what six month old milk smells like by now. And Sasuke probably misses picking on his poor, old teacher."

"You know, that wasn't who I had in mind…" Tsunade said quietly.

A beat of silence passed, and Kakashi idly scratched behind his ear. "So… is Sakura here?"

"Smooth."

"Yeah…"

"Sakura's not here, Kakashi. She doesn't even work here anymore," Tsunade told him with a scoff. "What do you think I am? A tyrant?"

Kakashi blinked at her in confusion. "Sorry?"

Her smile widened. "A woman in her condition can't be working. She's at home, putting her feet up… eating peanut butter cakes, and so on…"

The confusion persisted on his face for a moment or two, and then suddenly went slack. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but seemed to forget what it was he wanted to say, and then the confusion was back.

Tsunade flipped her hair back. "Problem?"

Kakashi swallowed. "Why didn't you tell me…?"

"I'm telling you now, aren't I?" Tsunade shot back, guiltless.

His gaze wandered away from her, unseeing. He looked faint. "May I be excused?"

She gestured to the door. "By all means."

Without wasting any time with the common pleasantries or farewells, Kakashi turned and threw open the door – caught Shizune who suddenly pitched through it, having been listening on the other side – and exited with a slightly tenser stride than with which he'd entered.

Shizune straightened and gave Tsunade a severe look. "That was very cruel."

"I don't know what you mean," Tsunade replied innocently.

"Telling him about Sakura's 'condition'. What condition would that be, Tsunade-sama?"

"I was under the impression she had a bit of flu this week," the Hokage replied, picking up her forgotten coffee cup.

"No, Tsunade-sama, Sakura does not have the flu this week," Shizune ground out.

"Oh. My mistake." Tsunade sipped her decidedly cold coffee. She noticed Shizune glowering at her and smiled craftily in response. "Oh, come on. I could see he was winding himself up to avoiding her. At least this way that won't happen."

Shizune deflated with a sigh. "You're a psychopath."

"No, a sociopath. There's a difference."

* * *


	21. Winter's End

_A/N: Sorry about the delay! It was difficult writing this chapter as it's the last and I wanted to strike the right balance and tone while tying up all the loose ends. That, and December is one of those months. XD So enjoy. I think I've kept you guys waiting long enough._

* * *

_Window_

Chapter Twenty-One

* * *

About thirty-two years prior to this story, Hatake Sakumo returned home from his first foray into war to find his fiancée pregnant – the one who'd felt sorry for him the night before he'd set out on his five month war campaign and taken his virginity. No one liked to die a virgin, after all. 

Now Kakashi had wondered if what he was feeling now was a little like what his father had felt at that time. A little gut-wrenching panic, some denial, and most of all _fear_. Fear that the moment he turned up on Sakura's doorstep she would beat him into a bloody pulp for having put her in that condition.

_But I'm always so careful_, he thought. _She said she was on birth control…_

How could this have happened?

Well, aside from the _obvious_ way…

It was typical. The first time he let his guard down – the first girl he trusted enough to forget protection – and this happened. Although perhaps that was the point? There was no other girl or woman he could imagine ever being with like that. If he ever had children, it could only be with Sakura, but that didn't mean he wanted her to have the burden thrust upon her without warning or discussion. That was fair on no one.

But he couldn't just turn up on her doorstep like this – looking like some kind of yeti that had wandered in out of the wilderness. He hadn't been shaving as often as he should, he was wearing two coats because the melted snow had thoroughly soaked through the first one, and the result was that he really did look like a rabid hobo. The smell probably didn't help either. Personally he didn't find it offensive, but he knew not everyone liked _Eau De Wet Dog. _He had to admit to summoning the pack on some the recent bitter nights to share body heat… and odours.

It was decided. He would have to go home and make himself semi-presentable, and in the mean time he could try to think of something to say to Sakura, and/or make arrangements for his funeral.

He was looking forward to being home again. He was looking forward to hot water, indoor plumbing, electricity, and the familiar smell of his own bed. For the past six months he'd been in and out of hotels and taverns and had even snuck into the occasional love motel. Although they were cheap and handy, he tried to avoid the latter if possible. Booking in alone to a hotel set up specifically for lovers was always a bit depressing, and on those nights he found himself acutely aware of his own solitude, sorely missing a warm, feminine body to draw against his own. And not just _any_ feminine body. His itch was back, as it always was after a few weeks and months spent alone, but it was still as specific as before. It wanted Sakura. Only Sakura.

_He _wanted Sakura.

But first – a shower.

Kakashi rattled up the stairwell of his apartment block, shifting the backpack on his shoulder that seemed to be growing heavier as if in anticipation of being dropped with a satisfying thump on a threshold. There was his old doormat. There was the scratched golden '9' painted on his green door. Here was his key, still hiding in the gap above the door frame, with a slight coating of dust to reassure him that no one had touched it since he'd left. He turned it in the lock and pushed the door open. His backpack straps were already sliding to his elbows, ready to be flung off triumphantly.

Two startled faces peered at him from a yellow couch.

Kakashi stopped dead.

It was hard to say who was more surprised.

"Uh… what are you doing in my apartment?" Kakashi asked the couple cuddled up on a sofa he didn't remember ever owning, watching a television set he didn't think he owned either.

"_Your _apartment?" The woman got to her feet, hands fisted on her hips. "Who do you think you are – walking in here like you own the place?!"

"I _do_ own this place," Kakashi said reasonably. "Are you squatters or something?"

The woman's face turned red with rage. "Who gave you that key?!"

"Hatake-san! What are you doing back so soon?"

Kakashi turned to see the landlord hurrying down the corridor towards him, obviously having heard the commotion. The woman was quite shrill, after all. "Uchida-san," he greeted. "Why are there people in my apartment?"

"Um, because, you see, yourrentwasn'tturningupsoIsolditoff." The landlord bowed in deep apology to the couple inside the apartment, and hastily ushered Kakashi out to shut the door as if _he_ was the intruder.

"What's going on?" Kakashi demanded, more perplexed than anything else.

"I've had no way of contacting you," his landlord explained. "Your rent stopped coming so I had no choice. The property market is rising, you know, I can't just leave an empty apartment sitting there. It's a money drain. I had to rent it off again."

Ok. Slightly mercenary, but if Kakashi was a landlord he probably would have done the same. "But what about all my stuff?" he asked, immediately thinking of all the Icha Icha books he'd had safely stored under his bed. Where were they now?

"Your lady friend took most of your possessions, I believe," his landlord said anxiously. "You'll have to ask her."

"My lady friend?" Kakashi echoed.

"The one with pink hair, I can't remember her name."

_Of course_ Sakura had taken possession of his possessions. Probably to _burn them._

"So I'm homeless," Kakashi lamented sadly.

"Don't you have friends to stay with?"

"I'm not sure…" He wasn't confident that this village didn't still hate him

Kakashi stared off into the middle distance, facing the harsh reality that now not only did he look like a homeless bum, he _was_ a homeless bum.

"I'm sorry about this Hatake-san, but I'm going to need the spare key back," the landlord said uneasily.

What choice did he have? Kakashi sighed and silently handed the dusty key to his former landlord and made a mental note to find new accommodation. Probably a house. With a spare bedroom for the baby.

"Oh, god." He could feel the blood drain from his own face.

"Sorry?" the landlord bleated.

"Nothing," Kakashi muttered, drifting away.

It was still snowing outside. The pale sky seemed to reflect the landscape and Kakashi blew out a sigh that escaped through his scarf in a cloud of white. He liked the snow, but there seemed to be no escape from it today. "Shit, it's cold," he whispered to himself as he stuffed his hand deep into his coat pockets and began trailing in the vague direction of Sakura's apartment.

Since Tsunade had spoken to him he'd had at least twenty minutes now to come up with something to say to Sakura, but still his mind was a droning blank that offered nothing useful. What did you say in this situation? 'Hello' might be a good start, if he lived that long to get it out.

A shriek and a thump from somewhere ahead of him made him stop and snap his attention back onto his surroundings. He lifted his eyes to peer through the swirl of snow to see a pale, dark-haired girl in a purple bobble hat and woollen mittens staring at him in unadulterated horror, her hands clasped over her mouth and the parcel of food she'd been carrying now stuck in the snow at her feet.

She'd always been a bit of a weird girl, that Hinata, but he wasn't exactly one to talk. "Yo." He raised his hand, and then noticed Naruto standing beside her, looking just as surprised and almost as horrified. "You two look well."

"Hey, you're back!" At least Naruto recovered and had the decency to look pleased, even if still a little wary. "Sensei, when did you get back?"

"Just now, really," he replied vaguely, glancing over Hinata who was still frozen in place and slowly turning red. "What are you two up to? Anything interesting?"

"What – oh!" Naruto rubbed his nose with the back of his hand and grinned. "We're just on our way back from the wedding party. It went on _all_ last night, so we kinda crashed at the hotel."

"Wedding?" Kakashi repeated. "Someone got married?"

"Yeah… some guy… with this girl… I don't really remember," Naruto said, trailing his words guiltily.

Kakashi nodded. "I see."

"The food was good though," he added quickly. That was clearly all he remembered. "Where are you going? Home? You better not be. Did you know you've been evicted?"

"No one deigned to send me a note, I see," Kakashi said dryly.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well you're not the easiest person to contact," he grumbled. "'Cause there's a whoooole load of things we would have told you by now."

"So it seems." Kakashi rearranged the scarf that was threatening to fall off his nose. "I'm off to see Sakura, actually. I presume she still lives in the same place."

Naruto and Hinata glanced at each other seriously, and Hinata finally unstuck to bend down and scoop up her fallen parcels. She looked anxious when she rose to face Kakashi again, while Naruto seemed abnormally subdued. "You've heard about Sakura, right?" he asked.

Kakashi was amazed the boy hadn't lunged for his throat at first sight. "I have," he said.

"What are you going to do?" Hinata piped up, hugging her parcels for dear life. She was standing very close to Naruto, too. That was something Kakashi hadn't noticed before.

"I guess… I guess I'll just go talk to her," he said lamely. "Figure out what she wants to do. And if I have to… I'll marry her."

Hinata dropped her parcels again.

Naruto stared, nonplussed. "Kinda confident, ain't ya?"

"No, not really. I'm expecting her to be pretty angry at me."

"Really…?" Naruto tapped his chin. "I got the feeling she thought you'd be mad at her."

"Mad?" Kakashi echoed, shocked. "Why would I be mad? It's not like I didn't have an equal hand in it."

Naruto looked slightly confused. "I guess you could think of it that way…" he said thoughtfully. "Anyway, Sakura left the party last night, so she's probably at home. She has all your stuff there, by the way."

"Yeah," Kakashi sighed. "Thanks."

He slipped past them, aiming for the bridge and casually glanced over his shoulder to see Naruto stooping to pick up the fallen parcels. He was smiling up at Hinata who was shyly tucking her hair behind he ear and smiling back. Ah, thought Kakashi, suddenly understanding. How cute.

It was with a great deal of trepidation that Kakashi forged on to the street where Sakura lived. He dived out of the snow into the foyer of her apartment block and stamped the snow from his feet. One of the tenants was collecting her post from the lockers ahead of him and the elderly woman turned to nonchalantly look over him. She quickly did a double take. "Why, if it isn't Hatake Kakashi!" she said, clasping her hands to her chest. "Oh, she _will_ be pleased!"

That put Kakashi's spirits considerably higher than they had been. Maybe Sakura had missed him after all?

But when he knocked on her apartment door, there was no answer. The polite thing would have been to wait outside, but Kakashi grew worried. What if she _was _in, but something was wrong? What if she'd fallen on her back and couldn't get up? Were pregnant women very much like tortoises? Kakashi didn't know, but Sakura had no ward tags up and when even the most rudimentary lock-picking jutsu could unlock her door, it was as good as open anyway. He let himself inside and took a moment to look around at familiar sights and take in the familiar smells.

The apartment was a bit messier than he remembered, but she probably hadn't been expecting company. Lots of empty tea cups littered the living room table, along with a heap of paperwork. Dishes were piled up in the kitchen sink and a few articles of worn clothing lay scattered across the floor. There was a green vest that had the scent of her old perfume clinging to the neckline, and a pair of shorts that hung on back of a new chair she'd had placed in the corner by a new bookshelf. Both the chair and the bookshelf he recognised as his own.

And there, in as shabby a condition as ever, were his Icha Icha books.

Kakashi nearly wept. "Oh, thank god." He went down on his knees and counted them, and then took each one out to make sure they were exactly as he remembered. A few extra fingerprints and creases made him wonder if someone had been reading them in his absence…

All the rooms in Sakura's apartment were now a little cramped and crowded. She'd managed to squeeze his chest of drawers alongside her own in the bedroom, while the entire contents of his study – all the scrolls, folders, paperwork, and books were now piled carefully in the corner of the spare room where the rest of the furnishings that he owned were now stacked so densely there was no room to move.

Well. He was glad she hadn't burned anything.

Deciding to make himself a little more at home, he shook off his coats and laid them out to dry on the back of living room chair, and then went to find the bathroom to see what he could do about the beard. He didn't want to scare Sakura, after all. For a while he picked up the pink lady razor that sat on the window sill and deliberated hard… but eventually he decided to go with one of his own kunai. He was trying to ingratiate himself to Sakura, after all, and that wouldn't happen if he made a mess of her bath things. He _did_ use her shaving foam, but he found the smell of rose hips oddly pleasing.

But it was as he gave into the temptation to rummage through her fridge that Kakashi began noticing odd little details that put him on edge. Details such as the two glasses sitting on the work counter side-by-side. Or the two cushions next to the living room table that bore the indent of two separate bodies.

It didn't necessarily mean anything. Maybe Naruto had been round recently? Nevertheless Kakashi found himself heading back to the bedroom. The bed covers were rumpled and in disarray with the quilt half draped on the floor. But most importantly, there was only one imprint on the pillows.

This consoled him a little, though he told himself that it didn't matter if Sakura had found herself someone new. He'd urged her to do just that, and if she was happy then Kakashi wouldn't intrude upon that. Still, the idea of some other man touching her the way he once had was enough to tug his brow down and cause him to grip the armrest of his armchair when he sat down in it.

Snowflakes still whirled past the window, and Kakashi had second thoughts about whether he should even be there. Maybe she wouldn't thank him for crashing her apartment after all, though old habits died hard.

It was as Kakashi was wondering if he should leave and come at this from a new angle, that a knock sounded at the door. Irrationally, his first thought was that it was Sakura. Then he remembered how unlikely it was for someone to knock on their own apartment door.

Kakashi eased himself up and jerked the door open an inch to peer out. His sheer surprise at who stood out there made him haul it open completely. "Shinra," he said flatly, too surprised express anything more.

Shinra looked just as surprised as Kakashi felt though. "Kakashi-sempai," he murmured. "I didn't know you were back."

"I just got back today," Kakashi told him. "Haven't seen you in a while. Not since you left ANBU. You're working in R and D now, aren't you? Which department was it again?"

"Poisons, sempai."

"Yes, that was it." Kakashi folded his arms. "So… how's it been?"

"Great. Um… you?"

Kakashi stared at him.

"Oh," said Shinra. "Right."

"And what brings you to Sakura's home?" Kakashi asked, and added a little hopefully, "Working together on some project, I imagine?"

"Oh, I was just returning her gloves," Shinra said, pulling a pair of soft white mittens from his pocket.

Kakashi frowned. "Why do you have them?"

"She left them at the hotel."

"Hotel?"

"My sister got married yesterday-"

"Congratulations."

"-thanks, and some of us stayed on at the hotel."

"You mean… you and Sakura stayed in a hotel together last night?" Kakashi asked slowly.

Shinra went pale. "N-No. Sakura left last night. We only attended the wedding together, we didn't spend the night together or anything."

"So," Kakashi went on, even more slowly, "you and Sakura are… an item?"

"Well, no. Sort of. But not really. Not if you're back anyway."

"No, don't say that," Kakashi sighed. "Me and Sakura aren't together anymore. I'm not going to stand in your way. In fact, I even respect you. Not many men would go near a girl in that condition."

"Yeah, well, she hasn't been entirely popular, it's true. But none of that bothers me, sempai. I don't pay much attention to gossip."

"You're a good guy, Shinra," Kakashi said, realising he sounded like he rather didn't mean it.

"You're not so bad yourself, sempai."

An awkward silence followed, where Shinra twiddled the gloves in his hands and Kakashi debated whether or not to slam the door in his face and break his glasses.

"I think I'll just leave these here then, shall I?" Shinra said, breaking the tense moment by leaning around Kakashi and dropping the gloves on top of the shoe rack. "I'll be seeing you around then, sempai?"

Kakashi doubted that but watched the younger man wave goodbye and then shut the door with far more restraint and calm than he really felt.

He probably stood there for five minutes, staring at the back of the door and thinking hard about Sakura. And Shinra. And Sakura and Shinra together. He was shorter than Kakashi – just a bit taller than Sakura and probably fit her better. He was a serious, intelligent guy – enough to be like Sasuke – and probably any girlfriend of his was a very lucky girl. He was easily the best Sakura had ever dated.

At least her taste had improved vastly since Ikki.

His gaze turned to the pale gloves on the wooden rack and he sighed inwardly. He hadn't really banked on Sakura getting over him and finding someone new, though he had told himself repeatedly to expect it. He hadn't listened to his own voice of reason.

There was nothing left to do.

Kakashi grabbed his damp coats and shouldered into them roughly, before he wrapped his scarf tightly around his throat and face. He grabbed his backpack on the way out the door and disappeared out of the door into the snow. Where would he go? Maybe a hotel or an inn? He had money to rent a room. Frankly, he had money to move into a new apartment right that very minute, but he was just too tired to think about things like that. It was beginning to look as though he didn't have a reason to stay much longer anyway.

He rounded a corner and bumped straight into a smaller woman. She would have collapsed in a heap with her brown paper bag of shopping if he hadn't caught her by the arms and steadied her. "Sorry," he mumbled distractedly.

The woman righted her bobble hat. "Watch where you're going, you idiot!"

That snappy tone. That crystal voice. That improbable shade of hair.

"Sakura?"

* * *

Haruno Masaki stubbed out her cigarette in the near overflowing ashtray the moment she heard the knock at the door. She'd made a stout promise to quite smoking, and for once she was making a fair go at it, seeing as how she was down to only five a day now. Still, when she opened the door she was accompanied by the strong smell of tobacco and greeted by the slightly reproachful scowl of her daughter. 

"Don't look at me like that," she reminded the girl sharply. "I gave birth to you."

"What look?" Sakura said innocently. "May I come in?"

"You're only here for one of three things. It can't be money, because you're earning more than me now. It better not be your belongings, because I sent everything in your room down to the charity shop last Friday. So all that's left is that you feel guilty you haven't dropped by in a while."

Sakura smiled tightly. "Actually, I wanted to give you this," she said, holding out a small piece of folded paper.

Her mother raised an eyebrow and took the paper wordlessly before flipping it open to read. At the first line, her heart flipped in her chest. "Sakura, what is this?" she demanded, turning pale. "I hope this isn't a joke."

"I did some asking around at headquarters," Sakura replied blandly. "It took me a month to track him down, but I did it in the end. That's his address and his number, see, he's retired to a place on the East Fen River. You can write to him or call him or whatever. What do you think?"

Haruno Masaki was speechless. "Sakura – this is out of the question! What were you thinking? He's probably married by now; I can't just drop on him out of the blue."

"He was married," Sakura told her quickly, "but now he's divorced. No children."

Megume ran her hand through her hair. "My god…" She looked at her daughter. "Do you think he'd remember me?"

"You said he loved you, right?" Sakura responded.

"Yes, but-"

"And you loved him too, and you never forgot him," she went on. "You said walking away from him was the biggest mistake of your life, but it's not too late. It might be the second biggest mistake of your life if you don't take this opportunity."

"You're one to talk about missed opportunities, madam," Masaki said shortly, turning on her daughter. "What happened to that nice instructor of yours? You just let him walk out because of idiots like your father."

"I thought you didn't approve?" Sakura questioned dubiously.

"No, but I trusted you when you said you were doing what _you_ wanted to do and that you weren't letting fear dictate your decision," her mother said tritely. "Then what did you do? You let people like your father get to you and let that fear take over. Now where is he? God knows. And I know that you like to make people think that you're perfectly happy, but I _am _your mother, and I _do_ know when a child of mine is down, and for the past few months your smiles have never been so forced."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sakura said stiffly.

"Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's just around me that you're having to force your smiles. Do you hate me that much?" Masaki put just the right amount of confusion and hurt in her voice to bring the guilt flooding over Sakura's face.

"It's not that," Sakura said, looking away. "I guess I just miss him. A bit. He's never sent any letters to me, and it's not like he wouldn't have time to, right? I'm thinking maybe he's just forgotten me…"

"But he loves you, doesn't he?"

"I think so, but-"

"Once you love someone you don't just forget them," Masaki reminded her daughter sternly. "Does he know you love him?"

"Well, no." The words slipped out before Sakura realised what she'd just admitted to. Her mother was particularly good at making leading questions, and now Sakura looked up and waited for the outburst of disapproval.

But it wasn't forthcoming.

"Well then that's it, obviously," Masaki declared. "Men are more sensitive than you realise, Sakura. If you aren't always open they can feel rejected… and then they'll stay away stupidly thinking that's what you want." As she said this, she looked down at the note in her hand and smoothed her thumb over the scribbled name.

"But it's not _just_ that," Sakura said tiredly, hardly feeling like explaining all the complications that were involved in her relationship with Kakashi. "It's what everyone will think and how our work is affected…"

"Then you can work it out for yourself," her mother said impatiently, "and decide if you truly want to give up the one person who loves and understands you in exchange for the approval of a hundred strangers who don't give a shit about you."

Sakura stared at her for a long time and then sighed. "Typical. I come to do a nice favour for you, but it winds up as a lecture. I'll take care of my love life and you take care of yours and we'll mind each other's business from now on. Deal?"

"You're the worst daughter I have ever had."

"And you're my most terrible mother."

They embraced tersely and Sakura turned to go.

"Button up your coat, you'll freeze to death in this weather," Masaki called, and Sakura rolled her eyes and obeyed sullenly. "And thank you for the note… Sakura."

On her way home, Sakura stopped in at the grocery store and stocked up on the bare essentials she was beginning to run out of. She should have gone yesterday, but the wedding and the reception had run on longer than she'd anticipated, leaving her with this rush of chores to do today, including dropping off her uniform at the laundrette, stocking up on food, and rectifying her mother's tragic love life. All in a day's work for Haruno Sakura.

She was looking forward to getting home, not least because she'd left her gloves back at the wedding reception and her fingers were close to turning black with frostbite. And it was on the last street corner before her apartment that she ran into the bumbling idiot. Naturally, she being the smaller of the two nearly got thrown straight into the bushes, but a pair of strong hands caught her just in time. A flush of embarrassment raced through her and she shook them off, angry at the tall man for making her feel stupid and clumsy.

"Watch where you're going, you idiot!" she snapped as she reached up to make sure her hat was still there.

The man seemed surprised, and she very nearly marched straight past him without ever once looking in his face, until he said…

"Sakura?"

And Sakura froze, momentarily confused as she tried to place the familiar tone against an unfamiliar silhouette. It helped when he reached up to tug the scarf from his head, as he'd been wearing it like an old woman to protect his ears. She knew that white hair, even if it was a little bit longer than she recalled. The face at least was exactly the same.

When Kakashi came back, Sakura had sort of expected that he would look rugged, tired and a little grizzly – like a man who had spent six months on the edge in some wilderness or another, probably having had to kill rabbits with his bare hands and eat them raw to stay alive. She'd often sat with Ino at the tea house speculating between them how Kakashi would appear when he returned. It was disorientating how much he looked exactly the same, as if he'd barely been gone six days let alone six months. He'd clearly been well-fed in his absence and his skin was as clear and healthy as ever, and not at all gaunt and desperate like she had imagined.

"Kakashi…"

The paper bag began to slip from her numb, mitten-less fingers and in her sudden effort to regain her grasp, a box of mushrooms toppled out and disappeared beneath the snow. A tentative smile broke across her face, but it faded when he didn't return it.

She had also sort of expected that her reunion with Kakashi would have been full of shrieks (mainly hers) and lots of happy embracing and possible kissing. But right now the mood was all wrong. He was looking at her with a carefully blank expression that gave away nothing, but Sakura knew Kakashi well enough by now that if he was deadpan in a situation like this, he was definitely holding something back. She had no idea what that was though.

"W-When did you get back?" she asked, when he said nothing for far too long.

"This morning," he replied. His gaze strayed over her face and down her front. Was he looking at her new coat? It was a duffel, and horribly shapeless, but at least it was as warm as toast. She couldn't tell if he agreed with it or not.

"Um, if you're on your way home, don't bother," she said awkwardly. "Your apartment got repossessed."

"Yes, I know," he said quietly.

A snowflake landed on her eyelashes and she hastily brushed it away. "I have all your stuff at my place."

"Yes, I know."

He was staring at her. Hard.

"Is my nose red or something?" she asked self-consciously. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

He frowned, as if pained. "Sakura," he said tiredly, "why didn't you tell me?"

Oh,_no_! He already knew about Shinra! She let out a depressed sigh and looked at the ground. "You better come up then. I'll explain everything."

Kakashi was taking this more seriously than she'd expected, but he really had nothing to be so concerned about. She liked Shinra, but she didn't… _like_ him, and hopefully Kakashi would believe that once she'd sat him down and explained it all carefully.

She collected her fallen box of mushrooms from the snow and moved past Kakashi, unnerved by how quiet Kakashi was and how carefully he watched her as if he expected her to drop dead all of a sudden or something. This was reinforced when, halfway up the stairs to her apartment, he offered to take her bag of groceries.

"I can carry them," she rebuked, perplexed about his sudden display of chivalry. "I'm not that fragile."

"Yes, but someone in your condition shouldn't be carrying heavy things."

"My condition?" she echoed in bemusement. She _had _had the flu a few weeks ago. Maybe he'd heard about that and was, as usual, late to the party. "I'm fine. Don't be such a pedant."

She heard him sigh behind her as she continued valiantly on. "I wish you'd said something sooner."

"It wasn't easy to get hold of you," she said, looking back at him worriedly. "And I didn't think it was that important-"

"You didn't think it was that _important_?" he echoed, and Sakura heard an anger bleeding through into his tone that made her stop instantly and turn back to him uncertainly on the last flight of stairs to her apartment.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked quietly, fearing she'd dangerously underestimated how possessive this man could be.

But the moment she looked at him and asked that small question, the fight went out of him. "No," he said softly. "But I'm disappointed you didn't think it was important to tell me I'm going to be a father."

"We only hung out a little bit yesterday and went to a wedding but…" she trailed off, his words only just sinking in. "Wait, what's this about you being a father?"

"Tsunade told me everything, Sakura," he said, touching a hand to her shoulder.

She stared at that hand. "Kakashi," Sakura began with grinding patience, "why are you going to be a father?"

"Because… you're pregnant?" He didn't say it with an astounding amount of certainty.

Sakura could only stare dumbly at him before she suddenly smacked his hand off, gathered up her slightly soggy bag of food and turned to storm away.

"Where are you going?" Kakashi asked, catching her by the hood with embarrassing ease to keep her from leaving.

"If the only reason you came back was because you heard some _stupid_rumour I was pregnant, then you can go right back to where you came from. _I _am going _home_. Goodbye."

She tried to twist out of his hold on her coat while simultaneously ignoring his very existence. _How can he be so stupid!_ she quietly seethed to herself. _How can he be so insensitive!_

"No trust!" she called out angrily, more to herself than Kakashi. "I told you I was on birth control – I told _everyone!_ But no! No one thinks I can handle my own body – obviously I'm pregnant! And now you must come back and take care of me, right? Idiot! I suppose you want to marry me too, huh? Congratulations, Haruno Sakura – you've finally got that leverage over him! Moron! _Idiot!_"

Kakashi's hand dropped. His face was a picture of pale surprise. "You mean you're… you're _not _pregnant?"

Sakura, about to march off, whirled on him instead. "Do I _look_ pregnant to you?" she snapped.

Kakashi froze and looked at her. He looked at her belly, but the coat she wore was bulky and hid all kinds of curves beneath it. Very carefully he reached out, knowing he was liable to have his fingers bitten off if she was angry enough, and carefully slipped the top peg from its loop on the front of her coat. Sakura's eyes only narrowed slightly, so he felt safe to undo the next loop, and the next, until the coat hung open and he could slip his hand inside.

His fingers brushed against the fabric of over her stomach – her decidedly flat stomach. He pressed his hand against her and suddenly smiled a self-deprecatory smile. But there was something behind those eyes, and Sakura remained mute as he tugged on the fingers of his gloves to remove them to place his unbearably warm fingers to her cold cheek. "You're not pregnant," he stated.

"Of course I'm not pregnant!" she barked, pushing his hand away before adding more softly. "What kind of idiot are you?" Not unkindly.

Kakashi appeared duly sheepish. "Tsunade-sama kinda implied you were pregnant when I saw her about an hour ago in the Hokage tower…"

Sakura felt a lot of her anger drain, replaced instead by pity. "And you believed her?" she sighed. "What a nasty trick to pull. I bet she was drunk again." At least she knew now that he hadn't returned out of some macho sense of duty. He'd returned because… actually, why had he returned? "What made you come back here?" she asked.

"I had some info for Tsunade."

Sakura's gaze dropped. "Oh. I see."

"And I had a present to give to you."

Inner Sakura sat up much straighter, but outer Sakura feigned apathetic interest. "Oh?" she muttered.

He held up his finger to tell her to wait for a moment as he let his backpack slide onto the step between them. After a little rooting around, a little blue bundle of cloth emerged from the bag.

"Are those my panties?" she asked suspiciously.

"Could be," he said evasively as he handed her the bundle. "But what's important is what's _in_ the panties."

Frowning even more suspiciously, she began to unwrap the bundle of cloth that was her underwear until a curved triangle of leather fell out into her hands. Instantly she forgot all about her huff with the panties and gasped in delight as she unsheathed the trench knife from its burgundy sheath and held it up to examine with a shriek. "It's beautiful! And it's all pink and – ooh look at the little tassels with the plastic lucky kitties on them! Where did you get this?"

"I took on a very dangerous mission for a blacksmith and this was the reward," Kakashi said seriously.

"Oh, you shouldn't have," she purred, quite obviously happy that he had. "I hope the mission wasn't too dangerous."

"I'm afraid it was very perilous," he replied. "His hamster was trapped behind the fridge, and it was terrified. It bit me at least three times."

He held up his hand, and there were fairly recent marks on his fingers, but Sakura doubted they were from any hamster. This sounded like one of his lame lies. "You poor thing," she said, playing along anyway as she clasped her hand over his and gave it a small burst of chakra that would turn the pink marks white. "But it's good to know you were exploiting your full potential while you were away."

Their hands lingered a little longer than necessary together as they both smiled rather stupidly at one another. With awkward reluctance, Sakura moved her hand back and began fiddling with her new toy.

Kakashi's fingers flexed discreetly. "So do you like the gift?" he asked tentatively.

"I love it!" she said quickly, in case he was in any doubt. "It's so me. Thank you so much, Kakashi."

"I didn't know if you would like it," he went on. "Especially after what you did with the last gift I gave you."

Sakura's smile slipped and after a moment she sat with a thump on the step, staring at the pink trench knife on her lap. "I'm sorry. I wish I'd never done that. I only recently found out too…"

"Found out what?" Kakashi frowned, not moving.

She looked up at his open, slightly confused face and felt even worse. How could she have doubted him? "Kimura Yoshi told me that you bought her dresses too… and lingerie. I thought you were just buying my affections or something. I really like that dress as well, but when I thought you were doing it for all the women you slept with, I hated it."

"Oh," was all Kakashi said.

"But I only found out a few days ago that she made it up. And now I feel guilty for having believed her. I should have _known_ she was just trying to spite me." Sakura sighed. "Jealous cow…"

Kakashi sighed as well and dipped onto the step below hers. "If she was trying to spite anyone, it would have been me. But no… more likely she was just trying to warn you off me. Her opinion of me was never high, so maybe her intentions were earnest, even if she lied. That woman would look out for a fellow female ever before she did a man."

"I see," Sakura said quietly.

"Shame about the dress though…" Kakashi murmured. "It _was _kind of expensive."

Sakura bent double and groaned into her knees.

"You're not getting another one."

"Like I would ask you to!" she said, snapping upright in offence. "I could buy my own Suzuki's dress right now if I wanted to! I _am_ on the jonin payroll, you know."

He blinked at her in surprise, and then smiled. "I knew you would do it."

"Even though you tried to fail me?" she reminded him with a scowl.

"I failed you because I knew you would make a jonin if I didn't," he said in an off-hand way. "I didn't want that back then; you weren't ready. But I don't know. Maybe you are now? Though I have to admit I'm a little ticked off that you now outrank me."

"I'm…" Sakura swallowed hard. "I'm going to be a teacher soon."

"I'm sorry."

"You bastard, you're supposed to say 'congratulations'," Sakura grumbled. "Maybe I should take you on as one of my pupils?"

Kakashi laughed caustically. "I'm sure the villagers would love that."

"They might surprise you," Sakura said quietly.

He looked at her and she smiled as if she knew something he didn't. But now he also noticed that she seemed kind of cold, huddled on the step like that, and he knew from when she'd touched his hand that her fingers were like strips of ice.

"I won't keep you," he suddenly decided. "Go inside and get warm. I need to go sort out some accommodation before I wind up sleeping on the street."

Sakura stared at him as he stood up. "You're not staying here?" she asked, as if it was obvious.

"Ah…"

"All your stuff is here, though."

"Do you really want me here?" he asked softly. "Even after all this time?"

"Well… I have a present for you too," Sakura told him with a faint blush. "You'll have to come in to get it though."

A slow smile spread across Kakashi's face.

"Stop it – it's not dirty!" Sakura hissed.

"I'm not interested if it's not dirty," he teased.

Well.. it was nice to see it wasn't just his appearance that hadn't changed, she thought, as she flushed again and turned to lead the way up the steps with her grocery bag and trench knife in her arms. When she came to her door she frowned. "I'm sure I locked this thing," she muttered, jiggling the key uselessly in the keyhole.

Kakashi contrived to look as if this had nothing to do with him, and followed her inside. She set down her groceries and Kakashi's gift immediately on the kitchen counter and began stripping off her coat, hat and scarf as she headed towards the bedroom. Kakashi's eyebrows came up. "I thought you said this wasn't dirty?"

She looked back at him with a smile. She knew he was teasing her. "You've got such a one-track mind," she accused.

Which was true. And Kakashi found himself beginning to relax for the first time in a very long time. At least six months. He'd been worried about her, and worried that if he returned she would have turned colder to him, and for a few minutes back there he'd been utterly terrified that he'd dropped her into a mess she wasn't ready for. But now she was here, and she was smiling at him in that infectious way of hers, and he could have just stood there and stared at her all day if she'd let him. She wouldn't though, because she clearly had something to show him.

"Come here." She stood by the window and pulled the curtains back, gesturing him to come forward. He did, slowly, hoping she wasn't intending to show him the snow, because while the gift of snow was sort of cute and romantic, he'd had quite enough of the stuff, thank you very much.

But it wasn't outside the window that Sakura was looking – it was at the two plant pots sitting on the windowsill. One was Mr Ukki, whom Kakashi was very pleased to see was looking as green and verdant as ever. In the other pot, painted white with red roses, was a small seedling that looked very much like Mr Ukki when he'd been a wee baby plant.

"What's this?" Kakashi asked, charmed.

"Well, I pruned Mr Ukki after you left, and I decided I might as well plant one of his cuttings and see if it took. And here it is!" she smiled proudly at her handiwork. "Your plant had a baby!"

She looked at him and beamed, but there must have been something on his face, because he smile quickly slipped. "Hey, Kakashi," she began slowly. "You aren't disappointed, are you…?"

"About Ukki Junior?" he asked lightly. "He's a fine young plant."

"No, I mean… you're not disappointed that I'm not pregnant?"

"No, no. I'm relieved."

"I know you are, but you're not wearing your mask, and I can see you're…" she trailed off and turned back to the baby plant to poke it gently. "I didn't know you wanted kids."

"I don't," he said quickly.

She gave him a measured stare.

"Well, I wouldn't say 'no' to them, if they were on offer."

"Like buy-one-get-one-free cabbages at the grocers?"

"Well, you know what I mean." He could only shrug helplessly. "What do you care anyway? You're not seriously suggesting that-"

"No!" she said, just as quickly and defensively as him. "I want kids too one day. Not right now but… some day." She looked up at him and went pink in the cheeks. "Kakashi, nothing ever felt right before. I didn't like myself when I was with people like Ikki and I was scared of what would happen to me. And when you went away it made me realise how much I… and I'm not scared anymore. I look forward to the future now. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that when I ever get round to having children, I wouldn't mind them being yours… you know… _if _you want…"

She looked so endearing when she said that, that Kakashi couldn't help but tug her forward by the elbow and press a short, impulsive kiss to her mouth. He hadn't exactly planned it this way. He'd been fully prepared, upon his return, to respect a new distance between them since it was likely the ardent feelings of an eighteen year old would have cooled after a few months. Then Tsunade's practical joke had probably taken ten more years off his life, and now he was just so damn glad to see Sakura that he felt no compunctions in forgetting to keep his distance.

And when it became clear that Sakura didn't particularly mind being kissed once, he kissed her again. And once more after that.

But suddenly she broke away with reluctance. "But you never wrote like I told you to."

"I did write," he said easily. "I wrote you nearly thirty letters; I just never had the courage to send them."

"Why?" she asked. Cowardice and Kakashi weren't two words that belonged in the same sentence.

"I figured you wouldn't want to be bothered, especially if you'd moved on."

"How could you think I'd move on so quickly?" Her cold fingers curled into his hair, reminding him that she'd been outside without her mittens – the mittens Shinra had dropped off.

Against his will, he pulled back. "What about your new boyfriend?"

"Who's that?" she asked a little dazedly.

"Shinra."

"Oh." She seemed to remember. "It was just the one date. Nothing serious. He'd understand anyway."

"How are you so sure?" he asked, tracing her cheek.

"Because I should probably warn you about the rumour," Sakura said quietly, biting her lip. "A lot of people… and by that I mean pretty much_ everyone _sort of seems to be under the impression that you're in love with me."

Kakashi paused, wondering if that was just a fucking good guess produced by the rumour mill or if Naruto was involved somewhere. He hadn't really expected Naruto to be able to keep his mouth shut for six months anyway… "And what is the rumour about you?" he asked curiously.

"That… I'm also in love with you…"

He nodded seriously. "Rumours tend to lend themselves to the odd grain of truth, don't you think?"

"Sometimes," she agreed with a self-conscious smile.

He swept it away with a deep kiss, taking her taste into his mouth with a soft groan. He'd almost forgotten this sweet taste that mingled with the smell of her shampoo and faint perfume that made her seem entirely edible. He couldn't stop now, not after six months alone with just memories.

"Kakashi," Sakura whispered, doing her best to break his concentration. "Just don't leave like that again. Please…"

He paused and looked down into her face and knew that something about this girl had changed since he'd last seen her. There was confidence in her face and for once her eyes didn't shift away guiltily. She didn't feel regret to hold him like this, or to kiss him, and if she looked at him with eyes like that from now on he saw no reason to disappear. This was a woman who was comfortable with what she wanted, and that awkward, uncertain girl he'd first taken to bed who didn't understand relationships or sex, had matured into the person before him.

He'd changed her. And god only knew how much she'd changed him. It was safe to say that during a six month trip from home he would at least get off with a _few_ women, and while he had _looked _at the occasional attractive woman he came across, it was usually only because he saw something of Sakura in them. He'd never been taken by the urge to bed one. On the rare occasion when a woman had approached him, he'd found their boldness not as charming as perhaps he once had.

There had never been another woman who had snared his attention like this, and he wondered if it was because he had known her for so long beforehand. She wasn't just another woman in a long chain of short, mediocre relationships. She was a girl he had already invested a lot of time and effort into training, protecting, and ultimately nurturing into ally who had done her fair share of protecting in return. Their relationship had deepened from simply that of teacher and student, to being near-equal comrades. And likewise, when she had come to him for sex and he'd uncovered a new sexual awakening in her, he should have known that it would come to mean more. That was just how it was with this girl. She'd already meant more to him than all his previous lovers combined long before he had looked up to see her at the window.

So he smiled at her and stroked the back of his fingers down her soft cheek. "I go wherever you want me to, Sakura."

That seemed to placate her, and she smiled up at him in a way that invoked his inner Gai and made him want to wax lyrical about the beauty of love and youth. That seemed a bit much though and he didn't think Sakura would appreciate it, so he settled for kissing her again and enjoying the knowledge that this was the first embrace of many more to come.

"There's something I've been dying to ask you for a long, _long _time," he murmured as he backed her towards the bed.

"What is it?" Sakura asked, pulling her arms around his neck.

"Which panties are you wearing today?"

Sakura went limp in his arms with a groan of sheer exasperation.

* * *

People would always talk. That came with the territory when you find yourself living with your ex-sensei in his new apartment. 

The odd stare still followed them as they walked down the street, but they were far less malicious than they had been. And even though these looks failed to bother Sakura anymore now that she was certain of her place next to Kakashi, it was still heart-warming that she could rely upon Naruto to glare at any disapproving old gossipers and shout, "Oi! What are you looking at?" in a forthright, shaming way only Naruto could manage.

And things got easier when Kakashi went back to ANBU. Ranks such as chunin and jonin were irrelevant in that organisation, and Kakashi picked up right where he'd left off – as Commander of the Fourth Division. And it made a difference. People could respect a relationship between an ANBU division commander and a jonin medic the way they couldn't a teacher and his student. They were still the same people they had been then, but now their relationship was _respectable_ and downright nearly ordinary. So ordinary it risked being forgotten – well, if it hadn't been for their unconventional start. But at least people could now forgive these two shinobi who had, in their loneliness, reached out to each other at an inappropriate time.

These days nothing could stop Sakura from smiling, especially when their eyes met. Perhaps that was what had been different before? Now, whenever they caught the odd nasty whisper or condemning stare, they only had to look at each other to know that those people were wrong, and their relationship was not sordid or dirty, or something to be ashamed of. But that certainty hadn't always been there, and there were times in the past when they'd looked at each other and not known how the other felt, and it was in those times that the vile accusations of a perverted, deviant relationship had struck the deepest, because there had been a possibility it might have been true. The gaping uncertainty had nearly been their undoing.

Doubt was something in the past now. There was no doubt when they decided to live together. There was no shame when they brushed hands and sat close in the booth when they went out dining with their friends. There was no hesitation when answering incredulous individuals if they were actually _serious_ about each other. And there was no guilt or regret when in the privacy of their own home they touched and kissed and made love every night, and then talked until they fell asleep – or rather Sakura talked and Kakashi listened to the soft lull of her voice, both just happy to absorb each other's presence.

There would always be talk. But while there was love it was meaningless.

And there would always be love.

* * *

-Fini

* * *

A/N: Well, I hope people enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it! Thank you for all your feedback, I've loved reading everyone's comments. A girl can get a big head from hearing so much support and enthusiasm. XD So thank you again, and I look forward to finishing up other stories and starting new ones. 


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